I Am A Cheating Housewife!

As a sexpert on adultsmart blog, be warned to buy your wife flowers on mothers day and pay more attention to her. This is an anonymous letter we received from one of our blog readers about a cheating housewife.

The Letter Reads

Opening the Mother’s Day card a year ago from my husband David my heart sank.  We’d been married for over 10 years.  I was the mother of his kids but he hadn’t even thought to purchase me some flowers or anything.  From reading the short writing on the card, he had made a small attempt.  As this really frustrated me as it was not the first time it had happened.

I was scared of becoming a house wife whose husband would never buy her anything special.  I saw on television a story on the news about peoples husbands who would cheat on their wife with prostitutes.   The men said “using prostitutes saved my marriage” and the prostitutes were receiving very expensive gifts.

They were receiving Chanel, Gucci and Tiffany products, which I had never received from my husband.  How unfair!!!

Entire run-up to Mother’s Day had been disappointing.

It made me feel old and like I was losing my sexiness. My marriage was trapped in an endless cycle. We’d gotten together when I was fresh out of college. Things were incredible at first but they began to come apart when our children arrived.  David is just 34, but acts like he is in his 80’s.  He’s always irritable, drained and unmotivated.

We have sex about once a week but I never climax and it’s like he simply makes ‘just enough’ effort.

A Cheating Housewife

The day after Mother’s Day this year, I set up a profile on one of those mobile sex applications, Tinder.

I’d had a bit to drink and was feeling mischievous, so I wrote about how I was a busty brunette looking to have an unsanctioned romance.  Within minutes, I had matched with a few men, including a man called Michael who had a wife and five children.

He was 42, a Doctor.  His marriage was significantly more useless than mine by what he was saying.  He wasn’t sleeping with his wife at all.

Flower Present for a cheating housewife
Sexy Novelties and Games

I met him a week later for Lunch

At a cafe about 40 minutes away from each of our homes. We wound up having a lots of fun, drinking wine, and getting to know each another. We continued to message each other, and met up again for coffee.

Two weeks later we ended up under the covers of a bed in a Hotel room.  It was romantic and lovely.  He’d had flowers and champagne set up in the room before I arrived. The sex was extremely close and enthusiastic but despite everything I never orgasmed.

Truth be told, I never have but the second and third go I think I came closer to one than I ever had before.

I Didn’t Feel I Was Doing Anything Wrong

Despite the fact that it was a major thing for me to have an affair I didn’t feel like I was doing the wrong thing.  I finally felt alive and I was feeling sexy again.

My husband has lost interest. I didn’t tell anyone, not even my closest friends. It felt great keeping the secret and mystery all to myself. I also felt like a better mother, because I wasn’t as frustrated at home or with David.   He could be awkward and moody whilst I breezed through feeling sexy and desired.

Thing’s got a little more interesting late last year

Michael and I delved into a bit of bondage play.   I found out that I love to be being blindfolded. Michael and continued to meet up for sex about once a month for six months.  But after a while he began to go missing on me, cancelling last minute and giving me excuses.

After 6 months of sleeping together, I had developed passionate feelings for him. I never let him know, because I knew that despite the affair, his wife and children were what mattered to him.

Inevitably, we stopped seeing each other.

I’ve Had Other Affairs Since

After Michael, I have since met and had affairs with two other men because of my profile On Tinder.  I’m currently talking online with a couple of other guys. David and I, despite everything are still married and continue to have sex once a week.

Sex with David hasn’t made any improvement, but now that I have my other relationships, it doesn’t trouble me as much.  If I have gained anything from these affairs and the whole experience, it has taught me that mothers need to spoil themselves and have more fun.

If they aren’t getting it at home, they should get it somewhere else!  I don’t feel like a bad wife for cheating.  If anything, cheating on my husband has made me a better wife.

Overcoming Infidelity – It Takes Two

Hot topic of the week is as sweet as it is sour.  The name on everyone’s lips is: Lemonade.

Beyonce’s newly released album has caused quite a stir across the world as it appears to directly reference the infidelity of her husband and validate the now infamous Elevator scene involving Beyonce, her sister Solange, and Jay-Z.

Regardless of whether or not you agree with the releasing, or the delivery of the content, it still contains powerful messages and images concerning infidelity. I’m not here to argue the artistic merit of the album, or even to comment on way of dealing with it.

I am here to comment on Overcoming Infidelity, cheating spouses and how to deal with it.

