When Sex Becomes Impossible

Three times this week I had to contemplate what life would be like without sex. Yes, three times. The reason why I can’t have sex is incredibly personal to me. I am pregnant, the doctor told me that due to my low lying placenta, I have to avoid sex and anything that might irritate my cervix for the next three months. That means I can’t use sex toys or anything. I am not allowed to even have an orgasm, apparently it isn’t good for my uterus to contract. Three months of this is just unthinkable. My partner, the optimist, simply shrugged and said “Oh well, anal it is then”… Hmmph!

I had whinged on about my predicament to anyone who would listen and generally felt sorry for myself when I had a visit from a friend. We spoke about another friend of ours I hardly ever saw anymore who has Multiple Sclerosis and is now almost wheelchair bound. I found it hard to reconcile her present state with the girl I used to club with 15 years ago. She doesn’t have a partner and has reconciled herself to a sexless life. I thought about all the men who come into our stores following prostate surgery desperate for solutions and products to improve their chances to resume a normal sex life. Then coincidentally, a work colleague had just had a bit of surgery which means she has to lay off sex for a few weeks too. It got me thinking, is a life without sex really the end of the world? How would you feel if you were unable to have sex anymore? How should people cope When Sex Becomes Impossible?

Sex is a huge part of our identities but how much of that is simply a social construct? It is the reason we are all here,of course. You could argue though, that we are simply programmed to want to orgasm in order to make us procreate and our brains are in effect ‘addicted’ to sex. Our brains produce the same chemicals and reactions to sex as they do to drugs. I think what our brains really crave is intimacy and love. You can have both of these things without sex, they are longer lasting and far more fulfilling. If the act of sex and orgasm is an addiction then breaking the cycle may lessen the need. That is true for lots of couples who simply stop having sex due to life’s other priorities and then stop having it all together yet still remain in essentially happy partnerships.

There are also those that choose celibacy, various faiths claim they gain huge physical and spiritual benefits from sexual abstinence. I can’t say I am personally convinced by that argument. I do think not having intercourse might improve relationships in general. Once you remove the potential for sex and both parties know it, it completely changes the dynamic. You are forced to look beyond superficiality and appreciate the other more important things a person has to offer. Both parties can be much more relaxed. A good example of this would be the very close friendship a lot of girls, myself included, are able to form with gay men.

 

Man Comforting Women in Bed Photo
Photo: When Sex Becomes Impossible – Man Comforting Woman in Bed

 

When Sex Becomes Impossible, there lots of other ways to enjoy sexual pleasure together that don’t necessarily mean intercourse. When you learn to embrace and encourage other avenues of achieving arousal that might only be mental, you can achieve even more profound levels of closeness and intimacy. There are lots of ways to bond intimately and discover each other that don’t involve sex. Touching doesn’t always have to end in sex. Humans have an inherent need for physical contact and that doesn’t end when we stop being babies.

Once penetration is off the table you are forced as a couple to think outside the box. You can then be much more inventive and consequently have a lot more fun. Here are 11 ideas that can help you become intimately sexually involved with your partner:

  1. Massage: Massage is an obvious one. Massages are a great way to become incredibly intimate within your relationship. We even pay strangers for them. You can even give each other a genital massage where achieving an orgasm is not the goal. Try a Yoni Massage.
  2. Cuddling: A less obvious choice is cuddling, it is often seen as a passive comfort act. It doesn’t have to be, it can be a very sensual when practised mindfully immersing yourself in the feeling of intertwining limbs.
  3. Touching Sensitive Areas: Touching the parts of the body that are often down played like the scalp and face, back of the knees or elbows.
  4. Sensation Play: You can draw on each other and experiment with feathers and fingernails.
  5. Bathing: Bathing and showering, washing each other’s hair together, and even the act of undressing one another slowly can promote a closeness that a penis in a vagina can’t compete with.
  6. Kissing: Try to remember how it was when you had your first real kiss. That probably didn’t end in sex but was probably far more memorable and wonderful. As a teenager, I could just kiss for what seemed like hours. It is often something we take for granted once sex comes into play. You can both discover the lost art of kissing.
  7. Read Erotic Stories: Delve into the passionate sexual tales of delight with your partner.
  8. Role Play: Spend time exciting each other through role play.
  9. Slow Dance Together: Spend sometime relearning how to be close with romantic slow dancing.
  10. Watch Movies Naked in Bed: Have some adventurous fun by intimately lying in bed completely naked with your partner whilst watching movies.
  11. Feed Each Other Decadent Desserts: Invest time in rediscovering the satisfying feelings of luxurious food like rich chocolate and strawberries.

A life without sexual intercourse, whether it is temporary or lifelong, is an opportunity to become closer than ever before. More than anything a lot of these things require openness and communication and that is the real key to any long lasting happy intimate relationship.

 

About the Author: Emily is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

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