Ask Dr. Stacy Friedman – What Is A Chastity Device?

dr. stacy friedman

Every month Dr. Stacy Friedman acclaimed clinical sexologist and certified sex coach answers questions posed by adultsmart readers.  With the ever-growing popularity of forced chastity in relationships this month she has chosen to answer two questions, with the one all encompassing answer.

Brett

Is it becoming more common for women requiring their male to wear chastity devices? Are there studies about males being kept locked in chastity or women requiring it?

 

Maria

Is it safe for a penis to be in the cage for 7 days? How do I start with his orgasm denial? Weekly denial or less?

Chastity Gear
Chastity Devices

I have been receiving quite a few questions regarding chastity devices and cages so I decided to but these two questions together.  Chastity devices or cages for the penis are gaining popularity more so in the kink or BDSM communities. They wear these devices as part of role playing, dom/sub relationships or to intensify their sexual experiences. I do have to say that there aren’t too many studies regarding this subject so it isn’t always easy to find or learn information about it.  It is something that both partners have to agree and that is right for the couple involved.

 

As far as safety of keeping the penis in a cage for 7 days, I highly suggest you start slow and at a minimum and build up to the length of time you are looking for.  Men may have 4-5 erections during the night and you need to be careful the cage isn’t restricted the blood flow or too tight so you don’t cause any nerve damage or discourage blood flow because the skin is getting pinched or the vessels are restricted.  From what I have heard from urologists, it isn’t often that people come to them complaining of problems due to these devices so either people keep quiet or there aren’t many problems that arise from using them.

 

According to Dr. King, a urologist, it is cautioned against any long-term or continuous use of such a device, anything more than four to six hours, if it places any significant compression on the tissue directly. Dr. King states, “Overnight use may still be problematic. Nocturnal/spontaneous erections are hypothesized to exist to encourage blood flow and stretching of the vascular and erectile tissue to keep it healthy and prevent atrophy. Like any other tendon, ligament, or muscle in the body—use it or lose it. I can’t see how preventing these spontaneous nocturnal erections can be healthy. But I can’t prove any long-term damage.”

 

I recommend taking things slow, then build it up to make sure you are safe, experiment and don’t fear this form of foreplay as many find it very intense and stimulating.

 Doctor Stacy’s Contacts –

Facebook: drstacyfriedman

Twitter: @drstacyfriedman

LinkedIn: drstacy

Skype: creatingintimacycoach

Pinterest: drstacyfriedman

As always we look forward to next months answers.  Keep your questions rolling in – unfortunately due to the Doctors hectic work schedule she is only answering a question each month at the moment, so if your is not answered immediately and have patience, it may be in the future…

Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.

VIP Interview With Michelle Roberton Tantric Counselor

Interview With Michelle Roberton

Michelle Roberton is a sexual healing and intimacy specialist who has discovered the power of healing through Tantra and touch.  Personally having to deal with childhood sexual abuse, anorexia, drug abuse, homelessness, death of a son, life threatening illness she found the answer and salvation in a healthy, sacred and holistic way.  This knowledge she now enthusiastically shares in order to give her gift of healing to people suffering sexual trauma, lack of intimacy enhancing each body, person and spirit.  She has been a tantric therapist since 2002 creating the connection between who we are, who we love, our body, sex and life.

Being an Authentic Tantric Therapist she offers training and certification courses (details that are available on her website) to those that wish to help others.  Her mentorship continues with graduates’ way after the official course has been completed to ensure proper techniques and methods are used in all sessions.  Her blog on sacredtantrictouch.com shares with readers various tantric therapy free with a useful vlog post on each explaining her methods ‘face to face’.

Sexual Healing Through Tantra
Tantric Healer Michelle Roberton

Hi Michelle, a warm welcome to the adultsmart community lifestyle blog.  I appreciate you taking the time to partake in this interview as I know that it is valuable and limited.  Let’s start at the beginning!  It seems that your vocation in life became apparent after some pretty harsh lifestyle experience occurred.  Can you run us through a bit of that?

