Turning the Tables – Defining a Switch

When we think about BDSM we have long thought of Dominance and submission but what is Defining a Switch.   More recently we have thought of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele whether we agree or disagree with E.L James’ portrayal of the kinky genre. Surveys have shown that worldwide over 90% of people have thought more than once about BDSM. But there is an aspect of the kinky rabbit hole that seems to go unnoticed, left in the dark or does not get as much attention, recognition or information.

 

Switching.

 

More often than not, people will often label themselves as Dominant or Submissive. Not all of the time though, they are not 100% on that scale. Let me paint you a crude expression in the form of a picture.

Most people will fluctuate somewhere along this rudimentary scale. There will be Submissives who are more submissive than others, and Dominants who are more overtly dominantly foreboding. It comes down to the same way that no two personalities are going to be the same.

And then there are Switches. Switches are not those who cannot decide, so let us quash that myth right here and now. They are also not greedy and want to both. Another myth that we can dispel. Switches can be submissives and can also be dominants.

But, ultimately, switches like the power exchange, switches enjoy both taking power and humbling themselves to power. And each switch may look different depending on their own dynamic.

SWTICH

When a switch is in a relationship with a dominant, they may take on a role as a submissive. As that person’s submissive. But it does not make them submissive. It makes them that person’s submissive. Not one in general. When a switch is in a dynamic with a submissive, they will assume the role of the dominant and protector, but they will still identify as a switch, not as a dominant.

When a switch is in a dynamic with another switch, they can switch between the power dynamic, taking turns in asserting dominance whether sexually, day to day, financially or however. I once had a friend who explained being a switch sexually as a tug o war that you never knew the winner. Sometimes he would begin as the alpha, tying his partner up, taking the lead, and halfway through she would surprise him, and turn the tables, and she would take the reins, take control and put the moves on him and make him putty in her hand. I would love listening to his exploits, because it wasn’t that he let her. Never let her win, or let her take control. Sometimes, he would try to keep the upper hand, and sometimes he would win, pull the right moves that she would moan and fall under his spell of ecstasy, but not always. That was their dynamic, the power between them. He called it an art form, to perfectly execute a perfect power exchange halfway during play and sex.

Other switches will take turns being “in charge”, sometimes it may involve noone being in charge. During one of my many discussions amongst friends I had someone tell me it all sounded rather exhausting. As I am writing this, I guess that it does sound exhausting but in the heat of the moment, it is as much a part of my personality that it doesn’t require something that needs forethought or added mental strain to need exhaustion.

How do you know if you’re a Switch?

I don’t know if it was gender norms or stories or what that first allured me to the position of fantasising about being the submissive, about wanting to be the one who was dominated, who did what was asked of them. And I liked it, don’t get me wrong, but it didn’t take me long to work out that that wasn’t me. Not all the time. My mother had always told me I would never be happy taking orders from anybody, and in a way she was very very correct. Throughout my sexual awakening I realised I liked to push back, I liked to give as much I received. But just as I realised that I liked to push back and be in charge, I realised that I also like to humble myself, to be subservient to give up control and do as I was told. Other times of course, there were times I loved nothing more than being sassy, defiant and bratty or to go all out with a tug of war of my own and fight fire with fire with a worthy adversary.

Of course, some acts or limits a person may feel more or less switchy/dominant/submissive in. It is a scale. There are also people, who I would never dream of dominating, out of respect but also-they just don’t seem the type. I wouldn’t impose my own lifestyle on them. Consent is everything. You wouldn’t force someone to be submissive to you, or to dominate them when they are not into it.

How to talk to your partner about Switching

Communication is the key with any and all fantasies. Carve out some open and comfortable time to discuss your fantasies, do not bombard or surprise them out of the blue.

Reiterate how attracted and secure you are in your relationship.

Link it to something you have seen in a movie, or a book or porn if you are open about watching those together but ensure that you tailor it to you and your partner “I saw this scene and I was really turned on thinking about you doing this to me”

Explain why it turns you on. “I like the idea of being at your mercy, and you being at mine.” or “I want to try taking it in turns who tops.” or if you can, use the tug o war metaphor.

It could be starting out with who is literally on top during sex, or who picks the position. Use dirty talk, tell each other what you want to do, up the game by using real or verbal restraints, “If you move – I will stop.”

Switching and power exchanges can ebb and flow over time and are open to experimentation. It can be harder to grasp for men than for women as there is often the notion that men must take charge in the bedroom, but that is the glorious thing about sexual exploration, and about switching, or being a switch, it is enjoying both, experimenting with both and being open and present to both sides of the pleasure coin.

