What kind of SEXUAL DEVIANT have I become?

IQ Test For Bondage

It’s been about 6 months since I took the kink personality test on www.bdsmtest.org and I was curious to see if anything had changed with my results, since there is so much else in my life that has.

 

I think I’ve mentioned in a previous post or two, how surprised I was at the accuracy of the test results in the past. I wasn’t disappointed this time around either. There were a few surprising differences in some of the categories. You’ll have to keep reading to find out what they were.

 

So, for those who haven’t read of my previous posts, there have been some major shake-ups happening in my life since I joined the Oh! Zone family back in February this year. The main one being the making of a tiny human from scratch which virtually halted my deeper exploration of the BDSM lifestyle, since a considerable amount of the things that I would like to try but are not safe during pregnancy.

 

I’m not sure if it’s my change in lifestyle from wild experimentalist to mummy to be, or if it’s the broadening of my sexual knowledge through reflection on scenes that I have played with various partners, blog submissions from my colleagues, researching topics for my own posts or from picking the brains of customers who are already immersed in the lifestyle, that has the greatest influence on the change in my results.

 

If you’re not familiar with the personality test on BDSM.org, you can choose to gain insight in one of three ways: submissive questions only, dominant questions only or the full test (which I recommend taking if you’re a first-timer) which contains both submissive & dominant related questions. The results will then give you a percentage based on your answers to the questions. I have seen everything from 99% vanilla to 100% submissive to 100% sadist.

 

The results summary will give you a percentage on the following: Submissive, Rope Bunny, Experimentalist, Degradee, Masochist, Slave, Non-monogamist,Boy/Girl, Pet, Primal (Prey), Exhibitionist, Ageplayer, Voyeur, Daddy/Mommy, Brat, Vanilla, Primal (Hunter), Brat Tamer,Rigger, Dominant, Degrader, Owner, Mistress/Master, Sadist & Switch.

 

Here are my 5 biggest changes between February when I did my first test and August when I took the test again.

 

  1. Pet +30%

Definition according to bdsmtest.org: “Is the property of their owner in daily life. Sexuality is not necessarily involved. The role often features some form of animal play (puppy, kitten, etc.), although that is not a strict necessity.”

 

What’s changed in 6 months?: I’ve come to see this more as another form of being a  ‘kept woman’. In the beginning of my journey, everything was about not forming emotional attachments and just trying everything with no strings attached. But the further from my last relationship that I get, the more that I crave being ‘owned’ by someone emotionally.

 

  1. Vanilla -26%

Definition according to bdsmtest.org: “Vanilla people enjoy regular, standard sex and relationship models. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you’re having fun!”

 

What’s changed in 6 months?: In all honesty, this is the result that surprised me the most. I thought, if anything, since I have halted kink play while I’m growing my tiny human that I would have continued to have the same stance on vanilla sex. Apparently I have a new-found distaste instead. Maybe it has something to do with the conversations that I have with customers in the course of my work day and picking their brains about things in kink that I had no idea existed before starting with Oh! Zone.

 

Playing With Age
Age Role Player
  1. Ageplayer -20%

Definition according to bdsmtest.org: “Ageplayers lie to play with age as part of their kink. They typically take on a much younger or older age than they actually are, or prefer playing with a partner that does so. Attributes and behaviour changes (such as pacifiers, coloring books, speaking in childlike language, etc.) are paired with this, to enrich the context and make it more appropriate for the played age.”

 

What’s changed in 6 months?: I think that as I get closer to becoming a parent, my tolerance for childish behaviour in myself and other adults has lessened and by proxy, so has the appeal of ageplay… Although I still love colouring books, Disney musicals & cartoons.

 

  1. Slave -19%

Definition according to bdsmtest.org: “Slaves completely hand over the control and responsibilities over their life to their Master/Mistress . They go a step further than submissives in the sense that their power exchange is present 24/7 and in all aspects of their life (except for negotiated exceptions such as their office jobs). Serving their Master/Mistress is their primary focus in life and they rarely have limits for them.”