Hi, really wonderful to be sharing with you all at AdultSmart.  Thank you for inviting me!

I do not know where the beginning is to be honest.  I guess I knew as a child something was not quite “fitting” in comparison to what I could see and feel around me and how I felt in my body and heart, love to be and an element of sex to I suppose. But as an adult I knew none of this, I had become so dissociated from my body and it’s pain.

I was around 32 when the flash backs started, one of my brothers whom was living over in Canada … (I was in the UK) started getting them at the same time!

And slowly my life and all my self-sabotaging and addictive behaviors made sense.  It was not who I truly was but instead what I have been led to believe I was worth.

 

Yet you came through the other side finding your ‘inner bliss’ and wanting to share this with others.  How did you manage to do this?

I started as many adult survivors of childhood abuse do, seeking talk therapy, trying to reassure myself that this was not all some wonky imagination.  But I found although talk therapy had it’s place, I was hitting a point that I could not go beyond.

Meditation, alternative healing therapies were easy for me, they were where I was at … ungrounded.

I was still out of my body and it was my body that was in trauma and pain.  The only way I felt was to reclaim my body and my sexuality.  And in doing that my childhood too.

The only “method” that encompassed all of that … body, sex, sensuality and creative soul was Tantra.

It meant I had to feel after so long from running away from feeling.

 

That is amazing, life-circumstances enough to break most people but you came out the other side with a mission to share your healing with others.  What power did you draw on to do this?

Oh, I do not know whether it was a power *smile*

Firstly I have 4 children and they were really all I ever wished for, so they were plenty of a reason to want to change things not just for me but be a part of re-writing their life script, so they too stopped suffering at the consequences of what happened.

Secondly, a courageous heart. I do not know where it comes from?  I guess it has always been part of me.  I doubt I would be here without it.

Buddhists and Hindus have accepted Tantra for many centuries but there are many doubting Thomases in Western Civilizations.  What obstacles did you face when starting out?

I waited until I fully integrated what I knew Tantra to be as truth for myself.  So it was not something I do but something I am.  In that, my boundaries grew and an enormous passion to share Tantra beyond what Western world believes it to be.

I had many potential clients contacting me for “Happy Endings”.  One gentleman shout at me in my home, because he didn’t get one. Others offer me more money or a new car!  But I had no interest in meeting them on their level, I saw my role to show others a new window to look through, not the one they already know.

Yes, Tantra is about Sex but so much more too.  It is not even about fantastical orgasms and lasting for hours.   People just focus on the sex part and that is a shame.  I think that is probably because that is the biggest part of our lives that we need to truly get honest about and move beyond the concept of purely penetration and ejaculation.

 

What can someone expect when booking a therapy session with you?

I want to say first … honesty, authenticity, warmth and someone who is deeply committed to meeting pain, shame or even joy with you.

With those qualities I support others to initially get away from a life lived from the chaos of the head and back to a place of being in the body.  From here, a relationship with sensation can be trusted again and an ability to attend to feelings.  Of course, that incudes our sexuality.

It is a very unique, lived experience, and because of that I do not feel I do anything to “fix” people, I feel I empower them through tasting the experience for themselves in their body to “fix” themselves.  Giving back control and empowerment to them.

Book Michelle Roberton
Sacred Tantric Touch Website

Do you have any requirements for prospective clients?

Yes, a level of honesty and to have read the relevant website page to them, just so they are aware of how I share, dissolving any confusion.

I always arrange to speak to a potential client before they commit to booking.

This is essential I feel.  It gives them time to ask may questions they may have.  It gives me an insight into how I may support the reasons why they are seeking change.  And most importantly it gives an opportunity to hear my voice and ensure they feel at ease with me.

And commitment to self … to actually want to put the work in to get the results they hunger for.

 

There are different tantra techniques used for men, women and couples.  Can you explain them?

My goodness, that is quite a big question. I will try answer simply.

I feel Tantra is initially an individual journey whether that is a man or woman.  We cannot share what we have not got.  We need to be in our sex from a place of “good health” so we can share our sex limitlessly.  (Note I said share our sex, not give it away as a performance or obligation.)

