Swinging – What You Need Know Before The First Time!

Do you have dreams about having sex with two pretty girls at once? Feel ready to experience the exciting lifestyle of sexual swinging? Do you secretly crave to see your girlfriend having a steamy sexual encounter with another hot woman or being banged by a group of men? Want to host a swingers party?  Or maybe you want to see her being possessed by another man while you join in?

If you really want to transform all these exciting dreams into reality? You first need to prepare both your partner and yourself to ensure the swinging lifestyle is for you.

If you do not prepare you risk ruining your relationship for these dreams.

Is Your Relationship Solid Enough for Swinging? 

Ask yourself if your relationship is solid enough and will accept the lifestyle? After this carnal experiment of sexual swinging, even long-term relationships have failed. This tends to happen because couples did not prepare themselves first before entering this adult lifestyle choice.

These days, swinging (otherwise known as wife swapping or “the lifestyle”) has become more socially acceptable.  But due to fears of instability or jealousy, there are many singles or couples who have yet to try it out. Or in fact choose never to.

In fact, the reality is that swinging is actually the easy part.

What can really get tricky is dealing with the issues that can arise afterwards.   This is why preparation and understanding are paramount to ensure that it an enjoyable experience. And that will not conflict with your long-term relationship.

You can be certain that swinging is no light matter. It will definitely change your relationship for good. In these circumstances, it is clear enough that this is not the kind of decision you can make lightly.

There are some vital aspects to consider before entering the swinging lifestyle. If you already have made your mind and finally choose to go with it. We will discuss here several things to prepare before starting in order to experience a successful swinging lifestyle.

‘You may compare swinging with losing your virginity’

love and all things involved
Blog: Swingers Clubs

Before jumping into the swinging lifestyle

You need to be aware of the fact that this is a pretty heavy and lifestyle changing decision.  Compare swinging with losing your virginity. For both, once you experience them there is no way to go back.

But swinging is even a more serious matter. Because, while most of us go through losing our virginity at one point or another. Swinging is reserved for a very exclusive community.

Choosing this lifestyle is most likely to have some unforeseen consequences and unknown ramifications. But, at the same time, the benefits are so tempting and can be rewarding.

There are certain clear advantages to it, of course.

Do not fall for the propaganda of the church going. Most conservative types who want to convince you that it’s all bad news. If you try to talk to any swinging couple with experience in the lifestyle you will see how happy they can be.

They are usually always touching and holding hands. If you take a look back at those church going, conservative couples, you will see that they are barely noticing each other.

But jumping into the swinging lifestyle comes with no certain positive results. You can greatly enhance your relationship and your sex life or you can destroy it.

There is no in-between with swinging.

Things tend to go to the extreme within this lifestyle. Knowing ahead of time how to deal with potential issues can make the transition a lot easier for you.

This can possibly make all the difference between breaking and strengthening your relationship. There is usually no middle ground with swinging. This lifestyle can either help a relationship or ruin it.  You can find swinging to be all you have been dreaming about and searching for or you can obliterate and decimate your happy relationship.

As always, the choice stays with you and your lover.

‘Discuss the limits you are both comfortable with.’

Swingers in red sheets


Become good at interpersonal communication before starting swinging.

For any couple involved in a swinging relationship, being able to communicate well is a must. You need to be able to openly express fears, thoughts, emotions and feelings, before and after involving in any sexual swinging activities.

Sexual swinging, once it has happened, there is no way for going back. For this reason, the ability of planning ahead is of vital importance. Well before taking that first step, you should express both your ideas, dreams, needs, fears, thoughts etc.  Rather than just trying to talk about it at the spur of the moment, you are better off being prepared.

Your intentions need to be clear well in advance.

  • Are you both fine with experiencing sexual swinging?
  • Both looking to take your sexual life to a whole new level?
  • You should discuss first things like the limits that you are both comfortable with.
  • After making the limits clear you should with them and respect them.
  • For instance, are you ready to experience a “full swap”. In other words to “play” with different partners separate from each other?  In case that you are a couple. And you want to involve in a swinging experience with a single female.
  • Would you be also comfortable getting involved with a single male? You must first try to imagine every possible swinging scenario in the lifestyle. Talk about and get prepared for it.
  • As a couple, the future of your relationship is one of the key aspects you need to talk with each other.