 

What’s changed in 6 months?: Ok, so I think that most of my changes have been due to my impending motherhood. I am finding that I am more anal-retentive and needing to be a little more in control of myself these days so that I can remain a relatively put-together adult for my son.

 

  1. Primal (Prey) +15%

Definition according to bdsmtest: “Primals ae mainly focused on their natural instincts and they enjoy letting their inner animal out during sex. They key part for primals play is that the participants show their raw, emotional sexual feelings during play. All of the labels, roles, and protocols go out the window, and the prey (you) can become a snarling, growling, clawing animal hell-bent on getting away from its predator.”

 

What’s changed in 6 months?: Maybe I’m just a little more feral than before…

 

Seems to me that kink preferences are developed over time and are influenced by life and its experiences. So, even if you take the test just for fun now, it’s always good to retake it every so often. You might find that the results surprise you.

 

Happy testing xxx

Morgan

 

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

Holy Shit! I Can Finally Breathe….

Bad Relationships

Yesterday my partner and I were having one of those iconic serious talks about our relationship and the future of it, while we were driving in the car he turned and said to me;

“I’m your first normal boyfriend aren’t I” (it wasn’t a question he was asking it was a statement)

I responded with “yea I guess you are”

which his response was “i know because sometimes you act funny”

I sat in the car thinking, when I think I go quiet and he then asked me if I was OK.

Truth is I wasn’t sure if I was OK, I wasn’t sure what exactly to think, or how to feel, I knew in that moment though and many moments before that he had noticed me and he had noticed my feelings.

 

I guess you could say that was a new experience for me, so later that night, and again this morning I started thinking some more, and I have come to the conclusion that I do not know how to act or feel in a good relationship.

 

There are often times I have over thought the situation, over analysed a comment, a text message, the exact wording, every fine detail. The first thing I learnt entering into my relationship now is that the thing that made me realise just how toxic my previous situations were was unlearning all my previous “habits” for coping.

 

Apologising is my worst habit, which doesn’t seem all that bad, but I apologise for everything,especially if I feel like my partner may not like something I will take blame and apologise, to ensure nothing escalates.  I use to blame myself for a lot of things especially things I knew would trigger my previous partners, now I find myself have to unteach all the triggers and stop being sorry for them.

 

Over compensation is also a huge habit I have, toxic past situations taught me that the love I deserve, I will never get in full. It taught me that love was based on rules and only good behaviour would be rewarded with affection, toxic situations taught me that I would never be good enough and that I had to keep trying.

 

Looking back on past situations now I see that it was very hard to love someone who was basically unlovable and intolerable to love, but somehow I found the good in them, and I didn’t give up. The transition between a toxic situation becoming single and learning  to love myself and now actually being loved has been a huge eye opener. My new relationship may not be what I am use to but it is exactly what I deserve.

 

In the past my best was not good enough, so I tried harder to prove my love, and finally when I am completely comfortable in this relationship when all my walls and down I know I will love this person with everything I have inside of me and it will be good enough.

 

I forced myself to come into this relationship with clear eyes and mind, I chose to love like I give a shit wholeheartedly, even though it was terribly difficult at first, even if I thought everyone had motives, and that everyone lies and hides things. I had to force myself to stop making assumptions about certain situations and then explain to my partner how I came to this wild conclusion, not because I don’t trust him, but because my past situations have taught me every loop hole that causes pain.

 

How can things really be this good? How can he actually have a conversation with another girl without hurting me.

 

Someone who actually respects me, this has to be too good to be true.

 

Pain was normal and it no longer hurt the same as it did at the start, my threshold for pain and my tolerance became impermeable to the point where the things that break up most relationships didn’t seem so bad to me. People often comment  how weak someone is or has to be to stay in a toxic relationship, but for me its quite the opposite. It takes someone very strong to go through what they have and still be able to find the good and not giving up even if that person doesn’t deserve your loyalty and love. It takes  an even stronger person to be able to walk away, and even stronger then that to love again and accept love.

