The Pain Pleasure Connection

The Pain Pleasure Connection – The rope wraps deliciously around your wrists, pressing into the soft skin and keeping you exactly there, pinned down right where you’re told to stay. The cool touch of the leather crop runs down the length of your spine in expectation of things to come. Slow and inviting except you cannot see a thing.

Eyes flutter against the silk of the cloth, straining to catch a glimpse. Fingers curl around your neck, tightening while lips move beside your ear

“You have been naughty, haven’t you?”


One or more out of 10 people who read the above paragraph will find the act of BDSM intriguing.Some have tried, or will have speculated and fantasised about it. Over the years many have wondered, studied and experimented with the reasons why people seek out and enjoy the art of being tied, bound, whipped, flogged, degraded, dominated.

All the delightful aspects that interrelate to the wonderful world of BDSM.

Pain Pleasure Connection

Today we are investigating the pain pleasure connection.

Pain for pleasure is a uniquely human experience. Once thought to be a serious sign of mental disturbance, S&M was removed as a category for mental illness in the Diagnostic and statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in the 1980s.

Many people still feel that there is a connection between enjoying pain separately or during sex and trauma. To be clear, we are not talking about pain as a form of self harm or as a way to feel things.

We are discussing pain as a form of pleasure and release.

We are seemingly the only animals that seek and fulfil this drive. And it is inherently Human.

When other animals experience a situation or stimulus that results in exposure to pain, they learn to avoid that stimuli. Humans are not like this. We are built and bred to seek experiences that push our boundaries.

For example we seek adrenalin. We skydive, we jump on rollercoasters to push and feel a sense of adrenalin. Place a different animal (a wombat) on a rollercoaster and I can almost guarantee you that animal will not be going back for seconds. It will avoid it for the rest of their lives.

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The same can be said for Chilli. There is a chemical in a chilli that promotes a release of reactions that signals the brain. Our tongues are on fire-yet there are many of us who love this feeling, and go back again and again for that feeling. Studies have not actually shown that we necessarily have more or less of a tolerance for chilli, it is a pain/pleasure tolerance.

The same can be said for pain/pleasure during sex.

An interesting study of the female brain during orgasm showed that over thirty parts of the brain are active; including the area for pain.

So back to pain. In any activity where the body starts to feel bursts of pain such as bondage, flogging, running, rock climbing, tattoos, massage, piercings; the body feels the initial jolt. Then the nervous system is overrun with signals, releasing a surplus of adrenalin, endorphins and other neurochemicals. They have a natural opioid effect on our body producing euphoric pleasure and heightened sensitivity.

With the release of so many endorphins, proteins bind to the transmitters that are responsible for the pain receptors. So that the immediate sting of pain is not as great. But more than that, the endorphins stimulate the prefrontal and limbic system responsible for passionate love and feelings. This gives us a high and manufacturing our own form of endocannabinoid – anandamide.

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Basically our own natural drug.

The feeling of the pain can inversely be a space for a person to feel safe, feel controlled where they would otherwise feel overwhelmed and seek release. The same way that stress can sometimes be released through a massage, tension, stress or uncertainty can be released through painful pleasure.

Because of this intense effect that the pain/pleasure connection can have keep aftercare in mind when performing any pain. We may be here to cause pain but NEVER to cause harm.

importance of Aftercare and Drop

intense intimacy and emotions people can be overwhelmed with sensations, emotions and a heightened state of bliss. This is commonly known as “space” whether it is “sub”- space “dom/me”- Space, “little”- space or another form of space, it can feel marvellous and can be felt by one or both parties.

After a scene has ended it is not uncommon to feel “drop”,. This is the coming down from the heightened state of space. “Drop” can manifest in many ways, tears, shaking,shame, guilt and insecurities to name a few. A wonderful way to minimise and monitor the chances of Drop is aftercare.

Aftercare should be administered after all intimate acts. It is usually firstly administered by the “top” in the situation, but can be shared.

