It’s All About The BDSM Collars

bdsm collar

With the rise in popularity in BDSM and wearable kink gear let’s talk about collars.

 

Collars are used for a variety of reasons in BDSM and play and it’s important to know the different meanings surrounding them. It is not unusual to pass a coworker who is wearing a subtle and discreet collar everyday and you might never know.

 

Collars aren’t exclusively used as a form of restraint, punishment or degradation.

 

Collars of consideration:

 

Often used for new relationships, a form of ownership, think of it like a stepping stone to a permanent collar between a dom/sub, master/slave etc. The training collar is as much for both parties to decide if this is the dynamic that they would each like to pursue.

 

Training Collar:

 

These collars are worn when in a dynamic when a sub or slave is being trained in the dynamic, whilst still a form and a sign of ownership and is up to the Dom/Master when the training is complete.

 

Protection Collar

 

A collar in any variant is a form of protection. A collared person is under protection of someone and etiquette should be followed accordingly. This affords the wearer the ability to be left alone by single dominants unless they have the permission of the collar’s owner to approach. This is a responsibility of the dominant or whoever is in charge of the collar is significant and should also not be taken lightly. We will go into this further down.

 

Play Collars

 

There are two ways that a play collar can be used.In terms of dynamic, this is the most relaxed form of dynamic collars, but still not simply a collar for being restrained. Play collars are collars where dynamics are enforced and utilised during kinky scenes as soon as the collar is placed around the submissive’s neck.They are helpful to prepare the mindset for the scene that is about to come. When the collar is on, the wearer is the submissive, they are in the space of a submissive and respond to the person who placed it on them as such and respect them accordingly. At the end of the play session, which doesn’t necessarily need to be sexual, and the collar comes off, this is the sign that the dynamic has finished and the rules that applied for while the collar was on, are now complete. This form of training, or boundaries can be good for people who need that added guidance, comfort, or security. Lt me circle back for a second in case anyone was confused when I said play didn’t need to be sexual. Play with a collar could be anything from sex, to impact, or or service such as waiting on a person, bringing them food or acts of service. But even, play could be going out on a date and following certain protocols and rules. The limits are endless. It is whatever you and your play partner design, but they are your rules.

 

Other play collars are actual “play” collars. The type that are used during play for playful reasons, for restraint, for tying up and leading around, for degradation and submission or pet play. These can cross over into any of the other types of collar wearing and sometimes also be a stand alone. You can like being choked or led around on a collar without being a submissive.

 

24/7 collars

 

This brings me to our permanent collars. Our 24/7 collars that are worn all of the time. These are special collars indeed and can carry many different meanings to individual dynamics. For some, a permanent collar is the equivalent of an engagement ring or a wedding ring. For some, it is ownership. What it boils down to, is that it is a promise between two people that they take each other to be trusting of each other as a Dominant and a submissive and to respect each other as thus and to follow the rules of their relationship. Again, whatever that entails depending on their unique relationship.

Some dynamics might have contracts written up. Some may have collaring ceremonies and invite friends and family to witness placing the collar around the submissive’s neck. A permanent collar cannot be placed without both parties deciding and agreeing to it.

Because these collars are permanent, and never come off there are many different alternatives that people can pick these days. Nowadays many people choose to wear collars that appear closer to necklaces so that they are able to wear them to the office or out in public daily without being noticed. Some opt for the eternity collars that are fastened with an allen key. Others can get subtle BDSM collars custom fit to enjoy the best of both worlds.

 

Collar etiquette.

 

A few things to know about someone’s collar.

It is very disrespectful to touch a person’s collar without first gaining permission, and even then only if necessary.

If a person is collared it is always wise to speak to their “Dominant first” as a show of respect.

A person wearing a collar should not remove their collar without asking their “Dominant” first.

Wearing collars can also be very fashionable, so we understand that it may be hard to know if someone is wearing one as a fashion choice or a protocol, if in doubt, ask them, or someone at the event. If the person who is wearing it doesn’t answer, that’s ok, they might not be allowed to answer. Please do not think they are being rude and press them. Move on. If their Dominant approaches, apologise and explain. But we always suggest, asking the organiser of the event first when in doubt. They will be able to vet the situation better for you.

 

Collars are a beautiful and fun way to share connections and feelings within the BDSM scene. Collared individuals feel quite proud to be owned/collared by their dominants and see it as praise and an honour to be asked about their collars.

 

At Your Service,

 

Tiffany

OhZone  Adult Shop Sales Assistant, Educator and Proudly Collared.

What are Common Fetishes Seen in Porn?

nylon milf

There are a lot of fetishes out there. It doesn’t matter what anyone happens to be into, they can find a whole array of porn videos to see it play out. A fetish, by the way, is “a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.” That means that a person can fetishize basically anything that they want, although it’s almost never a choice. A fetish is something that a person can’t control, but needs nonetheless. Here are some of the most common fetishes that can be found in porn.

