Why Men Really LOVE Being Called ‘Daddy’

Sugar daddy

Babe, darling, love, honey, sweetie, boo, diamond, sweetheart, beloved, god/goddess – the list of pet names in relationships goes on and on. Names such as these are often said in an affectionate way, with most of them a little corny and cute if nothing else. Some names however can cause a bit more of a stir, with no pet name more controversial than a woman calling her male partner “daddy”.

Terms of endearment joke
Image: Nickname Cartoon Pun

I can already tell that some of you are cringing just from reading that. It is a term that causes a big reaction in many people, with numerous debates as to whether it is “normal” or healthy for this to be used in and out of the bedroom. I decided to do some research and find out other’s experiences of this seemingly bizarre name-calling.

Is it ok to be called daddy by your partner? Is there something wrong with people who use this term? And why do people do it in the first place?

An internet search attempting to find peer-reviewed academic literature on this topic proved to be a difficult task as you can imagine, with the only sources of information on blogs and news websites. It would seem that the academics of the world have not caught up with the popularity of this name calling because it is EVERYWHERE on the internet. Internet forums with questions such as “Is it weird to call my boyfriend daddy?” and “I want to start calling my boyfriend daddy. Should I ask him first or just do it?” provided me with an insight into the reasoning behind women’s “daddy” desires.

Sigmund Freud’s theory behind opposite-sex parent attraction, known as the Oedipal complex, would suggest that in early stages of normal childhood development a child has a sexual desire for the parent of the opposite sex and feelings of jealousy and competition with the same sex parent. Despite sounding extremely bizarre, there is definitely proof of complex underlying psychological motivations for the daddy name calling phenomenon, however, I am choosing to stick with exploring the more conscious reasonings behind women’s choices.

Sigmund Freud about daddy
Image: Sigmund Freud statement

One thing that is made very clear in all the articles I came across was that people using this term are not doing so from an incestuous frame of mind-in fact most are extremely insulted when queries around incest come up. The term “daddy” is used not as “father” but in the context of power differentiation between a couple during roleplay or sex.

In the BDSM world, the term daddy represents a dominant masculine figure with a loving, nurturing side. Dominant/submissive relationships between a “daddy” and his “little girl” are less to do with “daddy issues” or incest and more to do with power play. A daddy may discipline his submissive when she does something wrong however has her best interests in mind when doing so. This is much different when compared to a master/slave relationship dynamic where the power play is more sadomasochistic in nature and sees the slave degraded and much less than the master.

Couples intimate kissing
Image: Man kissing woman

Something that I found interesting to see amongst the forums was the term “daddy issues”, with numerous women attempting to justify calling their partner daddy by saying that they don’t have them. First off, whether you were raised by a man or not, everyone carries some kind of baggage associated with their father. Now the severity of that is unique to each individual, with some people holding onto small experiences such as their father missing a soccer match, while others more devastatingly significant experiences such as childhood abuse, abandonment and betrayal. So to say you don’t have “daddy issues” ultimately means that you are unlike almost every other being on this planet, male and female, who has been affected in some way by the presence (or lack thereof) a father figure.

Secondly, I don’t see how “daddy issues” even come into the equation if incest has nothing to do with the reason behind calling your partner daddy. “Daddy issues” seems dis-empowering to me with negative connotations attached to the women who are labelled as having them. I feel that the patriarchal concept that women are doomed because of their fathers needs to be eradicated in order for women to take back power over their own lives.

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In my opinion, I believe that women who call their partner daddy are not needing psychological intervention for this reason. As long as it’s consensual between both people involved and no one is being harmed, what’s the big deal? The use of daddy seems to be an affectionate name to signify a power differentiation in a sexual context. For the majority of people who use this term, it is not associated with any desire to be sexual with ones father like some people may think.

If a woman desires to call her partner daddy and she is interested to explore it, I would suggest communicating with her partner prior to using it to ascertain his thoughts and boundaries around it. It can be extremely edgy for some people to explore so honouring ones limits is paramount. Sexual desires are so complex and unique for each individual. If women find they are being met by a partner who shares their desire, I believe it should be celebrated not condemned.

Author: Stephanie Curtis, BA Nursing. Grad Dip Sexology

Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph’s writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.

