Mutual Masturbation

Masturbation has long been proven to be an effective tool in our arsenal for self care, self exploration and all things considered.  Mutual Masturbation is very safe sex alternative.

 

Recently with social media, gaining trends and more positive discussion and open sexuality; masturbation is rising above the stigma that has unfairly surrounded it in the past decades. And so it should be, Masturbation is amazing.

 

A very under-rated facet of masturbation that does not get anywhere near enough of the spotlight is Mutual Masturbation.

 

When we think of mutual masturbation what first pops to head is long distance relationships, sharing that erotic phone call or scandalous skype/Facetime video call in nothing but your very intimate of wears. Or at least that is what most people thought of when I asked them as I went to write this article.

 

True.

 

These forms of mutual masturbation are very mutual and very sexy, hot and heedy. I love them, I love the ability that it brings to long distance relationships, or even not to long distance ones. Out for the night? Send something sexy and masturbate together. The principle of finding each other simultaneously arousing enough to bring you pleasure and climax even though you’re apart- bellissimo.

 

There are even more and more toys that are tailored to making the most of long distance masturbation like Lovense, Kiroo and We Vibe.

 

But that was not the type of Mutual Masturbation I am referring to. The type that definitely should be explored more, talked about more and definitely used more. Mutual Masturbation in real life involves more than one person enjoying themselves, together in the same room. It may sound like an oxymoron, but trust me, it isn’t. If anything, it may be one of the most intimate things you can do with your partner(s). It is watching your play partner giving themselves pleasure, while you give yourself pleasure, and they watch you.

Let’s start by looking at why this is such an intimate mode of sexual exploration. Yes, sexual intercourse is very intimate, it is the joining of your bodies, it is creating connection. When we masturbate however, we masturbate usually with thoughts or stimuli that turn us on. These can be various such as porn, videos, stories, memories, fantasies, dreams. How often can you say though, that the object of your arousal is in front of you, a breath away, watching you pleasure yourself, watching you get aroused by their presence?

Intimate right?

Mutual Masturbation also brings out that tiny little piece of us that some may be curious about Voyeurism and exhibitionism but without the crowded audience or public. Voyeurism is the act of watching others participating in sexual exploits, Exhibitionism is enjoying being watched.

Mutual masturbation is a brilliant avenue to learn about your play partner and for them to learn about you too. What better way to learn what a person likes, how they get off, what their spots are, how they like being caressed, then to actually see them doing so. To make matters even sexier, you can hear it too. No need to hold back, using your words to help tell the story, can only enhance your experience. Expressing gratitude at the sight, the sound, the enjoyment of the moment or the sight of certain things either of you are doing may be enough to tip you over the edge.

 

This can also be a wonderful foray into using toys. Have you been nervous about using toys during sex? Using toys during mutual masturbation may be the key. This is your time to showcase your tips and tricks, heck, if you wanted to, you could even request your play partner to use something. The reason this is a good and neutral ground to try out incorporating toys can be numerous. Some partners may feel intimidated by the use of toys in their usual repertoire, using toys during mutual masturbation will highlight the pleasure but also highlight that that pleasure is not taking away from the connection and the intimacy with your play partner. It is an extension. If you have been worried about the logistics, this is also a trial run in how you can figure out how to best incorporate the toys into your routine.

 

And just think, how sexy is it to say or hear “Oh I wish I could taste you while using this toy.” or “I want to feel you inside me while using this”. I can definitely see how a person would feel aroused at these prospects. Again, it is a beautiful and exciting notion that toys are an extension of our sexual intimacy, they are not replacements.

Mutual Masturbation doesn’t need to end here though, it can be part one, the first course. You don’t simply need to strictly never touch each other, that is the beauty of this. It may evolve organically into sharing the touch, sharing an orgasm, together, helping each other orgasm. Who says you can’t kiss while you share this intimate experience? There are no rules, you make them yourself. This is a type of exploration that demands more positive discussion.

