By now through reading the articles, you’ll see that we have covered pretty much all aspects of a passionless relationship. And getting it back to burning brightly. We have looked at communication, we have looked at developing physical intimacy. All of which involve a one on one situation. Now let’s examine some yearning passion into the bedroom by introducing a third party; sexual aides.
Sex toys are a fantastic way to up the ante when developing physical intimacy. When you’re first looking at rekindling the passion – then sex toys allow both partners to take some of the stress/anxiety and issues about sexual performance. Or sexual intimacy off the both of you.
Sparking Passion and Sexual Intimacy
It allows an intermediary of sorts through which you can channel passion, and inject it into your very being in a natural way. You’re not forced and pressured into doing it. After all you’re delivering pleasure through a sexual aide and you’re just in control of it, or the passenger to it.
This article will explore ways which you can rekindle the passion through the use of sexual aides within your relationship. As mentioned in a previous article though. Before engaging in a sexual band aid of sorts to fix a struggling relationship.
Sex is not the sole cure and you will need to have established a communicative relationship.
Types of Sexual Aides
1. Massage(r)s & Scents
Sense of smell is very important to the senses. A good smell can completely change the atmosphere of a room and electrify it with love and passion. We all have our favoured scents, ones that we love, ones that we loathe and ones that we are indifferent to. When selecting a massage oil it needs to be one that stimulates both partners’ senses.
You’ll get more out of it that way, because you’ll both actively succumb to the scent. If massages aren’t your thing then you can try sex pheromone infused mood mists, or burn off a mix of essential oils that help develop passion.
Pheromones are a natural chemical
Which work by changing the behaviour of people by providing them with arousal. We’ve all been there where a particular scent will drive us crazy and we just want to jump the person who is emitting the scent.
A lot of massage oils, mood sprays and candles are being infused with pheromones these days allowing for a perfect combination which will work wonders.
Here are some scents that are recommended by an aromatherapist that you can look out for which will help increase the level of passion in a room.
Scents to Increase Passion
- Cinnamon – A spicy and warming scent with a touch of sweetness to it. Cinnamon is known to activate the senses as well as alleviate any stress or anxieties. Studies have shown that cinnamon works exceptionally well for increasing blood flow and as such can be used as aromatherapy to aide with erectile dysfunction.
- Ginger – A strong scent which is also warming and sweet. Useful for helping the heart and helping with blood circulation. Ginger is well known for its ability to fight the common cold, but few people know that it’s an excellent scent in helping fight off depression.
- Jasmine – A euphoria inducing scent it’s rich, and sensual. It relieves stress by calming the body and freeing it from anxiety. An exotic scent that is useful for just letting go.
- Neroli – A sweet and citrus scent that comes from Orange Blossoms. An invigorating scent that is especially useful in curing first time jitters. Neroli also works in helping with menstrual tension and cramps.
- Patchouli – This is the one that excites and stimulates. Perfect for balancing libido levels it works by improving clarity through its sweet wood kind of scent. A regenerative scent it’s known for mood lifting and quelling anxiety.
Body Massagers
Since scents and massages are soft and sensual when pairing this with a sexual aide, you’re going to be looking at a Body Massager.
They are are distinguishable to their strong resemblance to a microphone, they will generally have a long handle, with a bulbous head. Massagers are perfect for relieving tension after a long day and attacking knots, aches and pains.
Purely for external stimulation body wands are about sensuality, relaxation and calm. Whilst they can be used to provide strong stimulation to the genital region. They don’t necessarily have to be sexual in nature.
Coming in a variety of shapes, sizes and colours
Both in rechargeable and corded, a massager is perfect for taking the pressure off to perform. Just relax and enjoy the vibrations as it unwinds your tension. If the idea of a microphone looking massager seems a bit too much for you.
Then you could consider something like Lelo Lily 2, or the Ovo T1, T2, and S1, S2. All of which are considered to be small palm sized massagers which are easily gripped and which you run up and down the skin for a soft and smouldering vibration.
Combine it with some atmosphere enhancing scents and you’re going to find yourself blissfully relaxed in no time.
