Ask Oz – Isolate or Dominate!!

oz ask

Hi Oz, I really hope you can help me. I’ve got a very problematic immune system, so as soon as Covid-19 went around, I’ve been forced into total social isolation. Thankfully I could continue working from home on my computer, but there are some things I just can’t do while in isolation.
Because no matter how good my vibrator collection is, no sex toy is ever going to choke me out, tell me what to do, or tie me down. Which is exactly the kind of thing I need to truly get off. What can I do? Please help! – Angela

 

Hi Angela, thanks for your email. I think I might be able to suggest a few things to get you through this time.

First up, the same goes for distance dom/sub relationships/encounters as it does for in-person ones: only do it with someone you trust. Lay out boundaries and safe words. Establish an open communication before the event, get familiar with each other, and certainly try a few video chats together before you get together for a long distance session. Most of the next things I’m about to suggest require the use of app-based control technology, and I would recommend trying these things before that initial playdate, to iron out any kinks (no pun intended).

Next up, it’s time to get some products that could be really useful to be dominated from anywhere in the world. Pick up a set of under-mattress restraints. Edge Extreme Under The Bed Restraints is a great kit that can be extended to fit even under a king sized bed, and comes with six metal loops to attach your favourite sets of binds to. Pornhub’s 8 Point Underbed Kit comes with its own set of cuffs for ankles and wrists, and given the anchor points for these may be even sturdier than the Edge ones.

To go along with your under bed restraints, look at finding some app controllable padlocks, like those offered by Noke. Again, definitely practise ahead of time with these, let your dom lock and unlock them when you’re not wearing them. These are probably the most important thing to make sure they work before using.

For toys, I’d recommend most things offered by Kiiroo. The Pearl 2 and the Fuse are two great classic style vibrators (the Pearl 2 is a g-spot toy, the Fuse is a rabbit style for dual stimulation). Both of these can be controlled remotely through an app, where you connect to the toy via bluetooth and then connect with your partner through the Kiiroo app. But what makes the Kiiroo toys really stand out from other app-controlled toys, is the interactivity on offer.

If playing solo, for example, you can load up interactive content from somewhere like Pornhub and the toy will respond to what is taking place on the screen. Pair this with some VR goggles, and you’re having the closest thing to sexual interaction as one can in a time of social isolation.

However if your partner (in this instance, I’m using a man as an example) has a Kiiroo Onyx 2, he can interact with your toy completely. The Onyx 2 is an amazing rechargeable stroker that offers a great sexual simulation. The inner workers that give the sensation of stroking react to your paired Kiiroo toy, be it Pearl 2 or Fuse, so as your toy enters you, his stroking will match the speed and rhythm you are using. And from the keypad on the Onyx 2, he can change the vibration levels and settings of your toy.

In saying all this, while I think any one of those could really assist with keeping things interactive, in your circumstances I would suggest using the OhMiBod Esca 2. The Esca 2 is also powered by Kiiroo’s technology, so enjoys all the same interactivity as the other toys. But the Esca 2 is a strong little egg that would be far more effective for you to use, considering you may be tied up and unable to hold a vibbrator in place. There is a little tail on the Esca 2 which has a few purposes. Firstly, it allows for easy extraction, and secondly it is also where the signal to link to your phone is based, allowing for a stronger signal than if this sensor was located on the internal part. The tail also has a little light on it which will flicker when it’s in use (this setting can be turned off), so your partner knows that what they’re doing on the app is actually happening to the toy. Being an internal toy, also gives him a greater view of your vulva.

These toys and cuffs and locks mentioned above could be the closest thing you could get to being properly dominated while in social isolation. If you give them a go, feel free to drop me a line back and tell how it all went, so to better assist any others that may be after the same kind of thing. Beyond these things, there could be a world of other possible options out there, since whole houses can now be app controlled in terms of powering on and off. It just depends on how creative you really want to get.

Have fun, play safe, stay safe and visit an Oh Zone Store Soon.

Ask Oz – I Can’t Orgasm!

relationship advice

Oz answers your sexual health and relationship questions.

 

Hi Oz, I’ve been with my boyfriend for seven years, since we were sixteen. He was my first and only, but I’m struggling to orgasm during sex. I do have a contraceptive implant, which my boyfriend wants me to get rid of, does that affect things? The little cheap bullet I have is no longer doing it for me either. It’s also been tricky to hold it in place during missionary. Then not long after I bring out the bullet, my boyfriend comes and it’s all over. What do you suggest I try? – DD

 

Hi DD, thanks for your email.

There’s a lot here for me to answer, but I’ll see if I can get through all this. First of all, I’m getting the feeling you two only ever do missionary position, and having gotten together quite young, and perhaps are each others only so far, this is the most common position. However, it certainly isn’t the best, especially for women.

The Cowgirl position could be of great help for you, as you get to control the pace and depth of penetration. In this position, you both get to still maintain eye contact, while also enjoying seeing each other’s bodies. This position will also make it significantly easier to apply a toy to your clit, which I’m assuming is what gets you off, since your bullet used to do that.

In missionary, with your bodies together, it sounds like the vibrations of your bullet are exciting your boyfriend and getting him to come sooner. Perhaps a toy like a Womanizer might be better suited to you, as it is a clit ‘sucking’ toy that doesn’t actually vibrate, this may hopefully level the playing field by being possibly the best external toy for a woman, and not adding extra stimulation to your boyfriend.

