Fetishes vs Fantasies.

Words are occasionally my favorite tool to use both in the bedroom and out. But today we aren’t talking about dirty talk, though we could. No today dear readers, we are talking semantics and comparing two of my favourite words and words that are often confused, confuddled and mixed up in many scenes, scenarios and interchanges between people when discussing kinks.

 

Fetish vs Fantasy.

 

Fetishes

 

A fetish can best be described as a strong desire or need for something be it an object or a person, an act or kink. There are those who can argue that a fetish could be categorized as an uncontrollable desire, the very opposite a phobia, in which a person has an uncontrollable fear, sometimes even irrational. Fetishes can sometimes be categorised as lust worthy, uncontrollable desires, perhaps even irrational to the rational part of a person’s mentality. But it still gives them sexual or pleasureable gratification.

 

Fetishes can be primal in nature and in some aspects some people have felt much shame in them. Finding safe and welcoming communities where they can find acceptance as well as safe spaces to safely explore, discuss and explore these fetishes is becoming more mainstream and is a joy to see as our society opens up and #breaksthestigma. Fetishes can be many and varied. To date there are over 239 fetishes but here are 12 of some of the most common sexual ones you may have come across

 

  1. Role-Playing – or dress ups. Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean we can’t play make believe sometimes. It can be fun to slip into a different person from time to time, try on a fun costume and pretend to be a different character.

 

  1. Anal sex – this one is a little bit of a grey area, some people enjoy anal sex as a sexul act while others visualise it as a fetish. As long as everyone is consensually enjoying it, who are we to label labels?

 

  1. Lingerie – being aroused by a certain type of lingerie is definitely a fetish and more common than people give it credit. Stockings. Lace. satin. Latex. These pieces of adorning lingerie can be wholeheartedly turn ons for people.

 

  1. Impact Play- spanking, flogging, paddling and other forms of consensual striking.

 

  1. Foot Fetish – the worship of feet through acts such as kissing, massage, smelling, licking, touching or just watching.

 

  1. Bondage – Being tied up or restrained. Bondage can range from very mild to very intense and is usually found in BDSM but has also been known to be one of the first things to try when spicing up things in the bedroom. Restaurants can be made from cuffs, rope, a tie, cable ties,…..many things.

 

  1. Group sex – threesomes and foursomes are the most common but group sex also extends to orgies involving multiple people and gang-bangs including one person of one gender and mutliples of the other gender.

 

  1. Sensory play- When we think sensory play we often immediately think of hot and cold, ice and fire, or in this case wax play. Sensation play also includes blindfolds, feathers and for the more experienced, electrostim play.

 

  1. Dirty Talk – I say Dirty talk but well, it’s not really more things like humiliation and degradation, being called names, talking down and dirty.

 

  1. Orgasm control – or denial. This is edging into BDSM and is a subsection of submission and dominance, bringing the submissive to the brink of orgasm and forced to stop. And doing so repeatedly. or , withholding sex or orgasms over a period of time as a form of teasing.

 

  1. Voyuerism and exhibitionism- watching people having sex, or having sex out in public ith the risk of being caught having sex is very common. WHo among us has not had sex in a car or sneakily in the cinema?

 

  1. Pornography – Watching, looking at pornographic material, before or during sexual intercourse or play

 

So

 

Fantasies.

 

I will admit. Fantasies and Fetishes are not all that different. But the difference is a big one. Fantasies are our respective, imagined scenarios that get us all hot and heavy. They are the screenplay in our minds that we make up, that may involve various fetishes, or wants or desires, but they do not necessarily control us.

 

AND

 

This is the big one

 

We may not want to play them out in real life.

 

Fetishes drive us. We want them. Some people need them.

 

Fantasies are exactly that. They are imaginary.

 

Staging a scene in real life to mirror your fantasy, while nice, will be hard, especially if it is a fantasy you have lived and re-lived in your imagination for years. You have built it up with such exquisite and erotic detail that that is a hard act to nail in real life to the exactness of the fantasy. The fetishes, sure thing, those can be met. But the fantasy is a construct of the amalgamation of the fetishes and how you have controlled them in your imaginatorium.

 

Another example is a real life example of a couple who divulged their fantasies that they masturbated to, to one another, and the husband thought it would be nice to organise his wife’s fantasy, not realising, that while she fantasised about it, when faced with it she had zero interest in fulfilling it with him.

 

I think an important takeaway is that fantasies are amazing, and that everyone should have them, talk about them if you’re open enough and confident to do so, but make it clear when you do, if your fantasy is something you want to try, or something personal you enjoy having a good solo session to when you’re alone.

 

At Your Service

Tiffany

Caringbah Oh Zone Sales Assistant, Educator and Linguist

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