Friends With Benefits – Where Does That Lead?

OMG! I think that pregnancy has turned my brain to mush… It’s taken me 12 billion years to write 800 words. LOL. Just some musings about my relationships with men who are now more like my brothers than the FWBs that they started off as.

From Lusty Friends with Benefits to Luncheon Partners


I don’t really understand where that proverbial line in the sand was drawn and why I have never realised when I had crossed it. It’s a strange thing when lust becomes friendship. I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing. It’s actually probably better for my mental health that way.


This seems to happen in my life quite a bit… I’m still not sure why though. No, really! A friends with benefits from a million years ago is now like my brother. I’m planning drinks and dinner for next year with a Tinder hook-up from earlier this year. And I still have sessions of inappropriate banter with a bootie call that I met on Plenty of Fish 6 years ago.


Yeah, everyone who sees Adam and I together just assume that we are a couple. We finish each other’s sentences, poke fun at each other and even travel together. But this friendship that I have with Adam started as good old friends with benefits.

ex friends with benefits
Lunch partners


When you live in Darwin, you discover that the world is a small place and that Darwin is even smaller. Everyone knows everyone else. I met Adam through 3 different friends who all said that he had a ‘difficult personality’. Challenge accepted! That was until my friend decided that she’d call dibs on pursuing him. Honestly, I wasn’t confident enough in myself to butt in an challenge her.


Turns out that I didn’t have to. He wasn’t interested in her at all and he and I would drunk chat for hours about nothing in particular. We fell into a comfortable FWB arrangement that lasted for 12 months until we both ended up in relationships with other people. When those relationships ended we went back to our kebab date nights and movie watching minus the sex.


10 years on, I am closer to him in a brother/sister kind of way than I am with my actual siblings. We both laughed until we cried recently while on holidays. One of his friends asked him why we weren’t having sex while we were travelling and both of us automatically looked at each other, shuddered a little and burst out laughing because we both look at it as sleeping with a sibling.


Since our Tinder initiated hook up in January of this year with Mr K, a Zurich based Dom, we have remained in contact. I didn’t really think that, after Mr K left the country, we would have much more contact until he returned to visit his brother next year. But it seems that we have settled in to a really lovely friendship. The ease of real-time connectivity these days is great for interacting with friends who happen to be on the other side of the planet.


We’re already planning where we’re going to catch up for dinner and drinks next year. Because it will be relatively soon after my little boy is born, I had mentioned that to him that I may not be ready to play again. His response surprised me… ‘Just want to see you. Playing is 100% your choice’.


He also checks in with me every few weeks to see how my little baby is growing and to make sure that I’m still doing well. It all seems very civilised. It’s hard for me to trust people who are new to my life. How can this man, whom I have only interacted with a handful of times, make me feel so secure and comfortable? Much like my friend Adam, I feel as though I have known him for years!


Last and very not least is Jimmy. There’s something to be said for old fashioned country boys. Here is a man who has been messed about by entitled women and just the world in general. After many years, we have kept in contact and now have a great platonic relationship.


Even going so far as him introducing me to his new dates and bitching to me when things take a downward turn. He’s also super protective of me, but not in a jealous way. Offering to proverbially ‘teach them a lesson’ when I have had relationships end.


I love all of my protective male friends. Although, I do think that when I start new relationships, they inevitably end up feeling jealous of the bond that I have with my male friends and I end up comparing how I interact with my friends v’s a partner.


I keep thinking, is this what happens when you make friends with old fashioned gentlemen, or is just the lack of sexual expectation? Kind of a been there, done that, now it’s in the too hard basket. Maybe it’s that I feel like the permanency of a lasting relationship is hindered by overwhelming sexual attraction. Scared that once that has waned, the want to stay goes with it. Whatever the case may be I’m glad to have men like this in my life.

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