I recently had a customer come into one of the Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres asking for a good lubricant for anal play. She described feeling “excruciating pain” when attempting to have penetrative anal sex with her partner and was looking for a product so they could do so successfully. Although products exist that reduce sensitivity around your butt, they are not magic cures to make excruciating anal sex feel good. My heart broke a little when I heard her experience as I could relate to her painful attempts to try anal sex and have it become a traumatising event. My early efforts at anal sex were met with the worst pain I’d ever experienced followed by days of discomfort! I feel fortunate to now know that this certainly doesn’t need to be the case!! I am so excited to share some wisdom I’ve encountered along the way so that your anal experiences can be memorable in the best possible way. I speak from a woman’s point of view however the majority of these tips are appropriate for people of any gender and sexual identity seeking to dive deeper into anal play.
- Relax and breathe: This is so important. Stress and tension can prevent anal sex from being the incredible experience it is capable of being therefore ensuring you begin with a relaxed and excited head space free of expectations is key. Sex doesn’t need be taken so seriously, make sure you have fun with it!!
- Anal training and foreplay: Prior to jumping straight into full blown anal penetration, I highly recommend putting time into anal training and foreplay. Rimming and fingering are some great ways to get warmed up to anal sex and having some quality butt toys can make the experience really exciting. The Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres and Adultsmart have some amazing products perfect for getting your butt prepared for anal sex. Like the Fun Factory Bootie Set which includes 3 different sized butt plugs made from body safe silicone. These are great at gradually expanding your bottoms capacity, making anal sex possible, better and pleasurable.
- What if he pulls his penis out and it’s dirty? Maybe this is too much information but I can tell you I’ve heard this fear voiced so many times by anal curious customers, so much so that I have come up with 2 answers to automatically rattle off. #1 If someone wants to have sex with your butt, then this is a possibility they must be ok with. #2 Douche!! Cleaning your bottom out before partaking in bootie action will eradicate a lot of this fear however if you or your partner are far from ok with the possibility of mess then this will result in anxiety and tension (Remember the 1st point…not good!). This brings me to my next point…
- A supportive partner: Whoever you choose to enjoy anal sex with, it is vital that there is a clear line of communication between you both. Being able to voice any discomforts, fears or worries before, during and after anal sex (and any sexual act for that matter) is key to an enjoyable, fulfilling and pleasurable experience. Anal sex can make you feel extremely vulnerable, often bringing up intense feelings and emotions which is why mutual trust and respect is vital.
- Be prepared! A good quality lubricant is really important to ensure comfortable anal penetration. Pjur Back Door Relaxing Silicone Anal Glide is a popular choice, with silicone lubricants my favourites. Unlike water based lubricants that usually feel sticky, your body doesn’t absorb silicone meaning constant reapplication is not necessary. That means less fumbling around for you both and more emphasis put on making the experience enjoyable. Intimate Earth Anal Relaxing Serum is a product I would recommend to people if they need something to relax their bottoms. It includes natural ingredients and doesn’t have a numbing effect like other products on the market. I also recommend keeping a couple of towels handy just in case. Enough said.
- Clitoral stimulation: Clitoral stimulation can be a really great way of relaxing your body whilst having anal sex. It also means greater pleasure as having your butt stimulated amplifies your orgasms to astronomical heights. A sex toy in your vagina can also be extremely gratifying but it does mean that it’s going to feel a lot tighter which could potentially be uncomfortable. I recommend having a few toys handy in case the desire arises to mix it up.
- Get to know your own butt through self-exploration: I am a huge advocate of women and men getting to know their own bodies before being intimate with another. It can be a really empowering thing to know what your body’s capabilities are so that the road to reaching greater experiences with another can be shown.
- Anal sex is pleasurable: Last but most certainly not least, anal sex is a pleasurable experience, not a painful one!! I can’t stress this point enough as I have spoken with countless women who believe that to have anal sex means to feel pain. Pain is your body’s way of protecting you from harm and when these messages are ignored then the repercussions can be horrible. Anal fissures & tears, bleeding, difficulties when going to the toilet, and unnecessary discomfort are just some of the issues that can occur from ignoring your body’s pain signals. During anal play, there may be a tightness or fullness experienced in your bottom which is perfectly normal however if pain is felt and is not going away, then take some time to slow it down or stop all together. Your body will thank you for it.
The staff in the Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres specialise in all things sex and pleasure so if reading this has you excited to try anal sex, come in and speak to staff about some of the products and sex toys that will make your experience as enjoyable as it should be.
Author: Stephanie Curtis- BA Nursing
Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph’s writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.