Yes, there are different techniques but they all boil down to the same message.

To be in the body, to slow down, to ride and be with the breath, to be sensual, to be in this moment.

Once we can own that for ourselves, the electricity can then expand as a couple.  Again, a couple would use the same methods but now together.

How do you incorporate Tantra with helping with sexual trauma?   

Tantra was the only “method” that supported me to reclaim my body and sexuality.  It is a complete re-wiring.  We get to drop all that we know and believe so far and start again.  It is very powerful and empowering to do this, to re-own and re-invent our sex that was taken away and made painful and/or confusing.

We feel the sensation of sex, for our self and can relate with it from a new understanding.

Body Armor that is outdated protection and wounds that may be supporting the body to feel the abuse is still happening rather then something that happened is gently attended to and dissolved.

We get to feel our body as a source of pleasure.

And touch! … To have new experiences of touch, that has no agenda, no goal … no fear.

In life there are always highs and lows. 

  1. What most do you regret?
  2. What is the highlight?

 

I regret that my unconscious self-sabotaging behavior effected my children and lost me my marriage. That elements of my childhood no matter how good a parent or wife I believed I was, still found a way to show up and hurt those I love dearly.

I do know that I would not be the person I am today, without my past.  I know that is old and cliché but I only regret that my childhood affected those I love, I do not regret who it has made me today.

Highlights are many..

Giving birth to four amazing human beings.  Being a mum!

My work, that does not feel like work at all, more …  when I touch another’s skin I feel like I am a dancer moving intuitively across the floor … and when I see people unfolding from such closed spaces into a full life … Wow … it’s such a beautiful feeling in my heart.

And finally arriving here in this body and owning my sexuality for what I choose it to be.

 

If you could do anything differently, what would that be?

I would want to have made a difference in sex, relationship and intimacy education in schools.  And find a way to remove body shaming and the crazy ideas drummed into children and teenagers about the elusive perfect body.

Invitation To Explore
Michelle Roberton Website

Can you tell us a little about your Tantric Therapy and Massage Training Courses?

I share these as a one to one.  Purely because Tantra is an initiation … a doorway of feeling.  I do not wish to make 30 carbon copies in a class or give a rigid structure of how massage must look as that then is shared from head not body or heart.

When working with individuals I can support them to share their authentic self and tantric journey that happens through the learning.

I feel that is how we used to learn, from mentors, through direct experience and I deeply want to honor not just that lost part of our culture now but honor the individual I am working with, by sharing all I have.

 

Which do you enjoy more – therapy through tantra or teaching tantra to students?

I do not enjoy one more.  They are both ways of sharing that I love and a different adventure.

 

What do you feel is your greatest achievement?

My four children.  They are wise, compassionate, funny, beautiful people.

 

What will you be doing in 10 years’ time?

Hopefully, still this … with a dash more travel, sunshine and sunsets.

 

How do you want to be remembered?

For how people feel when I touch them or just sit close.

Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.

The Future of The Escort Industry. SMOOCI?

Escort App

The Escort industry has seen some major changes over past the 3 months. The closure of the industry’s 2 biggest platforms (Backpage/Cracker and Craigslist’s Casual Encounters section), has sent shockwaves through the community and left a lot of clients, agencies, and escorts desperately trying to reconnect. This was swiftly followed up by the new SESTA-FOSTA act, an attempt by the U.S. congress to tackle unethical platforms, most notably giving more clarity to human trafficking laws and making online platforms more responsible and liable.

Using Smooci
Smooci Instructions

These changes are clearly a major positive for the long term, and should help to give the industry a somewhat more ethical standing, able to better tackle major issues of safety and protection with online services. But in the short term it has created a very nervy and uncertain atmosphere among the remaining directories and online escort communities, with many popular classified listings following the lead of Craigslist and opting to distance themselves from the escorting world.

