Turning the Tables – Defining a Switch

When we think about BDSM we have long thought of Dominance and submission but what is Defining a Switch.   More recently we have thought of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele whether we agree or disagree with E.L James’ portrayal of the kinky genre. Surveys have shown that worldwide over 90% of people have thought more than once about BDSM. But there is an aspect of the kinky rabbit hole that seems to go unnoticed, left in the dark or does not get as much attention, recognition or information.

 

Switching.

 

More often than not, people will often label themselves as Dominant or Submissive. Not all of the time though, they are not 100% on that scale. Let me paint you a crude expression in the form of a picture.

Most people will fluctuate somewhere along this rudimentary scale. There will be Submissives who are more submissive than others, and Dominants who are more overtly dominantly foreboding. It comes down to the same way that no two personalities are going to be the same.

And then there are Switches. Switches are not those who cannot decide, so let us quash that myth right here and now. They are also not greedy and want to both. Another myth that we can dispel. Switches can be submissives and can also be dominants.

But, ultimately, switches like the power exchange, switches enjoy both taking power and humbling themselves to power. And each switch may look different depending on their own dynamic.

SWTICH

When a switch is in a relationship with a dominant, they may take on a role as a submissive. As that person’s submissive. But it does not make them submissive. It makes them that person’s submissive. Not one in general. When a switch is in a dynamic with a submissive, they will assume the role of the dominant and protector, but they will still identify as a switch, not as a dominant.

When a switch is in a dynamic with another switch, they can switch between the power dynamic, taking turns in asserting dominance whether sexually, day to day, financially or however. I once had a friend who explained being a switch sexually as a tug o war that you never knew the winner. Sometimes he would begin as the alpha, tying his partner up, taking the lead, and halfway through she would surprise him, and turn the tables, and she would take the reins, take control and put the moves on him and make him putty in her hand. I would love listening to his exploits, because it wasn’t that he let her. Never let her win, or let her take control. Sometimes, he would try to keep the upper hand, and sometimes he would win, pull the right moves that she would moan and fall under his spell of ecstasy, but not always. That was their dynamic, the power between them. He called it an art form, to perfectly execute a perfect power exchange halfway during play and sex.

Other switches will take turns being “in charge”, sometimes it may involve noone being in charge. During one of my many discussions amongst friends I had someone tell me it all sounded rather exhausting. As I am writing this, I guess that it does sound exhausting but in the heat of the moment, it is as much a part of my personality that it doesn’t require something that needs forethought or added mental strain to need exhaustion.

How do you know if you’re a Switch?

I don’t know if it was gender norms or stories or what that first allured me to the position of fantasising about being the submissive, about wanting to be the one who was dominated, who did what was asked of them. And I liked it, don’t get me wrong, but it didn’t take me long to work out that that wasn’t me. Not all the time. My mother had always told me I would never be happy taking orders from anybody, and in a way she was very very correct. Throughout my sexual awakening I realised I liked to push back, I liked to give as much I received. But just as I realised that I liked to push back and be in charge, I realised that I also like to humble myself, to be subservient to give up control and do as I was told. Other times of course, there were times I loved nothing more than being sassy, defiant and bratty or to go all out with a tug of war of my own and fight fire with fire with a worthy adversary.

Of course, some acts or limits a person may feel more or less switchy/dominant/submissive in. It is a scale. There are also people, who I would never dream of dominating, out of respect but also-they just don’t seem the type. I wouldn’t impose my own lifestyle on them. Consent is everything. You wouldn’t force someone to be submissive to you, or to dominate them when they are not into it.

How to talk to your partner about Switching

Communication is the key with any and all fantasies. Carve out some open and comfortable time to discuss your fantasies, do not bombard or surprise them out of the blue.

Reiterate how attracted and secure you are in your relationship.

Link it to something you have seen in a movie, or a book or porn if you are open about watching those together but ensure that you tailor it to you and your partner “I saw this scene and I was really turned on thinking about you doing this to me”

Explain why it turns you on. “I like the idea of being at your mercy, and you being at mine.” or “I want to try taking it in turns who tops.” or if you can, use the tug o war metaphor.

