Have More Sex for Sounder Sleep

Lack of sleep is very common in Australia with as many as 39.8% of Australian adults battling to get a good night’s rest on a regular basis according to a report commissioned by the Sleep Health Foundation. This means that a whopping 7.4 million people are not sleeping as well as they should. While there are countless ways to try and combat insomnia such as prescription medication, herbal remedies, and white noise machines there is a much easier (and more enjoyable) way to ensure you catch some z’s at night: sex. More than 60% of people have indicated sounder sleep after a frolic between the sheets according to Dr Michele Lastella from the Appleton Institute of Behavioral Science at the Central Queensland University. So is sex really the answer to your sleepless nights? Let’s find out.

Sex releases sleep-inducing chemicals

When you have a mind-blowing orgasm, your body releases large amounts of hormones that envelope you in a multitude of warm & fuzzy feelings. Among these feel-good hormones are oxytocin, vasopressin, and dopamine which can all contribute greatly towards you getting a good night’s rest.  Of these, oxytocin (the cuddle hormone) is of most value to women as it reduces stress which is known to be a great contributor to insomnia. Dopamine, which triggers immense feelings of pleasure, helps you unwind before going to bed while vasopressin is known to be conducive of sleep. Apart from releasing a number of satisfying hormones, sex also surpasses the body’s dopamine secretion which results in reduced stress levels and an increased sense of euphoria.

Everyone sleeps better after a workout

By now we all know that regular exercise is good for us, but did you know that exercising could be the cure to your insomnia? Studies have shown that a stint of exercise of moderate to mild intensity can significantly reduce the amount of time it takes to fall asleep as well as enhance the quality of your sleep. Exercise has also been proven to decrease the seriousness of sleep-disordered breathing as well as lessen the severity of obstructive sleep apnea. While no one is going to prevent you from joining a gym or going for lengthy nightly jogs, you can always just get frisky in bed to reap the same benefits. If anyone dares tell you that sex is not considered to be real exercise, you can point out that sex burns up to 3.6 calories a minute which is more than your average vigorous walk does.

You send the correct signals to your brain

While having sex with the lights on is definitely hot, you can actually benefit by getting kinky in the dark as well. When we find ourselves in a horizontal position in bed our bodies tend to assume that it is time to prepare for sleep. According to bedtester.com, a comfortable mattress is paramount to sleeping through the night. By applying this logic to your entire bedtime routine, having sex on a comfortable mattress will give you the best possible chance at sound sleep as it is bound to leave you feeling completely relaxed, happy, and in need of proper rest afterwards.

If you don’t have a partner, go solo

While having a hot sexual partner to fool around with is ideal, it is important to note that it is the orgasm and not the actual sex that improves your sleep cycle. This basically means that, by masturbating, you can reap the exact same benefits as you would by working up a sweat with your partner. Next time you are battling to fall asleep, instead of popping a couple of sleeping tablets, practice some self-love instead. Masturbating will not only relax you, but the endorphins released during your very pleasurable orgasm will help you fall off to sleep happy and fulfilled.

Prepare for a wonderful chain reaction

While sex can undoubtedly help you sleep better at night, one cannot ignore the fact that more sleep can improve your sex life. According to research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, getting enough sleep can give your sexual response a very healthy boost which may lead to more frequent sex which will, in turn, improve your quality of sleep even more. If sex helps you sleep better, and sleep makes you have better sex you undoubtedly need to increase the frequency of both in your life as soon as possible.

It is good to know that, apart from supplying you with unmatched pleasure, sex is also good for you. If you often find yourself tossing and turning at night, encourage your partner to engage in some insomnia-busting sex sessions or, alternatively, lube up your vibrator or sex sleeve and orgasm your way to peaceful, sound sleep.

When It’s DONE!

So you have tried everything you can do to reignite that spark in your relationship.  Individual counselling, couples therapy and everything between but it is done.  Although one or both of you may still love each other you cannot live with each other.  Now is the time to act before cohabitation sours the perspective and you grow to hate the sight of your now ex.

When there are kids involved, property, businesses this may seem difficult – especially as for most the family home is the most valuable asset that you both own.  If you have kids here is the time to suck it up sweetheart and do what is best for the kids.

First and foremost do not argue or discuss controversial matters in front of the kids.  If you seem like you are heading for an argument one or both of you have the will-power to walk away and raise the issue at a later time when it is just the two of you.  Just because the two of you no longer want to live with each other it does not mean that you should impact or effect others negatively – especially your treasured children that will love you both and do not want to pick sides.  They will probably hurt more than you in the separation and it will not take much for them to blame themselves for the break-up.

