Being A Submissive Masochist

As most of you know, I’m an active member of the BDSM community. I identify as a sub/masochist, but I’m always evolving. Being so open about my kink world and talking to friends about it, I find that most folks think that people in this lifestyle are strange, weird, crazy and just plain scary. Well that’s very far from the truth. The most important rules in this lifestyle are – Safe;  Sane and Consensual. Respect and trust are critical. You wouldn’t want to be tied down by someone holding a flogger, a knife, or any other painful implement when you don’t trust them. You respect people’s boundaries. Once trust has been established, you play safely and you literally place your life in someone’s hands. There is a big difference between consensual ‘hurt’ and physical, mental, or emotional ‘harm’.

Aftercare is extremely important. Aftercare happens after play……after all the intensity is over. It’s the time when you need cuddles, maybe a soft gentle stroking of your sore body……a warm throw blanket to be wrapped in. A time when you re-connect with your partner. Without aftercare, it is simply a twisted form of abuse, even if it is consensual to begin with. Reputation within the community is very important, so those true to the lifestyle follow the rules. If a member has behaved badly, word gets around. Following protocol is essential.  I often get the question “What is it you enjoy about Being A Submissive Masochist?”

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Photo: masochism


I have thought about this many times and although I know that that’s all I ever wanted to be, I could never, till now come up with a proper answer that could be understood by those who aren’t in the scene, or that would satisfy others’ curiosity. You see, every person has their baggage. That internal pain that is always buried deep inside us. The kind of pain that we don’t like showing to the world because we are “strong”. The kind of pain that floats about in our head as we walk around, the kind of pain that enters our mind as we try to sleep and keeps us awake at night. The “why me” question that creeps in and makes us feel helpless at times.

What does Being A Submissive Masochist make me feel? 

When standing or kneeling in front of my Sir/Sadist, I feel like He lifts all that pain in my soul. I feel like He is reaching deep inside my heart and removing the not so pleasant dark areas I feel at times. The dark parts in the depths of my soul……emotions that have been purposefully buried so deep for so long, because I’ve been too afraid to let them out. Too afraid to even think of them, yet not dealing with them means they eat away at me slowly, day in and day out. I love the power He has over me. The fact that He is able to even have that kind of power over me is phenomenal. He might not be fully aware of how great an affect He has on me. The dominance, the fear of the unknown and the very strong urge to please Him. The incredible yearning to serve His every need….the final rush of adrenaline, the primal fear and pain being heightened to the point that I enter a trance like high – ‘subspace’.

As every strike stings my body, I forget about all the internal pain, all the thoughts, all the “why me’s” and all the things buried deep in my soul that have caused me pain. It distracts me, and the whole world disappears with all its problems. The only thing that exists, is the submission which I feel so strongly, the sweet sting on my bare body and the powerful eyes and voice of my Sir/Sadist. The need to serve completely consumes my mind. Once the mind enters that state, there is no place safer. There is no place more relaxing to be in, and there is no place I’d rather be than in submission. It’s not about the sex – this is very different to a sexual experience. It’s about the power of the mind – being able to control your mind and pushing certain boundaries. It’s about focusing on your weaknesses and strengthening your mind to face your fears and insecurities.

Trust and respect. There is no greater feeling than literally placing your life at the fingertips of your Sir/Sadist, and knowing you are in the safest spot in the whole world!! Knowing that He is orchestrating while you relax in your safe spot.  I have been very fortunate to be experiencing this journey and I appreciate this lifestyle with all its ‘weird and crazy’ (to those that don’t know) protocols.  I have been blown away by the respect, tenderness, and acceptance of those that I have met along the way.  I can’t speak for others, but I have found some real healing, and been able to deal with some of my demons simply by choosing to push these boundaries.  I have grown in ways I never would have imagined. I love Being a Submissive Masochist.

About the Author: Sofie is a consultant at Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres


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