It could be starting out with who is literally on top during sex, or who picks the position. Use dirty talk, tell each other what you want to do, up the game by using real or verbal restraints, “If you move – I will stop.”

Switching and power exchanges can ebb and flow over time and are open to experimentation. It can be harder to grasp for men than for women as there is often the notion that men must take charge in the bedroom, but that is the glorious thing about sexual exploration, and about switching, or being a switch, it is enjoying both, experimenting with both and being open and present to both sides of the pleasure coin.

At your Service,

Tiffany

OhZone Sales Consultant, Educator and Dedicated Switch.

How to Step Outside Your Sexual Comfort Zone

Sex should be fun and exciting and sometimes you must Step Outside Your Sexual Comfort Zone. If your love life is more than a little mundane or regimented, it might be time to turn it up a notch in the bedroom – or outside of it.

If you’re willing to try new techniques, embrace your fantasies, and learn new tactics, you have arrived at the perfect place. Read the following advice on how to step outside your sexual comfort zone.

Shake Things Up

If your partner is always on top, or you try the same position every time you step inside the bedroom, it is time to shake things up. Rather than allowing your partner to dominate you, you can take charge in the bedroom, which is bound to excite your other half. You could even pick up a copy of the Kama Sutra to try different positions, such as:

  • Pretzel Dip
  • Doggy Style
  • Magic Mountain
  • Cowgirl’s Helper

It can increase both your pleasure, and it can keep sex fun and unique. You never know, the new positions and roles could encourage you and your partner to spend a little more time in the bedroom.

Let Yourself Go

Your brain can determine your comfort and satisfaction during sex. It is essential to let your guard down and trust your partner during sex, which can help you let yourself go and enjoy the experience. A relaxed approach to sex could encourage you to step outside your comfort zone, too.

If a lack of confidence is holding you back, find ways to boost your self-esteem. For instance, you could wear sexy lingerie inside and outside the bedroom. Also, make time for grooming and exercise to boost your confidence and ensure you feel sexy with a partner.

Communicate Your Wants and Needs

Enjoy every sexual encounter by communicating your wants and needs during sex with a partner. By being open and honest about your fantasies, likes, and dislikes, you will feel more fulfilled under the sheets. Plus, it will improve your partner’s enjoyment, as they will be eager to please you.

Step Outside the Bedroom

Spice up your sex life by stepping outside the bedroom every once in a while. A little spontaneity can keep your relationship fresh and exciting. For example, you could try different positions in the kitchen, living room, or even the bathroom.

Mixing up settings could add a new energy to your lovemaking and ensure you both have many memories to look back on with a huge smile. If you’re feeling adventurous, you can look for ways to have sex outside the home, which could help keep the spark alive in your relationship.

Meet Someone New

If you’re single and ready to mingle, look for opportunities to connect with someone new. Let’s take the small city of Bochum in Germany for example; this is a place that isn’t short on attractive, sexy females. A fun sexual encounter (paid or otherwise) could transform your boring sex life for the better, improve your experience, and help you learn new techniques that will boost your confidence.

Enjoy Some Erotica

Are you stuck for ideas on how to step outside your sexual comfort zone? Erotic novels and porn can open the door to different sexual opportunities, positions, and fantasies you might never have discovered. In addition, it can help you tap into your desires, which you can then share and make a reality with a partner.

Dress Up

Dressing up will allow you to adopt a whole new persona, which can help you banish self-esteem issues and feel more confident during sex. Different options could get your partner’s pulse racing, as you could dress as:

  • A nurse or doctor
  • A fireman or firewoman
  • A sexy secretary
  • A cowgirl or cowboy

Try Different Sex Toys

Sex toys can provide couples or individuals with different stimulations, which could help them identify what they do or don’t like. There are sex toys available for single people and couples, and they are options for every orientation and gender. So, if you want to have more fun with your partner in the bedroom, explore the different toys available together to find options that will get both your hearts racing.