‘The swinging lifestyle is not a patch aid for an unstable relationship.’


You need to figure out what are the reasons that make you want to swing.

This is also connected with the previous aspect of communication. Once you make it clear for yourself why you dream about this exciting lifestyle. Next step is to open up and share your kinky desires with your partner.

Both partners should openly communicate their feelings first when a couple decided to try the swinging lifestyle. This will help create trust, intimacy and a more comfortable atmosphere that will make the transition easier.

Reasons for jumping into a swinging lifestyle are various.

You both may want to spice up your sex life with new exciting adventures. Or you may simple want to experience the novelty and pleasure of an open and shared relationship.

But if you’re main reason to enter the swinging lifestyle is the fact that you’re looking for ways to mend the flaws in your intimate life and relationship, then you may be left disappointed.

This lifestyle is not a patch aid for an unstable relationships. But rather designed only for the most stable and healthy couples that are looking for sheer pleasure.

‘To experience some of your kinky fantasies and dreams.’


You also need to figure out how you want to swing.  Exploring swinging lifestyle comes with plenty of options.

  • You can start by joining an online swinging community.
  • Try luxury swinging cruises.
  • Just begin with a locally organized swinger party.

Choice is totally up to you and it mostly depends on your kink preferences, your budget, and the degree of excitement you’re looking for.  You may be looking forward to experience some of your kinky fantasies and dreams that you never had the chance to explore before.

But no matter how you decide to experience swinging, it is recommended to set some realistic expectations.

Set Realistic Expectations 

Never go to a swingers club with unrealistic expectations even if you agree with your partner to go for a “full swap”.  Nobody can guarantee you an orgy. You have to be aware of the fact that sometimes you may not find any couples you like. 

Also, don’t get bored and leave early. Because all that hot action may start much later in the evening.

If you both have decided you are ready to start a swinging lifestyle and your couple is secure enough to try it, there is one last challenge to overcome. Especially at the beginning, most couples have fears of being “discovered” by friends, family or coworkers.

For this reason, they try to stay more discreet

This can make it difficult for a new swinging couple to find other people. It is not recommended to try sites like Craigslist. Because they are not a safe and appropriate place to meet people.

Also, it might be a good idea to stay away from swingers dating sites because you’ll mostly meet on them some paid “actors” with fake profiles. It might be better to try a swinger’s social network that has real people.  You can also look out for swinger events in your area and attend a club or a party.

‘You must not pressure anyone into doing something they do not like.’

group sex and swinging dvds


When you are ready to have your first swinging experience, it is always better to let your woman lead the way.

As a man, you have already won big if your woman is even considering getting involved in a sexual activity that lets you have sex with another woman.  This having been said, it’s always wise to not over push the issue.

You must not pressure your lady by any means into getting involved in something she doesn’t like. Or doing anything she doesn’t want to do.  Just let her decide what are the limits, as well as what you will get to do.

Discuss this before entering your swinging venue.  

Also, it might be a good idea to let her make all and any introductions. The ones who give the green light in the swinging world are the women, so allow her to call the shots and just be patient. She might be afraid of running into someone she knows and avoid attending a swinger club or party.

If your woman is timid about going to a swinger party, you may propose her to attend an “off premise” party.

On these occasions sexual exploits are not allowed on site and they must be taken somewhere else. The atmosphere at an “off premise” party will be somewhat similar to a nightclub, but just with much more sexual tension in the air.

Again, let your woman decide what happens “after” the party.

Build up to an event is very exciting and you will likely have butterflies in your stomach. Emotion can get almost as intense as an orgasm. Of course, besides being in agreement with your woman you should also speak with the other couple beforehand in order to check their boundaries and limits as well.

Then, you can proceed to the hot encounter, but it’s always better to start small. Maybe at first you can start with just some touching and kissing.

