Fetishes vs Fantasies.

fetishes and fantasies

Words are occasionally my favorite tool to use both in the bedroom and out. But today we aren’t talking about dirty talk, though we could. No today dear readers, we are talking semantics and comparing two of my favourite words and words that are often confused, confuddled and mixed up in many scenes, scenarios and interchanges between people when discussing kinks.


Fetish vs Fantasy.




A fetish can best be described as a strong desire or need for something be it an object or a person, an act or kink. There are those who can argue that a fetish could be categorized as an uncontrollable desire, the very opposite a phobia, in which a person has an uncontrollable fear, sometimes even irrational. Fetishes can sometimes be categorised as lust worthy, uncontrollable desires, perhaps even irrational to the rational part of a person’s mentality. But it still gives them sexual or pleasureable gratification.


Fetishes can be primal in nature and in some aspects some people have felt much shame in them. Finding safe and welcoming communities where they can find acceptance as well as safe spaces to safely explore, discuss and explore these fetishes is becoming more mainstream and is a joy to see as our society opens up and #breaksthestigma. Fetishes can be many and varied. To date there are over 239 fetishes but here are 12 of some of the most common sexual ones you may have come across


  1. Role-Playing – or dress ups. Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean we can’t play make believe sometimes. It can be fun to slip into a different person from time to time, try on a fun costume and pretend to be a different character.


  1. Anal sex – this one is a little bit of a grey area, some people enjoy anal sex as a sexul act while others visualise it as a fetish. As long as everyone is consensually enjoying it, who are we to label labels?


  1. Lingerie – being aroused by a certain type of lingerie is definitely a fetish and more common than people give it credit. Stockings. Lace. satin. Latex. These pieces of adorning lingerie can be wholeheartedly turn ons for people.


  1. Impact Play- spanking, flogging, paddling and other forms of consensual striking.


  1. Foot Fetish – the worship of feet through acts such as kissing, massage, smelling, licking, touching or just watching.


  1. Bondage – Being tied up or restrained. Bondage can range from very mild to very intense and is usually found in BDSM but has also been known to be one of the first things to try when spicing up things in the bedroom. Restaurants can be made from cuffs, rope, a tie, cable ties,…..many things.


  1. Group sex – threesomes and foursomes are the most common but group sex also extends to orgies involving multiple people and gang-bangs including one person of one gender and mutliples of the other gender.


  1. Sensory play- When we think sensory play we often immediately think of hot and cold, ice and fire, or in this case wax play. Sensation play also includes blindfolds, feathers and for the more experienced, electrostim play.


  1. Dirty Talk – I say Dirty talk but well, it’s not really more things like humiliation and degradation, being called names, talking down and dirty.


  1. Orgasm control – or denial. This is edging into BDSM and is a subsection of submission and dominance, bringing the submissive to the brink of orgasm and forced to stop. And doing so repeatedly. or , withholding sex or orgasms over a period of time as a form of teasing.


  1. Voyuerism and exhibitionism- watching people having sex, or having sex out in public ith the risk of being caught having sex is very common. WHo among us has not had sex in a car or sneakily in the cinema?


  1. Pornography – Watching, looking at pornographic material, before or during sexual intercourse or play






I will admit. Fantasies and Fetishes are not all that different. But the difference is a big one. Fantasies are our respective, imagined scenarios that get us all hot and heavy. They are the screenplay in our minds that we make up, that may involve various fetishes, or wants or desires, but they do not necessarily control us.




This is the big one


We may not want to play them out in real life.


Fetishes drive us. We want them. Some people need them.


Fantasies are exactly that. They are imaginary.


Staging a scene in real life to mirror your fantasy, while nice, will be hard, especially if it is a fantasy you have lived and re-lived in your imagination for years. You have built it up with such exquisite and erotic detail that that is a hard act to nail in real life to the exactness of the fantasy. The fetishes, sure thing, those can be met. But the fantasy is a construct of the amalgamation of the fetishes and how you have controlled them in your imaginatorium.


Another example is a real life example of a couple who divulged their fantasies that they masturbated to, to one another, and the husband thought it would be nice to organise his wife’s fantasy, not realising, that while she fantasised about it, when faced with it she had zero interest in fulfilling it with him.


I think an important takeaway is that fantasies are amazing, and that everyone should have them, talk about them if you’re open enough and confident to do so, but make it clear when you do, if your fantasy is something you want to try, or something personal you enjoy having a good solo session to when you’re alone.


At Your Service


Caringbah Oh Zone Sales Assistant, Educator and Linguist

These Feet Were Made For Loving

Kinky Feet

Do you or your partner have a foot fetish? Having a foot fetish is more common than you may think. Most of us have fetishes that we would like to express. One of the most common fetishes is a foot fetish. There are numerous reasons why a man or a woman may have a fetish. Here are a few interesting facts about foot fetishes. Carry on reading to find out what is so special about feet.