Explore Both Your Bodies

Improve sexual pleasure by exploring yours and your partner’s bodies. Try to stimulate different areas of the body to trigger new responses and increase enjoyment in the bedroom. Remember, each body is different, so find what works for you and your other half.

Follow the 30-Day Sex Challenge

The 30-day sex challenge, which started on Reddit, will push you and a partner outside your sexual comfort zone. Each day for 30 days, you must take on a new sexual challenge to try something different and spice up your sex life. Sit down with your partner and write a list of challenges you would both like to complete, and then tick them off the list throughout the month.

Boosting Sexual Satisfaction In Couples

boost sex

5 Sure Fire Ways To Boost Sexual Satisfaction

The pandemic changed our lives completely, especially our sexual practices. While some of us staying with our partners got too much time for action, others staying without them missed all of it. And unfortunately, following the safety guidelines, there is no way even to get sexual satisfaction from the best hookup sites. However, irrespective of the current relationship status, gender, and even age the sexual satisfaction remains the topmost concern for most people. Hence, a discussion about the subject grabs attention without any effort. So let us dig in deep into the wetlands and find out the secrets of sexual satisfaction and relationship happiness with the following tips:

Tip 1: Foreplay Has More Power Than You Believe For Sexual Satisfaction

Sexual satisfaction doesn’t come from sex alone. It is the build-up of arousal that makes the release so pleasurable. So, instead of doing it like a duty, enjoy the process the way you did initially in a relationship.

For example- Watching romantic movies with intimate scenes in dim lighting can set the mood well.

Tip 2: Experiment For Sexual Satisfaction

If you keep eating your favorite dish every day all day, it becomes boring. Experimentation helps with excitement in bed and boosts sexual activity in couples for longer years. Not all experimentation will be satisfying, but you might some that give you more sexual satisfaction than others. It also stops sex from becoming a routine activity.

For example- Try new positions, role-plays, toys, etc.

Tip 3: Communicate For Sexual Satisfaction

Another most essential step we often neglect in a relationship is talking about sex. Many couples find it uncomfortable and even unnecessary to discuss their likes and dislikes. It can change the experience, increase the comfort level & trust in a relationship. While it is easier to satisfy a man, men face problems understanding how to know if a lady is sexually satisfied.

How To know If A Woman Is Sexually Satisfied?

Sexual satisfaction is best determined by facial expressions and responsive actions. If your moves and actions arouse your partner, then they will respond with their touch and eagerness for your body. Women try to express their satisfaction with post-sex cuddles, hip movements showing interest in round two, kisses, moans (gibberish statements lost in the air).

Tip 4: Find the Turn Offs For Sexual Satisfaction

As individuals, we always think of activities that ensure sexual satisfaction for the partner and us. But how many times do we talk about the turn-offs? Instead of avoiding doing something stating you are not in the mood, talking it out helps. Your turn-off could be a particular action, body hair, odor, or anything else. Tell your partner and ask them about theirs. It supports both of you to address the issues and feel more wanted. Also, in the case of actions, you can easily opt for other alternatives and ensure sexual satisfaction to your partner without being unsatisfied yourself.

For example- toys and hands can replace oral pleasure.

Tip 5: Invest In the Relationship for Sexual Satisfaction

Sex is not just about physical attachment. The need for touch comes from the mental requirement of being close to your partner. Love is the essence of sexual satisfaction; hence, putting efforts to show love to your partner outside the bed can show beautiful results on the bed. Leaving something for your partner’s pleasure or doing something specifically for their liking can have a more profound effect on your partner.

For example, a massage, a small gift, cooking their favorite food, deleting the number of someones your partner doesn’t like.

Research on sexual satisfaction has found that mental health affects the relationship and pleasure. Hence, doing activities like yoga and meditation can help improve the mental health of couples and, in turn, increase sexual satisfaction. What do you think is missing in your relationship that is hindering your desired pleasure? Comment below!

Author’s bio:  

Miranda Davis is a freelance writer in the relation and psychology area. Miranda is interested in such topics as building healthy relationships between people, love/sex compatibility, and how to find the right balance in life in general. She is currently doing specific research on the topic. Miranda loves cooking and long-distance walking.

