Fetishes vs Fantasies.

fetishes and fantasies

Words are occasionally my favorite tool to use both in the bedroom and out. But today we aren’t talking about dirty talk, though we could. No today dear readers, we are talking semantics and comparing two of my favourite words and words that are often confused, confuddled and mixed up in many scenes, scenarios and interchanges between people when discussing kinks.

 

Fetish vs Fantasy.

 

Fetishes

 

A fetish can best be described as a strong desire or need for something be it an object or a person, an act or kink. There are those who can argue that a fetish could be categorized as an uncontrollable desire, the very opposite a phobia, in which a person has an uncontrollable fear, sometimes even irrational. Fetishes can sometimes be categorised as lust worthy, uncontrollable desires, perhaps even irrational to the rational part of a person’s mentality. But it still gives them sexual or pleasureable gratification.

 

Fetishes can be primal in nature and in some aspects some people have felt much shame in them. Finding safe and welcoming communities where they can find acceptance as well as safe spaces to safely explore, discuss and explore these fetishes is becoming more mainstream and is a joy to see as our society opens up and #breaksthestigma. Fetishes can be many and varied. To date there are over 239 fetishes but here are 12 of some of the most common sexual ones you may have come across

 

  1. Role-Playing – or dress ups. Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean we can’t play make believe sometimes. It can be fun to slip into a different person from time to time, try on a fun costume and pretend to be a different character.

 

  1. Anal sex – this one is a little bit of a grey area, some people enjoy anal sex as a sexul act while others visualise it as a fetish. As long as everyone is consensually enjoying it, who are we to label labels?

 

  1. Lingerie – being aroused by a certain type of lingerie is definitely a fetish and more common than people give it credit. Stockings. Lace. satin. Latex. These pieces of adorning lingerie can be wholeheartedly turn ons for people.

 

  1. Impact Play- spanking, flogging, paddling and other forms of consensual striking.

 

  1. Foot Fetish – the worship of feet through acts such as kissing, massage, smelling, licking, touching or just watching.

 

  1. Bondage – Being tied up or restrained. Bondage can range from very mild to very intense and is usually found in BDSM but has also been known to be one of the first things to try when spicing up things in the bedroom. Restaurants can be made from cuffs, rope, a tie, cable ties,…..many things.

 

  1. Group sex – threesomes and foursomes are the most common but group sex also extends to orgies involving multiple people and gang-bangs including one person of one gender and mutliples of the other gender.

 

  1. Sensory play- When we think sensory play we often immediately think of hot and cold, ice and fire, or in this case wax play. Sensation play also includes blindfolds, feathers and for the more experienced, electrostim play.

 

  1. Dirty Talk – I say Dirty talk but well, it’s not really more things like humiliation and degradation, being called names, talking down and dirty.

 

  1. Orgasm control – or denial. This is edging into BDSM and is a subsection of submission and dominance, bringing the submissive to the brink of orgasm and forced to stop. And doing so repeatedly. or , withholding sex or orgasms over a period of time as a form of teasing.

 

  1. Voyuerism and exhibitionism- watching people having sex, or having sex out in public ith the risk of being caught having sex is very common. WHo among us has not had sex in a car or sneakily in the cinema?

 

  1. Pornography – Watching, looking at pornographic material, before or during sexual intercourse or play

 

So

 

Fantasies.

 

I will admit. Fantasies and Fetishes are not all that different. But the difference is a big one. Fantasies are our respective, imagined scenarios that get us all hot and heavy. They are the screenplay in our minds that we make up, that may involve various fetishes, or wants or desires, but they do not necessarily control us.

 

AND

 

This is the big one

 

We may not want to play them out in real life.

 

Fetishes drive us. We want them. Some people need them.

 

Fantasies are exactly that. They are imaginary.

 

Staging a scene in real life to mirror your fantasy, while nice, will be hard, especially if it is a fantasy you have lived and re-lived in your imagination for years. You have built it up with such exquisite and erotic detail that that is a hard act to nail in real life to the exactness of the fantasy. The fetishes, sure thing, those can be met. But the fantasy is a construct of the amalgamation of the fetishes and how you have controlled them in your imaginatorium.

 

Another example is a real life example of a couple who divulged their fantasies that they masturbated to, to one another, and the husband thought it would be nice to organise his wife’s fantasy, not realising, that while she fantasised about it, when faced with it she had zero interest in fulfilling it with him.

 

I think an important takeaway is that fantasies are amazing, and that everyone should have them, talk about them if you’re open enough and confident to do so, but make it clear when you do, if your fantasy is something you want to try, or something personal you enjoy having a good solo session to when you’re alone.

 

At Your Service

Tiffany

Caringbah Oh Zone Sales Assistant, Educator and Linguist

Experts Tips In Breaking The Fear Bubble In Trying Anal Sex For The First Time

how to anal sex

Whenever sex topics are talked about, almost everyone is willing to share their first time in bed. However, take in mind that most people often refer to vagina and penis penetration. For some, anal play or anal sex is still taboo, and only a few individuals are open with their anal play engagement.