At your Service,

Tiffany

OhZone Sales Consultant, Educator and Dedicated Switch.

It’s All About The BDSM Collars

bdsm collar

With the rise in popularity in BDSM and wearable kink gear let’s talk about collars.

 

Collars are used for a variety of reasons in BDSM and play and it’s important to know the different meanings surrounding them. It is not unusual to pass a coworker who is wearing a subtle and discreet collar everyday and you might never know.

 

Collars aren’t exclusively used as a form of restraint, punishment or degradation.

 

Collars of consideration:

 

Often used for new relationships, a form of ownership, think of it like a stepping stone to a permanent collar between a dom/sub, master/slave etc. The training collar is as much for both parties to decide if this is the dynamic that they would each like to pursue.

 

Training Collar:

 

These collars are worn when in a dynamic when a sub or slave is being trained in the dynamic, whilst still a form and a sign of ownership and is up to the Dom/Master when the training is complete.

 

Protection Collar

 

A collar in any variant is a form of protection. A collared person is under protection of someone and etiquette should be followed accordingly. This affords the wearer the ability to be left alone by single dominants unless they have the permission of the collar’s owner to approach. This is a responsibility of the dominant or whoever is in charge of the collar is significant and should also not be taken lightly. We will go into this further down.

 

Play Collars

 

There are two ways that a play collar can be used.In terms of dynamic, this is the most relaxed form of dynamic collars, but still not simply a collar for being restrained. Play collars are collars where dynamics are enforced and utilised during kinky scenes as soon as the collar is placed around the submissive’s neck.They are helpful to prepare the mindset for the scene that is about to come. When the collar is on, the wearer is the submissive, they are in the space of a submissive and respond to the person who placed it on them as such and respect them accordingly. At the end of the play session, which doesn’t necessarily need to be sexual, and the collar comes off, this is the sign that the dynamic has finished and the rules that applied for while the collar was on, are now complete. This form of training, or boundaries can be good for people who need that added guidance, comfort, or security. Lt me circle back for a second in case anyone was confused when I said play didn’t need to be sexual. Play with a collar could be anything from sex, to impact, or or service such as waiting on a person, bringing them food or acts of service. But even, play could be going out on a date and following certain protocols and rules. The limits are endless. It is whatever you and your play partner design, but they are your rules.

 

Other play collars are actual “play” collars. The type that are used during play for playful reasons, for restraint, for tying up and leading around, for degradation and submission or pet play. These can cross over into any of the other types of collar wearing and sometimes also be a stand alone. You can like being choked or led around on a collar without being a submissive.

 

24/7 collars

 

This brings me to our permanent collars. Our 24/7 collars that are worn all of the time. These are special collars indeed and can carry many different meanings to individual dynamics. For some, a permanent collar is the equivalent of an engagement ring or a wedding ring. For some, it is ownership. What it boils down to, is that it is a promise between two people that they take each other to be trusting of each other as a Dominant and a submissive and to respect each other as thus and to follow the rules of their relationship. Again, whatever that entails depending on their unique relationship.

Some dynamics might have contracts written up. Some may have collaring ceremonies and invite friends and family to witness placing the collar around the submissive’s neck. A permanent collar cannot be placed without both parties deciding and agreeing to it.

Because these collars are permanent, and never come off there are many different alternatives that people can pick these days. Nowadays many people choose to wear collars that appear closer to necklaces so that they are able to wear them to the office or out in public daily without being noticed. Some opt for the eternity collars that are fastened with an allen key. Others can get subtle BDSM collars custom fit to enjoy the best of both worlds.

 

Collar etiquette.

 

A few things to know about someone’s collar.

It is very disrespectful to touch a person’s collar without first gaining permission, and even then only if necessary.

If a person is collared it is always wise to speak to their “Dominant first” as a show of respect.

A person wearing a collar should not remove their collar without asking their “Dominant” first.

Wearing collars can also be very fashionable, so we understand that it may be hard to know if someone is wearing one as a fashion choice or a protocol, if in doubt, ask them, or someone at the event. If the person who is wearing it doesn’t answer, that’s ok, they might not be allowed to answer. Please do not think they are being rude and press them. Move on. If their Dominant approaches, apologise and explain. But we always suggest, asking the organiser of the event first when in doubt. They will be able to vet the situation better for you.

 

Collars are a beautiful and fun way to share connections and feelings within the BDSM scene. Collared individuals feel quite proud to be owned/collared by their dominants and see it as praise and an honour to be asked about their collars.