Affirm to them that they are not the problem and each of you love them equally.

So who moves out?  Decades ago it was generally the man whilst the woman was left to be the primary caregiver for the children.  Maintenance would be paid by the father who would get visitation rights and some portions of school holidays.

These days men want to be more a part of their children’s up-bringing, development and more and more co-parenting arrangements are made on a 50/50 basis.  Statistically – as long as there is no abuse or history of it – these children will grow up to be more grounded without feeling torn between their loyalty to either parent.

So what do you do when you are in this situation?  It is not for everybody and can only be done if both parents agree and there is no active animosity openly display.  It is the concept of

bird nest custody

In bird’s nest custody the aim is to minimize the disruption in the effected children’s lives and is where the parents share equally the family home until it is sold or other arrangements are made.   The ‘birds nest’ has to be accommodation that is close to the home and only if the custody agreement in this interim stage is agreed to be joint or pretty close to that.

This arrangement stops children being traumatized by leaving their home to ‘visit’ a parent and will also allow the children to grow accustomed to each parent living separate lives.

The accommodation either can be 2 cheap studio apartments local or a 2 bedroom apartment where each parent has their bedroom on the week it is not their turn to live in the home.  This makes it more economically viable than the expense of renting and decking out a whole new home and having two full household expenses.

Most people are not thrilled to live in two different places so this is an interim set-up until the family home is sold or otherwise disposed of and other arrangements are set.   If either party wish to start dating it may be difficult for a ‘birds nest’ arrangement to stay in place.  For it to work both parents have to be committed and be able to co-operate well.

Once you have agreed that this is the best solution for the children you must set the schedule of week on and week off.  The changeover should be whilst the kids are at school so there is no impact or distress.  Bills should be shared equally unless one requires extra amenities for example premium cable, gym hire or other things the other person will not use.  Agreements on housekeeping – what day the house (and birds nest) will be cleaned – what individual duties like cleaning the veranda, windows, shopping etc are allocated.  Perhaps sharing the expense  hiring a cleaner once a week the day before changeover is the most convenient and stress free option.

This is an interim arrangement so the house should be sold and division of proceeds of that sale agreed upon.  Whilst working through this other divisions such as business, car, super etc can also be discussed and finalized by an attorney.

The apartment also should be discussed.  Will both parties be okay sharing towels, dishes – the more detail the less chance there is that there will be an issue later down the track.

Most importantly both have to sit down and devise a parenting plan/agreement.  This also will be an interim document that can then be made into orders at you Family Court.  The parenting plan should detail –

Regular Visitation and Custody Schedule

Holiday and Vacation Schedule

Special Circumstance – especially important when one of the children has a health condition

Outline Who The Children Are Allowed To Stay With – taking into consideration first right of refusal

Changeover Guidelines – with nesting arrangement it is best during school but must take into consideration school holidays and special circumstances

Activities – Both what are acceptable activities and which parent will take them

Special Events – In a co-parenting agreement it would be assumed that both parents have the best interests of the children so both may attend

Communication – Times to call the parent whilst nesting.  Also for one parent to inform the other about punishments or rewards.

Pick Up and Drop Offs – coordinating a schedule that both can follow on their week ons (and to assist in week offs)

Expenses – Such as clothing, sporting etc that are required for the children and how they will be shared

Lifestyle Choices – To include communication between parents for important decisions that will be made for the positive development of the children

House Rules – Agree on rules for the children.  Curfews, supervision, consequences that both parents will adhere to

Putting all this down in writing and when agreed sign it.  This can then be filed with the court and made into orders.  The more information in the parenting plan the easier it will be to avoid future issues.  Provision must be made for amendments to the plan, especially as circumstances will change.

It is a big decision and not a walk in the park but if the parents can work together fairly ‘bird nesting’ arrangements certainly are the best for the children.

A follow up from When Things Go Bad article….

When Things Go Bad!

Relationships can be a funny thing.  It does not matter how hard or little you work at them they are always evolving.  A struggle for dominance here has an effect there.  The ramifications may not be felt for years as we hang onto our bag of resentments, till it gets to a stage where we can no longer close it and out floods pent up angst and emotional overload.

