Fetishes vs Fantasies.

fetishes and fantasies

Words are occasionally my favorite tool to use both in the bedroom and out. But today we aren’t talking about dirty talk, though we could. No today dear readers, we are talking semantics and comparing two of my favourite words and words that are often confused, confuddled and mixed up in many scenes, scenarios and interchanges between people when discussing kinks.

 

Fetish vs Fantasy.

 

Fetishes

 

A fetish can best be described as a strong desire or need for something be it an object or a person, an act or kink. There are those who can argue that a fetish could be categorized as an uncontrollable desire, the very opposite a phobia, in which a person has an uncontrollable fear, sometimes even irrational. Fetishes can sometimes be categorised as lust worthy, uncontrollable desires, perhaps even irrational to the rational part of a person’s mentality. But it still gives them sexual or pleasureable gratification.

 

Fetishes can be primal in nature and in some aspects some people have felt much shame in them. Finding safe and welcoming communities where they can find acceptance as well as safe spaces to safely explore, discuss and explore these fetishes is becoming more mainstream and is a joy to see as our society opens up and #breaksthestigma. Fetishes can be many and varied. To date there are over 239 fetishes but here are 12 of some of the most common sexual ones you may have come across

 

  1. Role-Playing – or dress ups. Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean we can’t play make believe sometimes. It can be fun to slip into a different person from time to time, try on a fun costume and pretend to be a different character.

 

  1. Anal sex – this one is a little bit of a grey area, some people enjoy anal sex as a sexul act while others visualise it as a fetish. As long as everyone is consensually enjoying it, who are we to label labels?

 

  1. Lingerie – being aroused by a certain type of lingerie is definitely a fetish and more common than people give it credit. Stockings. Lace. satin. Latex. These pieces of adorning lingerie can be wholeheartedly turn ons for people.

 

  1. Impact Play- spanking, flogging, paddling and other forms of consensual striking.

 

  1. Foot Fetish – the worship of feet through acts such as kissing, massage, smelling, licking, touching or just watching.

 

  1. Bondage – Being tied up or restrained. Bondage can range from very mild to very intense and is usually found in BDSM but has also been known to be one of the first things to try when spicing up things in the bedroom. Restaurants can be made from cuffs, rope, a tie, cable ties,…..many things.

 

  1. Group sex – threesomes and foursomes are the most common but group sex also extends to orgies involving multiple people and gang-bangs including one person of one gender and mutliples of the other gender.

 

  1. Sensory play- When we think sensory play we often immediately think of hot and cold, ice and fire, or in this case wax play. Sensation play also includes blindfolds, feathers and for the more experienced, electrostim play.

 

  1. Dirty Talk – I say Dirty talk but well, it’s not really more things like humiliation and degradation, being called names, talking down and dirty.

 

  1. Orgasm control – or denial. This is edging into BDSM and is a subsection of submission and dominance, bringing the submissive to the brink of orgasm and forced to stop. And doing so repeatedly. or , withholding sex or orgasms over a period of time as a form of teasing.

 

  1. Voyuerism and exhibitionism- watching people having sex, or having sex out in public ith the risk of being caught having sex is very common. WHo among us has not had sex in a car or sneakily in the cinema?

 

  1. Pornography – Watching, looking at pornographic material, before or during sexual intercourse or play

 

So

 

Fantasies.

 

I will admit. Fantasies and Fetishes are not all that different. But the difference is a big one. Fantasies are our respective, imagined scenarios that get us all hot and heavy. They are the screenplay in our minds that we make up, that may involve various fetishes, or wants or desires, but they do not necessarily control us.

 

AND

 

This is the big one

 

We may not want to play them out in real life.

 

Fetishes drive us. We want them. Some people need them.

 

Fantasies are exactly that. They are imaginary.

 

Staging a scene in real life to mirror your fantasy, while nice, will be hard, especially if it is a fantasy you have lived and re-lived in your imagination for years. You have built it up with such exquisite and erotic detail that that is a hard act to nail in real life to the exactness of the fantasy. The fetishes, sure thing, those can be met. But the fantasy is a construct of the amalgamation of the fetishes and how you have controlled them in your imaginatorium.

 

Another example is a real life example of a couple who divulged their fantasies that they masturbated to, to one another, and the husband thought it would be nice to organise his wife’s fantasy, not realising, that while she fantasised about it, when faced with it she had zero interest in fulfilling it with him.