Is It Okay To Have A Foot Fetish?

Yes, it is perfectly okay to have a foot fetish. It is perhaps the most common fetish. Playing with the feet is a concept that has been around for thousands of years. The ancient Romans did it, so why should we not do it?

Playing with the feet is an intense erotic experience for some. For others, it is just a pleasurable experience. Many of our most essential nerve path ways end in the feet. When stimulated in the right sort of way, our feet can bring us enormous pleasure.

That is not the only reason people get turned on by feet. Others simply like the look of feet. Eventually that can trigger a foot fetish.

A foot fetish is not something that is likely to go away. Once you have it, it will be with you for the rest of your life.

Does A Foot Fetish Always Involve Sex?

That is the funny thing about foot fetishes. They do not always lead to you having to act them out as part of a sexual scenario. Some men and women can control their foot fetishes. Regular pedicures may be enough for some while others may just need that little bit.

How Do You Tell Your Partner You Have A Foot Fetish?

That could be the tricky bit. Women are not normally turned off by foot fetishes unless they have a thing about not touching the feet. But, if a man’s foot fetish involves vaginal or anal sex, women may put the brakes on.

When you a serious about pursuing your foot fetish with your partner, it is a good idea to get her involved. You can introduce her by starting to massage her feet. Most women like it when a man massages their feet. Don’t forget that women often walk around in high heels all day. It is not unusual for a woman to come home with aching feet. Treat her to a foot massage and see where it takes you.

The other thing you can do, is to buy her some nice foot care cream. Peppermint based creams smell nice and is easy to apply. Start by massaging her feet and then gently suggest she massages your feet.

Is It Safe To Play With Feet?

That is a good question. Before you start playing with your partner’s feet, you should check them out. Make sure that he or she does not suffer from any foot problems.

Broken skin and redness in between the toes, may indicate the present of a fungal condition such as Athlete’s foot. Also check for warts and cuts.

Once you have established there are no problems, start by giving your partner’s feet a wash. Let them soak in a nice warm bowl or foot spa for about 10 minutes. Towel them dry and then proceed to apply foot cream. The experience can easily be turned into a role playing or foreplay session.

Fun Things To Do With Feet

Massaging is a great way to play with someone’s feet. When you do so, make sure that your massage the entire foot – not just the underneath of the foot. The upper part of the foot has many nerve endings that can do with stimulation.

However, there are many other ways in which to have fun with feet. Kissing and licking are two experiences many lovers of foot fetishes enjoy.

And how about sending up some good vibrations? Using a vibrator to stimulate the foot and ankle area is a great way to get someone going.

A foot fetish is not something you need to be ashamed of at all. Just make sure that you play safe and have fun doing so. Remember that couples that play together, are often the couples that end up staying together.

6 Ways You Can Indulge in a Sensual Foot Play

feet fetish

Your feet are the base of your body; they take you through the day. So, if any part deserves a little extra TLC, it’s your feet. The good news is that being turned on by feet is the second most common fetish, which means that having a foot fetish is nothing out of the ordinary. Many people wonder if having a foot fetish is a sign of abnormality, and the good news is it’s not. It’s just another healthy form of sexual expression. Meaning, there are plenty of people in the foot fetish dating world who would love to have their feet admired and cared for.


Maybe you’re new into the world of feet or have a partner who has a foot fetish; if so, then you’ll want to have a couple of different techniques up your sleeve. Try out these different techniques, and see which ones you and your partner enjoy the most. The beauty of this fetish is there are no rules; everyone has their preferences. So, why not explore them all?


The foot selfie

Well, this is a different take for a selfie, right? Usually, when we think of a selfie, we think about duck faces. But, not in this case. If your partner has a foot fetish, then why not send them a sexy selfie of your feet? Depending on what turns them on, you can send them selfies of your bare feet, shoes, socks, or painted toenails. There aren’t any limits when it comes to a foot selfie. If you’re the one with the fetish, then ask your partner to send you a sexy foot selfie.


Foot worship

Sounds a little spooky, but it’s not! Some people who have a foot fetish are turned on by psychological domination. If your partner has a foot fetish, they can worship your feet by getting on their hands and knees. You can command then to kiss, lick, suck, and rub your feet. The beauty of this activity is that foot worship is extremely safe as it doesn’t involve intercourse. So, whether you’re menstruating, or not in the mood for intercourse, foot worship is always a safe alternative.


