Male Masturbation Horror Stories: Stupid Things Men Do!

We never thought this story could be topped but it appears it has.  Read on and you will question whether you believe it or not!  In June 2014 Lian Tien got his penis stuck in a pipe leaving him stuck for two days at a building site. This is one of those male masturbation horror stories.

Lian Tien told reporters and Police that his reason for getting into one of the world’s most uncomfortable situations and the world was astonished by his answer.

Male Masturbation Horror Stories – Lian Tien

“It was hot so I was painting the wall in the nude, and I slipped on the floor causing my private parts to fall inside the pipe that was protruding from the wall to take water outside from the air conditioning unit.

Unfortunately, I got stuck as a result. I thought that no-one would believe me and I tried everything I could think of to get the damned thing off once it had got stuck. I cut it from the wall and tried pouring oil and liquid soap down the sides but my manhood was so tightly wedged that nothing dripped down. I went to sleep thinking that if I relaxed it would slide off.

But it didn’t. It began to get red and inflamed. I was worried that I would get a terrible infection.”

His genitals were stuck in the pipe as it was sticking out.

So, this pipe was previously used to pour water from the building’s ventilation. At the same time he thought no-one would be able to believe his story as it appeared to be to far fetched and he didn’t want to lose his job.

He hid in the building for two days but his genitals were getting swollen from the friction of the pipe and his body started to get a fever and he knew this was not a situation he could maintain for a long time. Soon after he got the fever, he called an ambulance, who suggested they require the fire department’s help to get him out of this situation.

Firefighters in Quanzhou City took four hours to cut him away from the piping around Mr Lian’s privates.

What did the Doctor Say?

Doctor Dewei Yuan who treated Mr Tien said: “The parts became swollen so severely that there was nothing more we could do, and we needed to call for help. ”

male masturbation horror stories
Lian Tien’s Stuck Penis

So these Chinese must be frisky buggers as on 2 June of 2017 a man got his penis ‘accidently’ stuck in a wrench!

A 37 year old bachelor from the the eastern Zhejiang Province was brought to the Taizhou Hospital after his parents had called the firebrigade as their son had his penis caught in a wrench.

Linhai Fire Brigade attended armed with an angle grinder but determined that the operation would have to be performed more delicately bringing him to the hospital.  Apparently the penis had been stuck in the wrench for more than a day and had swelled.

No reason was given as to why the man had put his penis in a wrench ring except that it was an accident.

Doctors at the hospital were’t sure what to do

Until a specialist who had studied a similar case at a seminar called in two local dentists.  The dentists armed with dental drills managed to move the ring after a 30 minute operation.

Surely the Chinese are aware that there are other many safe masturbation techniques!

male masturbation horror stories
The Penis Wrench!!

We think this is most common and when people say that they accidentally just put something up their rear ends do we believe them?   Hospital departments gets their fare share of these sorts of incidents on a daily basis.

horror stories of what's up the butt
What Goes Up A Butt

You Got What Stuck Where???

At this time there are plenty of other incredible stories of what people have accidentally placed up their arse-holes, vaginas, penises, ears and noses.

From frozen peas, to old Nokia vibrating mobiles placed inside condoms, cucumbers and much more. Sometimes thing’s that work for other people end up not working for others.  For most of us home products or food products are not made to sexually satisfy peoples cravings.

Things like vegetables, children’s playthings, nail scissors, buzz light years, and glasses and a lot more have been inserted into peoples backsides.

I Can See the Funny Side but…..

But somehow just wonder what some of these people were thinking as they inserted a toy car up there.  Sure I understand phallic things like carrots or cucumbers with no harmful edges and as a substitute for the real thing.  Why place a set of spectacles or glass bottle?

As one surgeon put it –

“After more than 30 years in surgery, I am awed at what individuals will do to themselves. I have so far seen: a candle, lights, batteries, chop sticks, a cushion, hair curler, and even a container of Edge Shaving Cream (the 33% more in the can). I hope that he noticed that the shaving cream was the “33% more in the can” just so that there was 33% more to remove.”

Who Else Wants To Enjoy Tenga Eggs!!

A little tip that can easily turn this into a pleasuring toy or females as well is simply turning the egg inside out and using it in conjunction with a vibrator as a textured vibrator sleeve.

These Tenga Eggs are also easy on the wallet as they aren’t too expensive in fact they are very affordable at only $14.99 each egg.  It’s nice to see a manufactures bringing more fun into their products and their marketing and Tenga isn’t any ‘egg-ception’ at all.

They are a ‘crack’ of a deal and I’m certainly not ‘egg-aggerating’, OK I’ll stop with the terrible puns………So stop being a chicken!!! And ‘hatch’ a plan to try an egg today! I’ve tried several Tenga products, and the line is universally solid thus far. The Tenga Eggs prove to be no exception.

Tenga Egg Advantages

  • Cheap. You will not find quality like this, at this price, with any other product.
  • Durable enough. Each egg can last around ten uses with meticulous care, and when you factor in price, that makes this an even better deal.
  • Ready out of the pack. Each egg comes with a single, plentiful serving of medium-quality lube. Dump and go.
  • Handles the job. Much like condom material, these eggs can deal with a great deal of stretching. You’re not going to damage the product unless you’re really trying.

I Made the Right Choice

I have only used one of my six and I can already tell that I made the right choice. This thing gets really intense. When used it gets a little noisy so beware. The most important thing to remember while using this thing is to be gentle.

I have washed mine out so many times that I have lost count so if you REALLY want to make it last its possible. I use alcohol each time to kill any remaining bacteria and powder it with cornstarch so it so it doesn’t stick to its egg.

Portable and Discrete.

