Water Bottle Douching Techniques!

A heat wave had struck the city. Down in the streets below, t-shirts clung to the backs of the people passing by, an old man stood by a telephone booth fanning himself with a newspaper and a car honked as it almost slammed into an unruly cyclist trying to escape the heat.

Upstairs a barrage of deep tonal beats played throughout the air and an alarm sound resounded deep within the store; a young man with short cropped black hair, baggy jean shorts and a white singlet walked through the door.

He seemed very calm, serene like a drop of water dissipating deep within an ivory well. Beneath the surface there was curiosity, tumultously crashing over a perspicacious disposition. I approached him and asked if there was anything specific he was looking for, to which he replied; “Yeah mate, I need a douche you got one of ‘em?”

“Yes, right this way”, I mandated demurely. As I lead him to our douche stand, I pondered the intricacies of the young man’s situation. “Is this douche for yourself?” I asked him.

“Aw yeah mate, yeah I’m a bottom and I’ve got a partner like, he’s a top and so what that means in the gay community, like, is that during anal play, the top is usually the giver, and the bottom is the receiver so-to-speak. D’you know what I mean?”

“Yes, absolutely. And before any session of hot anal play it can be an absolute necessity to douche, to make sure that the sex is hygienic and that all flows smoothly and according to plan.” I replied.

“Too right, mate”, he grinned. “Poop and sex don’t mix for me, but hey, I don’t judge.”

“I’m glad you don’t judge, as this is a judgement free zone, as well as an Oh-zone.” I chided and we laughed boisterously.

I bent down to pick up some of the latest douches we had in store, packaged in clean, crisp white boxes with smooth designs and grooves. “Here we have the Adam & Eve EZ Anal Douche. It has a typical Anal Douche design, a bulbous lower section and a tube attached to the top with a fine nozzle. I believe it’s a 0.5” flexible and detachable plastic tip so you can remove it when you’re sucking water into the lower body of the douche, and reattach it when you need to insert the nozzle into your ass.”

Anal Douche By Adam & Eve
Sex Toy: Adam & Eve EZ Anal Douche
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“Well, mate, the problem is I’m on the dole and I can’t afford to spend all my dollarydoos on a douche, like, I’ve got maybe 20 bucks to spend.” He said, scratching his chin.

“Ah”, I sighed. “When they say you pay for quality, and what you get is what you pay for, they couldn’t be closer to the truth. You could spend a decent $45 on this douche, have the maximum comfort possible for an otherwise discomfortable task or you could do what some of my friends have done in the past – And I really shouldn’t be telling you this – But in an emergency, a plastic water bottle works adequately as a douche. You’d fill up the bottle with water, place the bottle neck to your anus and …” I trailed off.

He winced sympathetically at the idea of placing a ridged bottle neck in or near a sensitive area like his anus. “Mate, y’ave convinced me, I’m gonna buy that douche but ya owe me a VB for what I’m dishing out.”

“I can’t promise anything, but I can promise that you’ll love this Adam and Eve EZ Anal Douche, and your partner will love you even more for it.” I winked. He laughed and as I packed away his douche for him, a soft fog rolled in from downstairs, lazily creeping up the stairs, signaling that night had arrived and the heat of the day had passed.

He waved goodbye to me and as the alarm sounded to signify his leaving, the deep tonal beats within the shop changed to a soft tempo jazz, saxophones blaring into the foggy ambience. I wiped clean the counter in front of me, slowly, precisely and the soft warbling of siren-song from the speakers shrouded me, superfluous and subdued.

About the author: Isaac is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Richard runs the marketing and social profiles of adultsmart and adultsmart blog. He has been in the industry just over 10 years and enjoys his role both in an administrative capacity as well keeping abreast of issues relating to sexual health and lifestyles.

Top 30 LGBTQIA Nightclubbing Venues & Dating Apps

Banners Of Popular LGBTQIA Nightclub

I have been working in the Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres for just over a year now and I can not tell you how many of my LGBTQIA customers have asked me where they should go out to meet people in Sydney. So today I am going to give you all the information I know about what events are on and when and where they are, all the good pubs and clubs and some of the most popular dating apps. I am a lesbian so I know more about the lesbian events than all the gay events but I will try to mix it up as much as I can.