 

Then finally there it is, finally you learn what love really is, its a holy shit I can breathe moment. You don’t wince of flinch when they lift their hand to affectionately place it on your leg. His affection no longer surprises you anymore, and you finally feel this beautiful feeling, a feeling of calm, and you breathe. You are fully aware no anxiety not stress no pain just breathing in that moment.

 

Its OK if your not sure how to navigate a good relationship, its OK if you don’t trust at the start or if your not sure if you should listen to your gut about situations, its OK to be vulnerable and learn because this person will not cause you harm. At the start its hard to navigate how many compliments is too many, or whats a good compliment to give, or even how much you have to pull to not seem crazy or over the top, and you defiantly do not have to think about how much is enough or not enough to give.

 

Because its at that moment the good relationship will happen its at that moment that they will fall in love with you, the vulnerable you, the you that because this way because of everything you have gone through and the you that will now be taught that love isnt manipulation.

 

I am continuously amazed at this guy, and I spend a lot of time staring at him in awe, this is what good feels like.

Trust and Love
Loving Relationship

when you build her back up and love her the way she deserves, a change happens and in return, you get a love so pure, so genuine, and so unconditional. She will heal you in ways you didn’t even know you needed just as you did her”

 

morgan x

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

Open Letter From A Narcissist!

Break Up Letter

I recently read an open letter from the point of view of a narcissist; I suppose I wish it was for me, from you. It was then I realized it was time to let go of the pain of the past, so here it is – my final letter to you.

So, I am never really sure how to start things like this, I want to ask you how you are but I also don’t really care. I suppose that I hope you’re happy, at least happy enough not to treat your new girlfriend the way in which you treated me.

Firstly, I am sorry that I chose to let you into my life, I am sorry I was blinded by your good looks and charisma. I am sorry I then let good men give up on chasing me while you took me on an emotional rollercoaster. I am sorry for the year I spent fighting with you and I am sorry I chose to forgive you repeatedly because of my good nature. I am sorry you took advantage of that good nature and felt the need to abuse that kindness. I am sorry that I will never be that kind hearted girl ever again, I am sorry my next partner will never get to experience that kind of unbridled love – I am sorry that I will always know that’s because of you.

I am sorry I took your rejection of me as a challenge for you to be loved. However, for what it’s worth you were loved. I am sorry I wasn’t enough for me to loved in return. I am sorry I mistook the idea of ‘love’ as the reason that I carried the burden of our relationship. I am sorry that I allowed you to think that your goals, interests, family and your wants always trumped my own. I am sorry I stopped working on myself because you felt like you needed both of us to work on you. I am sorry that even after all of this, you still needed more and I couldn’t give you that.

I am sorry I made you my everything and I am sorry I didn’t get that in return. I am sorry you felt so scared to lose me that you made me regularly prove this to you. I am sorry that you felt so alone that you needed to be validated by other women when I couldn’t meet your impossible standards. I am sorry I allowed you to cheat on me, not by giving my permission but by giving my forgiveness. I am sorry that even when I found out that somehow when I felt like I needed to care for you.

I am sorry that I chose you over my friends when they repeatedly told me to leave you. I am sorry that I did stay with you because even back then I knew it wasn’t going to work between us but it caused me immense pain to think about living without you. I am sorry that I spent weeks in bed wondering if you were in bed nursing a broken heart too. I am sorry I allowed my heart to be broken by you, even after you said you would never hurt me. I am sorry I confused love with pain and was unable to respect myself enough to walk away.

I am sorry that you gave me a huge life lesson and I am sorry you have probably not thought about me again. I am sorry I found you injured on the battlefield of love, I am sorry I couldn’t fix all your wounds. And I am sorry that you’re out there causing pain for someone else. I am sorry that she’ll read this letter and feel all these pains I felt. 

Angry Ex
Letter To Ex

I am sorry I finally realized that I was too good for you and you knew that, I am sorry you tried to keep me down because you were terrified that I was going to realize that and leave you. I am sorry it took me so long to leave. I am sorry that you felt I was so difficult to love that it almost caused you pain to say the words. I am sorry I believed it was true for so long and I am sorry that I do love myself and was finally able to walk away from someone like you.

