A question I’m sure a lot of people have thought of or have considered at least once in their lives is “Am I gay?” Or, “Does this make me gay?” So, how do you know you are gay? This article will examine if there are signs of being gay.
Maybe you are, maybe you aren’t. Unfortunately, there is no real checklist or online test that you can take that will give you an easy yes or no answer.
Some people in their early teens feel inklings that they may be gay, and then later find that they’re not. Some people go years, get married, have children and then say “shit, I’m actually gay“.
Other people come out of the womb blanketed in the rainbow flag singing *insert gayest song you can think of*. And that is the beauty of it.
We’re all different!
So, there are straight people and there are gay people…or so we are told.
If you prefer your sexual dilemmas served with a Facebook analogy, let me tell you – “it’s complicated”. I wish it were as black and white as that, but alas, ’tis not.
You may find yourself uncomfortable with the word lesbian, or gay and to be truthful, I am too. Try not to force yourself into a box! Many people from the LGBT community prefer to be known as queer. A much broader term for those who do not want to umbrella themselves under gay, lesbian, cisgender or any other ‘label’ for that matter.
Check out The Gay Guide for Great Information
A great book I flicked through at the Adult Lifestyle Centre Kogarah store one day was “The Gay Guide”. It goes through LGBT history, safe sex, STI’s and a whole bunch of other good, important stuff. What struck out most for me was the section on bisexuality. For the sake of not being able to paraphrase or rewrite in my own words without changing the meaning.,
Here is the direct quote.
“We’re all essentially bisexual, we just repress the side we’re least comfortable with. We’re led to believe that sexuality is a one-way street. Of course, this is bullshit of the worst kind. But the media insist that the world is black and white, even though we know it is lived out in glorious colour.” Sigmund Freud.
I could not have said it better myself.
To be truthful, I think there are grey areas for everybody.
NO ONE is 100% anything.
And you’d be lying to yourself if you thought you were. Even the butchest of butch could swing for Justin Bieber. How do you know you are gay? So don’t tell me you never thought that cute girl in PE wasn’t smokin.
How Do You Know You Are Gay?
Here are a few things that could mean you are…
- Do you find yourself pointing at things with two fingers instead of one?
- Is your hair is shorter than your brothers and you’re better at soccer than he is?
- You constantly see rainbows?
- Do you slut drop on the dancefloor as soon as a Beyonce banger comes on?
JUST Kidding!
An easiest way to differentiate between a fantasy and whether you’re gay is separating whether you’re only sexually/physically attracted to someone. Or whether you’re both sexually/physically and emotionally attracted to someone.
- Can you see yourself kissing them?
- Holding hands walking down the street with them?
- Or, unfortunately, putting up with shit from intolerant strangers for them?
- Think about whether you’re emotionally attracted to that individual.
- Then think about whether you’re sexually attracted to them.
- Take stereotypes out of the question.
Ignore my humorous list earlier.
The way you look is not the tell tale on whether you are gay or not, despite what everyone tries to tell you. Take this for all stereotypes. Stereotypes are not an indication of your sexuality.
Get involved with the community.
If you’re still questioning your sexuality, it might be a good idea to involve yourself in the LGBT community! Gather some friends, or go by yourself, whatever you’re most comfortable with, and hit up some gay clubs.
In the past two years, I’ve made some of my closest and dearest friends to date at queer events. I can honestly tell you I had never felt as much at home as I did the first night I walked into my first gay club.
All I know is, there’s no harm in experimenting and trying things out to find out.
If you are queer, what’s stopping you?!
We’ll welcome you with open arms! And if you’re not, well we’ll still love you anyway.
About the Author: Chloe is a consultant from Adult Lifestyle Centres
How Do You Know You Are Gay?
Sexual orientation is a deeply personal aspect of one’s identity, and questioning about one’s sexuality can be a challenging and daunting experience. While some individuals are sure of their sexuality from an early age, others may have questions and doubts. Particularly, those who suspect they might be gay may grapple with understanding and accepting their sexual orientation.
