Will You Be My Sex Doll?

About Adult Dolls

The Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres surely have some interesting products for sale. From vibrators that twirl, rotate & double penetrate to penis plugs in all shapes, colours & sizes, there’s something in here for everyone. I love to see customers coming in and discovering toys they may never have been exposed to before. Out of all the gadgets & toys in the store, sex dolls would have to be the products that cause the most reaction from customers. Sometimes they cause laughter & disbelief, other times there’s a genuine curiosity & fascination;

“Do people actually buy these?!”

The answer is: Hell yes!! I get customers buying sex dolls for a gag gift at birthday parties & I also sell them to men who are interested in a lifelike masturbating device. The technology with sex dolls is becoming even more advanced, with so many options available to suit all people & all budgets.

 

The history of commercially manufactured sex dolls dates back to 1908, where a Sexologist called Iwan Bloch wrote about dolls available for purchase in Paris that secreted oil to replicate vaginal lubrication. They took 3 months to build and cost a small fortune. I’m not sure what they were made from but I can’t imagine it felt as pleasant as the lifelike materials that are available today. The creation of softer plastics and higher quality materials have led to sex dolls that are eerily similar to an actual human being. Sex dolls have come so far over the last 100 years, with so many options to build your own “dream doll” available online. You can choose the body type, breast size & shape, skin, hair & eye colour, hair design (pubic & head), piercings and tattoos on your custom doll and have it delivered to your door.   

 

There can sometimes be harsh judgements associated with certain sex toys, with products for men, such as sex dolls, probably the most stigmatised. In an article published in The Journal of Positive Sexuality

“Sex dolls-Creepy or Healthy”

(Knox & Huff, 2017), it is noted that many people stigmatize those that buy sex dolls & see the men who use them as unable to attract a sexual partner. I find the male sex toy stigma to be such a double standard as women do not get judged for having a plethora of sex toys tucked away in their bedside table the way men do. I like to point this out to men & women who express judgement for those who have male sex toys as it quickly gets them to question their opinions (and more often than not they usually end up buying one for themselves or their partners shortly after!!). Sex dolls can be a great masturbating toy for those seeking a life like experience so no need to be ashamed.

 

I have had multiple discussions with people & read valid concerns from those who work in the field of human sexuality about the effects sex dolls have on human relationships. There exists a reasonable fear that the use of sex dolls will ultimately shut men off from real human connections, especially those who are shy or have difficulties with interpersonal relationships to begin with. There are also concerns of further objectification & exploitation of women through the availability and use of sex dolls. It is no wonder the line between reality and fantasy is becoming blurry as there are so many products that are unbelievably lifelike. The birth rates in Japan are the lowest they have been since the 1970’s, with the use of sex dolls and love robots said to be one of the biggest causes for this decline.

 

I think that it is important for those using sex dolls to understand that a sex doll is a masturbating device & not a substitute for human connection. With such a widespread addiction to technology, I can see how the use of sex dolls can cause alienation & isolation for certain people so feel they need to be used with awareness. I am not saying that men who use a sex doll must also be having sex with an actual human being or must be limiting the use of their sex doll. I just feel it is important for men using them to not get so far into fantasy that they forget to have connections with others. Because at the end of the day, regardless of how advanced sex doll technology becomes, nothing could ever replace the love & compassion that a human being can offer. 

 

Human Like Doll
Robotic Sex Doll

Sex dolls can be a fun and pleasurable masturbation device that gives a more life-like experience compared to other masturbators.   Before you buy why not check out the sex doll buyers guide.

Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph’s writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.

Liberated: The New Sexual Revolution!

Liberated Sex Revolution

I came across a post on Facebook last week detailing a woman’s reactions after watching the newly released Netflix documentary

“Liberated: The New Sexual Revolution.”

I was intrigued to see for myself what all the fuss was about and was blown away by what was shown. If you are in denial of the need for better sex education for young people then I highly recommend you watch this one! (Warning: This article contains spoiler alerts)

 

This documentary shows the experiences of American college aged men and women as they go away for spring break, with their feelings and behaviours when it comes to their sexuality explored. Spring break in the U.S is a coming of age ritual for many young men & women, with the holiday symbolising freedom from the responsibilities of college.

 

One Nighters
Hook-Up Sex

The first interviews we see are from a group of young men partaking in spring break celebrations. What I found tragic with these men were the beliefs they have around women & sex. Having sex with multiple young women was a way of these men finding validation from their peers, with the

“notch on the belt”

attitude extremely prevalent. Men were seen as “better men” according to how many women they slept with. Emotion and love was completely absent in the sexual interactions and even the mention of it was laughed at. One experience showed a man meeting a young women walking past his hotel room. Within a few minutes they were alone in his room having sex. He did not remember her name straight after the experience and had no intention of meeting her again. What was noticeable in these men was that they didn’t even know that there was a different way of being with women. Having these kinds of experiences was scarily the norm.