 

This being said, it can be very daunting to expose yourself during your most private pleasures, even to your closest person. If you would like to try mutual masturbation but your play partner is hesitant, do not be disheartened. Take it slow, try broaching the subject such as would you like to watch me masturbate (or cum). You could try watching porn/videos together, reading salacious stories together and inviting them to show you what they like. Like all acts, consent is important, but it can also take time. Remember, we are coming out of an era where masturbation was still taught as bad, so for many people, masturbation was a private act and when they masturbated, they kept it private so that they would not be reprimanded or judged. Being public about masturbation, even in your relationship may be a big step for some people. Be kind. Be open. Be understanding. Show them this article, and let’s start the conversation and bring masturbation and mutual masturbation out of the darkness.

 

At your Service,

Tiffany

OhZone Sales Consultant, Educator and Promoter of Masturbation

Turning the Tables – Defining a Switch

When we think about BDSM we have long thought of Dominance and submission but what is Defining a Switch.   More recently we have thought of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele whether we agree or disagree with E.L James’ portrayal of the kinky genre. Surveys have shown that worldwide over 90% of people have thought more than once about BDSM. But there is an aspect of the kinky rabbit hole that seems to go unnoticed, left in the dark or does not get as much attention, recognition or information.

 

Switching.

 

More often than not, people will often label themselves as Dominant or Submissive. Not all of the time though, they are not 100% on that scale. Let me paint you a crude expression in the form of a picture.

Most people will fluctuate somewhere along this rudimentary scale. There will be Submissives who are more submissive than others, and Dominants who are more overtly dominantly foreboding. It comes down to the same way that no two personalities are going to be the same.

And then there are Switches. Switches are not those who cannot decide, so let us quash that myth right here and now. They are also not greedy and want to both. Another myth that we can dispel. Switches can be submissives and can also be dominants.

But, ultimately, switches like the power exchange, switches enjoy both taking power and humbling themselves to power. And each switch may look different depending on their own dynamic.

SWTICH

When a switch is in a relationship with a dominant, they may take on a role as a submissive. As that person’s submissive. But it does not make them submissive. It makes them that person’s submissive. Not one in general. When a switch is in a dynamic with a submissive, they will assume the role of the dominant and protector, but they will still identify as a switch, not as a dominant.

When a switch is in a dynamic with another switch, they can switch between the power dynamic, taking turns in asserting dominance whether sexually, day to day, financially or however. I once had a friend who explained being a switch sexually as a tug o war that you never knew the winner. Sometimes he would begin as the alpha, tying his partner up, taking the lead, and halfway through she would surprise him, and turn the tables, and she would take the reins, take control and put the moves on him and make him putty in her hand. I would love listening to his exploits, because it wasn’t that he let her. Never let her win, or let her take control. Sometimes, he would try to keep the upper hand, and sometimes he would win, pull the right moves that she would moan and fall under his spell of ecstasy, but not always. That was their dynamic, the power between them. He called it an art form, to perfectly execute a perfect power exchange halfway during play and sex.

Other switches will take turns being “in charge”, sometimes it may involve noone being in charge. During one of my many discussions amongst friends I had someone tell me it all sounded rather exhausting. As I am writing this, I guess that it does sound exhausting but in the heat of the moment, it is as much a part of my personality that it doesn’t require something that needs forethought or added mental strain to need exhaustion.

How do you know if you’re a Switch?

I don’t know if it was gender norms or stories or what that first allured me to the position of fantasising about being the submissive, about wanting to be the one who was dominated, who did what was asked of them. And I liked it, don’t get me wrong, but it didn’t take me long to work out that that wasn’t me. Not all the time. My mother had always told me I would never be happy taking orders from anybody, and in a way she was very very correct. Throughout my sexual awakening I realised I liked to push back, I liked to give as much I received. But just as I realised that I liked to push back and be in charge, I realised that I also like to humble myself, to be subservient to give up control and do as I was told. Other times of course, there were times I loved nothing more than being sassy, defiant and bratty or to go all out with a tug of war of my own and fight fire with fire with a worthy adversary.

Of course, some acts or limits a person may feel more or less switchy/dominant/submissive in. It is a scale. There are also people, who I would never dream of dominating, out of respect but also-they just don’t seem the type. I wouldn’t impose my own lifestyle on them. Consent is everything. You wouldn’t force someone to be submissive to you, or to dominate them when they are not into it.

How to talk to your partner about Switching

Communication is the key with any and all fantasies. Carve out some open and comfortable time to discuss your fantasies, do not bombard or surprise them out of the blue.

