JoyDivision BIOglide Making Love Naturally – A Different Type of Review!

Chapter One – The Stitch Up!

Thanks JoyDivision for sending this product for review – somehow I got wrangled into receiving it as a bit of a stitch up.  Yesterday morning I walked into my office to see a cute little tube of BIO Glide on my desk with a post it note attached ‘Product to Review – Minimum 800 words’.  Heck I write a lot, I write articles for other blogs, I write content for websites, I write product descriptions and I send out products to our reviewers who will then look, feel, see the product and write an instructive review.  Up until now though, I have never been given or taken a product.

As I picked up the cute little tube I could see across my desk Stephen having a bit of a chuckle – possibly at my expense!

I said, ‘Stephen who put this on my desk this morning?’

He said, “Your wife.”

I said, “But Stephen this is not my wife’s writing.”

He said, “Oh Yeah, it was Belinda and Maria.  They were laughing whilst they were doing it.”

I said, “Right, Ok then.  I had a bit of an argument with Maria last night.  Hmmm.”

He said, “I thought it was something like that the way they were laughing.”

Hmmm, I thought!  As I picked up and looked at the bottle.  My eyesight is not that great anymore and I could not read the smaller writing so I asked, “Is this a personal lubricant or a massage lotion or both.  I can see it is water-based but if I am to do a review of the product, I guess I should know where to use it.”

Stephen took the bottle from me, examined it and said, “It’s a personal lube.”

I thanked Stephen and carried on with my work until the early afternoon when Belinda entered our office with a big smile on her face – making a surprising impression of a Cheshire cat.

I said, after picking up the BIO glide, “Did you leave this on my desk?”

She said, chuckling, “Mrs. V asked me too.  She said it is something that she would really like as it is made organically”

I said, “I have no problem doing a product review and will make sure it is over 800 words but obviously you are aware that Mrs. V and I had a bit of a spat last night so I am not sure if this is the right product that either you or she wants reviewed at this particular time”.

Belinda laughed and we discussed issues relating to business.

My wife is a lover of all things natural, organic and holistic – however those words to me often mean more expensive, deceptive and no better.  That is not to say that some products that are produced in their purest sense do not have health or other benefits but generally there is little oR no difference.  The body naturally produces toxins that will kill you.  There are over 75 chemicals that are approved to use on certified organic foods and eaten by free range animals.  Of all the certified organically produced there are basically none that have not been in contact with pesticides or chemicals, however these pesticides and chemicals are restricted to a standards list both in Australia and the United States.  Organic foods generally will not be processed using irradiation, industrial solvents or synthetic food additives.

Sorry I went off on a tangent then – but basically as far as foods are concerned there is little evidence to suggest that eating organic is better for you in fact Associate Professor Samir Samman, from the School of Molecular Bioscience at the University of Sydney, says

“there is little evidence to suggest that organic food is nutritionally better than conventional food, especially in relation to fresh fruit and vegetables.”

In a major study that has been accepted for publication in the international scientific journal Critical Reviews In Food Science And Nutrition, Professor Samman and his team

“surveyed the international literature and critically evaluated the results”

and they aren’t heartening FACTS that the organics industry wants to hear.

In fact reviews and tests have shown that many non-organic and even synthesized products contain more vitamins, are more nutritious than their ‘organic’ counterparts.

Ethical lube
Natural lube

Chapter Two – BIOGlide Lubricant

So after Belinda left and with the word organic running through my mind I decided to do a bit of research on BIO Glide.  This product is made by JoyDivision, not the English Rock/Pop Band of the 70’s, but the German sex toy company that has been around for over 20 years producing products for great sensuality.  JoyDivisioin takes the manufacture of their products seriously and dermatologically and clinically test all their products before release to ensure they are body-safe and skin friendly which is good to know.

Presently they have over 250 premium products in their brand that are sold in over 60 Countries worldwide.  Positive social and environmental impact is at the forefront of their mission statement and they are official members of Unicef, Aidshilfe and Terre Des Hommes all organizations that ethically try to better the planet.