EVENTS

EMPIRE

Empire is a new monthly event that has been happening for about 4 months now at the Hudson Ballroom in the city. The organisers of this event have a bunch of promoters that are really helpful to the people who don’t know other people in the LGBTQIA community. If you don’t go out much or have anyone to go with the promotors organise a gathering before the event so that everyone has people to party with all night and from my experiences going to this event everyone in there is super friendly and ready to mingle so it is really easy to make lots of new friends there. They have a Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat that are all very active and a lot of people meet just through those alone. There’s a group chat for people to meet and a group called Empire Girls Gang where everyone discusses community issues or even personal issues, everyone is super helpful and supportive.

There are two rooms so there is plenty of space for everyone, tables and seats for people to sit down and relax as well. They have a trustworthy cloakroom in the venue for you to leave your jacket and any other belongings you don’t want to carry around all night.

You can purchase tickets for this event online or you can purchase tickets at the door – $20 Entry. If you keep an eye on their Facebook page they sometimes have competitions so that you can win free tickets to their events.

YTG

The YTG has the same organisers as Empire. YTG is run weekly as a Thursday night event at Monkey Magic in Kings Cross. This event offers free entry, there is a Nintendo 64 that you can sit down and play if you don’t feel like dancing, $1 dumplings and other food available till late.

There is no lockout for this event.

GIRLTHING

This once a month event has been happening for 9 years now, it was the first club I went to when I first turned 18 and I am now 23. You’ll have to click on the link to their Facebook to find out locations, once you like the page they’ll invite you to events. The thing I love most about this one is they have themes every couple of months and different types of parties e.g. Mardi Gras, jelly wrestling, body painting, Halloween etc. They are even a check-in point on the app Winkd so it’s easier for you to find the single ladies dancing around you. The weekend after the Sydney event they now have one in Melbourne as well.

You can either purchase tickets before the event or at the door on the night depending on which event it is i.e. Mardi Gras parties usually sell out really fast so best to purchase your tickets as soon as they come out online. Entry price is always different depending on the event.

BOYTHING

The same people who run Girlthing also run Boything which is also a monthly event. The exact same concept just more for gay men and transgender men. There are no rules though, men and women are allowed at both events. Give the Boything page a like as well if you’d like to be updated on when and where this one is.

BIRDCAGE

Again the same people who run Girlthing and Boything. This one is a weekly event held at the Sly Fox in Enmore on a Wednesday night. It offers free entry and cheap drinks before 11 pm. Usually, they even have $5 wet pussy shots all night. Give the page a like for this one as well if you want to keep in the loop with all the different themed nights. There is no lockout at this venue and plenty of couches to sit down and relax.

HEAPS GAY

Heaps gay is a monthly event held at The Lady Hampshire in Camperdown. This event is filled with a mixture of people from the LGBTQIA community, the venue is pretty big and usually full so there are plenty of new people for you to meet at this one.

Most of the time it is free entry unless they have a special event which you can purchase tickets online or at the door.

UNICORNS

Unicorns occurs every few months, usually themed and always sells out at The Red Rattler Theatre. Again you’ll find a mixture of LGBTQIA folks at this event and every single one of them is very friendly. This event usually has a lot of shows for you to watch as well as partying and they also run competitions during the night with awesome prizes (including sex toys!). Everyone is always dressed up in wild clothing and all up it is just really fun and has a great vibe.

They also have a monthly event in Melbourne.

Make sure to purchase your tickets early for this one otherwise you might miss out.

CLUB LIST

  • ARQ Sydney – Darlinghurst
  • Stonewall – Oxford Street
  • Goodbar – Oxford Street
  • Midnight Shift – Oxford Street
  • Oxford Art Factory – Oxford Street
  • Palms on Oxford – Oxford Street
  • Nevermind – Oxford Street
  • The Cliff Dive – Oxford Street
  • The Colombian Hotel – Oxford Street
  • The Marlborough Hotel – King Street, Newtown
  • Tokyo Sing Song – downstairs of Malborough hotel
  • Websters Bar – King Street, Newtown
  • The Midnight Special – Enmore road, Enmore
  • The Bank – King Street, Newtown
  • Newtown Hotel – King Street, Newtown
  • Courthouse Hotel – Australia Street, Newtown
  • The Imperial Hotel – Erskineville Road, Erskineville
  • Sly Fox – Enmore Road, Enmore

Just to name a few…

Sydney Nightclubs Banners Including ARQ, Oxford Art Factory And Sly Fox
Photo: ARQ, Oxford Art Factory, Sly Fox

APPS

  • Grindr
  • Her
  • Winkd
  • OkCupid
  • Tinder
  • Dattch
  • Hornet
Famous Dating Applications For LGBTQIA
Image: LGBTQIA Dating Apps

If you would like to find out more information or support, there are many LGBTQIA community services that are available nation wide.