Fetishes vs Fantasies.

fetishes and fantasies

Words are occasionally my favorite tool to use both in the bedroom and out. But today we aren’t talking about dirty talk, though we could. No today dear readers, we are talking semantics and comparing two of my favourite words and words that are often confused, confuddled and mixed up in many scenes, scenarios and interchanges between people when discussing kinks.

 

Fetish vs Fantasy.

 

Fetishes

 

A fetish can best be described as a strong desire or need for something be it an object or a person, an act or kink. There are those who can argue that a fetish could be categorized as an uncontrollable desire, the very opposite a phobia, in which a person has an uncontrollable fear, sometimes even irrational. Fetishes can sometimes be categorised as lust worthy, uncontrollable desires, perhaps even irrational to the rational part of a person’s mentality. But it still gives them sexual or pleasureable gratification.

 

Fetishes can be primal in nature and in some aspects some people have felt much shame in them. Finding safe and welcoming communities where they can find acceptance as well as safe spaces to safely explore, discuss and explore these fetishes is becoming more mainstream and is a joy to see as our society opens up and #breaksthestigma. Fetishes can be many and varied. To date there are over 239 fetishes but here are 12 of some of the most common sexual ones you may have come across

 

  1. Role-Playing – or dress ups. Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean we can’t play make believe sometimes. It can be fun to slip into a different person from time to time, try on a fun costume and pretend to be a different character.

 

  1. Anal sex – this one is a little bit of a grey area, some people enjoy anal sex as a sexul act while others visualise it as a fetish. As long as everyone is consensually enjoying it, who are we to label labels?

 

  1. Lingerie – being aroused by a certain type of lingerie is definitely a fetish and more common than people give it credit. Stockings. Lace. satin. Latex. These pieces of adorning lingerie can be wholeheartedly turn ons for people.

 

  1. Impact Play- spanking, flogging, paddling and other forms of consensual striking.

 

  1. Foot Fetish – the worship of feet through acts such as kissing, massage, smelling, licking, touching or just watching.

 

  1. Bondage – Being tied up or restrained. Bondage can range from very mild to very intense and is usually found in BDSM but has also been known to be one of the first things to try when spicing up things in the bedroom. Restaurants can be made from cuffs, rope, a tie, cable ties,…..many things.

 

  1. Group sex – threesomes and foursomes are the most common but group sex also extends to orgies involving multiple people and gang-bangs including one person of one gender and mutliples of the other gender.

 

  1. Sensory play- When we think sensory play we often immediately think of hot and cold, ice and fire, or in this case wax play. Sensation play also includes blindfolds, feathers and for the more experienced, electrostim play.

 

  1. Dirty Talk – I say Dirty talk but well, it’s not really more things like humiliation and degradation, being called names, talking down and dirty.

 

  1. Orgasm control – or denial. This is edging into BDSM and is a subsection of submission and dominance, bringing the submissive to the brink of orgasm and forced to stop. And doing so repeatedly. or , withholding sex or orgasms over a period of time as a form of teasing.

 

  1. Voyuerism and exhibitionism- watching people having sex, or having sex out in public ith the risk of being caught having sex is very common. WHo among us has not had sex in a car or sneakily in the cinema?

 

  1. Pornography – Watching, looking at pornographic material, before or during sexual intercourse or play

 

So

 

Fantasies.

 

I will admit. Fantasies and Fetishes are not all that different. But the difference is a big one. Fantasies are our respective, imagined scenarios that get us all hot and heavy. They are the screenplay in our minds that we make up, that may involve various fetishes, or wants or desires, but they do not necessarily control us.

 

AND

 

This is the big one

 

We may not want to play them out in real life.

 

Fetishes drive us. We want them. Some people need them.

 

Fantasies are exactly that. They are imaginary.