Sensual foot massage

You don’t need to love feet to enjoy having a massage. If your partner has a foot fetish, this is one way they can satisfy their needs. Get yourself in a comfortable position, and let your partner do the rest. A foot massage doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual. They’re also great for unwinding after a long day and connecting with your partner on a more emotional level. Throughout the massage, make sure you’re communicating with your partner and see what they enjoy.


Foot foreplay

Foreplay is always an essential component of sex. Foot foreplay can be done on its own or as a form of foreplay. If your partner has the foot fetish, they can kiss, lick, touch, and sensually rub your feet. The feet are full of nerve endings, so every act they do, it’ll go shooting through your body. Once you and your partner are aroused, you can decide whether to continue just with foreplay or to move it into intercourse or foot sex.


Playful pedicure

Now, this is a real win-win if either you or your partner has a foot fetish. Some people become turned on by the idea of giving a pedicure to their partner. A sensual massage to relax the foot, followed by trimming, filing, and painting the toenails. It’s not only relaxing for the person receiving the pedicure, but it’s also arousing for the one doing it.


Foot sex

If you’re new to the foot fetish world, then this may be new to you. Foot sex, also known as a footjob, is exactly how it sounds. You and/or your partner use your feet to stimulate the penis or vagina. For the penis, both feet will wrap around the shaft, gently going up and down. For the vagina, the toes will be used to massage the clitoris (be gentle!). You can slowly build up to orgasm – it works just the same as it does without using feet.

The best way to see how to do to it is to watch footjob videos. Though, please remember, professionals usually do these videos. So, it may look easy, but it’ll take some time to get the hang of it. It’s best you do this with someone who has the experience and feels safe with.


If your partner has a foot fetish, well, you’re one lucky person. Whether it’s a foot massage, a pedicure, or foot worship, your feet will be well taken care of. If you’re the one with the foot fetish, ease your partner into it, and let them find which techniques they enjoy. Having a foot fetish is a great way for you and your partner to bond.

Foot Fetish Parties!

Who doesn’t love a good party? If you have a foot fetish, you’ve heard about foot fetish parties. But what you probably didn’t know is that the foot fetish community is pretty large and well organized. Having a sexual interest in feet is one of the most popular fetishes out there. Now, when it comes to foot fetish parties, there’s always one question floating in people’s minds. What’s it like at a foot fetish party?

You may be a little nervous about going to one, but by reading what a foot fetish party is like, you’ll have a better idea of what to expect. The good thing is that everyone is there for the same reason as you. So, if you’re feeling a little anxious to attend a party, don’t worry. We’re going to give you a look at what you can expect.


It’s pretty exclusive

In other words, you’re not going to see a foot fetish event posted on Facebook. When it comes to these parties, they’re undercover and subtle. People usually find out about these parties through friends, forums, or foot fetish community members. Even though it’s considered a public event, attendees pay admission. Though each party is different, generally, once you’re inside, the attendees pay an additional fee for a certain amount of time with a femdom. So, can anyone go to a party? Yes, but to find out about them, you need to be in the community.


It’s all about communication

Many men at these parties make the mistake of not expressing their needs. A foot fetish party is exactly the place where you can be free about what you want. If you’re expecting the femdom to read your mind, then you’re at the wrong party. At the end of the day, she’s only human. A foot fetish party can be a lot of fun, but only if you’re communicating with your femdom. The men who have a great time are ones who express what they want. Whether you’re submissive or just like feet, you’re going to have to tell the femdom your needs.


Expect a lot of feet worshipping

Of course, this is a party. Can you chat with other people and have a beer? Absolutely. It’s not all about feet, but let’s be honest, everyone here has one thing in common: their love for feet. You may have a specific foot fetish, for example, pedicured toes arouse you. However, the other people attending will not necessarily enjoy the same acts like you. This is a great opportunity for you to explore the other areas of your fetish, perhaps even to develop a new interest. Though everyone at the party worships feet, they all do so in different ways.


Intimacy without sex

This is crucial for you to know ahead of time. Foot fetish parties usually do not allow any sexual contact between femdoms and attendees. These types of parties are strictly limited to only feet worshipping. So, if you’re going and hoping to have sex as well, that’s not going to happen. But these parties are incredibly sexual and intimate. You’re not going to see a bunch of people carelessly playing with feet. What you’re going to see are people who are really into it and truly enjoying the experience.


Not all foot fetish parties are the same

Even though we’re telling you what to expect at a party, it’s important to understand that not all parties are the same. Each party you go to will have its vibe. The femdoms will be different; the attendees won’t necessarily be the same men. Naturally, each party you go to will be a new experience. Also, some parties focus on specific acts such as feet washing and not all parties will have this act, for example. So, it’s important you ask the host ahead of time what to anticipate.