The oldest (and most out-dated) profession in the world

Despite being one of the largest and longest standing global industries, the escort industry is one seriously lacking, technologically. You may be able to get a medical diagnosis via an app on your phone, or order a pair of shoes online and have them delivered by drone an hour later, but escorts and clients still heavily depend upon age-old means of connection (walking the streets, flyers in phone boxes, newspaper classifieds). Even in the online world escort directories spend huge amounts on SEO and digital marketing, trying to get those top Google rankings, but very little seems to be invested in bringing better and safer tools, with little attempt to improve the user experience, or make for safer and more reliable platform.

Many escorts are now turning to alternative apps and sites, trying to force modernization on the industry. Tinder is one of the leading apps in the dating industry, and in many major cities it’s becoming the app of choice for escorts. The fact these escorts are willing to spend so much time and effort trying to connect with client on dating apps (in the face of likely abuse, timewasting, and the constant risk of being banned), just to have access to a more user-friendly platform, further highlights the need for a modern, paid-for-dating platform.

Smooci Tracker
Smooci Locator

The Future of Escort Booking

A change is desperately needed and in Southeast Asia Smooci claims to have the answer. Billing themselves as ‘The Future of Escort booking’, www.smooci.com offers the world’s first fully live Escort booking site, delivering verified reviews and comments to the clients, and GPS tracking on escort arrivals. Clients visit the site, click search, and after a few quick selections they are given a list of escorts ready to instantly book. Most details are verified, with fully verified comments and ratings offering a new level of trust and openness, supported by easy to use filters. Bookings are also confirmed with a few simple clicks and verified through SMS one-time-passwords, creating a smooth and simple experience. The Uber style GPS tracking on the escort’s journey to meet the client is also a popular bonus feature.

For the escort’s Smooci brings modern and hassle-free tools. The escorts work via an app, allowing them to easily create and manage their profile, and simply click online to show their live availability. Booking requests arrive direct to the app, giving the escorts a 10 minute window to review the details and accept or decline the booking. Further tools then help them manage their upcoming bookings, even giving suggested travel routes and times to get to their appointments, and reminders to keep them on schedule. And once the booking is over they get to rate the client and their experience.

The next generation escort directory

Smooci’s system aims to create a level playing field and a fairer, safer, and more ethical arena for clients and escorts to connect. Clients are ultimately given a more informed choice, with trustworthy information, allowing them to book with confidence and ease. Escorts are given the tools to work more efficiently and professionally, with no need for reposting and bumping their ads (the app even works in several countries across Southeast Asia allowing them to work on the go). Bookings are clear and verified cutting out timewasters, long chats, and negotiations, and additional client info (and the fact all bookings are tracked), gives them further peace of mind.

Smooci monetize by way extra features on their site (such as the use of GPS tracking and the ability to set notification for when offline escorts next become available). Pricing is similar to that of most dating sites, with short cheap options such as a 3 day memberships, with all payments non-recurring, so no surprise auto billing. Both escorts and clients have the option to use Smooci for free, and Smooci doesn’t take any cut or fee from the bookings, so ultimately they are left motivated to create the best possibly platform rather than generating as many bookings as possible.

With plans to reach far beyond Asia, targeting summer launches throughout Europe, Smooci are aiming to take their platform global. They also have plans to bring in further safety features, with follow up alerts and calls to make sure escorts are marked as ‘safe’ after a completed booking, and direct contact with local health and advice specialists within the escort’s app. While Smooci may not be able to solve, or even tackle, all of the industry’s problems, it’s certainly helping push it in the right direction, bringing moderns tools and tech to the older profession in the world.

Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.

VIP Interview Kate Sloan – Renowned Blogger GirlyJuice!

Kate Sloan is a successful writer, podcaster, journalist and speaker in the adult industry. In 2012 she started her own sex-positive blog, building a large readership interested in adult lifestyle and education content.  Making no secret of living with bipolar II and social anxiety disorders, she is more than qualified to write on topics on the challenges and triumphs of relationships and sex. Her blog is top-ranking in many sex blogging lists, including #4 on Kinkly.com and #3 on Molly’s Daily Kiss, and she has a multitude of accolades bestowed upon her by reputed and respected media, organizations and individuals.