 

At Your Service,

 

Tiffany

OhZone  Adult Shop Sales Assistant, Educator and Proudly Collared.

What are Common Fetishes Seen in Porn?

nylon milf

There are a lot of fetishes out there. It doesn’t matter what anyone happens to be into, they can find a whole array of porn videos to see it play out. A fetish, by the way, is “a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.” That means that a person can fetishize basically anything that they want, although it’s almost never a choice. A fetish is something that a person can’t control, but needs nonetheless. Here are some of the most common fetishes that can be found in porn.

Foot Fetish

By and large, the most common fetish out there is the foot fetish and it comes in many different forms. You can find foot fetish videos where feet are simply displayed for the camera. Then there are foot fetish videos with feet being licked, smelled, and even having sex with someone. The feet can be naked or they can be in stockings or shoes. If there’s a way to show off feet, there are hundreds or thousands of porn videos with it happening to find.

Nylon Fetish

Next up is the nylon fetish. It’s just as common as the foot fetish, but it doesn’t have to be as obvious. Nylon fetishists can find their subjects in almost any porn video that they see. There’s almost always a part of the video that has the model in nylons and that’s all it takes for some people. Of course, there are also plenty of porn videos that take it to an extreme. You can see nylons getting ripped apart, used as a restraint, and even being forced on someone who does want to wear them. It all depends on how deep the fetish goes.

Ageplay

Ageplay really has two different forms, but if we’re talking about the most common fetishes in porn, then we have to talk about age difference porn. It’s all over the place and can come in the form of an older woman with a younger man or an older man with a younger woman. It’s where the whole MILF thing comes from. Younger men tend to fetishize older women that they see as sexually experienced seductresses. Any porn search on any site is going to bring up lots of age play videos with some other fetish thrown in.

Voyeurism

Voyeurism is also very high on the list. It’s the basis for an entire industry of reality porn videos. It doesn’t matter how realistic it actually is. If you’re told that people are having real sex and not performing for a camera, a fetishist can lose himself in anything he sees. Naturally, actual voyeur porn is next to impossible to find. That’s because it’s very illegal to record someone without his or her consent and sell it as adult content. Even so, the fantasy is being sold all over the internet and it’s not going to be going anywhere.

Bondage

Getting more into the specialty aspect of porn, you can find bondage. This is a common one, but it usually requires porn that’s focused on it. You can’t really just add in a little bondage to a vanilla sex scene and think it will satisfy anyone. The bondage needs to be front and center and it usually requires special equipment. That’s why you won’t find quite as many bondage porn videos as foot or nylon fetishes, but it’s still extremely common. A little rope can go a long way if you know how to use it.

Role Playing

Finally, we get to role play. This is a fetish that you can find anywhere at any time. All it involves is someone playing the role of someone else during sex. This can be a woman pretending to a college student, a man pretending to be a plumber, or any person pretending to be a fictional character. It’s as common in porn as it is in the actual bedroom. Any porn site that focuses on role play can expect to have a whole lot of traffic and it doubles as a great way to learn how to play at it in real life.

How to Find a Good Sex Shop in Adelaide?

sex shop adelaide

Adelaide is a beautiful capital city of the cosmopolitan hub in Southern Australia. The city is known for its wide range of historical significance, especially with the renowned museums that line up the city.

 

Also known as the city of churches, Adelaide has many interesting facts many don’t know of. Apart from its rich history, there are several hidden adult stores that Adelaide is known for. This list of adult shops in Adelaide gives you a gist of the best ones.

 

But, with so many stores around, how do you find the best one?

1. Ask your Friends

 

You can never go wrong with your friends. If you have a few in your friend circle who are into sex toys and adult fantasy shops, asking them for reference is always a good idea. This way, you can be assured of the shop’s genuineity, and you can also get a heads up about what’s good and what’s not.

 

Make sure that you are specific about your requirements for the sex shops. If you want one that is solely into bondage and BDSM kinky stuff, be clear about that to your friends.

 

If this is your first time visiting a sex shop, you can also ask your friends about the essential dos and don’ts.

2. Hit Up Google Search

 

There is nothing on this planet that doesn’t come up with a quick Google search. The same goes for the adult stores in Adelaide too. A quick search helps narrow down your options. You can even filter out the search results based on your locality and the rating of the shop.

 

A Google search also helps you get a better idea about the store’s quality via the ratings. It enables you to pick out the best one according to customer opinions and reviews.