6 Places To Have Sneaky Christmas Sex All Year Round

Couple kissing on bed at Christmas

For some Christmas sex is an exciting event that occurs after a wonderful warm and happy Christmas. Pleasantly drunk and riding high on the waves of gifts, attention and family time, Christmas sex can be special, red lingerie with white fur trim, funny Christmas themed boxers coupled with plenty of time off work it is the perfect storm of arousal… for some.  See the key to amazing Christmas sex seems to be having a place to do it. A room with a bed and a door that locks might not seem like too much to ask but when the whole family is in town; space is a luxury that few have.

Christmas lingerie for men and women
Image: A man and woman wearing Christmas lingerie

I was sitting around on Boxing Day with a group of couple friends (we are a friendship group made up of couples, get it couple friends), all of us fleeing from our families for a few precious hours and the topic of Christmas sex came up. All of us, every single one had found getting busy a near impossibility, we all knew that Christmas could and should be a sexy time but all of us found it wasn’t in the cards this year. Little privacy, too many people around, shared sleeping arrangements and the closeness of ears all kept us with our pants disappointedly on. And I totally get why, when I think of Christmas sex I don’t think of a quickie in the bathroom while Mum and Grandma go out to get more fruit for the pav, Christmas sex should be slow, loving and relaxed. However much like the holiday itself, Christmas sex never turns out that way.

A pavlova cake with fruit
Image: Pavlova

Inspired by this I’ve decided to compile a list of the potential locations that you can use when you want to get down but need to be subtle about it.  Now while this list was inspired by my Christmas trip home, these tips will be useful for a range of situations including:

  • Still living at home with parents
  • People with Kids still living at home (young and old)
  • Non-Christmas home visits
  • Share houses
  • Hostels
  • Anytime you want to have sex but not have everyone know about it.

In these locations, you can even bring your favourite couple’s sex toy with you!

Bathroom

While a quickie bent over the sink maybe your bathroom sex habit, but you can take some extra time and get more creative. Put the towels on the floor to create a soft surface, close the toilet lid and use it as a seat, jump in the shower together and get clean and dirty at the same time.

A bathroom floor painted with the sky
Image: Painted Bathroom Floor

Advantages: Usually pretty clean, running water can cover any noise and clean-up will be simple because you are already where you needed to be.

Disadvantages: Having sex in the same room as the loo, cold tiles and someone may need to use the bathroom while you are in there.

Pro-tip: This works best in a house with more than one bathroom.

Garage

Maybe not the first choice but a quiet garage can be the perfect place for some loving. There is normally plenty of space and garages are usually pretty separate from the rest of the house. Plus they can lock. Take a blanket, a bottle of wine and set up for some alone time.  HOWEVER this will not work if you have a garage person in your house (A dad, brother, uncle etc. that hangs out in the shed more than anywhere else) It could get weird.

Garage for sex
Image: Garage

Advantages: Normally empty, normally lockable and away from people.

Disadvantages: It’s a garage with tools, oil and a lawn mower etc. A garage is more open to the elements and lets be real no one really keeps them very clean.

Laundry

Is there a laundry room in the house? Does it have a door? If so you’ve got a place to get busy! Parents have known this one for years and have made it a classic! The laundry is a loud mostly empty room that kids never go in. During the holidays the laundry may see more action (of the washing type) but if you time it right this could really work.

Sex in the laundry
Image: Laundry Sucks

Advantages:  Loud room to cover sounds, potential for many soft surfaces (as long as you don’t mind dirty clothes) and the washing machine may even have a part to play in your fun.  Put it on a spin cycle, feels the stimulating sensations as if it were a vibrator, start foreplay and thank me later.

Disadvantages: The laundry room can be at the centre of the house and many even are a thoroughfare. This will only work for the right laundry. Also Mum may burst in to see how the nappy soaking is going.

Cubby House

Do Mum and Dad still have your childhood cubby house in their yard? Make use of it! While a little cramped and dusty it can do quite well in a pinch and it brings new meaning to playing house.

An outdoor cubby house
Image: A Cubby House

Advantages: No one has looked at that thing for years so as long as you are sneaky getting in and out you should be able to go undetected. Plus being outside the main house gives it more privacy, actually on second thought, why didn’t we just stay in the cubby house?

Disadvantages: Seriously no one has been in there for years so watch for spiders and bugs.  Also I advise doing this with a long disused cubby house. Don’t do this in one that is still being used by children, you don’t want to scar them for life.

The Car

A classic. Drive to an isolated location, turn on the radio and fog up the windows.

The auto-erotic handbook
Image: Carma Sutra

Advantages: It’s mobile, the doors lock and in the right model the seat warmers can add a welcome addition on a cold night.