About the author: Elliana is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle CentresSave

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Richard runs the marketing and social profiles of adultsmart and adultsmart blog. He has been in the industry just over 10 years and enjoys his role both in an administrative capacity as well keeping abreast of issues relating to sexual health and lifestyles.

The Truth About Anal Shopping Experiences

Woman Shopping At A Sex Toy Store

It​ ​was​ ​7pm​ ​on​ ​a​ ​Wednesday​ ​night.​ ​As​ ​I​ ​carefully​ ​and​ ​meticulously​ ​cleaned​ ​the​ ​shining​ ​metal hook​ ​in​ ​my​ ​hands,​ ​the​ ​smell​ ​of​ ​disinfectant​ ​wild​ ​and​ ​acrid​ ​in​ ​my​ ​nostrils​ ​I​ ​gazed​ ​upon​ ​my surroundings​ ​and​ ​took​ ​in​ ​the​ ​sights​ ​and​ ​sounds.​ ​Wall​ ​after​ ​wall​ ​of​ ​beautiful​ ​multi-coloured​ ​sex toys covered​ ​the​ ​shelves,​ ​each​ ​of​ ​them​ ​silent​ ​and​ ​still,​ ​yet​ ​somehow​ ​with​ ​a​ ​life​ ​of​ ​their​ ​own.​ ​They called​ ​out​ ​from​ ​the​ ​shelves,​ ​beckoning​ ​with​ ​their​ ​textures​ ​and​ ​silhouettes,​ ​chanting​ ​into​ ​the​ ​still air.

I​ ​heard​ ​an​ ​alarm​ ​sound​ ​in​ ​the​ ​depths​ ​of​ ​the​ ​store,​ ​and​ ​it​ ​was​ ​in​ ​that​ ​moment​ ​that​ ​I’d​ ​realised​ ​a young​ ​girl​ ​stood​ ​before​ ​me,​ ​with​ ​willowy​ ​blonde​ ​hair​ ​and​ ​a​ ​curious​ ​expression.​ ​“Sorry,​ ​I​ ​didn’t see​ ​you​ ​there”,​ ​I​ ​apologised.​ ​“Would​ ​you​ ​like​ ​any​ ​help​ ​with​ ​anything​ ​today?”.​ ​She​ ​gazed​ ​up​ ​at me​ ​with​ ​intent​ ​eyes.​ ​“I​ ​would​ ​actually.​ ​You​ ​see,​ ​my​ ​boyfriend’s​ ​gone​ ​to​ ​Rome​ ​for​ ​a​ ​few​ ​weeks now​ ​and​ ​he’s​ ​returning​ ​tomorrow,​ ​and​ ​well,​ ​I’d​ ​like​ ​to​ ​surprise​ ​him.​ ​I​ ​know​ ​he​ ​loves​ ​a​ ​bit​ ​of​ ​anal play​ ​and​ ​I’d​ ​love​ ​to​ ​get​ ​him​ ​something​ ​that​ ​will​ ​stimulate​ ​his​ ​prostate…”​ ​she​ ​trailed​ ​off.

She​ ​seemed​ ​embarrassed​ ​to​ ​even​ ​say​ ​such​ ​a​ ​thing,​ ​and​ ​I​ ​assured​ ​her​ ​“There’s​ ​no​ ​judgement here,​ ​come​ ​with​ ​me​ ​and​ ​I’ll​ ​show​ ​you​ ​what​ ​we’ve​ ​got.”​ ​I​ ​guided​ ​her​ ​to​ ​our​ ​shelves​ ​of​ ​anal​ sex ​toys and​ ​asked​ ​her​ ​“Is​ ​your​ ​boyfriend​ ​experienced​ ​with​ ​anal​ ​play?”

