69 thoughts that came to me while reading Dr Sprinkle’s Spectacular Sex.
1) She’s surely not a real doctor, she looks like a porn star, and her name is Doctor Sprinkle.
N.B. From Editor: Annie M. Sprinkle PhD is an American certified sexologist, sex educator, former sex worker, feminist stripper, pornographic actress, cable television host, porn magazine editor, writer, sex film producer, and sex-positive feminist
2) Oh, she is. It literally says Ph.D next to her name. Whoops!
3) Content pages don’t need to be this long… tell me how to be a sex goddess already.
4) I like when people use science to say that it’s okay to want to have sex all the time… IT’S SCIENCE, BITCH!
5) Affirmatio
6) Oh! She is a porn star too. Okay, that makes sense.
7) There are types of sex! Does she mean oral, vaginal and anal?
8) No, no she doesn’t.
9) She means, junk sex, health sex, comfort sex and gourmet sex. (I am not telling you what they are, buy the book.)
10) Sex also has genres? Wow.
11) Okay, so this book highlights how I am so vanilla.
12) Okay, she’s telling me to be fluid, I am now a metamorphosexual.
13) The advice, go with your gut. I want someone in my guts, lady!
14) Now, this is something I can get invested in. Dr Sprinkle’s recommends going shopping for some new clothes. Okay, if I have to, in the name of science. Put it on the plastic baby!
15) “Think about sex for thirty seconds…” honey, all I ever think about it sex.
16) Maybe I am not that vanilla.
17) Make a sex alter ego. Oh good, I can blame my incredibly high sex drive on her from now on.
18) She wants me to find my inner slut. Oh, I don’t need to find her. She’s here. Always on the hunt.
19) She wants me to liberate my fantasies. I am running out of fantasies to liberate here, Dr Annie.
20) The part where she suggests that you should watch your partner masturbate to climax… WHO HAS THAT MUCH WILLPOWER TO NOT HELP THEM? Can I blame that on my inner slut?
21) She talks about classic sex, which means vanilla and to own it. I AM THE QUEEN OF VANILLA.
22) Sex with women? Yeah, okay, been there, done that. Level up, Sprinkle
23) Subs, doms or switchable… okay, I leveled up too quickly!
24) I DO NOT CONSENT.
25) WHY ARE THEY DOING THAT?
26) Okay, threesomes! Check, done that. I am a sexual goddess again.
27) Oh, and we are back to BDSM.
28) Nope. Not a sex god. SOOOO VANILLA.
29) Chapter 3! Party pooper parade.
30) I have literally had every one of these party poopers in my bedroom before.
31) I feel so close and yet equally attacked by this chapter.
32) Ugh, safe sex. Can I skip this chapter? Hmm probably should read it.
33) I should wear a condom.
34) I WILL WEAR A CONDOM.
35) Now she is talking about recovering from a broken heart. Way to kill my hard on lady.
36) Oh I get to have a bath to birth a new sexual goddess! Better go to LUSH on the way home.
37) I am suppose to go get to know myself… down there! Oh okay, never done that before. I know it works hun.
38) Self-hate will keep you from coming. Okay guys? You gotta love yourself for better orgasms!
39) Get a photoshoot to promote self-love. Done that, I have a collage of model shots of myself in my bedroom. I am not conceited I swear!
40) Okay, “masturbation can provide the foundation of a good sexual life”. Well, now I don’t feel so bad for having all those orgasms before writing this article.
41) Step five, learn to speak sex-lish… what the fuck is that?
42) Apparently English isn’t good enough.
43) Spoiler alert: it’s English not a new language!
44) Communication is crucial.
45) Complaints and criticisms?! I AM A SEXUAL GODESS, NO ONE DARE COMPLAIN ABOUT MY SEX.
46) I wonder if that’s why my last relationship didn’t work…
47) I should text all of my ex’s and ask them… after this bottle of wine.
48) WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN’T LIKE MY ORAL SKILLS TOM? YOU KNOW WHAT TOM, SIZE DOES MATTER, I SAID IT DIDN’T TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER!
49) Okay, I am good. I am fine. I am a sexual goddess and Tom has a small dick.
50) Chapter 6! Sexercise and kegels.
51) I must do more kegels, okay I am starting right now. Squeeze and release!
52) Ecstasy breathing… I am just so vanilla. I need more wine!
53) Ooooo! Sex environments! Like, sex in the bush. Oh no. That’s not what she meant.
54) She’s talking about going sex toy shopping, “hip staff”. Did the book just compliment me?
55) Pictures on how to sex up your look… I am definitely going lingerie shopping after this.
56) There are various muff designs you can try… do people still have muff is that a thing?
57) Oh right, kegels – squeeze!
58) She has given me a sex life expense spread sheet. I have one of these! Budgets and spreadsheets are sexy to me.
59) Make over tips and suggestions – Yaaaassss queen.
60) This book is great, basically giving me to permission to shop for new clothes, beauty items, sex toys as well as allowing me to masturbate as much as I want.
61) SQUEEZE!
62) The relationships to food analogies are interesting… and now I am hungry.
63) There is a whole 4 pages on break ups. Why?
64) The tips on the g-spot are so helpful. Do I have one of these? Do I need to feed it? Walk it? Buy it a Christmas present?
65) Female ejac – check.
66) History of orgasms… ugh Sprinkle, I want an orgasm not a history lesson.
67) Reading about the perks of an orgasm really makes you want one more than watching PornHub does.
68) Types of orgasms… How are you ending the book with this information? You should have started here!
69) That’s it? Ending on thought 69 as unsure about the book as I feel about the position 69.
I do not know why 69 thoughts. Perhaps I thought it was an easy number to get your tongue around… lol….
N.B. From Editor – Why not read some of our resident sexologists advice?
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