 

I think an important takeaway is that fantasies are amazing, and that everyone should have them, talk about them if you’re open enough and confident to do so, but make it clear when you do, if your fantasy is something you want to try, or something personal you enjoy having a good solo session to when you’re alone.

 

At Your Service

Tiffany

Caringbah Oh Zone Sales Assistant, Educator and Linguist

What Lingerie to Wear on the First Date

lingerie and dating

The first date is always an exciting moment because you don’t know what your partner will be in real life. Photos on dating websites may not always correspond to reality. But what if the guy you met on Snapsext or another website is really handsome, and you want to be 100% sure of your attractiveness? Then you should put on beautiful underwear to feel protected and ready for any situation. Let’s figure out what lingerie to wear on the first date.

Spend At Least 10 Mins Picking Out Sexy Lingerie

Many girls can spend several hours looking for the perfect lingerie and end up choosing the bras and panties they see in their wardrobe for the first time. This is fundamentally the wrong approach. As a rule, 10 minutes is enough to choose underwear if the wardrobe is clearly structured. You should pick up a certain number of bras and panties sets before getting ready for your date. This will reduce the selection time to 10 minutes, and you can quickly dress up to surprise your future partner.

Don’t Wear A Boring Bra

Even if you are not going to undress on the first date, you need to wear exactly the lingerie that matches your image and emphasizes your sexuality. It will give you confidence and a sense of desire. Forget about those lingerie sets that you wear in everyday situations. It is unacceptable. You will be much more psychologically comfortable if you wear lace lingerie or other sexual elements to make you irresistible. Even if he does not see it in the evening, he will definitely distinguish the outlines of the lace bra.

Avoid Panty Lines Under Tight Dresses

Undoubtedly the subtle silhouette of the lingerie adds sexuality to your image. But your future partner is unlikely to appreciate the panties that clearly stand out against the background of tight leggings or jeans. If in the early nineties it was considered sexy, now it is inappropriate and even a little vulgar. Even if you are a very frank girl and love and wear some tight thongs or lace panties that will only slightly stand out against the background of outerwear, then you will be really sexy, and your image will not be vulgar.

Express Your Love For Lace

If you cannot choose which lingerie to wear, you should pay attention to lace bras and panties. It is a safe bet that always fits perfectly and allows you to create a sexy look. You will be able to feel stunning and surprise your future partner. This is a great option for a first date because you will look really sexy.

Wear Colors That Pep Up Your Mood

The first thing you need to know is that your lingerie should not look contrasting against outerwear’s background. The rest of the color and style depends on your taste preferences. It is best if you choose those colors that emphasize your mood and make you happier. Then you will feel more confident in choosing an outfit for an evening date. This will be noticed by your Partner, who will pay you more signs of attention.

Do Not Compromise On Fit

Even the sexiest underwear can look out of place if you choose the wrong size. Tight panties or bras will be a real torture for you during a date. Imagine your partner’s surprise when he sees how constantly scratching and adjusting his panties. It will look at least strange and wild. You should spend some time and choose the lingerie that is really comfortable for you only then will you feel more confident and spend a few hours as comfortable as possible.

Don’t Be Afraid To Experiment With Lingerie

Experimentation lifts the mood of any girl. Even if you have chosen the perfect set of lingerie, this does not mean that you cannot combine it with other options. It will be best if you try to pick up panties and bras from different sets. Maybe you like some new elements or push-up effects. Then you can surprise and seduce your partner on the first date. All this will make you more self-confident and more comfortable.

Match Your Panty With Your Bra As Often As You Can

Even if you are not planning an intimate evening, you should always choose a set of women’s underwear or the most similar items to not feel uncomfortable if you still have to undress. You can choose a great set of panties and combine them with several options that you like the most. Then you will not have any discomfort.

These are general tips that will come in handy for any girl. No matter what, you can ignore them or listen to each point. Nevertheless, this is what really works and will make you look irresistible on the first date. Every girl wants to feel comfortable and sexy, which is easy to achieve with the right lingerie. Combine and experiment to produce a stunning effect on your partner.

Becoming an OnlyFans Creator

fans online

If you had of asked me two years ago if I’d be running an account where people pay $10 a month to see my body I would’ve laughed you into the next week. It’s not something I intended to go into being the young insecure and anxious girl that I was. But at this point I don’t think I’d be as empowered and confident as I am without it.