You’re encouraged to explore your fetish

If you can’t be open and honest with your fetish at a party, then where can you be? Foot fetish parties allow you not only to release your sexual tension but also give you the opportunity to explore your fetish in a non-judgmental environment. If you’re not comfortable being in a room with other people while exploring your fetish, then going to a party right now may not be a great idea. Instead, hire a foot mistress who will provide you a more private and comfortable experience.  


Everyone’s a little nervous when they go to their first party. But once you go, you’ll ask yourself why you were so worried in the first place. Everyone is there for the same reason, you don’t need to feel out-of-place. Now that you have a better idea of what to expect, your foot fetish party is going to be a blast.

BIZARRE Sex Stories!

I am amazed at the popularity of these true sex stories so which to include a new category of some of the bizarre sexual activities I have experienced.


In my life, I have been lucky enough to meet some liberated women that are not afraid to explore what they want sexually, nor to partake in some of my fantasies.   Some of the women have been what is contentiously known as ‘squirters’.  Some experts say that this is just a woman in the throes of ecstasy releasing her bladder (peeing).  In my experience, it is definitely not and there are many experts as well as studies to confirm that this is a real female phenomenon – female ejaculation.

So most of the women I have had the pleasure to be with that have been squirters have varied in the amount of ejaculation fluid they release as well as how far they gush.  The fluid generally has no smell and or color.  I have been gushed on, gushed at, been inside whilst a woman is gushing and it is amazing knowing that a woman is completely relaxed and comfortable with you to ejaculate with or in front of you.  It is certainly a real turn on as well as compliment.

One night I had been out and met a special little lady.  We had drinks and were comfortable enough to go back to my place where we became amorous and go butt naked together.  Being a bit in a kinky and voyeuristic mood I lay down flat with my back on the bed and lay her on top of me, her back to my stomach side with her vajajay facing my face.  From here I instructed her to play with herself, talking dirty to her.  I encouraged her to tease herself until she came and the more she got turned on, rubbing her clit, putting her fingers on and in her vagina the more I talked dirty to her.

She was squirming and writhing in delight on top of me.   She started rubbing her G-Spot and I asked her with her other hand to place a finger gently inside her ass and curve it upwards – like she was doing with her G-Spot.  Many men and even women do not know that there is a gland called ‘skene’ that is very similar to the male prostate which also can be ‘milked’ and cause female ejaculation.

This woman had obviously never done this before and when she hit the skene gland and started massaging it whilst rubbing her G she began to yell and scream in ecstasy and began to ejaculate.  But this ejaculation was unlike any I had or have ever witnessed before or after.  She began ‘shooting’ loads of cum from her pussy towards my face.  These ejaculations were projectiles of cum delivered with such a force I put my hands up to protect being hitten in the face by them.  This ejaculation lasted for at least a minute and probably closer to two.  My hands and the pillow on each side of my head were covered in her cum.

This was not the usual gushing of liquid  with different levels of waves I had experienced before but full on shots like a nerf gun.   When it was over she lay on top of me quivering, shaking  and moaning.  She was totally spent and lay there for some time as I slipped out from under her and cleaned up….


I get the foot fetish, shoe fetish and leg fetish thing.  A ladies slender foot can be a sensual thing and Japanese geisha girls have bound their feed from an early age to have dainty small feet.  The sight of a stiletto evokes images of sexuality and for me domination.  A pair of pins slender, muscular on a woman in a short skirt is always going to make me take a second look.  Generally I tend to think of these fetishes being a man’s desire for a woman.

I started ‘dating’ a girl quite a few years back and obviously we had consummated our relationship a number of times.  The old saying when sex is bad it is still pretty good does not quite apply, but certainly it was sparklers rather than fireworks in bed.  That is until…..

One night we had been out and on our return I jumped in the shower and then lay on the bed naked.  I was just chilling whilst she also had a shower.  She came out looking pretty sexy all wet with a towel around her but instead of laying beside me she went to the foot of the bed.  This is new I thought, maybe I was going to get a massage or a nice head job before we got into some of the serious action.  But she stopped gazing, looking at me feet.

Tentatively she kissed my feet, and then started to lick between the toes.  I could see that she was getting more and more into it as she began to suck my toes, putting most of her energies into the big one.  Whilst she was doing this her body began to sway sensually with her ass up in the air – giving me a great view because of the mirror behind her.  But then she began to moan and her sucking became more vigorous.  I was amazed at my self control as generally I get ticklish on my feet.

This continued on for about five minutes as her moans became louder, then grabbing my feet hard she yells out, ‘I’m cumming’ and I watch as her body convulsed with her orgasm.  She was hot and wet and jumped on top of me and those sparklers became fireworks and it was some of the best sex I had ever had.

Obviously this became part of ‘our’ foreplay ritual for the remaining time I saw her and each and every time she went off, sucking ‘this little piggy’s’ toes