Foot Fetish

By and large, the most common fetish out there is the foot fetish and it comes in many different forms. You can find foot fetish videos where feet are simply displayed for the camera. Then there are foot fetish videos with feet being licked, smelled, and even having sex with someone. The feet can be naked or they can be in stockings or shoes. If there’s a way to show off feet, there are hundreds or thousands of porn videos with it happening to find.

Nylon Fetish

Next up is the nylon fetish. It’s just as common as the foot fetish, but it doesn’t have to be as obvious. Nylon fetishists can find their subjects in almost any porn video that they see. There’s almost always a part of the video that has the model in nylons and that’s all it takes for some people. Of course, there are also plenty of porn videos that take it to an extreme. You can see nylons getting ripped apart, used as a restraint, and even being forced on someone who does want to wear them. It all depends on how deep the fetish goes.

Ageplay

Ageplay really has two different forms, but if we’re talking about the most common fetishes in porn, then we have to talk about age difference porn. It’s all over the place and can come in the form of an older woman with a younger man or an older man with a younger woman. It’s where the whole MILF thing comes from. Younger men tend to fetishize older women that they see as sexually experienced seductresses. Any porn search on any site is going to bring up lots of age play videos with some other fetish thrown in.

Voyeurism

Voyeurism is also very high on the list. It’s the basis for an entire industry of reality porn videos. It doesn’t matter how realistic it actually is. If you’re told that people are having real sex and not performing for a camera, a fetishist can lose himself in anything he sees. Naturally, actual voyeur porn is next to impossible to find. That’s because it’s very illegal to record someone without his or her consent and sell it as adult content. Even so, the fantasy is being sold all over the internet and it’s not going to be going anywhere.

Bondage

Getting more into the specialty aspect of porn, you can find bondage. This is a common one, but it usually requires porn that’s focused on it. You can’t really just add in a little bondage to a vanilla sex scene and think it will satisfy anyone. The bondage needs to be front and center and it usually requires special equipment. That’s why you won’t find quite as many bondage porn videos as foot or nylon fetishes, but it’s still extremely common. A little rope can go a long way if you know how to use it.

Role Playing

Finally, we get to role play. This is a fetish that you can find anywhere at any time. All it involves is someone playing the role of someone else during sex. This can be a woman pretending to a college student, a man pretending to be a plumber, or any person pretending to be a fictional character. It’s as common in porn as it is in the actual bedroom. Any porn site that focuses on role play can expect to have a whole lot of traffic and it doubles as a great way to learn how to play at it in real life.

New to BDSM? Here’s what you should know

bdsm novice

So you’ve read about it, seen it in a movie, or heard a friend talk about their experience. It doesn’t matter how you first encountered it — BDSM is bound to inspire curiosity in everyone who comes across the concept.

 

The truth is, few things in the world are as misconstrued as BDSM. Factors like misrepresentation in movies and the lifestyle’s reputation for being extremely taboo contribute to many misconceptions about it. 

 

If you’re planning to try BDSM yourself, we strongly caution against going into it blindly. Trust us. You want to be as prepared and knowledgeable as possible when you dive into the exhilarating world of BDSM.

 

So before you press check-out on that cart full of naughty costumes and BDSM gear, make sure to read this newbies’ guide.

What is BDSM?

BDSM stands for “bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism, and is an umbrella term for just about any type of power dynamic in the bedroom.

 

So depending on who you are and what types of sexual adventures you’re into, BDSM can mean many things. It can be as simple as light spanking, or it can go as far as elaborate bondage and strict obedience.

 

If you’ve always been dominant in your everyday life, BDSM can offer you an alternate world where you allow someone else to call the shots (and vice versa!). BDSM is big on freedom, experimentation, adventure, and fun. As long as you keep in mind the tips below, you’re bound to have a great experience.

Tips for a great BDSM experience

Discuss consent and boundaries.

What’s the key difference between BDSM and straight-up sexual assault? Consent. Intimate activities should always stem from an agreement regardless of context. The beauty of BDSM is you get to experience things that are considered by many as too taboo. Truly, it’s a judgment-free lifestyle. You can do pretty much anything as long as all participants willingly and explicitly consent to it.


A discussion about personal boundaries is essential to safely enjoy BDSM. Establish what is allowed and what is off-limits before getting frisky with your partner, and make sure to always respect each other’s limits.

A safeword is essential.

All parties involved should understand the risks and take all necessary precautions. One non-negotiable safety measure is the use of a safeword. This word, which is agreed upon beforehand, will serve as a signal to either tone down or completely halt activities if things go too far. 