 Here are some simple suggestions to implement Aftercare after your play session:

● Cuddles;

close contact helps individuals feel safe and secure and a chance to bask in the happy feelings.

● Words of affirmation;

tell each other how much you enjoyed yourselves, how good you are feeling and that you are both ok. Words of affirmation can assist in carrying that euphoric feeling, and helping each other feel loved, cared for and safe.

● Apply lotion or cleanse the impact area;

After a session of impact it is nice to rub soothing lotions, or creams into the area that was impacted. We stock Recovery Sub Cream to help with such tasks.

● Food & Nourishment;

have a nice drink together, a cup of tea, a scotch or a surgery drink. Have a snack that is higher in sugar to assist with shock or drop and replenish your energy stores together.

At Your Service


Adult Lifestyle Centre Sales Assistant, Educator and Pain Enthusiast

Pain Pleasure Connection
Lustful Lips

Finding Crazy Mad Love After Pain

It wasn’t supposed to happen that way. Just getting out of what can only be described as hell and now you are back in your last relationship. You swore you would never fall for it again.

So many years you spent clinging to hope that things would change. You had suffered enough hurt to last a lifetime. Vowing you would never allow any man the chance to put you through it again.

Keep on telling yourself you’re going to stay single for the rest of your life, and you completely resign to the fact. You even begin to relish singledom and all its perks. Nobody to answer to, freedom at your fingertips and all the time in the world to be left to your own devices.

Broken and passionate relationship
Image: Passionate lust

Isn’t it funny how in a fleeting second this can all change?

It was never supposed to happen that way, yet somehow it did. Happening so fast you think back and you almost forget how your life was before you met them.

That feeling of the first time when you lay eyes on him, the adrenaline running through your veins. That travels from your breasts all the way down to your vagina. You lock eyes for the first time and in that very moment you just know how wild and animalistic the sex is going to be. Nearlyvisualising it.

As you walk up to approach him right then it’s as if time has frozen and everything around you stands still. Everything except for him of course. He’s standing there almost half expectant. Like he knew you were coming up to him. He would almost bet money on it.

You Are So Drawn To Him You Ignore All the Warning Signals

You’re so drawn to him, both of you are so drawn to each other. It’s almost magnetic and you couldn’t stop yourself even if you tried.

So you don’t, you run with it, you allow your urges and hedonistic desires to completely overrule any rationality you thought you had. Because when you’re with him there is no one else who exists. The intensity of your intimacy only solidifies that.

See it’s not just sex, it’s a feeling he gives you that can only be compared to a euphoric drug. The things he does to your body biting, licking, kissing, touching, caressing and worshipping every inch of you. When you’re on top of him you feel on top of the world.

You don’t just fuck, you make love.

This is a feeling you don’t want to give up, you would fight for it until you have nothing left. And while you still don’t understand how someone can come into your life under such unexpected circumstances. This makes you feel all the things you do in such a short amount of time you begin to accept it and even embrace it.

You start to welcome the newfound happiness and wear it with pride. Having not done that for a long time, so long that you almost forgot the feeling of what it’s like to have so much love for someone, with so little damage in return. To have someone who loves you for not just your beauty but all your flaws too.

He pays attention to the details that matter to you the most, the real things not just the superficial. You no longer are alone! Neither is he because there isn’t a single thing in the world that could break that magnetic force you two have.

The Pain Of The Past Washes Away With Love

Over time that pain you held onto from before begins to wash away. Those scars you wore from all the previous battles of your former lover start to fad. That fear of having your heart broken all over again gradually disappears.

While nothing about love is easy, everything you feel about him is. You never have to question a single thing and neither does he. Just like how both your bodies come together in perfect mould, so do your minds. At times you are both almost in sync with each other.

You’ve had so many others try win your heart failing to succeed in the process. While you may never be able to understand or comprehend how you can fall so deeply in love with someone so fast. Everything in your life at present has shown you now that it was always supposed to happen that way.

Author: Channelle is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

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