Girly Juice
Kate Sloan

Hi Kate, a warm welcome to the Adultsmart community lifestyle blog. I appreciate you taking the time to partake in this interview as I know that it is valuable and limited. Let’s start at the beginning! How does a self-described ‘nerd’ end up starting a sex toy review blog of her own?

Hi, thanks for having me! When I graduated from high school at age 18, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life yet, so I took a year off of school to consider my options. During that time, I applied for a job at a local sex shop – and, while I didn’t get the job, during the application process I did some research online to make sure my sex toy knowledge was up-to-date. I discovered sex toy review blogs like Hey Epiphora and Dangerous Lilly, and knew immediately – being a lifelong sex nerd and a born writer – that this was something I could do, too!

READ THE ADULTSMART INTERVIEW WITH DANGEROUS LILLY

With the encouragement of my boyfriend at the time, I started Girly Juice. That was more than six years ago now and it’s still going strong! Additionally, those first few months of sex blogging emboldened me to apply to journalism schools; I got into all the ones I applied to and ended up getting my bachelor’s degree at the illustrious Ryerson School of Journalism here in Toronto. So, in a way, I owe my entire career to that one impulsive decision I made when I was 18.

That’s pretty daring for an 18-year-old Toronto-based bisexual woman. Since then your blog has evolved into lifestyle writing. Was it difficult to make that transition and expose much more about you and your personal self?

At first, yes, it was really scary! For years, I just called myself “Girly Juice” online, and never showed my face or any other identifying features. I was terrified that linking my real-life identity with my sex-blogger alter-ego would jeopardize my future employment options. After all, what conservative public relations firm or well-to-do magazine would want to hire a girl who’d spent years detailing her sexcapades for thousands of readers?!

But the deeper I waded into the sex-writer life, the more I realized it was my life. Writing about sex is what I do best and I think it is what I was put here to do. So I decided to “come out” as my real self – name, face, and all – and start writing fewer sex toy reviews and more deep-dives into personal topics like my relationships, my journey into kink, and my sexual and romantic philosophies. I acknowledge that not every sex writer is willing or able to be so public about who they are, but I’m much happier now that I’ve pulled back the curtain.

What were the obstacles that you faced starting off your blog?

When I started Girly Juice, I was in a long-term, vanilla, monogamous relationship. I was very much in love, and hadn’t yet figured out that I’m kinky and non-monogamous, so those qualities of my relationship didn’t bother me – but they did make me feel like maybe my contributions to the discourse about sexuality would be pretty limited in scope. I’d only had sex with two people in my entire life; what could I possibly have to say about sex that hadn’t already been said?

What I learned is that your experiences might be common but your perspective and your voice are not. You don’t have to have a wild, off-the-wall sex life to write about sex in a way that is thoughtful and compelling. I will add, however, that I do think my writing has gotten deeper and more interesting as I’ve amassed more sexual experience, had my heart broken a few times, and discovered my kinks.

In life there are always highs and lows.  With your blog,

  1. What most do you regret?
  2. What is the highlight?

 

I regret all the time I spent trying to mimic other sex writers’ style. Artists of all sorts often learn through imitation, and I’m sure this process was ultimately helpful for me, but I cringe when I look back at it sometimes! I admire lots of other sex writers whose work is flowery and erotic, or snarky and biting, or precise and academic, but none of those styles are exactly “me.” One of my favorite writers, Alexandra Franzen, says you don’t “find your voice” as a writer, you create it – and I wish I had created mine a little sooner!

The highlight of doing this work, so far, has definitely been the reactions I’ve gotten from readers. So many people have written to me to say that my work helped them figure out some aspect of their sexual identity – their kinks, their relationship style, even their genitals’ preferences – and it fills my heart with sparkly joy every time I hear this. I’ve always essentially endeavored to write the type of blog I wish 15-year-old me had had access to, so she could’ve learned about sex and kink and dating in a way that felt fun instead of scary, and when people tell me my blog has changed their sex life, I feel like I’ve achieved that goal.