Reiterate how attracted and secure you are in your relationship.

Link it to something you have seen in a movie, or a book or porn if you are open about watching those together but ensure that you tailor it to you and your partner “I saw this scene and I was really turned on thinking about you doing this to me”

Explain why it turns you on. “I like the idea of being at your mercy, and you being at mine.” or “I want to try taking it in turns who tops.” or if you can, use the tug o war metaphor.

It could be starting out with who is literally on top during sex, or who picks the position. Use dirty talk, tell each other what you want to do, up the game by using real or verbal restraints, “If you move – I will stop.”

Switching and power exchanges can ebb and flow over time and are open to experimentation. It can be harder to grasp for men than for women as there is often the notion that men must take charge in the bedroom, but that is the glorious thing about sexual exploration, and about switching, or being a switch, it is enjoying both, experimenting with both and being open and present to both sides of the pleasure coin.

At your Service,

Tiffany

OhZone Sales Consultant, Educator and Dedicated Switch.

The Body and Food as Art – Nyotaimori

Growing up I had a very limited view of the world and had never even heard the word Nyotaimori. Very limited indeed. Books were my first window into the world of kink and what a rabbit hole into Wonderland that was. I remember after a life changing event I showed up at my first Kink Art exhibition and came across Forniphilia for the first time in real life. And it was beautiful. As both an expression of art as well as an expression of submission.

FORNIPHILIA

Forniphilia is the concept of human furniture. Using the human body as a piece of furniture. It can be used as an act of degradation, as an act of servitude, or as it was being utilised here- as a form and part of an art installation. The photo portrayed a gorgeous figure bent over on all fours, dressed in leather wear, a glass sheet laid across their back and a dinner setting complete with wine resting atop the clear and steady surface. I found it entrancing.

A little while later, while with a play partner, he was asking me about a potential outing. I was relatively new to things like the kink scene, not having known that they had existed which he found fascinating about me, but refreshing given my take on everything. He had a friend, and a group of friends who were going to a Body Sushi Party.

There would be six or so of us and the main event, who would be our table. She would lie down and her body would be decorated with sushi for us to eat off.

Nyaotaimori

While talking to her later I was once again enthralled with the beautiful world of art that it actually was. Nyotaimori loosely translated in Japanese for “to serve on a woman’s body” while Nantaimori is “to serve on a man’s body”

It originated during the Samurai Edo era; is one theory, as a post battle celebration Geisha would be adorned with sushi for the samurai. Another possibility is that Onsen’s used them as a way to promote business, an idea that members of the Yakuza brought with them. Whether the Yakuza learnt these ideas from post battles could also be true. Either way, they were still born as a celebration of the body and of art and food. For Geisha’s as I am sure we are aware, were not paid for their body, but their art, their culture and their company.

Even food when prepared is part of the art, added to the body on leaves to keep it fresh and hygienic. The woman is adorned before the guests arrive in flowers, leaves or shells in part for modesty but also to add to the aesthetic of the art.

And remember what I said about Geisha? This was not a seedy affair, there was etiquette involved, there still are. The Nyotaimori and Nantaimori models remain absolutely still during the whole event, some will choose to have their eyes closed, others may keep their eyes open, but they do not look, speak or interact with the dinner party.

Most events, if they have a more traditional vibe, will allow the use only of chopsticks to touch the food, this is out of respect for the food, for the hygiene of other’s food, for the chef and for the models/art. Some events will allow the use of fingers to pick at the sushi pieces.

Common practices for models prior to the events need to have a cold shower that lowers the body temperature so that their bodies will not overheat the sushi. Sushi is replenished frequently so food is fresh and is never sitting on the body for long periods of time. Models cannot wear any perfumes or bathes with scented soaps. Most shave prior to events. Once at events they adorn a skin coloured thong, or covering for the pubic region before lying down on the table set out for the event. Organisers will then cover them with flowers, leaves, pasties, or any decorations that the event requires.

Nantaimori Parties

Of course there has been some controversy surrounding the recent rise of popularity surrounding Nyotaimori and Nantaimori parties. People labelling them as derogatory, sexist – objectifying women (and men).