2. Lingerie & Erotic Clothing
I’ll say straight up that this one is not excluded to women. There are numerous ranges out there for ‘lingerie’ for men and there’s no reason why a man can’t buy some sensual clothing for his partner. Lingerie is about invigorating the sense of sight and touch.
A flirtatious dance in front of your partner, or simply strutting into their view when wearing something erotic can be useful in developing a sense of arousal. Wearing lingerie and erotic clothing doesn’t necessarily mean that there will be sex involved, and sometimes the fun is in wearing it and driving your partner wild with desire.
Get Vibrating
If you’re looking to kick it up a notch, pair up some lingerie or clothing with a sexual aide, then you might want to consider a vibrating panties set, or an insertable Remote control vibrator which can be worn underneath any kind of lingerie.
Remote Control sex toys will have a remote, though some of the high end toys such as we-vibe, may also be controlled by apps on your phone. They’re adventurous, cheeky and great for couples that have limited alone time at home.
3. Discussion of Fantasies & Board Games
This website has mentioned several times the benefits of communication. Some of those newly learned communication skills can be put to good use by exploring each others sexual fantasies.
For those that are a little shy, there are also a bunch of couple’s board games out there such as Nooki, and Monogamy. Which will do much of the conversing for you. Discussions/games like this are amazing bonding experiences as you let each other into your minds and learn and discover new things about each other.
What some people fail to realise, is that over time our tastes and what we desire may potentially change.
Sexual activity is an exploration
Often experiences will grow and transform into new and exciting things. By discovering new passions you can quite easily invigorate sexual activities into something that seems new and fresh once again.
Just because you liked things a certain way last month, does not mean that you’ll still feel the same way today. Especially when the taboo of talking about sex is slowly breaking down, you might find you or your partner inspired by something you’ve seen on TV. Heard about in the workplace, or heard from friends over a couple of afternoon drinks.
Adventures await!
4. Bondage & Restraints
I’ll preface this paragraph by making the suggestion that many people feel BDSM and Bondage related activities involve pain. Or whips or invariably something similar.
Bondage can be anything that you make it. Including something incredibly sensual. Restraining someone with silk ties on the bed and then teasing and tantalising them with various aides, textures such as feather ticklers. You could even give them a massage whilst they’re restrained.
Don’t be fooled or intimidated by BDSM.
It’s an adventure that you can go at your own pace with, and stop at whatever path that you’d like to. And it doesn’t have to involve sex at all, it can be sexual and it can be sensual.
But if you’re just starting to find your groove again with your partner you don’t actually have to engage in any kind of sex. That’s the beauty of bondage, its versatility and its application.
Sex is Not Necessary
You’ll notice that everything we have discussed so far has a primary factor of sensuality. There is no focus, or necessity to engage in penetrative sexual activity, or indeed, any form of stimulation to the genitals.
Consider the above activities and sexual aides to be a starting point if you’re trying to develop trust. And get back into the burning passion that you once had.
By all means, any of the above activities can easily be kicked up a notch and end up in sexual activity of some form. But they’re not exclusively for that. Sexual aides and techniques mentioned will focus on stimulation of the genitals and sexual activity with a side element of sensuality and intimacy.
Rolling Around With The Svakom Trysta!
There is a new sex toy in town which I am drawn to because it is made by Svakom. I have only had a really close look at one of their other sex toys, the Svakom Tyler cock ring which I thought was one of the best in the adult lifestyle industry.
Svakom Tyler is what I use as a benchmark to compare with other cock rings.
This sex toy I have chosen is from a new range the company have recently introduced. It is a rabbit called ‘Trysta”.
Svakom Trysta has been designed for clitoral and g-spot stimulation.
Reason my interest was piqued by this particular sex toy is that it has a rolling ball feature on the flattened tip of its shaft to rub the G-Spot. I came across this idea fairly recently in my ongoing quest for sex toys that realistically mimic oral sex.
Idea of having rolling balls underneath silicone to massage erogenous zones is not new to me. Rolling balls are commonly found in the rabbit vibrator’s shaft with rows of rolling pearls that promote g-spot stimulation. Same idea is also used very cleverly in B Vibe’s Couples Butt plug to create a rimming sensation.
