SEX Stories, I’m Not Proud About!

Seems there are a lot of kinky readers out there that like real-life sex stories So continuing on from the horror sex story article why not ad some sex stories that proud of is the furthest thing from one’s memories.  Some of us were young and stupid and had sex for the wrong reasons.   These stories I must explain were when I was a different person – I would never do these things now.  Here are a few of the unfortunately all too many sex stories I am not proud of –

GOAL

I used to work in a gym and was caught up in the ‘how do we look scene’.  Going out with the ‘beautiful people’ and getting satisfaction and kicks through the sometimes all too easy sexual opportunities.   In the gym, she was a ‘beauty’ nicknamed ‘Perian princess’ with olive skin, deep brown eyes and a figure of a goddess.   One of the most beautiful women your eyes could ever behold.  She was the wife of a famous Socceroo player.

We enjoyed each other’s company and were very ‘naughty’ with our talk and sometimes also with a few tantalizing glimpses of what was beneath our clothes.  Things progressed and we did a bit of erotic play, one day I shaved her pussy, another she gave me a nude massage.  We did everything except to actually have sex.

The time came when she tells me that her husband will be playing overseas with the Socceroos.  A big match!  Would I like to come around to her house and consummate our relationship that had so far been all but, sex. Sure, I figure – this could be fun.

As I arrive she has dressed the part, sexy lingerie.  Wow, what a sight!  We get into the foreplay stuff, lots of kissing, touching, caressing.  She starts to give me a blow-job and I do not know what comes over me but I ask her what time the game starts.  She looks up quizzically and says, ‘It’s on now.”  I say can you turn it on which she does – the game is maybe 15 minutes in.

So we get into it.  Having sex in front of a big screen whilst her husband is playing his heart out for Australia.  We go through half-time when I ask her if she has had anal before – to which the reply is no.  Do you want to try?  Sure.

So, grabbing the lube I gently enter her virgin ass and had anal sex with her all the way till the full-time whistle.  I deflowered her virgin ass whilst watching her husband on TV.

Look, I am not going to say that it wasn’t good sex because it was great but even shortly after the night knew it was not morally right.  I did the wrong thing.  After this, I could never be with her again, and it did haunt me many a night after.  What if that was done to me!!!

To the universe I am sorry!

CALL THE AMBULANCE

So also whilst working as a gym instructor I met a nympho.  She had one of the best muscular bodies I had ever seen.  She competed in amateur female body-building so there was not an ounce of fat on her, and fit, wow, sometimes it made me wonder who was the instructor and who was being trained.

Anyway, we hit it off and one day she invited me to her place for a ‘coffee’.  I explained to her that I did not drink coffee but I was more than willing to come over.  When she said yes, we both knew what that meant.

That first night, the whole suburb rocked.  We had sex for hours and when we were both spent we literally collapsed on a heap beside the bed and just started laughing.  This was something special, it was raw, animalistic, no boundaries, unadulterated XXX sexual experience.

We continued on with these sexual escapades for some time and tried so many different things – in this case, I was the student and she the master as her sexual repertoire far exceeded mine.  I became a vessel to satisfy her and learn new ways to explore the erotic arts.  Eventually, though the student had learned the lessons and wanted to try more.

So one fine night I got two ecstasy tablets and some poppers – we had never used either previously in our sessions.  We slipped the tabs and were buzzing within the half hour when our sexscapade began.  We did it this way, that way and then finally were not even sure which was which anymore.

Winding things down a bit I decided it was time to do something a little different so decided that I would insert some sweets in her vagina and eat it out.  We tried liquorice, jelly and finally in inserted some redskins.  Her going down on me at the same time had me hard as a rock and looking for somewhere to put it.

Forgetting about the redskins I figured it was time to get some anal action and for the first time introduced poppers into our sex play.    We both sniffed this liquid and the stars and more exploded, the sensual feelings were over-powering as I entered her ass balls deep.  It was too much as I accidentally dropped the bottle of amyl on the bed and a fresh wave of euphoria overcame me as I came in her ass and she collapsed on the bed.