This article aims to provide some clarity on the subject, exploring possible signs that you might be gay, the difference between being gay and being curious, and the importance of self-acceptance. Remember, only you can determine your sexuality, and it’s perfectly okay to take your time and explore your feelings at your own pace.
Dispelling Stereotypes
First and foremost, it’s important to debunk some common gay stereotypes. Being gay doesn’t equate to acting, dressing, or speaking a certain way. Gay people come from all walks of life, cultures, races, and ethnicities. They are as diverse as straight people in their appearances and behaviors.
It’s crucial to understand that your sexual orientation is not determined by your mannerisms or style. A man can be effeminate, and a woman can be tomboyish, irrespective of their sexual orientation. Therefore, it’s unwise to base your sexual orientation on stereotypes or assumptions.
Acknowledging Your Feelings and Attractions
When trying to understand your sexuality, it’s helpful to introspect and analyze your feelings and attractions. The American Psychological Association defines sexual orientation as an “enduring emotional, romantic, sexual, or affectional” attraction toward another person.
You may want to ask yourself.
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Have I ever experienced sexual attraction to the same sex?
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Do I feel a strong emotional connection with people of the same sex?
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Am I physically attracted to individuals of the same sex?
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Have I considered having a sexual relationship with someone of the same sex?
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I have thought about sexual experiences with someone of the same sex?
Answering these questions can provide some insights into your sexual orientation and the question how do you know you are gay.
Exploring Different Types of Attraction
Attraction is not a one-size-fits-all concept. It’s an umbrella term that encompasses various types such as romantic, sexual, platonic, sensual, and aesthetic attraction. It’s vital to understand the different types of attraction to better understand your feelings.
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Romantic Attraction: Desire to be in a romantic relationship with someone
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Sexual Attraction: Desire to engage in sexual activities with someone
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Platonic Attraction: Desire to be friends with someone
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Sensual Attraction: Desire for non-sexual physical contact like cuddling or hugging
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Aesthetic Attraction: Appreciation or attraction to someone’s physical appearance
Spectrum of Sexual Orientation
Sexual orientation is not black-and-white. It exists on a spectrum, and it’s possible that you might not fit neatly into the categories of “gay” or “straight.” You could be bisexual, meaning you’re attracted to both men and women.
Or, you might be just curious and exploring your feelings. It’s perfectly normal to be unsure and to take time to understand your sexuality.
Dealing with Confusion and Doubts
Navigating through your feelings and attractions can be confusing and overwhelming. If you’re grappling with feelings of guilt, sadness, or anxiety, or if you lack support from your family and community, know that help is available. Many organizations and professionals specialize in LGBTQ+ issues and can provide the support you need.
Consider seeking counseling or joining support groups, both online and offline. Connecting with individuals who are going through similar experiences can be incredibly helpful. Remember, it’s okay to take your time and experiment with your feelings.
Embracing Your Sexuality
If you identify as gay, it’s essential to embrace your sexuality. Being gay is a part of who you are, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. Understand that some people might not understand your sexual orientation, but the only opinion that matters is yours.
It’s also important to remember that you don’t have to rush into coming out. You might not be ready. How do you know you are gay and how do you know when is the best time to come out? Coming out is a deeply personal decision, and you should do it when you feel ready and comfortable. Your sexual identity is personal, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Self Discovery is a Journey
Determining your sexual orientation is a personal journey that should be taken at your own pace. It’s okay to have questions and doubts. And it’s okay not to know you are gay or whatever sexual orientation. It’s okay to not fit neatly into a box. And most importantly, it’s okay to be you.
Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, remember: your sexuality is a personal aspect of who you are and it’s something to be embraced, understood, and accepted.
Remember, there’s no pressure to have all the answers right now. Self-discovery is a journey, not a destination. So, take your time, explore your feelings, and in the process, learn to be true to yourself.
Richard, our marketing guru, steers Adultsmart’s online presence. With over 10 years in the industry, he’s passionate about sexual health and lifestyle issues.