 

Moreover, it takes less than a minute to do so, which is a good enough reason for you to do this.

 

 

3. Check Out Local Sex Toy Reviewer Blogs

 

It is a very underrated method, but checking out your local sex toy reviewer’s blog will lead you to Adelaide’s best sex shops. There are several popular adult toy reviewers on the internet; you just need to find the one that is local to your area.

 

Aside from helping you to find the best adult stores, checking out their blogs helps you get a better understanding of the toys as well. It comes in especially handy for the ones who haven’t used a sex toy before in their life.

 

It guides you about their usage, the good and bad, and the correct way of using them for optimal pleasure.

4. Visit Multiple Stores

 

Adelaide has several sex toy stores around the city. Some might be closer to where you live and some, a little far away.

 

If you want to find the best one in the city, we’d suggest visiting all the popular ones, irrespective of the distance. Doing so helps you get an idea of the stores’ quality and the kind of products they have.

 

Instead of just relying on a single store, scurry through multiple of them to get the best toys for yourself.

Conclusion

 

Finding the best sex shop in Adelaide might not be as easy as finding the city’s best museums. When looking for an adult store, you want to consider several factors. From the customer reviews and ratings to the quality and variety of products they have in stock and display, there are several factors that you need to consider.

 

The Psychology Behind Human Puppy Play

human puppy play

Puppy play is a sexual practice where human participants take on the role of dogs. Generally, this activity seeks the achievement of sexual satisfaction through submissive/dominant interactions, where an adult adopts the behavior and appearance of a pup and the second adult takes on the persona of a dominant master. While the activity is most specifically referred to a type of a sex game within a couple, there are also group activities with the participation of more pups and a handler, a single pup and multiple handlers, or just a pack of dogs. The practice evolved over the time from an intimate role play between two people to a community phenomenon that is said to foster social interaction and help people relax by escaping the daily responsibility of adult life. In some cases, puppy play does not involve any sexual activity.

What motivates people to engage in puppy play?

People engage in puppy play for several reasons. Studies conducted on puppy play enthusiasts revealed 5 aspects that motivate humans to participate in such an activity. These aspects include:

1. Sexual pleasure

Many people engage in puppy play for receiving sexual pleasure. While some participants associate puppy play with a prelude before physical intercourse, other consider it a direct source of sexual pleasure. The sexual pleasure is generated by the dominant or submissive role that the participant takes on during the scene. For pups, being physically and emotionally obedient to a powerful handler can stimulate their sexual desire and make them feel wanted.

From the handler’s point of view, the fact of gaining full control over the body of the submissive element can be a determinant source of sexual arousal. Being on four legs, the pup exposes intimate parts that facilitate the development of a dominant sexuality for the handler. It can be the exposure of genitals that works as an invitation to the master to begin penetration. To increase the submissive sexuality and make the handler more aroused, many participants use plug-ins and other insertion devices along with straps around the waist and neck.

2. Relaxation

For many participants, puppy play is a source of relaxation. They deem this practice an efficient way to escape the daily responsibilities of adult life. By taking the role of a pup, people escape the adult inside them that comes along with stress and strains at work and personal life, and adopt instead a sort of childish exuberance where they are not burdened with duties and are free to do anything they want without being judged for doing something inappropriate for adults.

3. Playful physicality

Puppy play is not only a psychological element, but it also has to do with fighting your body inhibitions. The participants can engage in puppy-like activities that help them escape their own body and get a better sense of their physical appearance. Running on four legs around the house, rolling the ball with the nose, jumping for joy, spinning crazily in circles and playing rough with other pups as well as other playful activities allow you escape to another setting where, you do not have to behave in a way that it is socially acceptable for an adult.

4. Expressing self-hood

Another factor that motivates people to engage in puppy play is getting a better understanding of who they are and working on developing new personality traits. By playing dumb as a dog, people can see how far they can reach while escaping the boundaries of socially acceptable behavior, testing, in a way, their ability to do crazy stuff. For shy and reserved participants, this practice gives them the chance to learn being more confident and bold in their actions.

Those that take on the role of handler can develop their ability of taking care of others and being responsible for someone’s safety, as they have to keep an eye out for the pups, feed them, rub them and so on. This is especially recommended for selfish people who want to stop being so self-centered.

5. Promoting social interaction

Puppy play helps also create a sense of community, by providing positive interactions between participants. Joyful group activities with the ball and other toys as well as rough-and-tumble play with other dogs allow create strong friendship ties that will be later applied in real life after the scene is over.