I started it after making a dumb decision to spend big money on lingerie and realising I needed to recoup some of the costs somehow… Well using the lingerie to make it back seemed as good a plan as any other. So I got to work and set up my onlyfans account, I had friends interested and word of mouth did a lot for my first month.

The good:

What I love most is the interaction between me and my fans, they’re the best hype team you could ask for, any ideas I put forward they’re always so fast to say “Hell yes!”, “I can’t wait to see what you do with this!” or my favourite recent “You’ve made my month with this!!”. It’s cool to have that little cheer squad even if you don’t love the content they usually will.   They’re also happy to just banter with you on your off days, I love it when my fans just pop in for a chat and ask how my days going or when they interact with my posts that are just a bit of fun for me.

Obviously the extra money does feel good to have whenever you decided to pull from your funds, the USD exchange rate just sweetens the deal that bit more. I really did not think I’d be making much money when I first started, I thought there was no possible way that people would pay money to see me but I was shocked when I made back the $700 lingerie purchase and then some within 2 weeks. It’s crazy to think, as someone who grew up with technology, that I had been doing this for free for the men out there this whole time when I could’ve been turning a pretty profit!

Being able to buy toys for yourself with no guilt because you know you’ll not only be able to use them for your own pleasure but you’ll definitely make the money back buy showing your fans the fun you have with the toys is amazing! I spent over $1k with no worries because I knew I could market all items towards each of my fans.

My favourite buys:

We-vibe Ditto: this vibrating plug isn’t just good for my enjoyment but being able to give my fans the control over the toy gives them extra incentive to spend big as they really are a part of the content I make tailored to them, as much as they want to see me having a good time they want to feel involved and have this whole thing personalised to them, which is why they choose to pay rather than just get free porn on the internet.

We-vibe Jive: this toy gives the same feeling of being involved as they can control this and really decide how the video goes!

Lingerie: there is nothing better than just a plain old sexy photo sometimes, as much as full nudity is amazing sometimes leaving a bit to the imagination for the boys really is what tips them over the edge into tipping to see you take it off.

Bondage equipment: the scandal line has some really solid pieces that are absolutely stunning to look at, their Breathable Ball Gag with Cuffs has this intricate red design on the outside with luxurious feeling soft material on the inside. They are also completely adjustable in all ways!

Maia Dongs: these suction based dildos are awesome for looking and feeling like the real thing (given that you don’t buy a bright purple one haha!), the ability to suction them anywhere and everywhere really does give you so many options on how to use them and how to market the content to your fans.

The bad:

I’d be lying if I said there were absolutely no downsides to working in this type of environment, it’s a great side hustle but can be downright exhausting.

There are days where I just don’t feel like my body is something to be posted or lusted over, I just don’t look in the mirror (or camera lens) and like what I see. But regardless of that you have fans that have paid to see you post, getting out of that funk and being able to still deliver can be extremely hard.

Not wanting to let people down on those days/weeks/months that your not feeling it is such a pressure to add on while you’re already feeling off and it does suck. At the end of the day you decide whether you feel like posting or not and fans will decide if it’s worth sticking it out to see you come back and start posting regularly like they love, it’s just part of the game.

Having to get over the idea of people you know finding you. As                 I said a lot of my original fanbase was people that I knew and that did make me nervous as some of these people had never seen me in that light before, but at the end of the day they wanted to pay and I wanted to make money, so I just put it to the back of my mind and saw them purely as customers and nothing more.

Dating, this is still super hard to get through. The amount of people who you will get along with as a person and enjoy the company of, that will completely abandon all romantic interest as soon as they find out you’re an online sex worker is crazy to me, but I totally understand because everyone has their own boundaries whether you agree with them or not. This is why I’m always very upfront and tend to bring it up quite early, just to give them the option of continuing things or not on their terms.

Tips:

If you’re considering going down this path think about if you can handle the bad, the possibility of content being leaked, of family or friends finding out, anything you could think of that could go wrong, because it may. I personally was never that fussed, if people find out and don’t accept how I make my money then that’s on them. But no everyone is like that, and you need to decide if you’re ready for that fall out.

Find your niche! With so many creators on OnlyFans now you really need to think of how you’re going to stand out, why should someone subscribe to you and not the next person? What makes you worth their $10+ per month? Would YOU subscribe to yourself?

Interact with your fans, that’s the main reason they’re on your account and not PornHub or some other site, they get to feel like they know you and have a connection. Help them with that fantasy!