 

When the interviewer dug a little deeper speaking with some of these men in smaller groups, what we saw were confused young guys who felt enormous amounts of pressure to have sex despite their desires to do so. Men spoke of the shame of being a virgin when all their friends had lost their virginity & how they were teased because of it. Having sex was seen as a necessary part of being a man, with this sometimes leading to some regretful and unpleasant experiences for all involved.

 

Moving on to the women on spring break, we initially saw a very different perspective than with the men. The young women interviewed at appeared at first intelligent, articulate and very aware of the toxic culture they had grown up in. They realised that they had to go against some very strong messages that tell them to be a certain way in order to avoid falling into the trap of the social “norms.” It then moves on to a different scene on a spring break beach party, where we saw young women buying into the idea of emotionless and empty sexual encounters. There was a very prevalent attitude that many women were abiding to and that was one of sexuality being the only part of themselves that made them worthy. Appearing sexy was the most important thing in these young women’s lives and for them to feel of any value in the world, they needed men to validate this in them.

 

As the documentary continued, scene after scene of objectification & disrespectful mistreatment of women followed. We saw women’s breasts and genitals being groped by strangers as they walked past and heard accounts from countless women saying that this was to be expected as they went about spring break-in fact it happened in countless other environments for these women throughout their lives.

 

I would be lying if I said that the behaviour I witnessed completely surprised me because I grew up in the “hookup culture” and some of these behaviours were eerily familiar (Though it certainly has gotten worst from what I saw). What really shocked & devastated me was the huge extent of these behaviours and how normal detached sexual encounters, sexual abuse, rape and severe mistreatment of young women is for so many young people. A young women was raped whilst unconscious by 3 young men and there were hundreds of people standing around not doing a thing about it!!

 

This documentary highlighted the toxicity that occurs when young people are not taught about healthy sexuality and relationships. Pornography is one of the main ways that young people learn about sex and without an awareness of the context of this imagery, can lead to the normalization of harmful sexual behaviors. Although this documentary was filmed in the U.S, I believe it speaks loudly to what is going on in Australia too. Many things need to be done differently worldwide if we’re to see any lasting changes to the ways young men and women relate with one another.

 

Love From Stephanie – Oh Zone Consultant

Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph’s writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.

Freedom In Relationships!

Loving Relationships

Would you believe me if I told you that you can be in a relationship and have your absolute freedom?

I know that it may sound too good to be true for many of you. I have to admit that even I am coming to terms with the fact that the two can coexist.

What exactly do I mean when I speak of freedom? I’m not talking about that kind of free love, do whatever you want, fuck whoever you want kind of attitude that sees destructive behaviors normalized and people hurt. When I say freedom, I mean living life on your own terms and working towards those things that are really important to you whilst being loving and respectful towards your partner.

I completely empathise with those who cannot fathom the possibility of freedom in relationship. I feel at times somewhat of a conflict between living as a sovereign being who is whole and complete on her own and being in a loving relationship. Figuring out how the two can coexist can be a struggle. It seems that I become stuck in old patterns of thought at times as I attempt to make way for a new reality where absolute freedom goes hand in hand with the connection with my partner. “Do I really deserve to have both?” I often ask myself.

What I have come to know throughout my life up until recently is that freedom & relationship do not go together. Being in an intimate relationship in the past has meant sacrifice and giving up on those things I deeply desire. My only reference of what relationship meant growing up and in my previous relationship was one where constant compromise was seemingly necessary in order to “sustain” the relationship. There exists an idea of compromise and sacrifice when it comes to our intimate relationships, that to be in a loving relationship means we must relinquish certain things in our life for the other person.

I really want to clarify the ideas of “compromise” and “making sacrifices” in relationship as I believe them to be destructive when taken the wrong way. I don’t believe that we can go around in our life & in any of our relationships doing whatever the hell we want with little regard for others. Showing compassion and respect to others is vital if we’re to develop and sustain any relationships. With that in mind I don’t feel that we need to compromise on the big things that really matter to us. Our values and morals must be followed if we are to live in integrity. Our own unique path in life should not be neglected or compromised because we choose to spend it with another person.