 

Written by a Consultant Oh Zone Stores

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

Are You CHEATING?

Am I A Cheat

I am a little perplexed, there is a question I have been wondering about for a little while now!

if your partner pays for sex does that still count as cheating?

Or is it just a service they are paying for? and on the flip side to that

What do people define as cheating?

Most people would either have a hard yes, or hard no view, but here I am confused… as someone who has been cheated on/ have had their significant other have multiple relationships with other girls during our own relationship, I don’t know what I would rather? (to clear this question up we were in an exclusive relationship or, so I was told we were at least)

How To Cheat
Cheating Methods

Obviously, neither would be option one, but I do wonder how I would have felt if I found out that he paid for sex rather than go off with someone we both knew and be involved with not only sex but an emotional connection as well. Cheating is such a fluid term with a different meaning to everyone, to some cheating is looking in the direction of someone other than their partner while others feel flirting is fine and only sex is cheating some even have told me that the only cheating act is having sex and if there is no penis- vagina penetration that is not cheating (oral or fingering is not classed as cheating).

What about the use of toys?

If you partner is hiding the fact they use toys is that cheating? There were often times within my old relationship that he would reject sex because he was “busy” so I would go out shopping or to work and would return home to him butt naked on the lounge asleep with toy in hand. I wondered why that hurt me to see, was it because he rejected me but clearly was in the mood? Was I not good enough? Was he not attracted to me? Is that cheating?

Is cheating within a relationship just about sex? Or is it hiding something from your significant other. I asked a friend of mine what she thought cheating was she replied with “cheating is having bad intentions” which makes sense, if your hiding something from your significant other because you know it will hurt them in any way that is defined as cheating.

I’m not talking about the differences between emotional cheating and physical cheating I am talking about doing something and hiding it from your partner that would ultimately hurt them in one way or another be it physical or emotional.

You often here that its “just boys being boys” or “it’s just for sex nothing more nothing less”, and when those phrases are uttered it becomes a normality it becomes something that we must forgive because it’s just how society works. It’s what makes married couples with children forgive the cheating spouse, it makes girlfriends and boyfriends not breakup because you’re not fully committed and married yet, it seems that there is an excuse for every stage of commitment and why someone who cheated should be forgiven.

Sex tends to be a lot more emotional for most women and with men it’s more of a simple transaction that feels good. What we need to understand is how cheating is defined for ourselves but also with our significant others to find out boundaries early on, a few studies have been done on this topic and the percentages of the population and their thoughts.

According to women sex as sex is still classed as an affair it doesn’t matter if there is an emotional connection or not or weather is was paid for or not.
35% of women feel it’s worse for their significant other to have sex with a prostitute
34% of women feel it’s worse for their significant other to have a romantic extrametrical affair
27% say both are equally as bad as each other.

After speaking to a few male friends, I have also concluded that most men see multiple types of women; the marrying kind, and the friends with benefits kind. They see the women who are kind, caring, loving and nurturing to be the relationship kind with the potential to be the marrying kind and the mothers of their children, then they see some women who the only desired quality is to sleep with them nothing more nothing less.

But what if your partner chose you as his marrying kind but is also paying for sex while with you to get his fix, is that a deal breaker? And if he has paid for it before being a relationship does that mean he will continue to once he is married, is it cheating? Or is it a way to get sex on the side without harming the relationship.

In the beginning of this article I wondered this myself, would I have been less hurt if my old partner paid for sex rather than having sex with someone he knew, does making it a business transaction make it any better or any less hurtful? Is emotionless sex better then sex with emotions attached? I feel it doesn’t matter paid for or not, it is hurtful and damaging to my relationship and I wouldn’t want it done at all, but it’s up to you to decide what your limits are and what you and your partner define as cheating for your own circumstances.

