Fetishes vs Fantasies.

fetishes and fantasies

Words are occasionally my favorite tool to use both in the bedroom and out. But today we aren’t talking about dirty talk, though we could. No today dear readers, we are talking semantics and comparing two of my favourite words and words that are often confused, confuddled and mixed up in many scenes, scenarios and interchanges between people when discussing kinks.

 

Fetish vs Fantasy.

 

Fetishes

 

A fetish can best be described as a strong desire or need for something be it an object or a person, an act or kink. There are those who can argue that a fetish could be categorized as an uncontrollable desire, the very opposite a phobia, in which a person has an uncontrollable fear, sometimes even irrational. Fetishes can sometimes be categorised as lust worthy, uncontrollable desires, perhaps even irrational to the rational part of a person’s mentality. But it still gives them sexual or pleasureable gratification.

 

Fetishes can be primal in nature and in some aspects some people have felt much shame in them. Finding safe and welcoming communities where they can find acceptance as well as safe spaces to safely explore, discuss and explore these fetishes is becoming more mainstream and is a joy to see as our society opens up and #breaksthestigma. Fetishes can be many and varied. To date there are over 239 fetishes but here are 12 of some of the most common sexual ones you may have come across

 

  1. Role-Playing – or dress ups. Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean we can’t play make believe sometimes. It can be fun to slip into a different person from time to time, try on a fun costume and pretend to be a different character.

 

  1. Anal sex – this one is a little bit of a grey area, some people enjoy anal sex as a sexul act while others visualise it as a fetish. As long as everyone is consensually enjoying it, who are we to label labels?

 

  1. Lingerie – being aroused by a certain type of lingerie is definitely a fetish and more common than people give it credit. Stockings. Lace. satin. Latex. These pieces of adorning lingerie can be wholeheartedly turn ons for people.

 

  1. Impact Play- spanking, flogging, paddling and other forms of consensual striking.

 

  1. Foot Fetish – the worship of feet through acts such as kissing, massage, smelling, licking, touching or just watching.

 

  1. Bondage – Being tied up or restrained. Bondage can range from very mild to very intense and is usually found in BDSM but has also been known to be one of the first things to try when spicing up things in the bedroom. Restaurants can be made from cuffs, rope, a tie, cable ties,…..many things.

 

  1. Group sex – threesomes and foursomes are the most common but group sex also extends to orgies involving multiple people and gang-bangs including one person of one gender and mutliples of the other gender.

 

  1. Sensory play- When we think sensory play we often immediately think of hot and cold, ice and fire, or in this case wax play. Sensation play also includes blindfolds, feathers and for the more experienced, electrostim play.

 

  1. Dirty Talk – I say Dirty talk but well, it’s not really more things like humiliation and degradation, being called names, talking down and dirty.

 

  1. Orgasm control – or denial. This is edging into BDSM and is a subsection of submission and dominance, bringing the submissive to the brink of orgasm and forced to stop. And doing so repeatedly. or , withholding sex or orgasms over a period of time as a form of teasing.

 

  1. Voyuerism and exhibitionism- watching people having sex, or having sex out in public ith the risk of being caught having sex is very common. WHo among us has not had sex in a car or sneakily in the cinema?

 

  1. Pornography – Watching, looking at pornographic material, before or during sexual intercourse or play

 

So

 

Fantasies.

 

I will admit. Fantasies and Fetishes are not all that different. But the difference is a big one. Fantasies are our respective, imagined scenarios that get us all hot and heavy. They are the screenplay in our minds that we make up, that may involve various fetishes, or wants or desires, but they do not necessarily control us.

 

AND

 

This is the big one

 

We may not want to play them out in real life.

 

Fetishes drive us. We want them. Some people need them.

 

Fantasies are exactly that. They are imaginary.

 

Staging a scene in real life to mirror your fantasy, while nice, will be hard, especially if it is a fantasy you have lived and re-lived in your imagination for years. You have built it up with such exquisite and erotic detail that that is a hard act to nail in real life to the exactness of the fantasy. The fetishes, sure thing, those can be met. But the fantasy is a construct of the amalgamation of the fetishes and how you have controlled them in your imaginatorium.

 

Another example is a real life example of a couple who divulged their fantasies that they masturbated to, to one another, and the husband thought it would be nice to organise his wife’s fantasy, not realising, that while she fantasised about it, when faced with it she had zero interest in fulfilling it with him.

 

I think an important takeaway is that fantasies are amazing, and that everyone should have them, talk about them if you’re open enough and confident to do so, but make it clear when you do, if your fantasy is something you want to try, or something personal you enjoy having a good solo session to when you’re alone.

 

At Your Service

Tiffany

Caringbah Oh Zone Sales Assistant, Educator and Linguist

BDSM Dating 101: What to Look for in a Master

Masterful bdsm

A successful BDSM relationship truly depends on the people involved. Though your attention is focused on sexual activities, you should focus on finding the right partner and also being a good partner. And that’s easier said than done. If you’re interested in exploring master online dating, then you should know what to look for in a master. That way, you’ll choose a partner who will provide you with a safe and fun S&M experience. Here are eight qualities to look for when finding a master.