Freeing Relationships
Free Relationships

Being in a relationship with a man over the last year who encourages me to live my life as I desire has caused me to re-evaluate my idea of freedom in a relationship. I am lovingly supported to follow my own path which can often conflict with my old belief that singledom is the only time when I can live my absolute truth.

My recent celibacy journey has deeply changed the person I have come to know as me. This means that right now I am attempting to get to know who I am and what I want from my life. Self-inquiry like this is challenging at times but I know it to be crucial for growth and expansion in all areas of my life. My previous patterns of thought would have me believe that I need to be single at this time to figure all of this out for myself, when in fact I am actually called to do this whilst being in relationship with another.

If I thought deep inner work was hard when I was single, being in a relationship trying to figure out “who the hell I am” is next level!! Having my freedom has meant taking a whole heap of space for myself and not being as available to my partner emotionally or physically.

 

Freedom can look so different for every individual. Freedom can mean having a non-monogamous relationship, being celibate, choosing to spend a week away on your own or simply choosing to do your own thing in life while your partner does theirs’s.

Freedom in relationship is only possible if you’re are willing and able to communicate your needs and desires clearly. I highly recommend having the conversations that may feel uncomfortable as opposed to supressing what you need until you reach breaking point.

Where in your relationship are you sacrificing your freedom for another? How can you open yourself up to the reality that freedom and a beautiful relationship coexist? How can you come to believe that you never have to compromise on the big things in life in order to be with another person?

Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph’s writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.

Are Your A People Pleaser? Take This Quick Quiz!!!

human doormat

People pleaser, doormat, martyr, try hard, servant. I’m sure that you are familiar with these kinds of people. You may in fact resonate with these terms yourself. Whether it’s in our social circles, intimate relationships or in the workplace, people pleasing is rampant. Being on the receiving end of someone who likes to please does not seem like a bad thing. We get what we want from them so it must be ok right? The truth is, people who lack the ability to say no and do things for other people despite their own desires are not doing so from an authentic and genuine place. Being a “recovering” people pleaser, I know what it’s like all too well.

The intentions of people pleasers seem to be kind.

You ask for something and they do it for you, how lovely of them! However, if you dig a little deeper you will probably see that they resent you for the fact that they said yes to something that they were a no to. I don’t know about you but the thought of someone out there doing something for me and holding a grudge makes me cringe a little.

personality insecurities
Am I Good Enough

People pleasers can be extremely insecure people who constantly seek for external validation to feel complete. Fears of being rejected, abandoned and disliked can keep people pleasers in a cycle of going against their own desires for another’s approval. People pleasers can operate from a belief that they are being kind to others when, often, they are just terrified of rejection and confrontation.

By this stage, you may have either identified yourself as a people pleaser or know of someone in your life who fits the profile. Having awareness of your actions & behaviour and that of others is a great place to be because it is from here that you can bring about positive changes in your life. The biggest change I highly encourage people pleasers to make is to

LEARN HOW TO COMMUNICATE YOUR BOUNDARIES.

Boundaries have a bad rap in some circles, with some people seeing them as blockages or barricades to true connection. Where I am from, this could not be further from the truth, with healthy boundaries ultimately leading to greater connection and love. Boundaries allow us to create a sense of safety for ourselves as we go about our lives. They are the ultimate in self-love and self-care.

Boundaries lead to connection with other people that is based on trust and authenticity. I can trust someone’s yes so much more when I know that they can say no to me. When I ask something of someone who has great boundaries, I can rest easy in the knowing that they are doing so from a place of desiring to and not because they are trying to please me.

One big myth about boundaries that I mentioned above is that they disconnect us from others. I love how Brene Brown says that the most compassionate people she has ever interviewed have been the “absolutely most boundaries.” Boundaries allow us to really connect with others and show absolute compassion for them knowing that we can identify what is and isn’t ok for us if & when it occurs.

Boundaries don’t make you an un-loveable human being, quite the opposite in fact. Having healthy boundaries is self-respect and this leads to respectful treatment from others. When you are surrounded by people who respect you, you will feel loved whole heartedly-quite opposite from the “love” you receive from disrespectful people.

Communicating boundaries applies to all areas of our lives. Whether that be at work, school, at the pub on a Friday night, or at a sex party on a Monday, they are necessary to hold at all times.

All kinds of people will come and go in your life. From friends to intimate partners, we will encounter all many along our life journey. The only constant throughout our whole life is ourselves’. When people voice their fears around speaking their boundaries, I ask them if 10 years from now, they believe they will be thinking about that person that left them because they stood up for what is and isn’t ok with them? Or will they instead be so proud of the confident, self-loving and self-assured person they have turned into who attracts people who love and respect them whole heartedly? I think you can guess the answer to that one…

If you are a people pleaser desiring for greater self-love or just someone who lacks boundaries, I highly recommend seeking out support to rediscover your ability to communicate boundaries. Your future self will thank you for it I guarantee! There are countless courses, coaches and therapists out there which can support you stepping into your ultimate power as a human being.

Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph’s writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.

Every Body Is Beautiful: My Journey To Self-Love

This article feels quite edgy to write. I’ve toyed with it for some time but have felt fear around coming across as superficial as it’s speaking into the change in my physical appearance. I’ve avoided it for some time because if there’s one thing that triggers me it’s those before and after photos showing body transformations after committing to some “amazing diet”- as if one photo could possibly summarise the person you have become! With that in mind, I know deep inside me that I have a lot of gold to share from my experience hence why I am putting this out in the open.

My weight loss comes up in conversation from time to time, especially from people who met me when I was at my heaviest. “What did you do?” is the most common question I get asked and I think with this people expect me to rattle off a list of diets/cleanses/detoxes that led to my 15kg weight loss. Though there were numerous factors and influences that led to my weight change, my simple answer is that I just stopped caring about what the scales read and began caring about the things in life that truly mattered.

The truth is, food was never the issue. I could have committed to the best diet in the world (is there such a thing?) and I still wouldn’t have shifted the heaviness I carried on my body – believe me I tried!! That’s because weight was my protection, weight kept me safe from the world. My body highlighted my inability to feel my feelings. It was a reflection of the hatred that I showered myself with every day, the unworthiness I believed I deserved to live with.

The excess weight I held on my body was also my saviour in a way. I had hurt myself for so long in so many ways and my drastic weight gain was the final shift that got my attention to this fact. Our bodies are wise beyond measure and sure know how to get our attention to the things we’re not acknowledging. My body was speaking very loudly telling me that some big things needed to change in my life, in particular the things in my life related to my relationships, love, sexuality and spirituality. It took me some time but I eventually listened.

What happened prior to losing weight took a great deal of courage on my behalf.

  • I spent time learning about boundaries, learning how to communicate my yes and my no. For a young woman that was a passive people pleaser, the fact that I had found agency over my own body was a revelation. Having clear, healthy boundaries creates a foundation of safety and stability in your body. With this, that protective weight is no longer needed.
  • I explored the hidden and neglected areas of myself that were hiding behind my weight. My weight disguised some scary parts of myself that I didn’t want to see. Like a courageous warrior, I decided to finally face those parts of myself that I didn’t like. It was scary and painful but I am so grateful I looked.
  • I found my sexiness and my sensuality. As it turns out, they had nothing to do with how I looked and everything to do with how I felt. There is so much truth in “sexy at any size.” Sexiness is not how you look, it’s how you feel about yourself. The sexiest women I know are embodied, self-loving and incredibly sensual with no agenda to be something for anybody else. They are all of this for themselves and that exudes out of them in such a beautiful way.
  • I learnt how to be in my body, how to feel again, how to express my emotions. My weight came about from all those times I had numbed out and disassociated from my body so there was a great deal to feel. I learnt how to healthily express my feelings without needing to binge eat to avoid them.
  • I found a deep and profound love for myself that wasn’t built on conditions or a need to look a certain way. The need to love yourself is thrown around way too often but I think it’s for a very good reason. The true self-love I found for myself was appreciating every single part of who I was – the good, the bad and the ugly – because it makes me who I am and that is divine. Bursting with this love for myself, I was then finally able to let other people love me for who I was.

After this life changing inner transformation (which is constantly ongoing), the weight dropped off effortlessly in no time. No restrictions or diet, no stepping on scales and torturing myself with exercise I hated. Just a whole heap of self-love, self-respect and coming to believe my worthiness to live a beautiful, pleasurable life full of joy and connection.

I see so many people who struggle with their weight, believing it to be the one thing in their life that causes all their suffering. I wish I could wake these people up to the fact that their body is speaking to them and they need to learn its language before any shifts will occur. Sure, you can deprive and starve yourself to the point of weight loss but believe me when I say that final result is not what you’re really seeking. Having a slim body does not “fix” your life. It doesn’t help you to avoid uncomfortable feelings or pain – that shit is universal and cannot be avoided! Your weight does not determine how loveable you are or how worthy you are as a human being. There are many reasons why people lose weight like a bad break-up but keep some of the reasons that I listed above in mind next time you are planning on going on a diet for weight-loss.

Quote on body size acceptance
Image: Body size acceptance

Author: Stephanie Curtis, Sexologist

Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph’s writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.