If you could do anything differently when starting out, what would that be?

Aside from embracing my authentic style and voice earlier, I wish I had been more willing to branch out in subject matter sooner. I thought my readers were only interested in sex toy reviews and erotica, so I shied away from doing the quirkier or more expansive stuff I really wanted to do: writing about the awkward side of sex, for example, or anxiety and insecurity, or gender inequality as it pertains to sex.

Once you’ve developed a readership, I think you can and should trust that your readers are interested in your perspective, not just in the topics you tend to write about. Your true fans will follow you where you’re going, so you may as well go where your gut pulls you.

How would you best describe the way you review sex toys?

For years, I wrote sex toy reviews that were fairly technical and dry: I outlined toys’ key features, listed their dimensions, and maybe included a paragraph or two about how they actually felt. After a while, though, I realized that this wasn’t the type of review I most liked to read, so maybe I should take a different approach in my review-writing.

Nowadays, when I write toy reviews, I focus almost exclusively on my experience of the toy. Technical specs are easy to find on any product page – but what’s harder to sleuth out on Google is how real people actually felt when they used a particular toy. So that’s what I highlight in my reviews. For example, my recent review of the Neon Wand is mostly about the kinky headspace that it and other pain-inducing toys help me access – and I recently collaborated with my boyfriend on a post about cocktail pairings for sex toys, which moreso emphasizes the way the toys make me feel than the bland details you’ll find listed on their packaging.

Blogging is one thing – and pretty time-consuming.  But you did not stop there!  You guest and host radio shows, podcasts, workshops and writing for other media as a journalist/essayist.  How do you fit it all in?

Luckily for me, I work from home, so I basically get to arrange my schedule however I like. I get up at 8AM every weekday and do some work for my part-time dayjob at an adult-industry marketing firm. Sometime in the mid-morning, I usually head out to a local café to finish up more of that work, draft a blog post, write an article for a copywriting client, and/or edit a podcast episode. Caffeine certainly helps keep me on track and is a vital part of my creative process!

My brain tends to move a little slower in the afternoon, so that’s when I’ll typically switch to less creative and more methodical tasks, like answering emails from advertisers, taking photos for posts, or scheduling tweets.

I rarely relax on weekends, which is one not-so-glamorous explanation for how I stay so productive. If I don’t have social plans on a weekend evening, you’ll usually find me holed up in my bedroom with a beer and my laptop, pouring out my feelings into a blog post draft or sending out pitches for wacky essays I want to write.

What of the many hats you wear do you most enjoy and why?

My best friend Bex and I started our podcast, The Dildorks, almost two years ago, and it remains one of my favorite projects to work on. I get to giggle with my best friend over Skype every week, and then I get to edit our conversation into a hopefully-helpful, hour-long piece of programming. Our fans are so sweet, especially those who travel to events to see us do live shows. Plus our theme song is catchy as hell! (You can find The Dildorks on iTunes or whatever other podcast platform you use, FYI!)

Do you get a buzz out of teaching workshops?  What do you hope attendees will gain from them?

Teaching is so exciting! As someone who does most of my educational work via writing, it’s always a delightful challenge to step out from behind the laptop and impart information in a real-world setting.

My favorite workshop to teach is one I developed last year called Vagic Tricks: Hidden Hotspots of the Vulva and Vagina. It focuses on little-known vulvovaginal erogenous zones, including the A-spot (anterior fornix), external G-spot, clitoral shaft, and more. I love teaching this one because many people have genuinely never heard of these spots, so I feel like I am shifting their sex lives in big ways. The first time I taught this class, the crowd was mostly cisgender men, presumably attending so they could learn how to please their partner(s) better, and it made me so happy to potentially be teaching them something useful that they hadn’t heard before.

On a personal note, it took me many years of experimentation to figure out how to get myself off most efficiently, because these little-known spots are of great importance in my particular genital configuration. So it thrills me to think that someone might learn about the A-spot or indirect clitoral stimulation from my writing or teaching, and thereby be able to learn the easy way what I had to learn the hard way.