 

They focus on aftercare

Many people make the mistake of assuming the most important part of an S&M relationship are the sessions themselves. That’s not true. The most important part of an S&M relationship, aside from communication, is aftercare. These sessions take a physical and emotional toll on both master and slave; aftercare is crucial to process the experience and wind down. A good master is someone who values aftercare and sees the importance in it. If a master doesn’t appreciate or invest in aftercare, they’re not concerned about the emotional and mental health of either person.

 

Honesty

Without honesty, your S&M relationship won’t last. In any relationship, honesty is a must. Your master needs to be completely honest and open with you and vice versa. Nothing should be hidden from you; you both need to be open books. He should be able to discuss his previous relationships and answer any questions you have. If he’s hiding information or blaming the failings of his past relationships on his exes, that’s a huge red flag. Before anything, honesty needs to be a foundation in your relationship.

 

They have experience with S&M

Of course, you may meet a master that’s relatively new in the community, and that doesn’t mean they’re going to be bad. But this does mean they lack experience. And if you’re new in the community, it’s always a good idea to start off with someone who has some experience under their belt and a positive reputation. With an experienced master, you’ll be able to learn the rules and techniques that new masters may not know.

 

There’s vanilla chemistry

If you want to have a good S&M relationship, there needs to be basic chemistry between you two. If you’re not attracted to them as a person, then how can you allow them to be your master? He also needs to like you as well. You don’t need to be in love with each other, but you need to like each other. You’re entering a very intense dynamic, and if you’re not interested in them as a person, it will be a problem.

 

They have limits

If a master tells you they don’t have a safeword or they don’t have any personal boundaries, run. Everyone in BDSM needs to have personal boundaries and limitations. BDSM isn’t the wild west where you can do whatever you want to someone else. This doesn’t mean the boundaries are static; with time they can change. However, everyone has their limits. A good master understands this and respects their slaves physical and emotional boundaries.

 

They’re interested in self-development

In BDSM relationships, both people need to be interested in self-development. That’s the only way you can progress and become a better slave/master. A good master is interested in self-development and is constantly working on themselves. He wants to learn from his mistakes and be the best master possible for his slave. That is the type of master you want, someone who wants to be the best they can be for the relationship.

 

You share the same life pattern

Having chemistry is essential, but you need more than that for a successful S&M relationship. You and your master also need to have the same lifestyle. If he’s working nights and you’re working days, there’s a conflicting schedule. If he’s very social, but you’re more of a homebody, that could become a problem. Finding a master with a similar lifestyle will make things easier to manage. Considering how everyone’s schedule is very busy today, this is more important than you think.

 

They have empathy

Your master needs to be good at reading and understanding you. With time, your master should be able to predict your responses to specific acts. Of course, communication is an essential element of empathy. They not only should understand and sense how you feel, but they need to communicate these thoughts with you. If you’re sensing a master lacks empathy, run. If they lack empathy, they could cause physical and emotional harm to you.

 

Finding a master isn’t hard, but you want to find the right master for you. Take your time and find a master who has these qualities. It may take some time, but patience pays off.

 

Get your bdsm gear here!

10 Fetishes You Ought To Know!

ear fetish sexual attraction

Many people don’t have any idea about Fetishism or Fetish.  Erotic fetishism or sexual fetishism is a kind of sexual arousal that a person receives from physical objects or from specific situations. These objects or situations are referred to as a fetish. The person who has a fetish for that particular object is known as fetishist. Sexual fetishism may be done by an individual but is often interlaced with another person or persons that share that common fetish.

fetish of large tall giants

The people (whether they are men or women), who like erotic fetishism, can be aroused by unusual parts of the body, or activities as well as objects that are usually not used in regular sex. Its desire is so strong that some people may not get fully sexually satisfied without using a fetish object, imagining fetish objects or creating a fetish scene that can encompass a whole range of role-playing or locale. This often makes the fetish scene seem underground and bizarre yet in truth it may be different but is no more unusual or bizarre than the BDSM scene.  Some fetishes are non-sexual too and may be as simple as dressing up as animals ‘furrys’ or as your favorite action character  ‘cos play’.

There are various kinds of sexual fetishes each different from the other yet all  have their own way to get erotic pleasures. Some people concentrate on parts of the body such as legs, feet, bottom, hair, armpits along with various other parts of the body. In contrast to that, some people involve sex by creating certain kind of scenarios including bondage, spanking, dominant / submissive role playing, trampling as well as cross-dressing. Along with these people, there are many others, who like to wear certain kind of fabrics or clothing for stimulation including rubber, latex, leather or even angora sweaters. Thus there are an unlimited number of scenarios and objects that are used.