Hang on, I say collapsed on the bed as I realised that she was actually collapsed on the bed.  As I turned her over I could not feel a breath, was there a pulse?  As these thoughts were going through my head and I put her in the recovery position ready to give her mouth to mouth the thought came ‘do I call an ambulance’?  What if I do, my cum is dripping from her ass and her pussy is full of redskins.

She came too!  Everything ended up ok and the ambulance was not required.  But the thoughts that came to me were how could I think of anything but her safety and well-being rather than what would other people think?  Not proud of that!

Sex Diary: The Ex’s Nickname System Part 3

Fireman Carrying Ladder Photo

…Continued from Part Two….. I’m almost ashamed to go on but alas there are more sex stories and they’re certainly of more interest to be told than left to float around in my head as memories.

Smokey

A broad-shouldered fireman who put up with my drunken antics before I finally shoved him down the hall to the bedroom. Smokey had an irritated cough and as a nursing undergraduate, I immediately identified that it didn’t sound good. “All good” he said as we got down to business. Afterwards as we slept the alcohol off, he coughed regularly and his voice became hoarser throughout the night. As the night went on, it sounded more and more serious.

All hail the morning wood and away we went at it again which was fine enough up until the condom broke. Well, crap! That means a trip to the chemist for emergency contraception and then off to the sexual health clinic. It happens. I dropped him at the train station on the way to the chemist, he promised to be in contact. Needless to say I didn’t expect to hear from him again.

Three days later he rang to ask if I had been okay after the emergency contraception. I noticed he wasn’t coughing so much anymore. It was then he told me that he’d actually had face mask crack whilst he was on duty as a fireman earlier that day and had inhaled enough smoke to cause serious irritation to his lungs. He’d collapsed at the train station and had to be rushed to the hospital. Smokey spent 24 hours in intensive care being helped to breathe. When one inhales enough smoke to require hospitalization and then disappear like a puff of smoke, it’s a certain inevitability you’ll be christened Smokey. Props to him for his performance given that he had serious issues breathing. A true hero fireman.

Linkenbrinkenfingertrickter

He was a lover of my girlfriend. His actual name was Leonard and he had an Austrian heritage with a mildly complicated sounding surname. Over drinks one night I asked if he would pay a visit any time soon. Kissy was confused as to who I referred to and in an attempt to sound his surname out, I hadn’t been able to remember his first name I managed to slur out loud “Linkenbrinkenfingertrickter”. I christened him with a name that gave fits of hysterical laughter, it was guaranteed to stick and it did.

 

Man Using Wii Photo
Photo: Man Using Wii – Sex Diary: The Ex’s Nickname System Part 3

 

Hook Boy

This delightful young gentleman graced my bedroom one night, nudged on by my girlfriend who said “Go on, let loose and enjoy yourself. Give a youngen a try”. You see, I’m not entirely fond to bed partners much younger than myself. Unlike my girlfriends who like to train and mould an enthusiastic younger lover, I’m not so keen after I had less than wonderful experiences previously. Hook Boy did not change my mindset.

He was exuberant and gets a thumbs up for that but it was steadily downhill from there. Hook Boy proved to be quite lacklustre when it came to foreplay and intercourse. He gave me an experience akin to me masturbating out of boredom where I’m just going through the motions. After I brought him to orgasm quickly with intercourse Hook Boy proclaimed “I’ll finish you off!”. “Okay, here goes nothing” I thought as he shoved two fingers inside me. I could not have imagined the horror that was about to go down as he proceeded to finger bang me. Suddenly I felt this claw that scrapped, yanked and pulled at my insides. “Ummm, excuse me, but what the hell do you think you’re doing there?!” I yelped as I tried to pull myself away. With a proud grin Hook Boy replied “Stimulating your G-Spot” as he attempted to continue. No… no… NO! That is no way to stimulate a G-Spot. It was now game over. I thanked him for his time and showed him the door.

