Dr. Stacy, How Do I Pleasure Myself Without Sex Toys?
This week Dr. Stacy Friedman a clinical sexologist and certified sex coach has partnered up with Adultsmart to answer two anonymous questions which were emailed in to askasexologist@gmail.com.
Question
I am a virgin but always so horny. I always need to pleasure myself but I am getting bored of the ways I can do it as I would love a get a little kinky however I am not able to purchase any sex toys as I don’t live alone! Is this normal? Can you help me?
Image: Virgin
Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer
Seeing that I don’t know all of your details, age, history, etc, I can answer basically and say yes it is totally normal to have a high sex drive as people have all different drives and there isn’t one that is considered “normal”. Since you are a virgin, you may have some built up sexual urges that are wanting to come out so you may be more horny that some because of that. Masturbation is a healthy, normal part of sexuality so there shouldn’t be any shame or concern if you are enjoying yourself unless it is to a point where it is affecting your work, relationships, and daily activities.
There are many ways to get kinky without women’s sex toys by using different positions to pleasure yourself. Maybe get a small bottle of lube that you can put near your lotions so it is discreet. When you take a shower, use the showerhead and see if you can get a good feeling from that or lie in a tub and let the water from the faucet run between your legs. There are also many small sex toys you can keep in your purse that are quiet and may even be disguised as a lipstick or a blush brush so if they were found, nobody would think twice. There are discreet pillows that can hold and hide sex toys or even lock boxes made specifically for toys to keep in a closet or drawer that nobody can open. You can also look at some videos on your phone of some light porn if you think of things that may turn you on to give you some more ideas or to use your imagination for next time. Hope this helps and you see that even though you don’t live alone, there are plenty of ways to pleasure yourself without any large toys to be found!
Question
With the news that has been making headlines recently about the sexual assault allegations with Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Kesha Vs Dr Luke and the #Metoo campaign, I have found it hard to ignore memories of the bad experiences I had to face in my past. How do I manage the flachbacks I have been experiencing? What steps am I meant to take to begin coping with the sexual assault I have experienced?
Image: Metoo Campaign
Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer
I am so sorry you have had to deal with any type of sexual harassment or assault as most of us women (and some men), myself included, have been through some kind of situation that sparks anxiety, frustration, and just bad feelings regarding a sexual action that was brought against us. Being that I am a sexologist, not a sex therapist, I would highly suggest if you are having flashbacks and have never gotten any one on one therapy for the sexual assault that you have experienced, that you find a person near you that specializes in sexual trauma or abuse that maybe does EMDR to talk to. My suggestion in the meantime until you find someone, is to do some yoga or breathing exercises that can keep you relaxed and find yourself a happy place in real life or in your mind that you can go to where it is safe and calm so you can be there while you breathe. Know whatever happened was not your fault and you find a way to get to your inner strength, take a kickboxing class, karate class or something that makes you feel strong and do your best to move forward. I hope you get the support you need and stay strong.
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional
Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes.The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.