Sex Education
Overcoming Sexual Anxiety

Running a blog is a time-consuming exercise.  How do you find the time to fit everything in?

One of the best blogging tips I ever learned was from the ladies at the Blogcademy, who recommend “batch-processing” tasks. This means that you group similar tasks together: write a few blog posts at once, or take the photos for your entire week of blog content all in one afternoon, or spend a couple hours answering all your emails instead of just replying to them as they come in. It’s a simple tip, but it helps me a lot, because switching tasks takes up time and mental energy.

My other secret weapon is the Editorial Calendar plug-in for WordPress, which gives you an at-a-glance overview of which blog posts you’ve got scheduled for the next few weeks. I publish 2-3 blog posts a week, so I have to stay on top of what’s coming next, and this plug-in makes it easy. I can drag-and-drop my posts around as needed, plan my editorial lineup weeks or months ahead, and make sure any time-sensitive posts are scheduled for when they need to go live. It’s brilliant!

Have you any advice for somebody wanting to start their own adult blog?

Before you start, make a list of at least 50 different ideas for blog posts. If you can’t come up with that many, this might not be a sustainable endeavor for you. (I’m 700+ posts in and still have new ideas constantly, but I’m a huge nerd about this stuff.)

Make sure you really, really like your blog name before you decide on it officially. (I’ve come around to liking, or at least accepting, Girly Juice, but there have definitely been times when I’ve regretted choosing it!) Oh, and check to make sure the social media handle you want is available on every platform you’ll be using.

Talk to a lot of people about sex. Friends, family, partners, your Twitter followers, whoever is willing to chat with you about sexual issues. Make friends with other sex bloggers and talk to them, too. You’ll learn a lot and come up with lots of ideas from these conversations, even (and perhaps especially) when you and the other person have wildly different perspectives on the topic at hand.

Trust that your view on sexuality is important and valuable. You don’t need to copy other people’s opinions or approaches; the things you have to say are valid all on their own. That said, stay informed: read other sex blogs, read the news, read critical theory and legendary writers in the field. They’ll bolster you when you agree with them and inspire you when you disagree with them.

Pay attention to what people ask you all the time, and what people search for on your site (a tool like Google Analytics or Statcounter can show you this data). These queries can guide your writing, by showing you what interests people most and which topics you haven’t yet addressed in enough detail.

Chase after what authentically fascinates you, even if it’s kind of weird. Some of my most popular posts of all time, for example, are about blowjob-friendly lipsticks, the external G-spot, and keeping a sex spreadsheet – all somewhat bizarre topics I had never or rarely seen addressed anywhere else, and wanted to write about because I found them interesting. Your weirdness is what sets you apart, so follow it wherever it takes you!

What do you feel is your greatest achievement?

While steadily writing a sex blog for over six years is no small thing, I always feel overcome with pride when I get a chance to write for other publications I respect. For example, I’ve dreamed of writing for Cosmopolitan since I was a wee little sex nerd, so I was thrilled this year when I got to write an essay for them about blowjobs, mindfulness, and pleasure. The prestigious Canadian magazine The Walrus also asked me to contribute an essay about “the future of sex” this year, so I got to wax poetic about how the eventual ubiquity of sex robots will transform our sexual culture. Interesting stuff!

How do you want your many followers to view/see you?

I hope they think of me like a cool, knowledgeable older sister whispering sex secrets into their ear in a way that feels fun and accessible. We all need a sister like that, methinks.

I also hope they come away from my writing feeling uplifted and invigorated. There’s a lot of awful stuff happening in the world right now (and always), and indeed a lot of aspects of sex itself can be discouraging or even traumatizing, so I try to provide a more lighthearted perspective on sexuality. If you leave my blog feeling reminded that sex is, at its best, goofy, fun, and connective, then I’ve done my job, as far as I’m concerned.

What will you be doing in 10 years’ time?