Imagine for a moment what it feels like to have your internal organs pulled out of your body via your nether regions with a piece of barbed wire fashioned into a crude hook. You’re about close to what this sensation felt like. And that is how he became known as Hook Boy.

Wii Man

Around the time of the release of the Nintendo Wii when the console was still a novelty a new lover paid a visit to Kissy’s house. After the standard ‘break the ice’ beverage Kissy leaned over with a wink and whispered “So what would you like to get up to now?”. Wii Man pointed over at the Nintendo Wii and told her he’d like to play that for a while as it looked like fun. As Kissy sat there bewildered he asked “Do you have the ten pin bowling game?” Kissy set the console up and booted up the requested game. An hour of play later she lost her patience and told Wii Man in no uncertain terms that if he planned to continue to use his fingers on a remote instead of on her then it was time for him to leave. The penny finally dropped for Wii Man and they proceeded to get down to business. Kissy admitted the next morning that while he may have been good with the angle and power in the game, in real life it was all gutter balls.

 

About the author: Alicia is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

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What To Do If Your Partner is Bad in Bed

Sexually Frustrated Couple Photo

When it comes to sex there are many questions people ask themselves including:

  • Am I good at sex?
  • Is my partner being sexually satisfied?
  • Will I ever be a better lover?
  • Can I please my partner in the same way other people do?

Sex is a delicate topic that is thought about worldwide. These questions run through everyone’s minds no matter your gender or sexual orientation. It is a difficult topic to talk about especially if it involves judging someone’s skill level. But what if it isn’t you who is bad in bed and you need to tell your partner somehow?

The longer you have been with someone does not necessarily mean that the experience you have shared together has turned them into the ultimate lover. The truth is to be the best sexual partner you will need to invest in time learning and understanding how to sexually please your partner. The people who have the best sexual lifestyles actively try to improve their skills. Here are some tips that will help you improve your sexual lifestyle:

  • Be Honest and Thoughtful: I highly recommend to build a relationship on honesty. If you are consistently telling your partner they are doing a great job and the orgasm that you have experienced has a 10 star rating they will find no reason to improve their skills. They could in fact be performing very poorly in the bedroom and your words of encouragement have lead them to believe otherwise. This builds a reoccurring pattern of bad sexual encounters that will not improve.
  • Make it Short: If you are planning on having the talk with your partner do not string the conversation along. Tell them a sentence which will cover the topic in one go. You could say something like “I feel our sexual skills need to be improved”. It is a simple sentence, it takes ownership of your feelings and it tells them what you need using positive language. Saying a sentence does not draw out the person’s feelings and make them feel bad about themselves.
  • Understand How the Person Will React: Although you have said your concern simply, they will most likely feel uncomfortable, emotionally stressed or negative about their sexual experience level. There are three main emotions your partner will feel when you talk about improving a bad sexual experience that include anger, sadness and guilt. After all, sex is a big part of most relationships and it is important to your partner to help you feel fulfilled.
  • Put Your Own Personal Effort Into Your Sex Life: Nothing is more uncomfortable than just one person improving their sexual skills. If your partner is the only one who is improving their skills, it can lead them to feeling intense levels of shame. If you take your time to improve your skills with your partner, they will find great motivation to improve themselves to. This will help them to acknowledge that everyone can enhance their skills.

 

Sexually Unhappy Couple Photo
Photo: Sexually Unhappy Couple

 