 

Most suggest using words that you wouldn’t typically say in a sexual situation. For example, people want to be able to say ‘’stop’’ and ‘’no’’ as a part of role-playing without spoiling the fun. 

 

That said, choose your safeword wisely. It can be something as mundane as “yellow” or “noodles” — really, it’s up to you!

Be open and honest.

Communication is vital in BDSM. You should be comfortable enough to talk about your desires and fantasies. Conversely, no-go’s and turn-offs should also be discussed. BDSM needs openness and honesty to be fully enjoyed.

 

One common mistake we often see beginners make is compromising on their comfort. They allow themselves to be pushed to do things they’re not 100% comfortable with out of fear of being branded a buzzkill. But really, you shouldn’t be engaging with anyone who judges or shames you for your boundaries. 

Start small.

When you’re planning for your first ever BDSM session, it can get tempting to go all-out. Blindfolds and handcuffs? Check! Dirty talk? Check! Whips and lots of rope? Why not?

 

While there’s nothing wrong with pulling out all the stops, we recommend starting small — especially if it’s a first time for both you and your partner. Allow yourself to slowly explore and get a feel for the lifestyle. You can always add more later.

A parting note

Once you’ve got the tips we’ve outlined above down pat, always remember one thing: have lots of fun! BDSM might sound dark and scary, but the truth is, it’s a sexual experience that’s only possible with lots of communication, respect, and care. Good luck!

Fetishes vs Fantasies.

fetishes and fantasies

Words are occasionally my favorite tool to use both in the bedroom and out. But today we aren’t talking about dirty talk, though we could. No today dear readers, we are talking semantics and comparing two of my favourite words and words that are often confused, confuddled and mixed up in many scenes, scenarios and interchanges between people when discussing kinks.

 

Fetish vs Fantasy.

 

Fetishes

 

A fetish can best be described as a strong desire or need for something be it an object or a person, an act or kink. There are those who can argue that a fetish could be categorized as an uncontrollable desire, the very opposite a phobia, in which a person has an uncontrollable fear, sometimes even irrational. Fetishes can sometimes be categorised as lust worthy, uncontrollable desires, perhaps even irrational to the rational part of a person’s mentality. But it still gives them sexual or pleasureable gratification.

 

Fetishes can be primal in nature and in some aspects some people have felt much shame in them. Finding safe and welcoming communities where they can find acceptance as well as safe spaces to safely explore, discuss and explore these fetishes is becoming more mainstream and is a joy to see as our society opens up and #breaksthestigma. Fetishes can be many and varied. To date there are over 239 fetishes but here are 12 of some of the most common sexual ones you may have come across

 

  1. Role-Playing – or dress ups. Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean we can’t play make believe sometimes. It can be fun to slip into a different person from time to time, try on a fun costume and pretend to be a different character.

 

  1. Anal sex – this one is a little bit of a grey area, some people enjoy anal sex as a sexul act while others visualise it as a fetish. As long as everyone is consensually enjoying it, who are we to label labels?

 

  1. Lingerie – being aroused by a certain type of lingerie is definitely a fetish and more common than people give it credit. Stockings. Lace. satin. Latex. These pieces of adorning lingerie can be wholeheartedly turn ons for people.

 

  1. Impact Play- spanking, flogging, paddling and other forms of consensual striking.

 

  1. Foot Fetish – the worship of feet through acts such as kissing, massage, smelling, licking, touching or just watching.

 

  1. Bondage – Being tied up or restrained. Bondage can range from very mild to very intense and is usually found in BDSM but has also been known to be one of the first things to try when spicing up things in the bedroom. Restaurants can be made from cuffs, rope, a tie, cable ties,…..many things.

 

  1. Group sex – threesomes and foursomes are the most common but group sex also extends to orgies involving multiple people and gang-bangs including one person of one gender and mutliples of the other gender.

 

  1. Sensory play- When we think sensory play we often immediately think of hot and cold, ice and fire, or in this case wax play. Sensation play also includes blindfolds, feathers and for the more experienced, electrostim play.

 

  1. Dirty Talk – I say Dirty talk but well, it’s not really more things like humiliation and degradation, being called names, talking down and dirty.

 

  1. Orgasm control – or denial. This is edging into BDSM and is a subsection of submission and dominance, bringing the submissive to the brink of orgasm and forced to stop. And doing so repeatedly. or , withholding sex or orgasms over a period of time as a form of teasing.

 

  1. Voyuerism and exhibitionism- watching people having sex, or having sex out in public ith the risk of being caught having sex is very common. WHo among us has not had sex in a car or sneakily in the cinema?

 

  1. Pornography – Watching, looking at pornographic material, before or during sexual intercourse or play

 

So

 

Fantasies.