Disadvantages: A car has windows that people can see into. Sex in public spaces is also risky and you could get arrested (although a warning is much more likely).

Outdoors

This is very similar to the car but instead you find a secluded spot, set up a blanket and connect not only with your partner but the great outdoors as well.

Someecards with a quote about outdoor sex
Image: Outdoor Sex Someecards

Advantage: You are finally alone so no need to hold back, also the rush of having sex outdoors can be fun.

Disadvantages: Not picking the right location and ending up scaring some nice hikers with your bare arse. Also bug bites and sun burn. Also as with the car, kind of illegal.

And that’s it, I’m out of ideas for alternative places to do but before I go I just want to remind you, I take no responsibility for any broken laws or embarrassment. You should definitely have a look at these crazy places to have public sex!

Happy Humping!

Author: Jamie is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Jennifer works marketing at Adultsmart an online sex toy shop. She has a non-judgemental approach to sex, sex toys and sexuality. Her favorite saying is if it feels good and right and is not illegal then why not!

6 Things Your Mattress Needs To Improve Your Sex!

You need to have sex on a great quality mattress and there’s no way around that. Well, unless you’re good with an ‘okay’ rated sexual experience! We all desire to have that moment that takes us beyond our wildest desires when getting intimate and the bed quality plays a significant role. Surveys done have revealed that majority of the people have sex in bed. This is evidence that you’ll need the perfect mattress if you desire to have the best sex. Of course, other factors also have a hand, but having a good mattress is a great starting point.

Ever had sex on an old mattress, with the springs all worn out? I am certain it was a moment that you wished would come to an end because, instead of pleasure, you get noise and you’re constantly trying to find your balance. Even though sex is rarely on our minds when we’re getting a mattress, it’s high time we put that factor into consideration. They say while getting a mattress, ensure that you consider all your preferences and needs – sex should be on the list!

So which type of mattress would be best to have sex on?

Beautiful woman ontop of man
Image: Couple In Bed

Think Comfortability

When it comes to purchasing a mattress, comfort is among the things that you shouldn’t dare compromise on. Remember that, even without the sex; we spend more than a 1/3 of our lives in bed. So, why not make it comfy? When considering the level of comfort that a mattress offers you’ll need to think of:

  • How comfortable is it to sleep on?
  • Can I comfortably have sex on the bed without straining myself or my partner?

Interestingly, a good comfy mattress has a way of spicing up the moment. It makes you relax and just focus on enjoying yourself. Comfort here refers to three things: your body balance on the mattress, the material texture and if it causes any strain by creating pressure points.

Think Flexibility

An innerspring mattress is perfect for flexibility. We make a lot of maneuvers while having sex. What makes them worthwhile is if they work. An adjustable mattress will make you achieve that. You’ll need to find a mattress that responds to the moves that you make while at the same time giving a slight bounce. To achieve flexibility, you’ll need a bed that’s slightly firm but bouncy and one that responds fast to your movements.

There are some mattress brands that offer flexibility other than the innerspring mattress such as latex foam in comparison with other memory foam mattresses. But don’t focus too much on flexibility and forgetting your sleeping position, find a balance between the two.

Think Noise

Nothing disrupts the perfect intimate moment like a noisy bed. Sex is a discreet affair; it’s not something that you want to announce to your neighbors. However, I must point out that the noise factor varies from couple to couple. A couple with children or living as a large family will prefer discretion, but on the other hand, a couple with no one else around will rarely mind the noise. Generally, a mattress ideal for sex will keep the sounds at a low. After all, sex is an intimate affair and drawing unnecessary attention isn’t such a great idea.

Happy woman being spooned
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Think Durability

A good mattress shouldn’t break down because of intense activities on the bed, even in the long term. Sex is probably one of the ways that you can test for a mattresses’ durability. A good mattress should be able to support your weight, that of your partner and any positions you take during sex. A young couple needs to seriously think of durability considering all the energy they have and the frequency of sex. Although a broken mattress during sex can be a sign of a great moment, it’s also an indicator that you may need a new and better mattress.

Think Temperature

We all know just how hot it gets during sex. Not many people will have fun when it’s a ‘hot mess’ and they are all hot and sweaty. You will, therefore, need to get a mattress that will not get too hot and not just because of the sex but also for your everyday sleeping. Gel foam mattresses are an excellent bet when selecting a bed that won’t get too hot. Other than gel foam mattress, other brands are available in the market. Take the time to inquire from the manufacturers if the bed you have has a unique cooling feature or not. You could also go to mattress review sites to find out more information on certain mattresses.