  • Sex Is Not Perfect: People’s standards of sex are different between person to person. So what is great sex to you may be completely different to your partner. Some people think that sex should be like what they sex in adult movies. The people in adult movies can perform certain skills that they have spent their lives training for. At the same time, people aren’t always perfectly groomed, you won’t always smell like a bunch of flowers and sometimes people just don’t produce as much natural lubricant as they may like to. Take your time to research and understand what a realistic sexual lifestyle should be like.
  • Communicate: I cannot stress this point enough, tell your partner what feels good and what doesn’t when you are having sex. Tell them straight away. It will give them the option and the time to change what they are doing. If someone was giving a man a blowjob whilst using their teeth or if someone was biting your nipple when it could actually be causing you bodily pain, you really need to tell the person straight away. Why should any other sexual experiences be any different?
  • Listen: Sometimes people can’t perform to standards that we expect. There are many reasons why people can experience problems. For example, they may be embarrassed due to low levels of arousal, they may feel pain when they have sex or maybe they have low levels of confidence to perform certain tasks. Take your time to listen to them and understand why they may be struggling.
  • Tell Them Exactly What You Need: Sex doesn’t have to be a guessing game, tell them what you need. Some partner’s actively find themselves guessing what it takes to please someone. This can waste valuable personal time and can cause emotional stress that is unnecessary. Maybe you can tell them you need more foreplay or would like to go out to a romantic dinner every so often to build an emotional connection with them. You can even add couples sex toys into your relationship to make your sexual lifestyle easier.

 

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7 Of The Worst Places To Have Sex!

Everyone loves having sex and the old saying goes-

‘When sex is good its beautiful but when its bad its still pretty good’

applies in most cases. However you generally have the choice of whom and more importantly where you have intimate relations. So here are my top  worst places to have sex and the reasons why.

Navy Wooden Futon

1  Grandparents house:

After a certain age people homes smell and look like their owners. Although grandma’s an grandpa’s house is nice to visit and having a nice pot roast with the smell of food cooking is great. But when you are not in that cozy living room the bedroom smells of mothballs, ointment and stale air. The doilies on the bedside and old crotched blanket on the bed add to the geriatric mood making it one of the most unromantic places to have sex. Even if you manage to get the spare bed it probably hasn’t been changed in ten years and bed mites are not wanted participants in your amouress activities.

2  A futon:

A futon is a torture device made by the Japanese that they secretly released into Western Civilization market place as furniture. In Japan the scientists that developed it a secretly laughing at the naivety of us Westerners that we actually believed it and even more so that we are so gullible that we continue to buy them.  Sex on Futon is like have sex on a cement slab. It is just not meant to happen.

3  Sex in an alley:

After a big night out clubbing you have picked up a wild one and cannot wait to get home to consummate this one night relationship. Being a bit under the weather and adventurous you display some of your exhibitionism and consent to sex in the dark alley around from the club. Apart from the fact that there are rats and all other vermin partying in the garbage the possibility of being mugged and raped is a strong possibility that seems to add to the excitement of the event until it actually happens. This is just plain dangerous and stupid and has to be one of the worst places to have sex.

4  Public bathroom:

Your friend that you go clubbing with last week was raped and robbed whilst having sex in a dark alley so you think that will never happen to you. So you meet the love of your night and decide what safer and better way to have sex on the first night but in the bathroom. Wrong. Regardless of whether it is the ladies or the men’s bathrooms are filled with germs. People have been pissing on the seats, snorting coke on the cisterns and pooping in the bowls. Sure the ambience is great with all those numbers to ring on the walls and some fanciful poetry to read but it is just plain dirty.

5  The in-laws car:

You are sick and tired of the in-laws. They drive you crazy and they are away for the weekend. Ahh, what better way to exact revenge than borrow their car and have some kinky sex on the backseat. Ok, the revenge idea I get but surely there are better ways to exact revenge than ruining your marriage or making you testy in-law acceptance even more testy

6  Port-a-loo:

Port-a-loos’ are worst then toilets. Can you imagine anything that could be any worst then having sex where there is feaces everywhere. There is also the potential of accidentally getting to frisky, maybe a leg might fall into the toilet, you might splash your lips with poo or worst yet, you could both take a tumble and the port-a-loo entire contents get’s tipped over both of you whilst you both struggle to get out from a fallen enclosure.

7  Near a turned on TV:

Nothing can break a mode quicker than a bad news update about the latest thing’s that have tragically happened in the world today. You are amidst a very sexual moment and you hear a bunch of people yelling about how McDonalds prices have went up by $1.  If you have a mind that can ignore those type’s of moment then your all good, but most people struggle to participate in sex when there is something emotional happening in ear or eye sight.

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