 

I will admit. Fantasies and Fetishes are not all that different. But the difference is a big one. Fantasies are our respective, imagined scenarios that get us all hot and heavy. They are the screenplay in our minds that we make up, that may involve various fetishes, or wants or desires, but they do not necessarily control us.

 

AND

 

This is the big one

 

We may not want to play them out in real life.

 

Fetishes drive us. We want them. Some people need them.

 

Fantasies are exactly that. They are imaginary.

 

Staging a scene in real life to mirror your fantasy, while nice, will be hard, especially if it is a fantasy you have lived and re-lived in your imagination for years. You have built it up with such exquisite and erotic detail that that is a hard act to nail in real life to the exactness of the fantasy. The fetishes, sure thing, those can be met. But the fantasy is a construct of the amalgamation of the fetishes and how you have controlled them in your imaginatorium.

 

Another example is a real life example of a couple who divulged their fantasies that they masturbated to, to one another, and the husband thought it would be nice to organise his wife’s fantasy, not realising, that while she fantasised about it, when faced with it she had zero interest in fulfilling it with him.

 

I think an important takeaway is that fantasies are amazing, and that everyone should have them, talk about them if you’re open enough and confident to do so, but make it clear when you do, if your fantasy is something you want to try, or something personal you enjoy having a good solo session to when you’re alone.

 

At Your Service

Tiffany

Caringbah Oh Zone Sales Assistant, Educator and Linguist

BDSM Dating 101: What to Look for in a Master

Masterful bdsm

A successful BDSM relationship truly depends on the people involved. Though your attention is focused on sexual activities, you should focus on finding the right partner and also being a good partner. And that’s easier said than done. If you’re interested in exploring master online dating, then you should know what to look for in a master. That way, you’ll choose a partner who will provide you with a safe and fun S&M experience. Here are eight qualities to look for when finding a master.

 

They focus on aftercare

Many people make the mistake of assuming the most important part of an S&M relationship are the sessions themselves. That’s not true. The most important part of an S&M relationship, aside from communication, is aftercare. These sessions take a physical and emotional toll on both master and slave; aftercare is crucial to process the experience and wind down. A good master is someone who values aftercare and sees the importance in it. If a master doesn’t appreciate or invest in aftercare, they’re not concerned about the emotional and mental health of either person.

 

Honesty

Without honesty, your S&M relationship won’t last. In any relationship, honesty is a must. Your master needs to be completely honest and open with you and vice versa. Nothing should be hidden from you; you both need to be open books. He should be able to discuss his previous relationships and answer any questions you have. If he’s hiding information or blaming the failings of his past relationships on his exes, that’s a huge red flag. Before anything, honesty needs to be a foundation in your relationship.

 

They have experience with S&M

Of course, you may meet a master that’s relatively new in the community, and that doesn’t mean they’re going to be bad. But this does mean they lack experience. And if you’re new in the community, it’s always a good idea to start off with someone who has some experience under their belt and a positive reputation. With an experienced master, you’ll be able to learn the rules and techniques that new masters may not know.

 

There’s vanilla chemistry

If you want to have a good S&M relationship, there needs to be basic chemistry between you two. If you’re not attracted to them as a person, then how can you allow them to be your master? He also needs to like you as well. You don’t need to be in love with each other, but you need to like each other. You’re entering a very intense dynamic, and if you’re not interested in them as a person, it will be a problem.

 

They have limits

If a master tells you they don’t have a safeword or they don’t have any personal boundaries, run. Everyone in BDSM needs to have personal boundaries and limitations. BDSM isn’t the wild west where you can do whatever you want to someone else. This doesn’t mean the boundaries are static; with time they can change. However, everyone has their limits. A good master understands this and respects their slaves physical and emotional boundaries.

 

They’re interested in self-development

In BDSM relationships, both people need to be interested in self-development. That’s the only way you can progress and become a better slave/master. A good master is interested in self-development and is constantly working on themselves. He wants to learn from his mistakes and be the best master possible for his slave. That is the type of master you want, someone who wants to be the best they can be for the relationship.

 

You share the same life pattern

Having chemistry is essential, but you need more than that for a successful S&M relationship. You and your master also need to have the same lifestyle. If he’s working nights and you’re working days, there’s a conflicting schedule. If he’s very social, but you’re more of a homebody, that could become a problem. Finding a master with a similar lifestyle will make things easier to manage. Considering how everyone’s schedule is very busy today, this is more important than you think.

 

They have empathy

Your master needs to be good at reading and understanding you. With time, your master should be able to predict your responses to specific acts. Of course, communication is an essential element of empathy. They not only should understand and sense how you feel, but they need to communicate these thoughts with you. If you’re sensing a master lacks empathy, run. If they lack empathy, they could cause physical and emotional harm to you.

 

Finding a master isn’t hard, but you want to find the right master for you. Take your time and find a master who has these qualities. It may take some time, but patience pays off.

 

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