So the first thing I noticed on the bottle was a label saying CO2 Neutral sticker.  Mmmm, this is one I had not seen before so a quick bit of research informs me that this is a voluntary commitment by a manufacturer that due to unavoidable CO2 emissions made in the manufacture of this product that they will compensate by supporting a climate protection project in Bolivia.

-Rick thinks to himself!!!- (you gave this product to the wrong person Mrs V and Belinda).

So I research this further and the only reference to this project I can find is on the JoyDivision website from which I quote –

“Sustainable trading and a voluntary commitment to preservation of the climate are a matter of course for JOYDIVISION. Unavoidable CO2 emissions from manufacturing and transport are compensated by a climate protection project in Bolivia.
JOYDIVISION is investing there in the reforestation of native species of trees with an added social and ecological benefit. This benefits not only the climate, but also the biodiversity and the local people.”

So the CO2 sticker basically means that the manufacturer voluntarily is sending an undisclosed amount of money, or resources to reforesting Bolivia.  OK, I guess that’s nice!

BIO products are said to be made of the highest standard being a 100% natural vegan lubricant suitable for vaginal and oral intercourse (am not sure why it cannot be used for anal sex?).  It is safe to use with all sex toys and condoms and is highly effect – the catch phrase of 90% of all lubricants –

“with a little going a long way”.

What is interesting is that it is naturally certified by the BDIH.  To give you a bit of a background there were all sorts of certifications going around for sex toys and lubricants but in 2014 the German Institute of Dietary Supplements and Cosmetics developed the ‘Natural Product Standard’.  This certification offers the consumer a guarantee that the product is natural and also makes BioGlide the first lubricant classified as a ‘natural medical device’.

Additional information about BIOglide lubricant is that it is pH-optimized, developed with no animal testing, has no synthetics or chemicals in it.   It has supposedly won first place in Men’s Health magazine but I could not find out what the competition it won or anything related to BIOglide’s win online and a search on the Men’s Health site for bioglide came up with no results.

Best Glycerin
Why glycerin

So let’s get to the ingredients of BIOglide.  All water-based lubricants main ingredient is glycerin which is made from animal or vegetable fats.  This is the main ingredient of BIOgllide and the others are

Aqua – Water

Sodium Lactate – Saline

Xanthan Gum – Food Additive and Thickening Agent

Levulinic Acid – is an organic compound with the formula CH₃CCH₂CH₂CO₂H. It is classified as a keto acid. This white crystalline solid is soluble in water and polar organic solvents.

Sodium Levulinate – Is the salt produced by Levulinic Acid and used as a preservative and for skin care.

Lactic Acid – is an organic compound with the formula CH₃CHCOOH. In its solid state, it is white and water-soluble. In its liquid state, it is colorless. It is produced both naturally and synthetically.

So now I had researched the product and the claims that the manufacturer it was time to do the touch taste so I removed the seal and placed the lubricant between my thumb and other fingers.  It was soft and silky the way a personal lubricant should be.  Having worked in the adult industry for close to 30 years now I have tested a few and this one felt really good.  Then I dabbed a little on my tongue and it was slightly sweet – not sickly so – and certainly not unpleasant.

 

The next test I find the most important and that is rubbing it away with a paper towel.  If it is a good lubricant there still should be a residue and surely enough the residue remained so it certainly ticks the boxes in those three tests.  So there I was looking forward to going home and as soon as we put the kids to bed taking BIOglide on a road test with Mrs. V.

Chapter Three – The Train Wreck

Getting home at 6.30pm I made a bit of an event in asking my wife how her day had been and letting her know that I had taken home the product that I had been told to review.  Intimating how exciting it would be to road test a new lubricant.  We had dear friends and their family over and it was Pizza night.  They left about 8.20pm and we then powered through ‘The Block’ having pre-recorded it -for those readers not in Australia it is a type of home renovation series and by 9.40pm the kids were doing zzz’s in bed.

Excitedly I reminded Mrs. V about the product for review and she replied, “I’m too tired. Going to bed!”

Train Crash
Train Wrecked

With a quick peck goodnight, I poured myself another drink and watched the idiot box for another hour or so and then went to be as well.