Lelo released the Ora 2 with wild claims that this oral sex toy’s rolling ball was going to revolutionise the market.
Idea is used with varying success.
What often happens is that the ball bearings or beads can’t withstand pressure and when pressure is applied they stop moving. I always take a look at that when I am trying out an adult product. If you push down on or squeeze the moving surface and it stops moving the feature is nothing but a gimmick.
Svakom Trysta
Comes in a sleeved card box that is suitable for long-term storage. Sleeve has a life-size picture of the product on it although the box inside is discreet and only bears the company name in silver on it. Svakom Trysta is displayed in a black foam platform and looks very elegant.
- There is a grey suede drawstring bag which is always handy to keep it away from other products.
- A USB charging cord.
- Instruction manual, a booklet telling you about the sex toy.
- A warranty card you can use to register the product online. Warranty lasts for a year but there is also a 10-year quality guarantee too.
- Svakom Trysta is rechargeable and only takes 2 hours to fully recharge.
- It can run for an hour of nonstop play time.
Petite Size but Great Pleasure
Although the picture on the box is actual size, I am surprised by how petite it looks. Dimensions are 186mm x 60mm x 35mm. It comes in a choice of rose and plum and is made of 100% body safe silicone.
Silicone is smooth and velvety with a slight draginess that would suit some. If you are one of those people that like something smooth and slippery. Using a water-based lubricant with the Svakom Trysta will sort that out.
Shaft is inflexible but the clitoris arm is very flexible.
Clitoris arm fits nice and snugly to the shaft which has only 10mm between them. There are two high-frequency motors. One in the top of the shaft and another in the top of the clitoral arm.
I much prefer the power to be situated here at the business end. Am often surprised when sex toy designers decide the base is better placed to put a motor.
At the end of the main shaft, the tip is flattened like a lipstick.
It gives you the choice of a pinpoint or dispersed vibrations in case you should decide to use this part of the toy externally as a clitoris stimulator. Rolling ball feature is a single ball bearing underneath the silicone that moves up and down hoping to create a rubbing sensation against the G-spot.
- There are 3 buttons. On/off button which is also used to scroll through the modes.
- Top button which controls the rolling ball feature and the bottom button that controls intensity.
- There are 7 different modes.
- 5 increasing intensities, meaning are 35 mode combinations.
Svakom pride themselves on what they call their unique “intelligent’ mode.
With all the technology out there at the moment when it comes to sex toys, I thought it might somehow know instinctively what I was enjoying and react accordingly.
It is actually just a programmed pattern that a man named David Yu developed in 2009. This mode is based upon their customer feedback. On what kind of intensities and patterns people liked for the build-up of an orgasm to achieving the orgasm.
Down to the nitty gritty then.
Does the sex toy live up to the company hype?
Well, I like it, the range of intensities and patterns would please anyone. Vibrations are fairly rumbly and powerful for the size of the toy. Especially on the very low intensities. Vibration quality is reasonably represented by a fair price point. I love some of the patterns where the intensity graduates.
Rolling ball feature is fairly subtle though and I am not sure how successful this would be as a G-spot stimulator particularly if it is used alone. Most lovers of G-Spot stimulation require a bit of power on that area from my experience.
Svakom Trysta works though
I applied a fair bit of pressure and can still feel it. Personally, I would use it for clitoral stimulation instead. That is, I would use it if it didn’t sound like a washing machine! Vibrations are perfectly acceptable, but the sound of the ball feature is extremely off-putting. Once inserted some of that noise would be swallowed up of course.
But even so for something so tiny, it sure makes noise. Noise of that feature aside. I like the Svakom Trysta and would have no problem recommending it.
It is unique, as far as I know, which is a real plus nowadays. It is also 100% waterproof and is not just splash proof. This is great for keeping it clean, the website says it can be used in the bath and even the swimming pool.
Jennifer is a marketer at Adultsmart! Embracing a non-judgmental stance, she believes in pleasure without limits—if it feels good and right, why not?