Things sometimes seem to be going alright for one partner and then one day out of the blue, kapow,  a direct hit between the eyes.   How one chooses to deal with this can impact negatively or positively for the rest of your lives.  If it is a long term relationship getting used to the idea of being single could be daunting or it could be liberating depending on which side of the fence you are sitting.  But there is no denying the emotional overflow will have a profound effect on both parties.

We have all heard the words

‘We will keep this civil’

but how often do you hear of a ‘civil’ separation becoming uncivil and full of vitriolic.  Especially when there are kids, property or worse still solicitors involved.  Being fair is relative!

What should you do if you are in this situation?  The offered ‘solutions’ many times seem promising but a couple has to be ‘on the same page’ and want to stay together.  It may be too late for one party or both to forgive or compromise.  Unresolved pent up resentments are clung onto like a security blanket to ensure that never again will someone be exposed to perceived hurts, despair, unfairness.  To allow trust and forgiveness is a big ask.

38% of couples seeking marriage/couples therapy or counseling will end up in separation or divorce within 4 years of the ‘treatment’.  Still it is a better than 50% chance.  However when you consider divorce or separation effects up to 60% of second and third marriages/relationships on would assume there are dark clouds are on the horizon.

However it may not be all doom and gloom as it is reported that only 8% of couples having marital or relationship disharmony at their second and third attempt will actually attend couples therapy.   And the success rate is well over the 50%.

A survey from the BBC found that over 75% of relationships experienced a ‘breaking point’ of relationship disharmony.

Relate – one of the largest marriage counseling agencies use a mixture of theoretical models to work through their clients’ problems. Systemic ideas involve getting individuals to see the effects of their behaviour on others – someone who has had an affair, for example, may not see it as the terrible betrayal their partner feels it is. The second theoretical model is a psychodynamic one that deals more with the unconscious processes people bring to their relationships. Arguments over who loads the dishwasher may really be baggage from work (you are really fighting with your boss) or a previous relationship. If it sounds Freudian, that’s because – loosely – it is.

The most popular and effective forms of couples therapies in order of their statistical success are –


  • 1) Gottman Method. …
  • 2) Narrative Therapy. …
  • 3) Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. …
  • 4) Positive Psychology. …
  • 5) Imago Relationship Therapy. …
  • 6) Communication Therapy. …
  • 7) Exploring Unconscious Past Roots of Problems – Psychoanalysis Therapy…..

“Love is not a contract between two narcissists. It’s more than that. It’s a construction that compels the participants to go beyond narcissism. In order that love lasts one has to reinvent oneself.” – French Philosopher Alain Badiou

For successful couples therapy empathy and respect for the other must be shown or it is doomed for failure.  7 tips psychologists give for before and whilst entering into therapy –

1. Use “I statement” feeling terms, but don’t use “you.”
2. Count to ten before speaking.
3. Implement the I-Thou.
4. Practice active listening.
5. Connect physically.

6. Meet on a bridge/halfway.

7. Engage in daily empathy actions.

And of course the number one killer of relationships is resentments.    Methods to keep them in check are –

  1. Focus on the solution rather than the problem. This is a healthy and future-oriented way of dealing with resentment. …
  2. Look twice at your analysis of the situation. Sometimes, we hold resentments based on perceived faults. …
  3. Focus on your strengths not the others weaknesses…

Believe it or not, many experts agree that holding onto resentments is addictive.  That if you cannot let go of a resentment it festers and creates a vacuum that will suck in more resentments.  Resentments can actually make the person holding them feel superior with the unhealthy feeling ‘if I have been wronged then I am better than him/her.’  A holier than thou attitude which is never conducive to solve a problem.

A solution to expelling resentments sounds simple but is often hard to do.  One word is the solution though –


not only of the person that you hold resentment for, but yourself.

Another is


allows the perceived wronged to put their issues on the table, feel heard and let go.  But it takes tolerance and understanding of the one on the receiving end.

Relationships can be hard work but the benefits of loving and being loved.  Of having someone beside you ‘that has your back’, to grow old with together are well worth the effort and risk.   There is a saying and I am not sure who it is from but it goes along the lines of –

‘True love means putting the other persons needs first.’  For all those narcissists out there – it would be a bitter pill to swallow but one that once taken can be eye-opening and inspiring!

See the follow up article When It’s Done!

What Exactly are Hook Up Apps?