Just be you, if you’re a giant goofball it’s so much easier to have fun with your content and enjoy making it if you’re allowing your personality to show through.   You’ll have the time of your life making your content and getting to know your subs, it can be such a fun job if you make it work for you!

Visit the Oh Zone Adult Stores to see the sex toys reviewed in this article.

Here’s How You Can Keep a Cougar Happy and Horny

older woman sex

I’ve heard a thousand times that men are like wine – the older they are, the better they get. However, we live in a time when women are insanely gorgeous in their 40s and 50s, and it’s no wonder you’ve found yourself wondering how to seduce a cougar. Whether you’re just looking for a cougar sex date or have already fallen head over heels for someone, fear not because I’ve got you covered. Below I discuss my top 5 tips on how you can keep your cougar wanting you like you’re the sexiest beast that ever walked the earth.

#1: Shower Her with Attention and then Pull Away

You’ll keep a cougar always wanting more if you shower her with the right kind of attention, and then pull away every once in a while. Tease her with your words, whisper into her ear how much you want her, don’t spare her the details about the kind of pleasure you want to give her, and then disappear into the night like nothing ever happened. You’ll soon wake up to find your inbox full of messages from her wondering what happened to you, and where you’ve gone. This way you’ll keep her guessing, and she’ll never be certain about what your next movies going to be. Cougars love a challenge, and you could definitely be her new ‘project’ if you play your cards right. Mind you, chances are you’ll meet your match in a cougar, and if she happens to tame you before you make her purr in your arms, you’ll pretty much fall into your own trap and find yourself crazy about her.

#2: Be a Fireball in the Bedroom

It’s perfectly fine to play the hot and cold game during the day, but you have to step your game up and blow her mind in the bedroom at night. Remember that she’s got all the confidence in the world, so you better bring your A-game when you come over on Saturday night. You’ll be expected to make love to her as much as she wants, any way she wants it, and if you’re able to make her scream, she’ll be yours for as long as you want her. Pleasing a mature girl isn’t as easy as it sounds because she’s seen it all, which means you’ll need to take your time to explore her body and see what works and what doesn’t to give her pleasure. If you make it all about her, she’ll always keep coming back for more and will be more than willing to reciprocate in ways you’ve never thought possible.

#3: Never Lie to Her

Never lie to a cougar because she’ll find out anyway. Most cougars investigate better than the FBI. She may be out-of-this-world crazy about you, but if she catches you suggestively talking to another girl, sees steamy texts you’ve sent to someone else or suspects you may be stepping out on her, you’ll be history. Cougars don’t like to share their prey. You must not be available all the time if you want to keep her interested, but you have to be honest with her. If she expects you to be monogamous, you simply have two choices: either comply or walk away for good. Never will she feel the same passion with you if she sees you putting those same moves on other girls that you put on her.

#4: Buy Her Pricey Gifts

A cougar who’s feeling crazy chemistry with you doesn’t care if you fill up her gas tank (no pun intended) or if you pick up her groceries. That’s for a boyfriend of a 22-year-old to do, not you. She wants pricey lingerie, dinners at fine dining restaurants, and designer dresses. Not that she can’t afford them herself, but if you are the one to drop some big bucks on her you’ll become that much more important in her life. Remember, a cougar has probably been married, maybe even has children, and doesn’t need you to get her a diamond ring, give her a fancy wedding so she can wear the white dress or give her kids. She wants you to treat her like a queen, not an equal partner, and a queen only deserves the finest things in life.

#5: Let Her Take Control

Sure, a cougar wants you to take charge and sweep her off her feet with your smooth talking at the beginning, to see your ability to get a table at the most sought-after restaurant in town on short notice or give her back-aching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms. However, as your relationship progresses, she’ll want to take charge and show you what she’s capable of. By all means, let her sit in the driver’s seat for as long as she wants. Cougars are very self-sufficient and proud of it, and they don’t need men to take care of them. Don’t feel threatened by her ability to make money and spend it, give orders or doll up like a cover girl. She’ll probably dress up to stimulate you visually, expect some dirty role-playing from you, and will dominate you feather, fur, massage candles and all. You need to be able to keep up as effortlessly as possible and let her be in charge of every sphere of your relationship she pleases.

For the largest range of cougar lingerie in Sydney visit the Adult Lifestyle Centre, Kogarah at Production Avenue.