She​ ​shook​ ​her​ ​head.​ ​“I​ ​know​ ​he’s​ ​had​ ​an​ ​ex-girlfriend​ ​who​ ​loved​ ​anal​ ​play,​ ​but​ ​whether​ ​he’s gone​ ​there,​ ​I​ ​couldn’t​ ​tell​ ​you”.​ ​I​ ​nodded​ ​and​ ​said,​ ​“If​ ​he’s​ ​inexperienced,​ ​he’ll​ ​want​ ​to​ ​start​ ​off with​ ​something​ ​small.​ ​Often​ ​times,​ ​people​ ​misjudge​ ​the​ ​size​ ​of​ ​objects​ ​they​ ​can​ ​take;​ ​and what’s​ ​the​ ​point​ ​in​ ​him​ ​having​ ​a​ sex ​toy​ ​if​ ​he​ ​can’t​ ​even​ ​insert​ ​it?”

She​ ​picked​ ​up​ ​a​ ​set​ ​of​ ​anal​ ​plugs,​ ​a​ ​set​ ​of​ ​three​ ​starting​ ​from​ ​very​ ​small,​ ​to​ ​medium​ ​to​ ​a​ ​larger size.​ ​“What​ ​do​ ​you​ ​think​ ​of​ ​this?”​ ​she​ ​asked.​ ​“It’s​ ​good”,​ ​I​ ​said.​ ​“​ ​However,​ ​wouldn’t​ ​you​ ​rather something​ ​vibrating​ ​so​ ​that​ ​it​ ​can​ ​hit​ ​his​ ​prostate​ ​just​ ​right?”

She​ ​looked​ ​at​ ​me​ ​thoughtfully​ ​and​ ​said​ ​“What’s​ ​the​ ​deal​ ​with​ ​guys​ ​and​ ​their​ ​prostates​ ​anyway?” I​ ​inhaled​ ​and​ ​pondered​ ​where​ ​to​ ​begin​ ​and​ ​how​ ​to​ ​explain​ ​the​ ​prostate.​ ​“I​ ​suppose​ ​the​ ​easiest way​ ​to​ ​explain​ ​it,​ ​is​ ​it’s​ ​the​ ​male​ ​equivalent​ ​of​ ​the​ ​female​ ​g-spot.​ ​It’s​ ​about​ ​the​ ​size​ ​of​ ​a​ ​walnut and​ ​feels​ ​rougher​ ​and​ ​firmer​ ​than​ ​the​ ​rest​ ​of​ ​the​ ​anal​ ​cavity.”

Image Of The P-Spot
Diagram: The Location Of The Prostate Gland

“But​ ​why​ ​would​ ​you​ ​want​ ​to​ ​explore​ ​your​ ​prostate​ ​if​ ​your​ ​penis​ ​does​ ​a​ ​good​ ​enough​ ​job orgasming?”​,​ ​she​ ​asked.​ ​“Because,​ ​girl,​ ​the​ ​penis​ ​is​ ​limiting.​ ​Why​ ​have​ ​one​ ​type​ ​of​ ​orgasm​ ​for the​ ​rest​ ​of​ ​your​ ​life,​ ​enduring​ ​the​ ​same​ ​feeling​ ​over​ ​and​ ​over​ ​when​ ​you​ ​can​ ​expand​ ​your capacity​ ​for​ ​pleasure?​ ​Women​ ​are​ ​killing​ ​the​ ​orgasm​ ​game,​ ​by​ ​the​ ​way.​ ​I’ve​ ​heard​ ​you​ ​can have​ ​three​ ​types​ ​of​ ​orgasms”.​ ​She​ ​laughed​ ​and​ ​said​ ​“I​ ​think​ ​it’s​ ​more​ ​like​ ​11.”

​I​ ​stared​ ​at​ ​her​ ​in​ ​disbelief​ ​and​ ​shook​ ​my​ ​head,​ ​not​ ​yet​ ​ready​ ​to​ ​deal​ ​with​ ​the​ ​injustice​ ​that​ ​had just​ ​been​ ​revealed​ ​to​ ​me.​ ​“Just​ ​to​ ​let​ ​you​ ​know​ ​how​ ​it​ ​feels,​ ​it’s​ ​basically​ ​like​ ​a​ ​new​ ​type​ ​of pressure.​ ​Like​ ​that​ ​post​ ​orgasmic​ ​feeling,​ ​but​ ​deep​ ​in​ ​your​ ​pelvis.​ ​And​ ​once​ ​the​ ​orgasm​ ​does hit,​ ​it​ ​feels​ ​like​ ​a​ ​stream​ ​of​ ​cum​ ​and​ ​a​ ​continuous​ ​orgasm​ ​instead​ ​of​ ​a​ ​pulsing​ ​one.​ ​You​ ​could probably​ ​give​ ​your​ ​boyfriend​ ​head​ ​while​ ​this​ ​happens​ ​and​ ​he​ ​would​ ​love​ ​it.”