The internet has influenced all facets of our lives like; shopping, travel booking, online video streaming and so forth. It has established communication channels between people across the world. Now, hook up apps are available to people of all genders, and nationalities.
However, the impact of Adult Dating Sites development on romance and dating was an unexpected one. The outcome of sites meant for flaring love affairs and relationships was hugely successful. This is because they are an excellent medium for the lone and interested singles to get companions as per their desired interests. Thus, there’s no more need to bother someone in the family or friends circle to find a compatible dating partner. Here’s a take on how dating apps are revolutionizing the way people engage in relationships.
Let us understand how an Adult Dating Sites site functions.
Step 1: An individual can create a profile on a site by submitting basic details about himself/herself. Although creating a profile might be free of charge on most websites, some may charge a nominal fee for this service. Some sites need the person to provide detailed information so that they can match the personalities of the individuals.
Step 2: The site sends details of individuals who suit his/ her preference.
Step 3: The individual can select a suitable date from the list of profiles sent.
Step 4: Sites even aid setting up a meeting with the date.
After creating a dating profile, these apps have the following conditions or features-set to help you find your dream date.

Algorithms to find a match

This is after a user finds someone they are sharing with the same interests, location, profession, hobbies, life goals, and other things, the app must be able to make suggestions.
 Providing partner suggestions based only on the preferences of users results in lesser profiles display, but the quality is always better than quantity.
It’s a match!” is the new popular word for singles. Truly, with dating apps, many are getting potential mates whom they share with common interests.
Apparently, this is an era where knowing someone through a digital medium is not a problem.


Preferences filters is another critical feature that is enabling dating apps to suggest suitable matches. Filters dependent on location, age, height, life interests, hobbies, family type, and others when used, will give the users a chance to pick their preferred partners.

Trust scores

Numerous users shun away from interacting with anonymous users who conceal their identities behind the application. In this way, a dating application comes with a background verification feature for assuring users real connections. Linking is a very coherent feature; it relates social media accounts of the clients with their dating profiles. Some applications even give a trust score to every user profile, according to their social media activities so users having more trust scores can initiate conversations online or can get matches.

Multimedia Files sharing

Dating implies interactive conversations between two individuals. In order to do this through a virtual medium, options for sharing different files like songs, emoji’s, voice records, video records or stickers will do good. This feature when included in a dating app, makes interactions between two more enjoyable and help them know each other better.
People prefer these Adult Dating Sites because of the following advantages;

They offer a reliable way to find partners

In this work-intensive and busy lifestyle, Adult Dating Sites give convenience to the individuals who are lacking the time and scope to meet up new people and know them. They can eventually scroll through a wide array of options in the site, choose one among them to connect, chat online and plan for meetups sometime later. Thus, helping individuals in this fast-paced generation to deliberately prepare for dating just with few clicks instead of depending on any coincidences or traditional meetings.

They give the scope to choose a partner with specific criteria

Online dating through apps is notably convenient for finding partners as they provide unprecedented access to the potential matches regardless of any geographic limit. Individuals are capable of searching partners with interest areas that match theirs and weed out those who are not potential partners. By enabling the search for partners according to age, location and personal details including orientation, hobbies, and interests, dating apps gained a stand in the market as automated matchmakers.

The idea of dating became more flexible with Adult Dating Sites

One remarkable advantage of a dating site is that they allowed the interested individuals to delve into an initial conversation with a potential match and gather some sense of compatibility before getting into actual face-to-face dating. Thus, both partners get ample scope through the app to evaluate each other’s interests and see how their bond matures with every passing day. This brought far more flexibility than traditional dating as both partners can eventually stop connecting if they foresee non-compatibility issues between them in initial interactions and start looking for other potential matches.

 Apps are offering fun-filled online dating experiences

With mobile apps for dating, people got countless distinct ways to single individuals to impress their potential partners. With lots of in-app features, they make online dating an exciting and fun-filled experience for the youngsters such as sending of audio/video attachments, funny stickers, games for compatibility check, gift cards, voice recordings, and so forth.
 Though these apps are great for dating, as a tip to be successful with these apps you should use the ones that best suit you. For instance, in the event that you are a senior, go for senior dating applications. Along these lines, you will effectively find a partner for dating who matches your likes and other things, other than when you just use any universal app.
adult dating
With these apps, singles are finding a perfect mate, becoming more acquainted with them and making arrangements for real dates to know each other better. in addition, they are really safe, particularly for women since they check and confirm the profiles of users before giving them a chance to connect with any matches. Basically, dating applications are the current way to help singles find their perfect companions.

