What To Do If Your Partner is Bad in Bed

When it comes to sex there are many questions people ask themselves including:

  • Am I good at sex?
  • Is my partner being sexually satisfied?
  • Will I ever be a better lover?
  • Can I please my partner in the same way other people do?

Sex is a delicate topic that is thought about worldwide. These questions run through everyone’s minds no matter your gender or sexual orientation. It is a difficult topic to talk about especially if it involves judging someone’s skill level. But what if it isn’t you who is bad in bed and you need to tell your partner somehow?

The longer you have been with someone does not necessarily mean that the experience you have shared together has turned them into the ultimate lover. The truth is to be the best sexual partner you will need to invest in time learning and understanding how to sexually please your partner. The people who have the best sexual lifestyles actively try to improve their skills. Here are some tips that will help you improve your sexual lifestyle:

  • Be Honest and Thoughtful: I highly recommend to build a relationship on honesty. If you are consistently telling your partner they are doing a great job and the orgasm that you have experienced has a 10 star rating they will find no reason to improve their skills. They could in fact be performing very poorly in the bedroom and your words of encouragement have lead them to believe otherwise. This builds a reoccurring pattern of bad sexual encounters that will not improve.
  • Make it Short: If you are planning on having the talk with your partner do not string the conversation along. Tell them a sentence which will cover the topic in one go. You could say something like “I feel our sexual skills need to be improved”. It is a simple sentence, it takes ownership of your feelings and it tells them what you need using positive language. Saying a sentence does not draw out the person’s feelings and make them feel bad about themselves.
  • Understand How the Person Will React: Although you have said your concern simply, they will most likely feel uncomfortable, emotionally stressed or negative about their sexual experience level. There are three main emotions your partner will feel when you talk about improving a bad sexual experience that include anger, sadness and guilt. After all, sex is a big part of most relationships and it is important to your partner to help you feel fulfilled.
  • Put Your Own Personal Effort Into Your Sex Life: Nothing is more uncomfortable than just one person improving their sexual skills. If your partner is the only one who is improving their skills, it can lead them to feeling intense levels of shame. If you take your time to improve your skills with your partner, they will find great motivation to improve themselves to. This will help them to acknowledge that everyone can enhance their skills.

 

Sexually Unhappy Couple Photo
Photo: Sexually Unhappy Couple

 

  • Sex Is Not Perfect: People’s standards of sex are different between person to person. So what is great sex to you may be completely different to your partner. Some people think that sex should be like what they sex in adult movies. The people in adult movies can perform certain skills that they have spent their lives training for. At the same time, people aren’t always perfectly groomed, you won’t always smell like a bunch of flowers and sometimes people just don’t produce as much natural lubricant as they may like to. Take your time to research and understand what a realistic sexual lifestyle should be like.
  • Communicate: I cannot stress this point enough, tell your partner what feels good and what doesn’t when you are having sex. Tell them straight away. It will give them the option and the time to change what they are doing. If someone was giving a man a blowjob whilst using their teeth or if someone was biting your nipple when it could actually be causing you bodily pain, you really need to tell the person straight away. Why should any other sexual experiences be any different?
  • Listen: Sometimes people can’t perform to standards that we expect. There are many reasons why people can experience problems. For example, they may be embarrassed due to low levels of arousal, they may feel pain when they have sex or maybe they have low levels of confidence to perform certain tasks. Take your time to listen to them and understand why they may be struggling.
  • Tell Them Exactly What You Need: Sex doesn’t have to be a guessing game, tell them what you need. Some partner’s actively find themselves guessing what it takes to please someone. This can waste valuable personal time and can cause emotional stress that is unnecessary. Maybe you can tell them you need more foreplay or would like to go out to a romantic dinner every so often to build an emotional connection with them. You can even add couples sex toys into your relationship to make your sexual lifestyle easier.

 

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