Sir Richards Prostate Massager in Blue
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“I​ ​want​ ​one​ ​for​ ​myself​ ​now.”​ ​she​ ​muttered.​ ​We​ ​laughed​ ​and​ ​that’s​ ​when​ ​we​ ​spotted​ ​Sir Richard’s​ ​Prostate​ ​Massager.​ ​It​ ​was​ ​a​ ​smooth,​ ​decadent​ ​black​ ​box​ ​spurring​ ​intrigue​ ​and mystery​ ​for​ ​both​ ​of​ ​us.​ ​We​ ​simultaneously​ ​reached​ ​for​ ​the​ ​packaging​ ​and​ ​knew​ ​then​ ​that​ ​we had​ ​to​ ​discover​ ​the​ ​contents​ ​of​ ​the​ ​box.​ ​It​ ​was​ ​better​ ​than​ ​we​ ​could’ve​ ​imagined;​ ​the​ sex ​toy contained​ ​two​ ​motors.​ ​One​ ​on​ ​the​ ​base​ ​meaning​ ​perineal​ ​stimulation​ ​and​ ​one​ ​at​ ​the​ ​top,​ ​to stimulate​ ​the​ ​prostate.

“The​ ​shape​ ​is​ ​so​ ​sleek​ ​and​ ​smooth,”​ ​she​ ​commented.​ ​I​ ​nodded​ ​and​ ​said​ ​“And​ ​the​ ​shape​ ​is perfect​ ​for​ ​stimulation.​ ​Do​ ​you​ ​see​ ​these​ ​two​ ​grooves?​ ​At​ ​the​ ​narrowest​ ​point​ ​of​ ​the​ ​grooves, your​ ​asshole​ ​will​ ​clench,​ ​letting​ ​you​ ​know​ ​how​ ​far​ ​in​ ​the​ ​sex toy​ ​has​ ​gone.​ ​And​ ​it​ ​has​ ​the​ ​added bonus​ ​of​ ​rubbing​ ​against​ ​your​ ​prostate​ ​perfectly.”

“And​ ​so​ ​it’s​ ​just​ ​the​ ​prostate​ ​and​ ​the​ ​perineum​ ​that​ ​provides​ ​pleasure?”​ ​she​ ​asked.

“As​ ​a​ ​gay​ ​man,​ ​I​ ​enjoy​ ​the​ ​sensation​ ​of​ ​feeling​ ​full​ ​from​ ​anal,​ ​if​ ​that​ ​makes​ ​sense.​ ​I’m​ ​not​ ​sure​ ​if this​ ​would​ ​apply​ ​to​ ​your​ ​boyfriend.​ ​But,​ ​the​ ​erogenous​ ​zones​ ​are​ ​generally​ ​the​ ​anus​ ​ring,​ ​the perineum​ ​and​ ​the​ ​prostate.”

Quote From Comedy Movie
Image: Man Whispering The Word Anal

I​ ​showed​ ​her​ ​how​ ​to​ ​turn​ ​on​ ​the​ ​sex toy,​ ​properly​ ​clean​ ​it​ ​and​ ​helped​ ​her​ ​choose​ ​a​ ​water-based​ ​lube to​ ​use​ ​with​ ​the​ ​sex toy.​ ​She​ ​thanked​ ​me​ ​profusely​ ​and​ ​promised​ ​to​ ​return​ ​on​ ​her​ ​next​ ​sexual adventure,​ ​seeking​ ​new​ ​ways​ ​to​ ​push​ ​boundaries​ ​and​ ​diversify​ ​pleasure.​ ​As​ ​she​ ​left​ ​the​ ​store, sex toy​ ​in​ ​tow​ ​and​ ​a​ ​wide​ ​smile​ ​on​ ​her​ ​face,​ ​I​ ​couldn’t​ ​help​ ​but​ ​feel​ ​envious​ ​of​ ​her​ ​boyfriend​ ​and​ ​the world​ ​of​ ​pleasure​ ​he​ ​was​ ​about​ ​to​ ​find​ ​himself​ ​in.

Author: Andre is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle CentresSave

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Richard runs the marketing and social profiles of adultsmart and adultsmart blog. He has been in the industry just over 10 years and enjoys his role both in an administrative capacity as well keeping abreast of issues relating to sexual health and lifestyles.