Growing popularity of these events and parties have risen in the states not just for bucks and bachelorette parties but also for corporate events. Here in Australia, a few establishments offer them for buck’s events with a strip show included and usually entry into the rooms after the meal.

All opinions are of course welcome, however, I was first attracted to Nyotaimori and Nantaimori as an art form and expression. What isn’t beautiful about the human body on display, and to couple that with food and flowers? If anything I would suggest that the expression of Nyotaimori and Nantaimori is very respectful and not very seedy at all. I don’t deny that you could quite easily make any Nyotaimori party into a kinky sex act or sex, involving food (or sushi in this case). But for me Nyotaimori will definitely be the art form of presenting and serving food on the body, to be respected, to be idealised like you would a beautiful sculpture or painting.

Would you try Nyotaimori or Nantaimori? Would you be the model or the diner? 

At your Service,

Tiffany

OhZone Sales Consultant, Educator and Sushi Fiend

Rating the Sexuality of Bridgerton

With Lock Down extended, and a vast collection of assignments and reports calling my name I couldn’t help but venture back through some of my best loved Netflix Hits while at home (maybe procrastinating) and low and behold one of which was Bridgerton.

I did indeed love this series when it first appeared on Netflix, for many reasons; I love period dramas and this one was a fresh spin on the genre. It was colourful, it was sassy,it was scandalous and the music score was sensational! Also- the sexual tension was amazing.

I am hoping by now you have all watched it because there will be many spoilers in this. Released Christmas 2020, Bridgerton was a most anticipated show during COVID and it lived up to the hype. What I really liked about it however was the way it addressed sexual encounters and scandals in it. There were some parts that I took issue with too, but I felt like it was a good show that opened up an array of healthy conversation regarding sexulity as a whole; good and bad. This is always a positive as far as I am concerned.

Masturbation:

It is a scandalous intrigue indeed that the Main character Simon indulges Daphne when she asks him about pleasure. When at first she doesn’t understand Simon candidly tells her “When you are alone, you may touch yourself. Down there.” and basically gives her a very Regency Era-esque run down of the basics of masturbation. Of course Daphne is both shocked and stunned and a little bit fascinated by this. Simon is- amused. So later on, Daphne indeed tries, she fantasises about Simon touching her, removing a glove, kissing her and it is insinuated that she orgasms. There are many websites, articles and chat rooms that will argue “Oh impossible-the fastest orgasm for a first timer” or “She would not have cum that quickly her first time” haters gonna hate. What do I see? I see someone who is discovering self pleasure for the first time and enjoying herself. And it is good and satisfying. I often advocate that sex, masturbation even self pleasure should not have the end goal of an orgasm. So I loved this scene.

For the die hard literary/film buffs who like seeing the attention to detail, I also really enjoyed the use of symbolism that she had the white rose next to the bed symbolising purity blooming as she finds her pleasure.

We get another positive view of masturbation on Simon and Daphne’s wedding night where the two talk about when she did masturbate, and Simon asks her what she thought about, not only that, but he asks her to show him how she touched herself. I am a big fan of mutual masturnation so this was sensational to see in the screenplay! Top marks.

Sex as pleasure:

Before I go down the dark road of casting negatives on this amazing series, lets talk about the pleasure. The sex scenes in Bridgerton I found were sublime and not simply about finishing or orgasm. It was nice to see a show that took into consideration that sex is not all about the end orgasm and instead focussed on the pleasure felt by both parties in their detailed montages.

 

Even the scene on the stairs with the delectable display of cunnilingus, which focuses on Simon bringing Daphne to riveting throws of bliss; this focuses on her pleasure. Yes it is a scene that ultimately Simon does not wish to continue because he is mad at her, but cannot resist her, he still brings her pleasure.

Attention is also given to asking what the other likes, what pleases them. I think this is beautiful because it is not often drawn attention to in sex scenes or romances where couples can ask their partners what the other likes. They don’t need to instinctively know or be the best straight off the bat, it should be normalised to ask what the other person likes. It is afterall, the quickest and best way to find out how to please your partner.

The Pull Out Method:

SIGH

Simon tells Daphne he cannot have children in an effort to derail her from marrying him (It is more the point that he refuses to have children to spite his dead father and end his family line with himself.)