In fact, I was tossing mine around in the Tenga Eggs (without the wrapper) and someone asked what is that so I told them “it’s a plastic egg”.

I wasn’t lying this is by far the most discrete male masturbator I’ve found.  If you’re wondering why this product has so many mixed reviews let me just say this if you just had an orgasm say an hour beforehand.  Of course, this thing will feel like a thick condom but if it had been a week or so these things will be better than apple pie.

If you want to try all of these eggs this truly is the best deal Plus i saved an extra 5 bucks by signing up for that subscribe and save, you can choose it to be shipped every month, three months or 6 months.

Or if your not satisfied you can cancel the service altogether. *Hint Hint* you can find these sex toys from Adult Smart Online.

Rating 5 out of 5.

male masturbation horror stories
Alpha Stroker

This Stroker Will Have You Seeing Apollo!

What would you get, if your blended a Fleshlight with a Tenga Flip-Hole and a Fun Factory Cobra Libre? Something astounding, isn’t that so?

Apollo Alpha Power Stroker by California Exotics is now one of my most loved toys. So when I saw that they were putting out a new and improved version of it I knew I needed to have it.

Out with the old Alpha Stroker  and in with the new Alpha Stroker 2.  First thing I noticed when it was delivered was that the body case was blue instead of the original black.  It had a realistic sleeve rather than the generic one in the first model.

Alpha stroke comes in better and more sturdy packaging.  On opening it us you receive a charging cable, instructions and the actual sex toy.  It has a bit of weight to it and although similar is curvier than a fleshlight.


  • Ergonomic shape.
  • Controls are on the handle where the charging point is also.
  • You can adjust how tight you want the toy to be by squeezing the two ‘boards’ that are clearly defined on each side.
  • It arrived charged.
  • Instructions say when fully charged it allows 2.5 hours of continuous use.  If you are anything like me you do not need much more than 10 whilst watching your favorite porn flick.

Vibration Modes

  •  30 different vibration modes.
  • Delivered through 2 powerful vibrating eggs.
  • When you switch it on it will automatically turn on to the last vibration mode you were using so if you have a favorite.
  • No need to scroll through 30 modes, you will start at the one you want.

Material and Cleaning

  • Material is durable ABS Plastic that is matte finish to allow easy handling and the sleeve is made from TPR. 
  • To maintain this baby you will have to clean it thoroughly between uses and uses a rejuvenating powder. 
male masturbators
BUY ONLINE: Male Masturbators

If you treat it right it will last for you.

Ready for action I placed water based lube in the tunnel and grasped the external case.  I plunged my erect dick in it and it was a comfy feeling that I made more comfy by squeezing the pressure planks similar in design to the Tenga Flip Hole.

Alpha Stroker is long, about 11 inches in fact that I like as the Fleshlight is only 8 inches in length and for those with a bigger penis just comes short.

Controls were easy to access on the handle and the sleeve was adequately textured but would not say it felt like the real thing.  In saying that allowing me to adjust the pressure it felt very good with the vibrator on and even off.

Much better than a straight hand-job.

Apollo masturbator
Apollo Stroker

So onto the vibrations.

Like the Hydro and Power Stroker, the Alpha has 30 distinctive vibration designs.  Vibrations do appear to transmit themselves pleasantly through the sleeve.  This is the critical thing to remember.  Vibrations are not intended to be the highlight they are just a welcome accessory.

It’s the sleeve doing all the work, the vibrations are simply an addition not a headliner.  My issue with the vibrations was that although there is a stated 30 different vibration modes/power they all basically felt the same.

There was little to differentiate between them.  Yet with that issue addressed it does feel better than an average stroker and again the pressure planks really did it for me.

Clean-up and Maintenance

For anybody that has a Fleshlight, you know how difficult it can be cleaning the buggers out. Despite the fact that because of their open-finished sleeve outline, cleaning is an instance of flushing water through the sleeve to evacuate any “stores”.  Afterward verifying its dry and powdered before putting it away.

Alpha Stroker is basically “shut” toward one side, significance you can’t simply flush it through.

I say “shut” – there is the most smallest of small of openings at the base of the sleeve to help with suction. But it’s absolutely not sufficient to simply “flush” through your orgasm – so you will need to totally turn the sleeve back to front so as to guarantee everything is gone. This is somewhat difficult, as the sleeve is difficult to turn – yet it will turn with persistence.

Allow it to dry and afterward turn it back the right way.

I complete the process of spritzing and cleaning the outside and after that let it to air dry.

Once its dry, you’ll perceive the sleeve goes somewhat stiff/sticky.  You’ll need to issue it a light cleaning with some recharging powder before popping it again into the case.  Afterward putting the cover on to keep it clean and without dust, prepared for next time.

External case can be wiped with a soggy material. The Alpha Stroker is waterproof, so you could clean the entire case under the tap, however I don’t believe its important, unless you messed it up with excessive lubricant.

I preferred this sex toy when I compare it to the Fleshlight  range. 

It’s got enough adaptability pulling out all the stops.  I can acknowledge what the creators of the toy were attempting to achieve, regardless of the possibility that it doesn’t exactly hit the mark a perfect masturbator.  But the cleaning is a real turn off.

Discussing adaptability, they say you have the capacity to utilize the sleeve outside of the case as simply a standard pocket “pussy” sort of thing.  Anyway I for one wouldn’t be utilizing it that route.

It’s rechargeable, not very loud, simple to utilize and gives a the perfect measure of sensations. Main thing that truly disappoints it is the weight cushions and the clean-up.

So I give the Apollo Stroker a Score: 9 out of 10.

It’s an amazing men’s sex toy!



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