 

But did you know that heterosexual anal intercourse is not an uncommon sexual activity? Women and men with ages ranging from 25-44 had experienced anal intercourse. In numbers, 35% of women and 44% of men engage with the said activity.

 

Yet, even with the numbers are increasing over recent years, some are still afraid of trying anal play for the first time. A lot of speculation and fears lead them to overthink how the entire experience will go. If you’re reading this, you might be interested in anal sex. Read on and let the experts clear your thoughts about anal sex. Maybe, after reading the article, you might find yourself relieved and excited to try it out with your partner.

Anal Sex Is For All

Contrary to what you hear or think, anal sex is definitely for everyone. Whatever gender orientation you have, you can enjoy anal sex with your partner. And one good thing with anal play is everyone has anuses, so you can either receive or get one, depending on your heart’s content.

 

You might be wondering how a woman can treat her partner (women to women or women to men scenario) during an anal play. You might be thinking that it’s kind of impossible before. However, these days, it’s easier than ever.

 

Thanks to many types of sex toys, it can now be done. Popularly referred to as pegging,  women can now treat their partners, either men or women, with an anal play through this sexual activity. Women can wear a strap-on dildo and penetrate the anus of their partners.

 

What’s even better is that the entire anal play can be improvised to add intensity to the experience using other sex toys. Moreover, couples can also share stimulation by using a strapless dildo. With this, the female partner can have her clit stimulated while pouncing her partner through their anus.

 

But all of these strange yet sexy sexual repertoire might come off a bit awkward for beginners, and we would like to break that awkwardness. Now, let’s read on what sex and relationship experts have to say about how a couple or an individual can break through the fear of anal sex.

Read What Experts About To Say…

According to sex educator and CannaSexual founder, Ashley Manta, our anus, made up of the sphincter and the rectum, are teeming with nerve-endings that, when stretched and filled in, give off a fantastic feeling. Feeling ecstatic yet? Hold on for a while. As per Luna Matatas, a sex and pleasure educator, you can’t directly dive into the whole anal play right away. Foreplay is a must.

 

That’s why treating your partner with a pleasure oral sex stimulator and other sex toys can be a great way to heat things up. It’s best to go slow and steady first. However, if you and your partner are already utilizing sex toys during intercourse, it can be a good start to introduce sex toys designed for anal play.

 

Certified sex therapist and a licensed psychologist, Rachel Needle, Psy.D  advise couples to always communicate with their partner. If your partner is having fears and doubt with anal sex, try to take things slowly. If you’re on the side of the relationship who does have more experience, discuss this new sexual activity and make sure both of you are on the same page.

 

Use lubricant as more lubrication means better and enjoyable anal sex. Remember that unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t produce its lubrication. That’s why many women are naturally scared of what’s getting in there. You can also use water or silicone-based condoms.

 

Don’t hesitate to use anal sex toys. It’s highly suggested, and you don’t necessarily need to insert it to your anus right away. A little vibration can add a lot of new stimulation in the area. It can help you get acquainted with the new and strange sensation, as per sexologist Jill McDevitt.

 

Like masturbation, you can also introduce anal play on your own. This is best advised for individuals interested in trying new things on their own before trying it with someone else. It gives an individual a sense of freedom-, the liberty to experiment with new things on your body.  According to Alicia Sinclair, a sex expert and the woman behind b-Vibe,  that’s not a bad thing to do. It’s only natural that you want to explore the intricacies of your body by yourself.

 

Learn your most comfortable position. Whatever you read on any sex magazines or hear advice from friends, you always need to learn what position you and your partner are most comfortable with. If you are on the receiving end, it’s easiest to be on your back or stomach. Take it from Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, an NYU professor of human sexuality and also a LELO sexpert. However, comfort differs from one person to another, so take the time to figure out your most preferred position.

 

And to give you peace of mind, anal sex won’t stretch you out. If this factor scares you, don’t be. As per assistant clinical professor, Alyssa Dweck, MD at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, your anus will bounce back to normal after it accommodates a penis or sex toy entry. Thus, don’t worry about incontinence and enjoy the experience.

Takeaway

Anal sex or anal play has become a trendy sexual repertoire, so it’s not surprising that individuals and couples engaging with the activity are increasing. However, there are still individuals who are afraid of doing it. However, proper research, preparation, and communication with your partner can lead to enjoyable anal sex. These experts’ advice and tips can significantly help anyone interested in exploring their behind and enjoy the experience.