Cheating within a relationship can be one of the most devastating things someone can deal with.  A person with whom you have placed your trust in, a person whom you share almost everything with, a person who sees you at your highest and lowest, has decided to shaft you.  And get their emotional and often sexual needs elsewhere.

It can affect not only the core of the relationship, but the immediate family.  As well as the support networks of all the individuals involved in the cheating. I would like to use this article to not explore the aspect of cheating and infidelity.  But also to explore the flip side of that and examine not only the person whom was cheated on, but also the one who cheated.

To do that, we need to look at a few things.

Reasons Why People Cheat

One of the most obvious reasons why people cheat is that their current relationship or emotional connection does not seem satisfying enough.  This might not necessarily be the case.  Sometimes the person may not be in a position to see the full picture by having far too much going on in their world in order to see clearly blinded by their own issues.

I say this, not to excuse the behaviour of any involved, but more so to indicate that cheating is not necessarily a personal vendetta or an attack on an individual which most people see it as.

A person who has been cheated on might raise the questions – ‘am I not pretty?’, ‘did I nag too much’, ‘am I a horrible person?’ etc.

We blame ourselves

And fail to realise that it may not be about the individual person, or their perceived flaws, indeed there is in most cases absolutely nothing wrong with the individual and their personality.

A second reason is often labelled as a situational.  An opportunity has arisen through a particular event.  A person consumed by a lack of impulse control and emotions they are not sure how to deal with, makes a bad judgement.

Woman with Head in Hands A cheating housewife
Photo: Overcoming Infidelity

How Does a Couple Survive Infidelity? 

So, with these two reasoning’s come to mind, how does a couple survive infidelity or a cheating spouse?

When the discovery is made, it can be world shattering.  Perhaps suspicions had been confirmed.  Or perhaps it came completely out of the blue, either way it can be shattering for all involved.

I know it seems a cop out.  And  I acknowledge that for some this would be a very painful thing to deal with.  But it must be acknowledged.

Overcoming Infidelity

This is mainly when one person is dealing with the ideas of betrayal, hurt, loss of trust.  The other is dealing with all of these, plus guilt and some even struggle to deal with the loss of their affair.  I say this not to excuse their behaviour.  But to make you that there is often more going on behind the minds of both people than what they’re saying.

It is important, in order to move through a situation like this, to communicate open and honestly.  Both partners must be willing to acknowledge what has led to this moment.  And how both of them can work together to rebuild and overcome this.

Stop, Consider and Talk

It is important that you do not react to the situation.  By react I mean that during the heat of the moment that things may be said which are impossible to take back.

You do not need to answer or respond immediately.  Take your time in responding. It is important to acknowledge the needs of both of the individuals, and the pace with which they can acknowledge, process and deal with the information being given them.

It may help to write notes and to not accuse each other of failing.  Far more beneficial is to say things such as ‘I feel neglected’ as opposed to saying ‘You neglect me’.  You must be prepared to listen, talk honestly and be open even when it hurts.

a cheating housewife
What is Love?

Acknowledge that infidelity is rarely about sex or physical intimacy

Merely, that is an extension of the unmet emotional needs felt and that the relationship needs a stronger connection of emotional intimacy. This can be brought about by open and honest communication.

It is here that you may want to ask, and be prepared to answer, questions concerning the cheating.  Questions such as how long did it last, was it physical or emotional, etc. You should not, despite the desire, ask about the sexual nature of their relationship or things you do not want to know.

More often than not, questions about that are asked in that regard concern the persons own feelings and insecurities.  And are an attempt to shore up those feelings.

It will not work in the long term and It is not beneficial to repairing or rebuilding the relationship.

Heal together

Which sounds far simpler than what it is.

In order for it to move on, you must both grieve together, recommit yourselves to the relationship and both work on rebuilding trust. If one decides to punish the other and make them work for the trust again, it’s not necessarily going to work.

  • a cheating housewife or husband
    Sad Woman Cold in the Rain

What if it Doesn’t Work Out?

If Overcoming Infidelity naturally doesn’t work out,or the fighting becomes constant and cyclic.  And you have been to marriage counseling or couples therapy then perhaps the best option would either be to temporarily separate to give each other breathing room.  Or to call the relationship quits.

Infidelity can be overcome with the strength, dedication and commitment of both partners.  Their openness in identifying their feelings, and the causes as to what has happened which resulted in this situation.

It is also important to acknowledge how the cheating has affected your relationship or your partner.  Some people become depressed after an affair has occurred.  They will need to seek out professional help.

Without this, it is possible that the couple has simply drifted apart to far to overcome the issue.  Or that the cracks within the relationship are simply to systemic to repair.

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