Alternatively, there are a few things your partner can do to slow down. Using a desentizing delay gel or spray would be the most obvious way to go. Trying something like Over Time by Wicked would be my suggestion. Once he has rubbed this white cream onto his penis, after a few minutes the cream will turn translucent, which means that firstly it has absorbed into his skin and desensitized him, but it also means that the cream won’t be transferred onto you.

It’s also good to understand that sex most definitely isn’t defined by penetration. Foreplay is a fantastic way to raise excitement, and typically an easier way for women to orgasm than during penetrative sex.

Edit: DD emailed me back in regards to this part of my reply and explained that she has previously orgasmed before intercourse, but then doesn’t feel like having penetrative sex.

All very normal, however I’d like to once again ask you to challenge your ideas of sex. Your initial email clearly puts forward that as soon as your boyfriend comes, that’s the end of the line. What if I told you that what is good for the gander is also good for the goose? Inequality is rampant in the bedroom, and if you orgasm during foreplay and don’t want to continue, that is fine. After all, that is entirely what your email was about, that only one partner has been reaching orgasm.

But you don’t have to just listen to my advice. I think esteemed sexologist Chantelle Otten summed it up perfectly in this other article: “Sex is an expansive term. If you want to learn how to have sex, you need to ditch the rule that sex is about penetration or orgasm. Successful sex is about variation, pleasure and sensation. People have sex in different ways depending on their capabilities and goals. I.e. Sex for heterosexual couples is different than same-sex couples. Sex for people with physical disabilities is different for those who don’t have a disability. But it is still sex! Take expectations and dated education, put them in the bin, and make your own rules about having fun and achieving intimacy.”

 

How Do We Remain Sexually Active When Apart?

vr relationships

Hi Oz, My girlfriend has recently had to move to Sydney for work while I have to stay out west for uni. Do you have any suggestions for what can help keep us sexually active together, even when we’re so far apart? We do see each other every week or two, but we both enjoy sex a lot more than that. – WH

 

Hi WH,

Thanks for your email. You, my friend, are in luck. The world of adult entertainment, be it porn or toys, has always been at the forefront of technology. Remember when Blu-Ray first came out, at the same time so did HD-DVD? Don’t remember HD-DVD, that’s because it dissappeared when the porn industry decided to exclusively use Blu-Ray. The same happened decades earlier when VHS and Beta video both hit the market.

At the moment, there are a range of different brands out there offering very interactive toys for people in situations like yours. Probably the best out there has been developed by Kiiroo. They have a range of devices for him and her available, all available to interect on the free Feel Connect app.

For her, there’s the Pearl 2, Fuse and Cliona. The Pearl 2 is a strong solid regular vibe, the Fuse is the rabbit version. The Cliona is an external toy only. For him, the Onyx 2 delivers possibly the most realistic blowjob-like sensations out on the market, while adding a Fleshlight Launch to your regular Fleshlight will turn it into an interactive thrusting toy that takes you closer to penetrative sex, with needing to stroke as you go and save you a lot of cardio.

In saying that, the Kiiroo range, including the Fleshlight variatations, can be quite pricey. We-Vibe is one of the leading sex tech brands out there, and all about adding a new level of fun to couples both near and far. Utilizing their free We-Connect app, one is about to take control of their partner’s device, from anywhere in the world.

The We-Vibe Sync is easily the most popular couples toy, and with its ergonomic u-shaped design, it provides both internal and external stimulation for her. It’s great for teasing her on date night as well as for an extra buzz during penetrative sex, but I feel it wouldn’t be the right toy in your circumstance. Perhaps she’d rather the Nova, a bulbous g-spot rabbit vibe that will really get her over the edge. For you, the Verge is a vibrating cock ring that while designed to vibe on your perenenium, is quite versatile and you can turn it around with playing together to stimulate her clit, or use it as a way to supercharge your finger action. The Vector is a nice rumbly prostate toy you may enjoy, or the We-Vibe Ditto is a vibrating anal plug that’s fun for either of you to use.

The above mentioned toys are all about interaction, taking an active role in exactly how your partner gets off. Their apps both feature in-app video connections, but if you’d rather take matters into your own hands (so to speak), there are plenty of regular free apps out there to connect with video chat functionality.

You can always check out the best couples sex toys of 2020 to get further ideas too.

To maximise this visual aspect of play together, for you I’d suggest a Fleshlight Ice. It’s similar to a regular Fleshlight, but the sheath is clear, so she can see all the goodness going on within.

For her, and for the majority of women, it’s all about clit play. Some fantastic, rechargeable bullets are out there, notably We-Vibe’s own Tango, Femme Funn’s ultra bullet, or The Queen from Evolved, a rumble toy with a flared base to allow for some insertion play too.

Lastly, if you really want the sensation of being together, and want to go old-school and lo-fi, why not make a mold of each other? Clone-A-Willy provides everything you need to make a dildo exactly from your own penis, just as the Clone-A-Pussy will provide you with a familiar feeling pocket pussy.

Good luck, and have fun!

 

Oz answers your sexual health and relationship questions..  He is a consultant at the Oh Zone adult stores.