There are many people, who have considered sexual fetishism as a sin as our society labels anything  that differs from conventional sex as perverted or deviant. These kinds ideas are narrow minded and in all probability those purporting to have these ideals have hidden fetishes themselves. There should be no boundaries (except legal) in how people wish to express their sexual freedom and who want to enjoy their sexual life in non traditional ways with their fetishes. according to their sexual needs and requirements. People who don’t fulfill their sexual needs will be frustrated and unlikely not be sexually fulfilled that has equal importance in the people’s well-being as many other things like fitness and diet. One should not compromise and be explore their fetish as otherwise there will be something missing in their life and may make wrong choices in order to fulfill that void.

Some fetishes include:

  • Babification – Adults that dress up, act as and wanted to be treated as infants. children are those people that appreciate being an infant once more. They may appreciate relapsing mostly or totally, partaking in the demonstration of wearing diapers, being looked after by a grown-up, sucking on an infant container or pacifier, dressing up in infant garments, crawling as opposed to walking and talking in “infant” talk. People inspired by infantilism in all probability appreciate not having responsibilities at home and many are often in high pressure occupations away from.

  • Swinging – is generally when a married couple or those that have been in a very long-term relationship wish to experiment sexually with other people (mostly other couples also in long-term relationships) whilst remaining together.  They will often gather at swinging parties where they may wife swap or allow the other partner to have sex with another whilst watching.  It is essential to note that the relationship of the swinging couple must be strong prior to venturing into this fetish as if the reason is to make it better it will generally be the demise.
  • Water Sports or Urolagnia –  is the demonstration of being turned on by pee, whether it is the sight, feel or smell of it. It might include the fulfillment or demonstration of washing in pee also. Regular sorts of Urolagnia include: wetting one’s self or the perception of someone else wetting themselves while completely dressed, watching the demonstration of somebody relieving themselves in the washroom or going about as a human urinal, otherwise called accepting or giving a “golden shower”.  It might include the craving to urinate out in the open or watch another person do as such. What causes this sort of interest? Nobody truly recognizes what causes this and necessities to end up held up in our brains, however people that are into this sort of obsession portray sentiments of freedom when urinating in broad daylight and satisfaction when someone relieves themselves on them.
  • Cross-Dressing – People that cross-dress wear clothes and adornments of the “opposite sex.” Cross-dressing is more normal than you may might suspect,  influencing mainly hetero and gay men – although some women will cross-dress as men too. There are an assortment of explanations behind cross-dressing; it might be that the individual does not feel the sex they were naturally born with fits who they are. It might be that they are excited by the radical thought of wearing something “prohibited” to them. It might be that they just appreciate the distinctive part of design not normally accessible to them in public. Cross-dressing has turned out to be more accepted by society in recent years with shops and online boutiques showcasing particularly to cross-dressers.

  • Foot fetishism –  is a common one.  It is the most well-known fixation of the non-genital body parts. Sigmund Freud offered the clarification that individuals build up this interest because of the way that the human foot looks like a penis. Regardless of what the reason, foot worshiping is a well known interest with 90 percent of the fetishists being male. It can include the foot alone, or feet, shoes and socks or leggings. Maybe it has to do with how we are wired, with our brains responding to various delight focuses on our bodies. People that are not into this fetish may  still appreciate having their toes sucked every so often.
  • Sado-Masochism – Spanking a butt can bring about excitement for some individuals.   More severe discipline may take us back to our adolescence, make us feel loved and cared for, which many people find a turn on. It can likewise be a piece of mastery and subjugation with the master or mistress directing the spankings taking control of the subordinate/slave. Whatever it is that we appreciate about punishment its a regular and common fetish.
  • Exhibitionists/Voyeurism – People appreciate watching sex or uncovering themselves in broad daylight. Men are more voyeuristic than ladies with 12 percent of men being stimulated while watching sexual acts contrasted with 4 percent of ladies. As shown by statistics from the sex industry, 80 percent of people watching porn are men. Exhibitionism is an alternate story however and almost all of us have done it.  It is not just about taking off all your clothes but wearing something more seductive, showing a bit more leg or opening the shirt button a little extra.  Doing anything for the purpose of showcasing our bodies is a form of exhibitionism and who has not been guilty of that?

  • Rubberists -this fetish is demonstrated by those that either get sexual satisfaction from wearing or having someone wear rubber, leather, latex, vinyl or other material. They are colled “rubberists”. The tight material goes about as a sort of sexual servitude. For a few, the odor of elastic/latex/cowhide may likewise be a turn on. The interest can extend from wearing the more traditional sorts of things, for example, a cat suit to something more extreme like a gas mask.
  • Role Playing -Sexual role playing scenarios includes two or more people carrying out various parts to create a sexual situation. It can be any kind of sexual fantasy. Couples could role play in a certain place,  or during a certain activity or a certain way.
  • BDSM – This stand for bondage, domination and sado masochism so entails a great deal.  BDSM is a general fetish that in itself contains hundreds more and may be any on or all of these words.  Generally it is accepted that those doing Bondage play have “an arrangement of practices, traditions, and customs including the giving by one individual to another individual control over them”. It includes punishment and domination but between two consenting adults. This can be as a one-time event, occasional practice or always in their relationship.  Many times couples reverse roles in different sessions.

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