Mainstream and Dating Apps Facts Every Adult Must Know

Technology has now made it possible to do almost everything online –do business transactions like meetings and conferences, teach, learn, make, submit or present a report, buy and sell, and even find love. Who would have thought that even love can be found in the virtual world? Thanks to dating apps and websites!  People seeking for a partner visit these apps and sites with high hopes of finding he one’. Broken-hearted individuals, on the other hand, turn to these apps and sites as a way of moving on. Who knows, they might give love a second chance if lucky enough to find someone who’s willing to stay with them for a long time – if not forever.

All About Mainstream Dating

These days, looking for Mr. or Ms Right is just a click away! Unlike the olden days where courtship for months and years is a must, quite a few people of today’s generation get married only a few months after meeting online. There is really nothing wrong with that as long as the couples stay true to themselves and keep the love alive after meeting in person. According to statistics, there is an increasing number of couples with different nationality and race who get married each and every year because of the fact that dating apps and websites can be used by people from any part of the globe.

Mainstream Dating apps and sites are everywhere. With so many to choose from, make sure to find the one that best fits your personality and lifestyle. There are dating apps and sites for religious people, mostly Christians. There are also some that’s exclusive for professionals. While these apps and sites are mostly for heterosexuals, there are also ones for individuals who choose and prefer a different sexual orientation. There are apps and sites mainly intended for homosexuals, bisexuals, gays, lesbians, etc. This means there is an app or website suitable for everyone – young and old alike!

The Truth about Adult Dating

While some people use mainstream dating for love and affection, others use adult dating apps for casual sex and maybe more. People use this kind of apps for entertainment and pleasure. These apps are online dating platform but intended for finding, chatting, and meeting like-minded people for sexual activities. Users of this kind of apps surely do not like long-term dating and cuddles; they are after casual hook-ups, one night stand, and pure sex.

Others even specify on their profiles that kissing is not allowed. In some cases, individuals who just got out from a painful break-up turn to this kind of dating platform as a means to forget the pain through o strings attached’ sex and friends with benefits’ kind of situation.

Using Mainstream and Adult Dating Apps: How to Get Started

Like every app or website, it all begins with a working email, unique password, and catchy username. As a general rule, you have to be 18 years and older to be allowed to sign up. Your name, age, and location are the most basic information required. You have the option to disclose your real name, age and address but for security reasons, many people do not and will only do so upon meeting or dating someone in person.

After filling up the basic info, some apps and sites will let you say something about yourself, your likes and dislikes, and describe the kind of person you prefer or want to meet, date, or even have sex with. This is the part where you basically ell’ yourself; make sure to come up with an interesting description to attract others. Be specific and honest with your likes and dislikes and do not write vague statements that will only confuse other users. When it comes to describing the type of person you are looking for, be straight to the point. Do you want someone who is tall, dark and handsome or maybe skinny, tan and petite?

Mainstream Dating versus Adult Dating: How They Differ

Survey: The questions you will be required to answer in dating apps for casual sex are direct and strong like “Do you want a date before the first fuck?”Some apps only need a es’ or o’ answer. Given that ‘maybe’ is not an option, you have to be sure with what you click. Your answers to the survey will reflect the kind of person you want to flirt with and ultimately reflect the kind of person you are.


Your profile picture and basically all photos you upload in a mainstream dating app or site must be wholesome, showing less skin as possible. You don’t want to make a bad first impression, especially if you are on a dating app for Christians or professionals. Adult dating apps, on the other hand, require sexy pictures. Most men and women show a lot of skin; to the extent, naked.

Care, Love and Affection versus Mere Pleasure and Sex:

Mainstream dating is wholesome in nature, while adult dating is somewhat erotic. People who believe in fairy tales and happily ever after may visit the former. The latter, on the other hand, is for people who want casual sex and momentary pleasure. Perhaps a short time to escape reality! To set the right expectation, adult dating apps for sex is definitely not the ideal place to find love. In rare cases that it happens, maybe only 1% or 2%.

What’s the Catch?

Again, there are countless mainstream and adult dating apps out there. Because of this, always make sure to read reviews before finally downloading anything. There are dating apps for casual sex that’s purely for free, while there are also those that come with a cost. It is up to you if you want to pay a monthly subscription, just be sure you are getting the most of what you pay for. The app should have all the features you want and need.

Date app choices

Choose a dating app that guarantees utmost security. Given that you will be posting pictures of yourself – naughty ones for sure – ensure that you are always safe. You do not want to avail or pay for something that will only jeopardize your identity.