 

Staging a scene in real life to mirror your fantasy, while nice, will be hard, especially if it is a fantasy you have lived and re-lived in your imagination for years. You have built it up with such exquisite and erotic detail that that is a hard act to nail in real life to the exactness of the fantasy. The fetishes, sure thing, those can be met. But the fantasy is a construct of the amalgamation of the fetishes and how you have controlled them in your imaginatorium.

 

Another example is a real life example of a couple who divulged their fantasies that they masturbated to, to one another, and the husband thought it would be nice to organise his wife’s fantasy, not realising, that while she fantasised about it, when faced with it she had zero interest in fulfilling it with him.

 

I think an important takeaway is that fantasies are amazing, and that everyone should have them, talk about them if you’re open enough and confident to do so, but make it clear when you do, if your fantasy is something you want to try, or something personal you enjoy having a good solo session to when you’re alone.

 

At Your Service

Tiffany

Caringbah Oh Zone Sales Assistant, Educator and Linguist

9 Popular Medical Sex Toys!

Medical Sex Toy Doctor

If you think that sex toys were mainly made up of vibrators and dildos you would be incorrect. For those that take part in bondage and fetish activities, medical sex toys can be very appealing. Instead of comprising of the usual bondage and fetish gear of ankle and wrist restraints, blindfolds, bondage spreader bars, collars and gags, medical and surgical steel sex toys derive directly from items associated more with the practice of medicine than the practice of sex. They can be used for playful fun and games, role play, cleansing and more extreme forms of pleasure/pain.

The bestselling and most popular medical sex toys are as follows:

Wartenberg Wheel

The Wartenberg Wheel is a pin wheel that is intended to be rolled over the skin. There are a number of different types of these instruments available ranging from light to severe depending upon the number of spikes included on the wheels and the number of pin wheels built-in.

Wartenberg wheel
Image: Wartenberg PinWheels

Urethral Sounds

A urethral sound is a surgical steel sex toy especially intended for use by men. It is a metal stemmed instrument that you insert into the penis in order to experience pleasure and pain simultaneously. Urethral sounds are available up to a width of 17mm and can be pushed as far into the penis as the pleasure/pain threshold will allow.

Urethral sound
Image: Vavoomsta Vibrating Urethral Sound

Speculum

Vaginal and anal speculums are made from either surgical steel or plastic and allow either the anus or the vagina to be prized open with prongs to a leverage of the user’s choosing. They are also easy to keep clean after use.

Anal speculum
Image: 3 Prongs Rectal Speculum

Douche

Classed as a medical sex toy, a douche is a unisex device that uses water to cleanse the anal or vaginal areas that is both pleasurable and practical. Douches either come with one of more attachment, the number of holes on which determines what the flow of water will be into the chosen intimate area. A surgical steel douche that screws into the shower head can provide a more powerful douche experience.

Douche for medical play
Image: Colt Anal Douche

Breast Pumps

Breast pumps have cups on the end that go around the nipple and/or breast depending upon the size of the pump and a bulb is attached to this. Simply squeeze the bulb to extract the air away from the area surrounding the nipple and breast and temporarily extend the length of the nipple as well as increasing sensations in this area.

Breast pumps for enlargement
Image: LA Pump Breast Enlargement System

Glycerine Squirt

Surgical steel glycerine squirts enable up to 200 centiliters of fluid to be emptied into the penis, vagina or anus through different nozzle ends. A variety of new sexual sensations can be experienced by using this type of medical sex toy.

Medical Instruments

Forceps, scissors and other stainless steel hardware are all over the medical sex toy scene.

Sexual Health Aids And Medical Supplies

From grown-up diapers to latex gloves, going the additional mile to add these supplies to your sexual lifestyle will make your dream medical sex toy experience become substantially more genuine.

The advancement of a medical equipment as sex toys scene is well known and the reason is these instruments are becoming cheaper to buy allowing this form of BDSM role playing affordable to all.  We have all fantasized about having or giving a physical examination or having a sexy doctor check us with their stethoscope.  Be sure that you buy surgical steel sex toys from a reputable adult shop online and when you received them, care for them and sterilize them and you will have adult toys to play with for a long time.Save

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