Daphne, who has not been told how babies are made, and how a man reaches orgasm and his sperm through ejaculation is what impregnates an egg and that is how babies are made (at least in the Regency Era) She doesn’t know this.

So Simon-Who by the way is labelled a RAKE meaning that he is a notorious womaniser and has slept with many many woman in his life- has sex with Daphne (and these other women) but pulls out before he orgasms and ejaculates beside her, in a cloth or somewhere that is not inside her womb.

Pause for dramatic effect and eye rolling.

The pull out method is not a great birth control method. It is approximately 78% effective, 22 in every 100 women still get pregnant, let’s break that down further approximately 1 in 5 women still get pregnant using the Pull Out Method. Why? Because pre-cum can still carry impregnating material, because even pulling out, some swimmers might swim out a little early before the majority of the load. Let us not even get started with how much more fertile people were back in the Regency Period. Daphne was a Debutante – historically that would make her roughly 16years old give or take. Lets just say- very fertile.

Consent:

Ah yes- The controversial consent scene. Daphne puts a few things together and interrogates her lady’s maid about how sex is supposed to go and how babies are made and relaises the error in the Duke’s semantics. Instead of confronting him about it, she seduces him, rides him and they have amazing all passionate sex which looks amazing until Simon says “Stop.” and Daphne does not and rides him until he orgasms inside her. At which point, she hops off, he looks at her shocked, betrayed and accuses her “what have you done?”

 

There is a lot of controversy online and in person about this scene, some people seem to think that because Simon lied to Daphne she had a right, others feel that differently. Simon should NOT have lied to Daphne. Very true. Daphne should NOT have kept going once Simon said stop. That was forcing his hand (penis) and his wishes past a point that he was comfortable. As an effect, this distances them from each other, puts up walls and creates animosity. Trust was broken on both sides, and no one can tell me differently. It was handled very poorly.

Sex Parties:

I loved this so much.

Several sex parties made it into the series and not only that, but it was discussed with one of the other characters whose wife had been one of the consensual participants of the Bridgerton’s escapade. So not only were sex parties openly discusses but so too was non monogamy as an option for the couples of the era. Building on this discussion, the two male characters were in discussions and the husband was open in his insinuations of being bisexual and polyamoruous. He was in love with another man and his wife was aware and guarded his secret. I thought this was amazing and I loved it and I loved that it was addressed as an alternative way of living for the Bridgerton brother.

Gender Identities:

Two of the Bridgerton siblings frequently have the discussion in passing how it is unfair of what is expected of them based on their gender and sometimes even their birth order. They don’t get to explore this too much, but there is a second season so maybe we will get to see that play out. But the fact that they even discuss it is enough for me. I am grateful to see these kinds of conversations just because it shows a variety of different perspectives of people and ensures that viewers are made in a way that not everybody needs to think the same.

I enjoyed that Eloise very vocally stood up for her views at every point in that she didn’t want to be like her sister, she didn’t want to “come out” into society and would often say “if I were a man” because she would not have had the expectation of coming out into society as a debutante and finding a husband. Her Best friend Penelope criticised her at one point, rebuffing her by saying that she did not have the luxury of thinking like that.

Say what you will, whether you loved it or hated it, Bridgerton is a whimsical smutty delight for lockdown and I am looking forward to seeing how it inspires season 2.

At your Service,

 

Tiffany

OhZone Sales Consultant, Educator and Smutty Romance Buff

Standardising Sex toys

There has long been speculation and arguments about Standardising Sex toys. The adult toy industry was roughly worth AUD$44.69 Billion worldwide during 2020 and it is projected to grow to AUD $69.61Billion by the year 2028 (Grandview Research, 2021).

LBTQ Sexual Wellness

Acceptance of LGBTQ+, sexual wellness and acceptance, sexual experimentation, even Fifty Shades of Grey and lets not forget COVID, the global sex toy market increases to grow and expand. All of these reasons and more can be attributed to the rise of the purchase and use of adult toys. But with the increase in mainstream use and attention.

At this point it is important to note that it is an unregulated corner of consumerism. That’s fine and well for me to say, but what does that mean? Simply put, anyone can make an adult toy and sell or market it as such. It does not have health standards to meet or safety standards. That alone is pretty scary though, because I mean, these toys are more often than not, going near our nether regions where we have sensitive, delicate organs that are very important to our everyday function as well as for pleasure and sometimes for reproduction. These organs aren’t even all external, some are internal which brings a whole new spin to the question “do you know what you’re really putting in your body?”