Think Edge Support

An edge support that will collapse when under pressure is definitely not ideal considering that some of the best sex positions require a stable and robust edge. A good mattress, regardless of the sex, should comfortably hold your body weight and pressure without collapsing.

Sex is as good as the mattress you’re on. Every mattress has its benefits and drawbacks, what’s important is to find the one that’s suitable for you. However, the mistake that a lot of us make is going for a particular mattress because it worked for others. An ideal bed is one that corresponds to your specific needs and preferences including your sexual moment. For you to really enjoy that intimate moment, you’ll need the best mattress. So the next time you go mattress shopping, I’m confident that the above considerations will help you to identify the best mattress for you and your sex life!

Adultsmart welcomes Guest Bloggers to submit 800 word articles with original content about topics relating to sexual lifestyle, health and wellness. If you would like to participate, send an email to rick.xsales@gmail.com with your ideas or an article that you wish to submit. If you publish multiple articles on Adultsmart’s Blog you will become an Adultsmart Expert.

My Melting Moments With Japanese Drip Candles

Candle Wax On Womens Shoulder

Many of us know that candles in the bedroom can add a sense of ambience, especially when in the throes of passion. Some people in the BDSM community add another level to this by using candles and their wax in a different way, by using specially made candles for dripping onto our skin. Wax is used as part of sensation and temperature play, it stimulates the senses with different colours, scents, heat, and touch, wherein the wax can be used in sensory focused activities to stimulate the senses.

I went on the hunt for a new set of play candles recently. I decided against the tapered paraffin table candles (way too hot) already in my extensive candle collection and finding the soy wax candles I had were pleasant and warm on the skin but not painful. Painful was what I was after, not that bad kind of pain where you burn your hand cooking but the exciting, and thrilling kind of pain you get from a proper wax play candle. I was after something professional between the two.

About Doc Johnson Japanese Drip Candles

​I found Doc Johnsons Japanese Drip Candle 3 pack, in it, you get 1 tapered candle in each of the 3 colours red, black and purple, a perfect colour combination for creating some beautiful wax artwork on a partner’s body or on yourself.

Dripping Wax From Candle
Photo: Doc Johnson Japanese Drip Candles

​Buying my candles and getting them home I read the back of the packet “Perfect for pleasure and pain”, “warning for experienced players only” these candles are exactly what I wanted, I couldn’t wait to try them out on a partner. Of course they sat in my room full of BDSM toys and equipment a good few months before I had a bunch of kinky friends over for drinks, suddenly I remembered them sitting in my drawer unused. Among my friends were some very keen kinksters whose hands shot up in excitement when I suggested we have a wax play session before we down too many drinks.

Side note: My rule is if I’ve had too many drinks to legally drive my car I’m too intoxicated to play. This was early in the night and we were still on our first round of drinks. This also goes for obtaining other people’s consent. I especially advise against play with fire and or wax while intoxicated.

Red Wax On Naked Bum
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My Experience With The Doc Johnson Japanese Drip Candles

I lit up the red candle first and started out holding the candle about 30-40cm away from her bare skin, the first drop elicited a sharp intake of breath, I held the candle upright to make sure it wouldn’t drip again and asked if she was ok, she said yes just that it was very hot, she has done wax play before and has a high pain tolerance, an indication I think as to how hot the Doc Johnson Drip Candles are. I dripped a nice amount of wax all over her back which would act as a layer of protection for the next round, I used black next and held the candle closer, the closer you hold the candle the hotter the wax is when it drips onto the skin. She said the heat was much nicer after she got used to it and relaxed a little, especially with the initial layer down.

Keep in mind that the darker the candle the slightly hotter it will be, so a black paraffin candle will be slightly hotter to drip than a white paraffin candle, so start with the white if you are new to wax play.

My other friend couldn’t handle the Doc Johnson Drip Candles directly onto her skin, she needed a layer of a soy candle I had which had a much lower burning point before I could drip on any of the Japanese Drip Candles onto her skin. So please be aware that these do burn at a reasonably high temperature as they are paraffin! After I was done with the wax I used a blunt butter knife to scrape it off their backs, which added to the whole sensation play aspect of the experience.

This was just some light fun between friends, but if you want to kick it up a notch why not add some blindfolds or bondage into the mix, after all wax and bondage go hand in hand!

The Doc Johnsons Japanese Drip candle set is made of a non-toxic paraffin wax and are just over 15cm each. These candles are not really for beginners and I advise reading up on wax play safety before going ahead with using them or any other wax or temperature play. For more information, read our wax and temperature play guide.