HELP! My Boyfriend Hates My Sex Toys.

Red Head On Bed

Did your lover want to use a vibrator to experience the ultimate climax? Are you worried that she will end up spending too much time with it at your expense? Research has shown that sales of vibrators for women have skyrocketed with even some celebrities like Rihanna spending thousands of dollars on them. With such soaring sales, it seems that women are depending more on toys to satisfy their sexual desires. As a man, this makes me worried and I can understand why most men are intimidated by these devices.

If you are a man and feel that vibrators for women are a threat to you, it is time you embarked in a completely new direction. If you are using a sex toy on her, you can stimulate her clit with your other hand or mouth so that you are involved in the action. You can also make a point of investing in toys that are designed for use by couples and take control while having sex. Have you ever thought about using a Cock Ring? It will send both of you to the heavens. A Cock Ring is used to increase the blood flow in the penis which will make your erection feel stronger and help you to last longer.

Sex toys are an excellent gift to give your girl for special occasions such as on Valentine’s Day or on a Wedding Anniversary. But it can prove to be quite trickier than you anticipate getting the right sex toy that will please her. It is very easy to choose something that she won’t like and if you are not careful, you might even end up offending her or upsetting her and this is the last thing you want to. So before you order a sex toy for her from an adult store, you must have an idea of exactly what she wants and then shop for it.

In any relationship, communication is vital, it is the only way to know exactly what she likes. If you manage to identify a sex toy that she wants, this will instantly jump start your sex life. First, you will need to be very attentive when having sex with your girl. Take your time to understand what gives her fast and wild orgasms. She may like clitoral stimulation, g-spot stimulation or she may like you to stimulate her g-spot and clitoris at the same time. Once you have decoded her desires and needs, you will know which sex toys to give her.

LELO Luxury Vibrating Sex Toy
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Buying a cheaply made sex toy that is of poor quality will disappoint her and she will hate you for it. These toys not only fail to get the job done appropriately but they may easily break which means you will have to replace them. They can also cause allergic reactions while others might expose her body to toxic materials.

When giving your girl a gift, it is essential that you go for a high end or luxury sex toy that will surely impress her. A gift must be special and be a symbol that you really love her. These sex toys are made with higher quality features, functions and materials. Some of these sex toys may be whisper quiet, waterproof, having multiple vibrations modes and are often made with body safe materials that are phthalate free. They may be priced higher but you will never regret your purchase as you will definitely get the value for the money you spend.

I personally recommend buying a luxury sex toy made by the adult lifestyle brand LELO. My favourite vibrator from their range is the LELO Mona Wave which moves back and forth in a come hither motion. It is ergonomically designed to fit comfortably in the palm of your hand and is made using body safe materials. It has a travel locking feature so you are able to take it with you anywhere without the fear of accidently turning on. Within a few minutes of using the LELO Mona Wave, she will experience a mind blowing G-Spot orgasm.

Sex toys for adults have really transformed a lot over the past couple of years, you no longer have to buy products made from toxic materials. These days you are able to buy a powerful sex toy made with high quality materials and functions which will pleasure you. I recommend shopping at Adultsmart which is an online trusted sex toy shop which stocks a wide range of these wonderful products to ensure that your healthy sex life doesn’t start spiraling downhill. You will always find something that is perfect for the two of you. There are so many toys available that can make your sex life extremely pleasurable.

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Richard runs the marketing and social profiles of adultsmart and adultsmart blog. He has been in the industry just over 10 years and enjoys his role both in an administrative capacity as well keeping abreast of issues relating to sexual health and lifestyles.

5 Ways to U-Haul a Lesbian Death Bed

Lesbian Relationships Photo

​​Packing all of your belonging’s into a U-Haul to move in together after just 3 months is possibly the greatest tradition in lesbian civilization. Alas, it is not just a great joke followed by a wink and a nudge after a first same-sex date – I too am guilty of adhering to the ‘stereotype’ and packed up all of my belongings to move in with my partner after just a few short months.

