Ask Oz August 2023 – All Your Questions Answered

Ask Oz August 2023.  Again thanks for all the questions. We love hearing from our readers. Even if you just want to make a comment – we are here for you!

Ask Oz August 2023

Hey Oz, As I get older my sexual fantasies get more extreme. Is this natural? Should I seek help?

A. It’s quite normal to see your sexual fantasies evolve and change over time. As we grow older our understanding of the world, ourselves, and our desires tend to broaden and deepen. This can undoubtedly affect our sexual imagination, leading to more complex or ‘extreme’ fantasies.

There is a differentiation between ‘extreme’ and ‘harmful’.  If your fantasies involve non-consensual acts, violence, or illegal activities, it might be a good idea to seek professional advice. That doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something ‘wrong’ with you.  Sexuality is a complex beast and sometimes we need help understanding and navigating it.

There’s a big difference between fantasy and reality

Something you fantasize about isn’t necessarily something you want to happen in real life. It can simply be a means of exploring desires in a safe, private space. But if your fantasies are causing distress or have a negative impact on your real-life relationships, professional help might be beneficial.

There are many professionals out there who specialize in sexual health and can provide guidance without judgment. Sex therapists, in particular, are trained to deal with all sorts of sexual issues and could provide you with the insights and tools you need to understand your evolving fantasies. It’s natural for your sexual fantasies and fetishes to become more elaborate as you age.

If they’re causing distress or involve harmful elements, seeking help could be a wise decision. Remember, there’s no shame in wanting to understand yourself better – it’s a crucial part of personal growth and happiness.

Remember this: Your sexual health is just as important as any other aspect of your well-being. Don’t hesitate to seek help if you feel it’s necessary.

Hey Oz, I have been happily married for over 10 years but over the past 12 months have been fantasizing more and more about having an affair. The twist is the fantasy is with my husbands brother. What should I do?

A. From a psychological perspective, it’s completely normal to have fantasies about different people, even if it’s someone as close as your husband’s brother. Humans are naturally predisposed to fantasize as it’s a way our brains process thoughts, desires, and emotions.

Fantasies are just that – fantasies. They don’t always reflect what we want in reality, and they are often just a way for our brains to explore different scenarios and emotions in a safe and controlled environment. Remember that having a fantasy about someone doesn’t necessarily mean you want to act on it. It could be that there’s something about your brother-in-law that you find attractive.  Or maybe these fantasies are a manifestation of curiosity or novelty seeking.

It Could Just be a Taboo Thing

These could be about him, or simply the idea of someone who is “off-limits” or taboo. Remember, sexual fantasies often involve scenarios that we wouldn’t want to experience in real life. That being said,  consider the impact of these fantasies on your life and relationships.

If these thoughts are causing distress, guilt, or discomfort, or if they’re affecting your relationship with your husband or his brother, it might be beneficial to speak with a professional. A therapist or counselor can help you navigate these thoughts and feelings and provide guidance on how to manage them.

You’re not alone in this; many people have sexual fantasies that they feel uncomfortable about. It’s a part of being human.  So while it’s normal to have such fantasies, acting on them is another matter entirely. It could lead to severe complications in your relationships and cause harm that might be irreversible.

Read Ask Oz: Questions answered for July, 2023