So we immediately think and agree that we need to put good quality if not premium quality grade materials in or out of our body during our pleasure time. And that is a great consensus. A brilliant, amazing solution to the aforementioned problem.

But then there is the cold hard grossly more concerning fact that is the problem without regulations.

Anyone can state an adult toy’s materials is one thing, on the packaging, and nobody, no regulation, no standard or government body can stop them or pull them up on it. Yes, they cannot say that a dong is made of silicone when in actual fact it is made of pvc. But it does not need to be 100% silicone, for a company to label an adult toy “silicone”. Factories are legally able to add fillers in and cut corners and costs to produce more and cheaper toys, bringing in a bigger revenue or convincing you that you can get away with a cheaper product when in fact, that material is no better for your body than if you chose a product that was made with “bad” materials in the first place.

Even tags such as BodySafe or MedicalGrade are a little bit dependent on who has deemed it so. BodySafe silicone for instance is deemed body safe in each individual factory or lab, therefore will have different and varying grades across the world.

So how do you pick!

All is not lost and there are safe toys out there. The best way to ensure that you are using a quality product is by investing money in a product. Yes it may seem like a bit of money but we consider things such as shoes or a car, the money we put into them is the quality we often see in return. When we skimp on these things, we aren’t surprised when they don’t work, or they break or we end up injured.

Buy from reputable brands. While we may not have regulations, there are reputations. Not having regulations has not stopped some pretty amazing companies from developing products that are safe, made from high grade materials and amazing for your body. Least of all forgetting the literal orgasmic nature of them. These big companies have worked hard on their reputations to bring you products that will last a long time, and be amazing and work hard in improving sexual wellness at the unprecedented incline that the market is working at.

Not sure what makes a reputable brand? Talk to our sales consultants. This is all part of our job. We extensively train with representatives from companies and research the companies that are being sold in our stores to ensure that we can give you the best information regarding the safest product experience for you and for your body.

Warranties. Another good indication of quality is a warranty. If a product doesn’t have a warranty, give it a wide berth. When a company puts a warranty on their products it’s somewhat telling you that they have faith in their product.

Hopefully we won’t have to wait too long though, with so much traction, popularity and exploration within the world with adult toys it was no wonder that soon there would be a consensus that adult toys needed standards.

Swedish Institute of Standards

Swedish Institute for Standards (SIS) approached the International Standards Organization (ISO) and in 2019 a committee was created for discussions surrounding this. ISO/PC 325 Sex toys – Design and safety requirements for products in direct contact with genitalia, the anus, or both. Standardization in the field of sex toys This document  will specify safety and user information requirements relating to the materials and design for manufactured products intended for sexual use. This will cover only manufactured products that are intended to come in direct contact with genitals and/or the anus.

So how will this change the industry? It can only mean good things for the industry! Or at least, for our health and safety. Unfortunately, yes it will mean that adult toys and products will most likely become more expensive because not every man and his dog can make them any longer. It will also mean that companies will be held liable for producing safe and good quality products for “consumption”.

Already, there are a number of “admittance’s” to hospital or medical related issues that have come down to materials used in cheaply or poorly made toys that unfortunately can not be liable followed up on or known for absolute certainty if they were the cause. Currently, American law dictates that only serious injury or death as a consequence from a product can warrant investigation and prosecution. With standardisation this will be a thing of the past.

These are yet again why it is so important to shop in store, to be able to ask the relevant questions regarding material composition with our sales consultants and discuss the differences between the companies and factory origins of individual products to ensure that you are getting and putting the best companion for your body to make for the ideal play partner.

I can only imagine that having a set of standards to abide by will also drive the industry forward to be more innovative and produce more specialised products that are improved in both material, design and functionality. I think the amount that the sex toy industry has already changed and evolved so much since the 90’s I for one cannot wait to see where these next decades will take us, especially with an introduction of standards that are there to work for us as consumers.

 

At your Service

Tiffany,

OhZome Sales Consultant, Educator and Standards Advocate.