 

U-Hail Lesbian Relationships Photo
Photo: U-Hail Lesbian Relationships

 

The beginning of the relationship is fiery, thrilling, impromptu. You find yourself having sex anywhere you can –  you need it.
But what happens when the ‘newness’ of the relationship wears off? If you’re unlucky, calamity is certain *Dun dun dunnnnnn* –  Lesbian Bed Death. It’s a real thing. Sure, not something that is exclusive to lesbian relationships; though, studies show that long-term lesbian relationships are most at ‘risk’ of having less sex than other couples, and can experience lower levels of intimacy. And as a self-obsessed female in a lesbian relationship, I’m going to explain why you may be feeling this way and give you some tips to help you out of it.
It’s important that you know that I’m not saying it’s the end of the world and I’m certainly not saying that you’re never going to have fiery, thrilling, impromptu sex again, believe me! Though I do know that once you start going down that rabbit hole, it can seem like the pressure of having great sex feels endless and paradoxically, whilst wanting to fix the issue, the pressure of doing so can lead to even less sex or no sex.
Old Lady Photo
Photo: Elderly Lady

 

Usually by this time you’re both aware of your ‘issues’, though if you feel as though your partner doesn’t fully understand, or isn’t struggling as much as you are – you should definitely begin by talking about what’s happening.
Below are a few other things you could try to kick start that fire:
1. Talk about it. Does your partner feel the same?
No: Tell them how you’re feeling. Explain that you’re feeling distant from them. Assess their reaction and progress to ‘yes’.
Yes: Discuss what might be causing a lack of desire. Exhaustion? Stress? A schedule clash?
The good news is that all of the above you can fix. You most likely need to take some time out for yourselves and then take some time to be with each other. It is common when feeling exhausted or stressed to feel as though you have no time for yourself. Then adding in someone else who feels as though you have no time for them, it can become incredibly frustrating.
Take a bit of time for yourself. Go on a walk, have a bath, get your hair done, wax your legs; whatever makes you feel good, you know? If you’ve been neglecting yourself you need to build you back up first. Now you can focus on mending those holes. Schedule clash? Plan your weeks together. Get out your diaries and make sure you have a couple of free evenings together and maybe a full day (or ideally all weekend) to spend together.
2. If you’ve tried making yourselves have sex for the sake of it, and it hasn’t sparked that fire, try to not have sex for 30 days. I know, I know. You’re trying to get it on, but sometimes giving yourselves a break from ‘forcing’ the deed can reset that desire and build up some sexual tension. This means no touching of anything that’s usually covered by your bra or underwear, okay!
You’ll need to mutually agree to this but it is a great way to build up some ‘organic’ sexual tension.
Try other intimate practices. Back/shoulder massages, a candle lit bath together or even a candle lit w/vino dinner. The idea of no sex for a month isn’t to drive you away from each other, it’s to still get your intimacy fix, whilst sub-consciously building back up that desire.
3. Whilst on that 30 day rest, try to not discuss sex either. Lesbians love to overthink and can over talk just about anything to demise. Leave the topic off of the list. If you’re both already experiencing a stint in your sex drives, you’ve probably already given each other shit about it, especially if you’re a psycho lesbian like me anyway. Because you know, it’s never your fault!
Put the topic away. Don’t even think about it. Why create more stress than you’re already experiencing?
4. BRING BACK DATE NIGHT. So frequently at the beginning of a relationship, we surprise each other or set a night which is your night. Bring that back. Don’t invite anyone else. Do an activity, or ideally something which you can really enjoy each other’s company doing. For example, bowling, dinner at a restaurant or try learning a new skill together like a cooking class, or a sculpting class.
If you’re on a low budget, clear the house of any house mates and do an activity together at home or have a games night. Trust me, it’s a great, inexpensive way to re-connect with each other.
5. During your month of no sex, adopt a ‘no criticism policy’. Just stop! It’s so easy to snap at your partner when you’re feeling stressed or tired, and say something hurtful or critical that is unnecessary. That negativity boils over and that could be the reason you’re in this situation. I’m the worst, if I’m having a bad day or I’m feeling down, I’ve been known (slight understatement) to pick at my partner at the little things and just being a generally bitter bitch. Stop that!
Compliment each other. Thank them for things. “Hey thanks for cleaning the kitchen” or “thanks or doing some washing”. Negativity breeds negativity and naturally if you flip that positivity is only going to breed positivity.
Lesbian bed death isn’t the end of your relationship and there are SO many more things you can try to get back into the swing of things. All it takes is a little romancin’, a date night and being less critical of each other, to get you back to those early passionate days.
Happy re-connecting!

 

About the author: Chloe is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Richard runs the marketing and social profiles of adultsmart and adultsmart blog. He has been in the industry just over 10 years and enjoys his role both in an administrative capacity as well keeping abreast of issues relating to sexual health and lifestyles.