It’s my hope that I’ll have written and published a book or two by then, and that I’ll have expanded my sex-positive “media empire” even more. Think Dan Savage, only less problematic…!

On a more global scale, I hope we’ll have taken even more steps toward eliminating sexual shame and stigma by then. Writing about sex toys, blowjobs, and spanking can shift things in small ways for individual people, and I hope that my work contributes to the large-scale attitudinal shifts we need as a society on the topics of sex, gender, and relationships.

Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.

Trending Sex Toy Facts Of Australia!

Australian Sex Toy

Australian’s are an oversexed bunch.

And when it comes to toys of any description they like to spend.  In recent research conducted by Purposit (A Child Gifting App For Parents) it revealed that parents of the nuclear family (2 parents – 2.4 children) on average spend $1000 a month on non-necessary items – mainly being children’s toys.  So it brings to question how much and what do those same parents spend on sex toys for themselves.

So some extensive analysis from the data bases of one of Australia’s largest online sex toy retailer adultsmart reveal a few facts and figures indicating what the most popular sex toys being purchased were, where they were purchased and the biggest spends.  So on a per capita basis (per 1000) state by state for the year of 2017 the *#biggest consumers of sex toys in Australia believe it or not is

WINNER IS – TASMANIA with 4.1 persons (per 1000) purchasing sex toys.

Thereafter in order were Queensland, New South Wales, Australian Capital Territory, Victoria, Adelaide, South Australia, Northern Territory* and Western Australia*.

These are interesting stats but when broken up further statistics as to the best-selling sex toy online it comes down to the humble cock ring.  Across all states this was the most sought after item used to enhance the residents downunder intimate lives.  State by state these were the top three adult products purchased online –

Australian Adult Toys
Adult Toys Australia

NEW SOUTH WALES

  1. Cock Rings
  2. Lubricants
  3. Dildo

QUEENSLAND

  1. Cock Rings
  2. Strap On
  3. Lubricants

TASMANIA

  1. Cock Rings
  2. Vibrators
  3. Dildo

VICTORIA

  1. Cock Rings
  2. Lubricants
  3. Anal Toys

SOUTH AUSTRALIA

  1. Cock Rings
  2. Lingerie
  3. Lubricants

WESTERN AUSTRALIA

  1. Cock Rings
  2. Strap On
  3. Dildo

NORTHERN TERRITORIES

  1. Cock Rings
  2. Masturbators
  3. Vibrators

AUSTRALIAN CAPITAL TERRITORY

  1. Cock Rings
  2. Vibrators
  3. Masturbators
adult toy holiday
sex toy holidays

Breaking up the most popular days of the year to purchase sex toys were –

  1. Australia Day
  2. Valentine’s Day
  3. Father’s Day

These facts give an insight into the sex lives of the patriotic Ozzie’s and what sex aids they wish to include in their bedroom fun.  However it does not answer the question of how much do people spend?  *#Bearing in mind that these statistics are only gathered from one online sex toy store and they only reflect a small portion of the adult toy sales made online here are the average spend per customer per sale for sex toys state by state –

  1. NEW SOUTH WALES    –          $87.18
  2. TASMANIA                         –           $86.91
  3. QUEENSLAND                  –           $84.56
  4. NORTHERN TERRITORIES –    $78.14
  5. WESTERN AUSTRALIA –           $77.85
  6. SOUTH AUSTRALIA –                  $74.23
  7. ACT      –                                                $69.86

Adultsmart has over 30% return customer rate.

These days there is no stigma attached to buying, owning or using pleasure objects is accepted in most walks of life.  According to a study conducted by Arizona University more than 90% of men have used a sex toy on themselves or their partner and over 80% of women own a vibrator.  A recent survey on women’s vibrator use found –

  • 17% were under 20 years of age when they initially attempted a vibrator, or sexual toy
  • 50% were in their 20s
  • 22% to 27% were in their 30s
  • 11% were 40 and more

 

*Adultsmart ships from Sydney and items are generally received within one to three business days and this may have had some impact on purchases from Northern Territories and Western Australia where postal service take four –ten business days.

Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.