Friends With Sex Benefit – Where Does That Lead?

OMG! I think that pregnancy has turned my brain to mush.  It’s taken me 12 billion years to write 800 words.  LOL.  Just some musings about my relationships with men who are now more like my brothers than the friends with sex benefit (FWB) that they started off as.

From Lusty Friends with Benefits to Luncheon Partners

I don’t really understand where that proverbial line in the sand was drawn and why I have never realised when I had crossed it.  It’s a strange thing when lust becomes friendship.  I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing as it’s actually probably better for my mental health that way.

This seems to happen in my life quite a bit… I’m still not sure why though. No, really!

A friends with benefits from a million years ago is now like my brother.  I’m planning drinks and dinner for next year with a Tinder hook-up from earlier this year.  And I still have sessions of inappropriate banter with a bootie call that I met on Plenty of Fish 6 years ago.

Everyone who sees Adam and I together just assume that we are a couple.

We finish each other’s sentences, poke fun at each other and even travel together.  But this friendship that I have with Adam started as good old friends with benefits.

ex friends with sex benefit
Lunch partners

When you live in Darwin, you discover that the world is a small place and that Darwin is even smaller.  Everyone knows everyone else.

I met Adam through 3 different friends who all said that he had a ‘difficult personality’. Challenge accepted! That was until my friend decided that she’d call dibs on pursuing him. Honestly, I wasn’t confident enough in myself to butt in and challenge her.

Turns out that I didn’t have to. He wasn’t interested in her at all and he and I would drunk chat for hours about nothing in particular.

A Comfortable Friends with Sex Benefit Arrangement

That lasted for about 12 months until we both ended up in relationships with other people.  When those relationships ended we went back to our kebab date nights and movie watching minus the sex.

10 years on, I am closer to him in a brother/sister kind of way than I am with my actual siblings.  We both laughed until we cried recently while on holidays.  One of his friends asked him why we weren’t having sex while we were travelling.  Both of us automatically looked at each other, shuddered a little and burst out laughing because we both look at it as sleeping with a sibling.

Mr K a Zurich Dom

Since our Tinder initiated hook up in January of this year with Mr K, a Zurich based Dom, we have remained in contact.

I didn’t really think that, after Mr K left the country, we would have much more contact until he returned to visit his brother next year.  But it seems that we have settled in to a really lovely friendship.  Ease of real-time connectivity these days is great for interacting with friends who happen to be on the other side of the planet.

We’re already planning where we’re going to catch up for dinner and drinks next year. B ecause it will be relatively soon after my little boy is born, I had mentioned that to him that I may not be ready to play again.

friends with sex benefit

His response surprised me…

‘Just want to see you. Playing is 100% your choice’.

He also checks in with me every few weeks to see how my little baby is growing and to make sure that I’m still doing well.  It all seems very civilised.  It’s hard for me to trust people who are new to my life.  How can this man, whom I have only interacted with a handful of times, make me feel so secure and comfortable?

Much like my friend Adam, I feel as though I have known him for years!

Last and very not least is Jimmy.

There’s something to be said for old fashioned country boys.  Here is a man who has been messed about by entitled women and just the world in general. After many years, we have kept in contact and now have a great platonic relationship.

Even going so far as him introducing me to his new dates and bitching to me when things take a downward turn.  He’s also super protective of me, but not in a jealous way.

Offering to proverbially ‘teach them a lesson’ when I have had relationships end.

I love all of my protective male friends.

Although, I do think that when I start new relationships, they inevitably end up feeling jealous of the bond that I have with my male friends.  I end up comparing how I interact with my friends versus a partner.

I keep thinking, is this what happens when you make friends with old fashioned gentlemen, or is just the lack of sexual expectation?

Kind of a been there, done that, now it’s in the too hard basket. Maybe it’s that I feel like the permanency of a lasting relationship is hindered by overwhelming sexual attraction.

Scared that once that has waned, the want to stay goes with it. Whatever the case may be I’m glad to have men like this in my life.

friends with sex benefit
Roommates Drinking Warm Milk

Rules For Roommate Sex

While this practice is a huge no no, I have partaken in this sexual activity and still sort of do.

You need to really understand the person on an emotional and physical level before embarking, down this treacherous road.  Have some Rules For Roommate Sex in place.

Don’t ever start a “friends with benefits” relationship with a housemate while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

  • This will impair judgement and could cause someone to move out and then who’s going to pay half the rent!  Lay everything out on the table and talk about what you’re expecting from it, if it is following a relationship line or strictly friendship but with no strings attached.
  • You have to follow rules with roommate’s having sex or the situation can turn from an awesome lovely situation of ease and no stress to a 4 wall prison cell.

Make sure that if anything comes up, confront it all

  • Even feelings for the other partner.  Don’t make a big deal or get jealous or possessive over any part of their life as this will be more incentive to kick you out or not speak to you which creates a hostile environment that no one wants to live in.
  • I would personally recommend avoiding sex with roommates at ALL COSTS unless you’re sharing a house with Mila Kunis, Taylor Swift or even Stephen.

But we are human after all and sex is a natural urge

So if you do intend on having sex with a roommate or even your best friends milf weigh the pros and the cons and make sure you know the person thoroughly.  Don’t just move in with some craiglist cat lover who obsesses over you the second you guys meet.

As far as I have come with the roommate love life, I personally have found it awesome because I’m very open and honest about everything that goes through my head.  So the fact that she’s on the same mental wave as me makes it easier for both of us to see each other as friends/roommates/part time jiggly bit friends.

friends with sex benefit
Photo: Rules For Roommate Sex

Before you begin your room mate sex relationship

You will need to establish a set of ground rules also knows as “Rules For Roommate Sex” that will stay in place.  Either make sure that the relationship is long lasting.  Or rules that means the room mate sex relationship will end.

When you have sex with another person, you can be physically attracted to them but not be emotionally connected to them.  Especially with room mate sex you have to keep your emotions out of the bedroom.  Because you will need to live with this person on a long term basis.

Once emotions are involved it means that someone will get hurt

Especially if the relationship continues. You will have to end the one night stand encounters straight away. If someone were to fall in love with you, and the relationship were to continue, you would be be just using them for sex.  This would hurt the person to a much larger extent.

Tell your room mate when you begin to have sex with more people.

This is so that they are aware you are sexually active with other people.  It is important because sexually activity increases the risk of transmitting a STD. Both people will need to get regularly tested for STD’s.

STD tests are done either by physical exam or blood samples.

How Are STD Tests Done?

  1. Physical exam — Your health care provider may look at your genitals and/or your anus for any signs of an infection, such as a rash, discharge, sores, or warts.
  2. Blood sample — Your provider may take a blood sample, either with a needle or by pricking the skin to draw drops of blood.
friends with sex benefits

Create a personal sex toy collection for each person you have regular sex with.

This is to ensure that hygiene is held to paramount standards.  With the sex toys that you can use with multiple partner’s make sure they are thoroughly, hygienically cleaned.  So as to not contaminate people with STD’s.  You can also place condoms over the sex toys just in case you would like extra protection.

Tread lightly

One does not simply walk into roommate sex unharmed you need the Rules For Roommate Sex to create a harmonious living space.

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