Author: Erin is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

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Jennifer works marketing at Adultsmart an online sex toy shop. She has a non-judgemental approach to sex, sex toys and sexuality. Her favorite saying is if it feels good and right and is not illegal then why not!

Revolutionize Sex With Your Primal Instinct

Horny Couple Pashing

Through my studies in sexology and explorations in the world of Tantra and finding out what is spiritual sexuality, I have come to view and understand many diverse aspects of human sexuality. Sex is a powerful outlet to connect with different parts of ourselves and allows us to share those parts with others in a beautiful and pleasurable way. From having our need to feel emotionally connected to another human being met to a blissfully ecstatic & orgasmic release, sex allows us to be our most authentic and trues selves if we so desire.

Recently whilst completing an intense training diving into sex and spirituality, I experienced a connection to a part of myself which was incredibly healing and empowering- I refer to this part as my inner animal!!  This primal part of myself is so amazing to connect with and allows me a chance to be completely in tune with my senses and my body.

Today, we human beings spend much of our lives in our minds. We think too much, spend an excessive amount of time being occupied with technology and feel this constant need to experience the world in a logical way. I recall a time not so long ago when I became aware of how disconnected I was from my body. When I tuned in to myself, I realised that I was only really in touch with the feelings in my head, completely switched off from the sensations in the rest of my body. Throughout my life, as with so many people, I was encouraged to think, to analyse and to speak. Apart from incidental times like completing sport and when being in pain, I spent most my life in my head.

Being In Touch With Your Body

It is so clear to me now the need for people to experience more of this life in their body, to feel the subtle sensations that are accessible in every single moment throughout the day. Animals are a great example of this, completely in touch with their bodies, using their senses to guide them in the world. They are present to what is, not worrying about the past and stressing about the future, just living in complete presence of what is.

Couple In Bed Engaging In Foreplay
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How To Embody Your Inner Animal

One of the most exhilarating places to embody your inner animal is when connecting sexually with another. When all your senses are turned on and alive it makes for an extremely fun, pleasurable and energising sexual experience. The most enticing part of sex is how good it feels-what could be better than tuning in and amplifying your senses to increase the pleasure during sexual play? Being out of our minds and completely in our body making love with another is one of the most incredible experiences to have if we dare to step into it.

Approaching sex in an animalistic way can look and feel unique for each person. From roaring, purring or growling in your partner’s ear to crawling on all fours, wrestling or being wild like an animal during foreplay, the possibilities are endless.

Doing this with a partner who you trust and can express yourself freely with is crucial for you to really access that wild animal living inside you. It may feel a bit awkward to start with-not unlike a lion cub finding its roar- but if you really take the time and be courageously vulnerable, you’ll eventually access a primal side of yourself that loves to come out and play!!

One of my favourite ways to connect with my inner animal and my man simultaneously is to wrestle. I highly recommend you trying this one out with a partner if you are both up for an adventure!

Find yourselves a soft floor or mattress with enough space to avoid banging up against anything and ensure any breakables are out of reach. Get on all fours as if you were a lion or tiger (or magical unicorn if that is your thing!) and face your partner. Now depending on how easy it is for you to connect with your wild side, you may or may not want to take some time to close your eyes and connect to yourself. Breathe deeply, notice your heart beating, the energy moving through your body and any sensations that grab your attention. Opening your eyes and bringing a sense of playfulness to the experience, look your partner in the eyes and stare them down as if you are a wolf and they are your prey-ready to devour. Find your growl, express whatever noises want to come out and move around on your hands and knees as if you are stalking them and wanting to catch them. Go wild (with some mindfulness to avoid hurting them of course!) and have fun playing!

Whatever comes next is up to the two of you-sometimes for me it has turned into a hilarious and comical bit of fun where we’re both in hysterics, other times a wild, animalistic lead into amazing sex!! Avoid expectations, enjoy yourselves and use it as an amazing chance to see a different side of yourself and your partner.

Getting in touch with this side of myself has meant I feel more throughout my day to day life and experience more pleasure in my body during sex- purely because I am out of my head and in it. I cannot recommend exploring your inner animal enough-there may be a raging Jaguar roaring inside ready to pounce (or a cute purring kitty cat…only one way to find out!). I also apply these 6 Sure Fire Tantra Methods to my sexual lifestyle to make the experience even better!

Author: Stephanie Curtis- BA Nursing

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Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph’s writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.