‘Declaring your love for each other that you end up in each other’s arms.’

Swinging photo
Photo: Swingers


It is a good idea to make it a rule that you and your partner always have sex afterwards, by yourselves.  If you will, this can be seen as a kind of a closing ceremony. Declaring your love for each other that you end up in each other’s arms.

Also make a rule that the next day you talk about it. For the couple new to the swinging lifestyle, this can be a more in depth conversation. Once you get accustomed with swinging and become familiar with this exciting lifestyle it will become just a common place.

But it will still be fun sometimes to talk about some special moment that you liked both.

‘It is not appropriate to tell your husband about how “big” the other man is.’


Be aware of the fact that is not the best idea to talk up the other person/s you have had sex about. Especially in case your partner is self-conscious.

For instance, obviously it is not appropriate to tell your husband about how “big” the other man was. Or your wife how tight the other woman was. Even if you and your partner are not the jealous type. Always coat the truth a bit and affirm how much you love them and how glad you are to be with them.

‘People prefer to pick or approach others who have a confident look.’


When it comes to being self-conscious, it is recommended to work on building up your confidence.  If you really want to become a part of this exciting lifestyle, you must start working on your personality.

As you may already know, people prefer to pick or approach others who have a confident look and exhibit a great personality.  In order to attract the most people, ensure you display the best of your persona. Whether you’re looking for a swinging partner at a club or online.

In the swinging world it is perfectly acceptable to use fake names as an identity. So if you feel timid and self-conscious, you better realize quickly that it will not work in the swinging lifestyle.

‘Try being selfless and think more about your partner.’


Even if you and your partner are apart, the swinging experience should be something you do together.

It’s recommended to learn some new tricks to show each other. Your rules will loosen up over time when you’ll get more comfortable with various things. You may realize then that you are both okay with the swinging activities and encourage each other. But try being selfless and think more about your partner rather than yourself.

Forget the thoughts like I cannot please my partner or he liked her better.

Instead think more constructively. For instance, think that you need to learn how to please your partner that way. Or think that they liked your partner so much because he is so good looking.

This way to see things will help you, make you more confident and feel better about yourself. You must prepare before swinging and realize that in the moment it is a pretty erotic and intense setting.

Your partner may become much more excited than ever before. Don’t become jealous and take this as something against yourself. But rather understand the fact that is the experience.

‘Both people must be on the same page with what’s allowed and what is not.’


Before involving yourself in swinging activities for the first time, set some ground rules.

In case you are just new to the swinging lifestyle, it is vital to set some rules for each other.  For instance, before indulging in sexual swinging activities, agree about what is going to happen if you are both at a swinging event. And one of you wants to leave early.

It may be perfectly fine for the other person to stay behind. Or you may beforehand decide that kind of situation is not allowed.

Other rules may include your partner being intimate with the same sex.

Make sure to talk up front about all these things.  Also ensure that you are both on the same page with what’s allowed and what is not.  Would be kind of awkward to attend a swinger club or party and have a fight about getting oral sex from a stranger or leaving the party early.

Set your rules in advance, but make them flexible enough and know that they can still change.  As you evolve into the swinging lifestyle and accumulate more experience you may become more tolerant to various situations that made you feel uncomfortable at first.

‘Become familiar with the lingo.’



Make sure you learn the language of the swinging lifestyle.

Before your first swinging activity it might be wise to prepare in advance and become familiar with the lingo. It would be embarrassing, after all, if you get confused once on the site.

For instance, when you hear the words “full swap” or “hard swap”, you need to know with certainty what they mean. These are the terms used in the swinging lifestyle to make it clear that a certain couple is ready for full-on sex with another couple.

Other useful terms to learn would be “soft swap”. Meaning couples who won’t “go all the way”.  And “the unicorn”, a woman who attends swingers events alone.

So there you have it. 

Some simple preparation’s for you to go through and discuss before you go to your first swinger’s party or event. Swinging is not for everyone. But there are many millions of people worldwide that practice it. And it actually enhances their relationship or marriage.

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