When it comes to finding yourself, there’s no guide book. My parents didn’t sit me down and talk to me about reading self-help books or suggested I go on one of those trips to India where you live in the mountains for a year in complete silence. I happened to stumble upon myself while having sex. Yeah, that’s right. Though I haven’t gone around the world in 80 days or saved turtles in Hawaii, I was able to find who I was in a slightly unconventional way. I didn’t think sub dom dating would help me understand who I am, but, then again, I’m no genius.
I was turning 25, and I was at my peak. I graduated from university at the top of my class with a business degree, known as the “go-getter” type of guy, and was swiping through Tinder like it was toilet paper. I had no problems; I was an alpha male. Well, I still am an alpha male, but with a twist. The twist came after I met Julie.
Usually, when I’m on a dating app, I’m not looking too deeply into women’s profiles. I scan their photo, decide whether or not I’m into them, and then swipe. But then I landed on her, Julie. She wasn’t my type, but she was calling for me, luring me into her. Though I was reluctant to swipe right, I did. I couldn’t figure out why I was nervous; it’s a dating app; you’re not signing up for marriage. Looking back, I was scared because she didn’t look like the rest of the girls I dated; she looked like she would show me something new. Well, my intuition was right.
After flirting with Julie online, we decided to meet up for drinks. I knew what “drinks” meant; everyone knows what “drinks” mean. But over drinks, she asked me a question I wasn’t prepared for. “So,” she said as she took a sip from her mojito, “have you ever been fucked by a woman?” I nearly spat out my beer, “What? Are you serious? Hell no.” She laughed, “No need to get defensive, I’m just asking.” I was offended. I was as alpha as they come, and she thinks I let women fuck me? We sat in silence for a couple of moments, “I know you think you’re this manly man, but you’re not. You have a submissive side; you’re just hiding it.” I was shocked, but at the same time, relieved. I didn’t realize it at the time, but a part of me was happy to hear it; I wanted to be told this.
I chugged the last of my beer, “Alright. You think I’m submissive? Who’s place are we going to? Yours or mine?” She looked at me with a mischievous smile, “Mine.”
We walked to her place, and she told me to sit on the couch as she went into her bedroom. I thought she was cleaning the clothes from her bedroom floor, but instead, she came out in a latex outfit and a whip in one hand.
“The safe word is red. The second you say this word, we stop everything, understand?”
I nodded in shock, “Uh, yeah, uh, I understand.”
“Good. Now take off your clothes.”
I nervously removed my socks as she yelled, “Faster!” In a minute, I was completely naked. “Get on your knees,” she said as she walked in a circle around me. “Now listen to me carefully. If you don’t follow my instructions, I’m going to punish you. Do you understand?”
“What’s the safe word?”
Nervously, I stuttered. “Uh, it’s ora–”
The whip in her hand lands on my right ass cheek, releasing a small stinging pain, “Red! It’s red!”
“Good boy. Yes, the safe word is red. Now, we can start.”
The stinging feeling on my cheek faded quickly, but the sense of release stayed. I didn’t need to be the alpha male and impress the people around me. During this session, someone else was in control, worrying about the little things. She whipped me, spanked me; I did everything she said. I could show the side of me that no one sees; the submissive side, the softer side. Once the session finished, we sat down at her kitchen table and talked about it.
“That, that was amazing,” I said. “I felt so relaxed and out of control.”
“I told you, you have a submissive side. You just needed someone to bring it out of you. No one can be the ‘strong alpha male’ all the time.”
I nodded, “So…can we do this again?”
She laughed, “When are you free?”
Since then, I’ve had a couple of other dommes, but Julie was the first one who brought out the submissive side in me. If I didn’t go on that date with her, who knows the person I would be and how I’d be trying to find myself.