 

Author’s bio:

Belinda is a 42-year-old married mother of three who lives in Naples, Florida. While staying at home to raise her children, she began to write articles and blogs for various outlets. She was raised in a strict, Christian home, but has since found more peace with a more spiritual approach to life and health. A strong believer in natural and alternative medicine, energy healing, and total wellness, she stumbled on the health benefits of the female orgasm quite by accident. Since then, she has often written pieces that help inform others about the benefits she discovered. Belinda also enjoys taking care of her home and family, and often jokes that she is a bit of a Stepford wife… with a wild side. In her free time, she loves to spend time at the beach with her family, host parties and BBQ’s, and work outside in one of her many flower gardens.

Celebrity Sex On Langkawi Island!

I could see that Erik had never experienced a blow job like the one I give before as his facial expressions were almost comedic.  A mix between pleasure and pain I guess and him trying to not come to soon but every muscle in his body trying to prevent the inevitable.  Within three minutes and which his cock down my throat and his balls in my mouth he started to cum.  Ejaculating deep in my throat I could feel the hot bursts of semen shooting deep inside me – in my mind I visualized that white spunk sliding down into my stomach which made me horny as hell.  When he had finished cumming I withdrew his penis from my mouth and he collapsed back onto the chair, not know whether to laugh or cry, to talk or be silent.

Read the rest of this Malaysian Sex Story……

6 Interesting Facts about Pegging

Pegging Men

These days, we see a lot of pegging personals and pegging dating sites, which means only one thing – heterosexual men are enjoying anal sex with their girlfriends. Pegging allows them to experience the role of a woman during anal sex and they find this very exciting. Also, this type of sex provides women with a chance to see what it’s like to be a man. In fact, pegging or strap-on sex is one of the most popular sex trends these days and heterosexual men are the ones who are enjoying it the most. With that in mind, we are going to talk about 6 interesting facts about pegging.

 

What Is Pegging?

 

The name “pegging” might sound confusing, especially to men who are used to traditional intercourse, but the definition of pegging is actually very simple. Pegging is a type of sex during which a woman penetrates a man’s anus with a strap-on dildo. Lesbian couples also enjoy pegging, but believe it or not, it’s more popular among heterosexual couples.

 

Why Men Love It So Much?

 

You probably know that women have something that is called a G-Spot, right? It is a spot inside their vagina that, when stimulated, makes them cum. Well, men have this too. It’s an erogenous zone called the “p-spot” and it is located inside the rectum. By touching the p-spot, a person stimulates the prostate gland, which allows them to have more intense orgasms. Stimulating the prostate gland with a strap-on dildo is easy and that is why men love pegging so much.

 

Pegging Helps Lovers To Experience Each Other’s Roles In Bed

 

Most men and women don’t know what it’s like for the other person during sex. Pegging allows them to change the roles and experience sex from their lover’s perspective. This is one of the main reasons why strap-on sex is so popular these days. When she straps on a dildo, a woman gets to experience the excitement of thrusting and dominating her boyfriend. On the other hand, a man gets to see what it’s like to be penetrated. This type of sex helps lovers understand each other better during sex and that is why men and women enjoy pegging.

 

It Makes Men Better At Anal Sex

 

Most men are trying their best to make anal sex pleasurable for women, but to be honest, this is a very difficult task. It requires a lot of lube, a perfect technique, and patience. Most women would agree that horny men don’t bother with these three things during anal sex. However, when a guy tries pegging, he gets to see what anal sex is like for a woman, which things feel good and which don’t.

 

Best Positions For Pegging

 

Considering that most straight men are not used to being penetrated, finding the most comfortable position is very important. These days, doggy style is the most popular position for pegging, but that doesn’t mean it’s the best for strap-on sex. Therefore, here are the three best positions for pegging.

 

Doggy Style

 

We know we said that doggy style is not the best position for pegging, but it’s one of the best. It deserves a spot on our list because it is perfect for beginners. This position allows a man to control how deep the dildo goes. Also, a woman can easily play with the man’s anus.

 

Face-To-Face Missionary

 

This is undoubtedly the most intimate position. In a face-to-face missionary, man and woman can explore each other’s bodies during sex. Also, this position allows a woman to see her lover’s face during intercourse meaning she can see when he is enjoying himself and when he is in pain. One of the best things about this position is the fact that a man’s penis is easily accessible. It is literally up for grabs.

 

Cowboy

 

The cowboy position is on this list for the same reason as doggy style. It allows a man to control penetration during sex. The man does all the work here, while a woman can simply enjoy the show and play with his penis.

 

Pegging Doesn’t Make You Are Gay Or Bisexual

 

In today’s society, pegging is still a bit of a taboo. Most heterosexual men think that putting things in your butt makes you gay simply because that is what gay men do. However, this is not true. You don’t have to question your masculinity just because you like to play with your own anus. As we said, a man’s anus is full of nerve endings and stimulating the prostate can help a man experience intense orgasms. If a man wants to enjoy some anal play, that doesn’t make him gay or bisexual. It just means that he knows how to pleasure himself.

Now why not read about male chastity!