My opinion is that if your significant other is hiding something from you; that is cheating, be it messaging, talking, a sexual act, sex or anything in-between.

Have a think about what cheating is to you and your partner and what your limits are.

Good luck x

Morgan x

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

Friends With Benefits – Where Does That Lead?

friends to have sex with
OMG! I think that pregnancy has turned my brain to mush… It’s taken me 12 billion years to write 800 words. LOL. Just some musings about my relationships with men who are now more like my brothers than the FWBs that they started off as.

From Lusty Friends with Benefits to Luncheon Partners


I don’t really understand where that proverbial line in the sand was drawn and why I have never realised when I had crossed it. It’s a strange thing when lust becomes friendship. I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing. It’s actually probably better for my mental health that way.


This seems to happen in my life quite a bit… I’m still not sure why though. No, really! A friends with benefits from a million years ago is now like my brother. I’m planning drinks and dinner for next year with a Tinder hook-up from earlier this year. And I still have sessions of inappropriate banter with a bootie call that I met on Plenty of Fish 6 years ago.


Yeah, everyone who sees Adam and I together just assume that we are a couple. We finish each other’s sentences, poke fun at each other and even travel together. But this friendship that I have with Adam started as good old friends with benefits.

ex friends with benefits
Lunch partners


When you live in Darwin, you discover that the world is a small place and that Darwin is even smaller. Everyone knows everyone else. I met Adam through 3 different friends who all said that he had a ‘difficult personality’. Challenge accepted! That was until my friend decided that she’d call dibs on pursuing him. Honestly, I wasn’t confident enough in myself to butt in an challenge her.


Turns out that I didn’t have to. He wasn’t interested in her at all and he and I would drunk chat for hours about nothing in particular. We fell into a comfortable FWB arrangement that lasted for 12 months until we both ended up in relationships with other people. When those relationships ended we went back to our kebab date nights and movie watching minus the sex.


10 years on, I am closer to him in a brother/sister kind of way than I am with my actual siblings. We both laughed until we cried recently while on holidays. One of his friends asked him why we weren’t having sex while we were travelling and both of us automatically looked at each other, shuddered a little and burst out laughing because we both look at it as sleeping with a sibling.


Since our Tinder initiated hook up in January of this year with Mr K, a Zurich based Dom, we have remained in contact. I didn’t really think that, after Mr K left the country, we would have much more contact until he returned to visit his brother next year. But it seems that we have settled in to a really lovely friendship. The ease of real-time connectivity these days is great for interacting with friends who happen to be on the other side of the planet.


We’re already planning where we’re going to catch up for dinner and drinks next year. Because it will be relatively soon after my little boy is born, I had mentioned that to him that I may not be ready to play again. His response surprised me… ‘Just want to see you. Playing is 100% your choice’.


He also checks in with me every few weeks to see how my little baby is growing and to make sure that I’m still doing well. It all seems very civilised. It’s hard for me to trust people who are new to my life. How can this man, whom I have only interacted with a handful of times, make me feel so secure and comfortable? Much like my friend Adam, I feel as though I have known him for years!


Last and very not least is Jimmy. There’s something to be said for old fashioned country boys. Here is a man who has been messed about by entitled women and just the world in general. After many years, we have kept in contact and now have a great platonic relationship.


Even going so far as him introducing me to his new dates and bitching to me when things take a downward turn. He’s also super protective of me, but not in a jealous way. Offering to proverbially ‘teach them a lesson’ when I have had relationships end.


I love all of my protective male friends. Although, I do think that when I start new relationships, they inevitably end up feeling jealous of the bond that I have with my male friends and I end up comparing how I interact with my friends v’s a partner.


I keep thinking, is this what happens when you make friends with old fashioned gentlemen, or is just the lack of sexual expectation? Kind of a been there, done that, now it’s in the too hard basket. Maybe it’s that I feel like the permanency of a lasting relationship is hindered by overwhelming sexual attraction. Scared that once that has waned, the want to stay goes with it. Whatever the case may be I’m glad to have men like this in my life.

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