 

So unfortunately Belinda and Mrs. V I am unable to present you with a full product review at this stage but await in anticipation to be allowed the avenue to fully test it.  That will make Chapter Four of the BIOglide review for the adultsmart blog.

Chapter Four – The Pre Test

So the following night – having presented Belinda and Mrs. V with my half-completed review via email I returned home after work at about 6.15pm in the evening.  Dinner had been prepared and was awaiting serving in the oven,  Mrs. V was with a friend on the balcony and I said ‘hello’ to them both giving my wife a quick peck on the lips.

I began walking back to the lounge-room when Mrs. V called out, ‘I have been getting phone calls from people telling me to read your review.”

I said, “Well you would have received a phone call from only one person as I only emailed the non-complete review to Belinda and you.  So what did Belinda have to say?”

She said, “That I have to read it!  I haven’t had the chance as I have had people with, all day.”

I said, “No drama.”

I played with the kids, and then we had dinner about 7pm. Just for some irrelevant information it was oven baked Chicken and baked lemon potatoes.  Actually quite yummy.

After dinner and washing up Mrs. V said, “I read your review. ”

I said,  “Did you like it?”

She said, “Sure, I guess we better road test the product so you can complete your review!”

I said, “That sounds like a plan.”

Chapter Five – The Road Test

After we put the kids to bed we lay on the couch and watched a mind numbing movie that Mrs V for some reason enjoyed.  It was called Due Date with Robert Downey Junior and the guy from Hangover.  I was not a great fan of the hangover series of movies and found this one even less impressive, but the wife liked it, so I tolerated it as it gave her some joy and laughs.  It finished at 10.30am and we then sat on the balcony and chewed the fat for about 30 minutes and then went to bed with my trusty container of BIOglide by my side.

 

After doing the mandatory brushing of teeth and other functions for hygiene and the body we went to bed and I asked, “Have you got one of your friends handy”.

lube test
testing lubricant

Look, I am a firm believe in sensual foreplay, giving a gentle erotic massage, some passionate kissing, exploring each others bodies so that both our desires are raised when the actual act takes place.   However, this we do when we have an hour (or a couple) to spare and explore each other to become more connected.  Sorry, after 11pm, and after a hard days work I am not that romantic person and will call in the big guns to help in the foreplay department.

Incorporating sex toys into our foreplay and love making techniques allows us to have fast sex without it feeling like a

‘wham bam, thank you ma’am’!

So Mrs. V grabbed one of her favorite Romant toys.  I grabbed the BIOglide and liberally applied it to the toy and gently lubricated her.  Maria likes mostly to use sex toys externally and is not big on inserting them, so my mate Romant went to work whilst I enjoyed the show.  After she was suitably turned on I applied the BIOglide to myself and we were intimate with each other.

Personally I am not a big fan of water based lubricants and I will tell you why.  Recently I read the results of a survey – it revealed that men that orgasmed during sex in under 4 minutes are said to have premature ejaculation problems.  Those that lasted between 4-12 minutes are considered normal.  Personally, I very rarely ejaculate in under 12 minutes and when we have time (and are not tired) enjoy have marathon sessions.

That being the case most water based lubricants dry up within a ten minute period and need re-application frequently thereafter.  As you reapply it dries quicker and becomes sticky, a feeling I find a total turn-off and to be quite honest quite disgusting.  We tend you use silicone lubricants as they

“last and last, and a little goes a long way”

as most lube product claim to – silicone actually does. But I have digressed again.

On application, like my previous test it was silky smooth – and to be quite honest was almost as good in feeling as a silicone lubricant.  It felt good and natural on the skin and it was all thumbs up from the starting point.  Unfortunately come around the 8 minute mark it began to become sticky and glammy and by the 10 minute mark we were re-applying.

This is a perfect lubricant for those that want to be intimate for 10 minutes or under.  For anybody that likes longer sessions I rate it 3 out of 5 because of the initial feeling and it is what I have come to expect from the majority of water based lubes on the market..

Mrs. V comments were, ‘It was really sticky – I don’t rate it.”  So I guess she is a harsher critic than me – or she has been spoiled too long with the use of Silicone lubricants.  Surprising though as it was ORGANIC!

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Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.

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