Dr. Stacy, My Husband Won’t Speak About Our Intimacy Issues!

Sexless marriage

This month Adultsmart’s clinical sexologist and certified sex coach Dr. Stacy Friedman has answered three questions which were anonymously sent in to askasexologist@gmail.com. Be sure to read them, who knows she may have answered one of yours!

Question

My relationship with my husband has gone cold.  There is little intimacy and our bedroom is all but dead.  Our kids are now older and our discussions regularly turn into arguments.  I have seen a counselor but when I suggested he see one or we see one together he says we don’t need too.  How do I get him to see that things are not that good and we need help?

Dr. Stacy Friedmans Answer

I am sorry to hear things are not so good on the home front and it’s unfortunate that you don’t seem to have a partner that understands the urgency of the situation.  I try to tell people that if you have a partner asking for help or to get help, it is usually a dire situation that can go downhill fast if not taken care of. If your partner isn’t willing to do anything for the marriage and you have expressed concern and desire to seek help, there isn’t much you can do other than work on personal growth and start weighing your options of what you want for your future, to stay and do nothing or go.  I would ask him why he doesn’t feel that you need to see a counselor, what scares him about going, what does he think is going to happen if  you go as well as what could be the worst and best scenario if he did decide to go.  If he still says he doesn’t want to go then try to have a conversation with him and ask him if he is happy with the way the relationship is and if he says no, see what his suggestions are to work on things.  Maybe if he sees you are open to listening to him, he will make some suggestions that could be helpful.

What about getting away together for a weekend where it is just the two of you and you have an opportunity to connect and talk?  Are you having any intimacy or sex?  If not, ask him if he wants to improve that, see if he thinks that could be better.  If so, you need to try to work on things together to make it happen.  There are many people that don’t believe in therapy or counseling and for some people it doesn’t work because many times they have waited too long and there is no turning back. Sometimes it makes a huge impact and saves a marriage but also, people may be afraid that by going to therapy they may eventually have to make a decision on their future and it is scary so people would rather just ignore and not go.  Find out what his fears are and then find out what his future goals are and if he wants you to be a part of it, he needs to tend to your fears and goals to make the marriage work.

Question

I come from a large immediate and extended family but to my knowledge not one of them is LGBTQIA+ nor do any of them hang out or have friends that are gay or queer.  I am 21 and know in myself that I am homosexual but have not come out.  It is like a big, dirty secret that hangs over my head as I feel that my family will not accept me if I do come out.  A couple of times I have gone out by myself to some gay bar I know about but as soon as anyone approached me I felt revulsion about the whole gay thing and rushed home. It is overwhelming and sometimes I feel incredibly sad and frustrated. What should I do?

Coming out as gay
Image: Coming out

Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer

It is a completely normal to feel confusion, frustration and potential revulsion because it is something that is still taboo in society and can make you question who you are and what you believe.  Since you aren’t accepting of yourself, you see the disgust that others may see in your own eyes but that isn’t reality.  Loving someone for who they are is a beautiful thing once accepting that within yourself. In order to be comfortable coming out to others, you need to first be comfortable in yourself and the understanding that you are perfect the way you are and that there is nothing wrong with being gay.  You are attracted to whom you are attracted to and that is nothing that you can change.

What makes you think they wouldn’t be accepting of you?  Do they not believe in the LGBTQIA+ population? Have they said things offensive? Are you close to at least one of your parents that you can have a talk with? What about another trusted adult or maybe a therapist near you that can help? I do Skype calls for people that aren’t local and I would be happy to help you get the confidence you need to be who you are, as that is one of my specialties so let me know if you want to make an appointment.  In the meantime, surround yourself with others that are gay, support groups, maybe a local place that has resources.  That way you aren’t in an environment where it may be more “sexual” such as a club so you can get to the point of acceptance and self-love and then be able to move forward.  You need to have support and you shouldn’t have to lie to get it so maybe slowly breach the subject to your family by bringing up someone else in the media to gage what they think about the LGBTQIA+ population and go from there.  I am here of you wanted to make an appointment for extra support.  You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.

6 Tricks For When Your Man Cannot Get Hard

Erectile dysfunction

As a sexologist, I get an in-depth insight into one of the most intimate areas of people’s lives. It really is an honour to have people open up to me about their sexuality, this being something I do not take lightly. I understand sex to still be such a taboo in many people’s lives hence understand how vulnerable it can be to share one’s experiences.

Recently, I had a conversation with a man who had entered a new relationship and was unable to “get it up.” Seeing this person so filled with stress and anxiety about his perceived inability to perform got me thinking about the role us women play when the men in our lives are overcome with anxiety and pressure to perform.

Much of the stress and anxiety that men feel when they cannot get an erection comes from outdated beliefs that to be a man means to do everything he can to please and pleasure a woman with an erect penis. It saddens me knowing that so many men do not come to understand this as a false belief which does more harm than good. Women play such an important part in this process for men with the following some of the tools and approaches I recommend to support men through what can be a challenging time in their lives:

Allow him to express his emotions

When a man places an expectation on himself to get an erection and doesn’t, he can often be overwhelmed with a great deal of shame, frustration, anger and embarrassment. Allow him the space to express his emotions in a safe container so that rather than stewing in these toxic feelings he is given an outlet to get them out of his system. This could mean bashing a pillow, shaking, yelling (though not at you) or whatever else he does when he is feeling emotionally overwhelmed (e.g. going for a run or swim). Emotions can cause a host of problems if left unexpressed so encouraging him to express can mean the difference between staying stagnant and moving forward.

Man unhappy about erectile dysfunction
Image: Man expressing emotions

Encourage him to communicate

Men are rarely encouraged to speak about their feelings and the things that are troubling them. Let your man know that it is safe to talk about what is going on for him. Be present with him when he shares with you his thoughts and feelings on what is going on for him. It is crucial he knows that he can trust you with something so vulnerable for him.

Offer him a space to receive without any expectations of what is to happen

Offering your man a chance to receive can be a really beautiful way of him experiencing pleasure that isn’t dependant on him having an erection. A penis massage or oral sex can feel exquisite even with a non-erect penis and can be a chance for him to really drop into his body, away from his mind that is incessantly pressuring him to perform. Let him know before that an erection or orgasm is not the key of the experience and that you simply want him to receive with nowhere to get to and nothing to do but enjoy the experience.

Connect with him in an intimate way

Taking time to be intimate and sensual with your man is still really important regardless of whether he has an erection. This could mean giving and receiving a massage, cuddling, kissing or engaging in oral sex. Just because a man doesn’t have an erection, doesn’t mean he still doesn’t find you attractive or want to be sexual with you. This brings me to my next point…

Refrain from personalising the “problem”

Asking “Don’t you find me attractive anymore?” is valid however it can place enormous pressure on your man to console you when he is already in a vulnerable position. Some women can get quite upset when their man does not get an erection when engaging intimately with them and its perfectly fine to feel this way but just remember that how sexy, attractive or desirable you are should never be dependent on another person. Take care of yourself and when you feel like you are not asking from a triggered place, it can be great to ask if there is anything you can do for your man. Just ensure that if you do, do so from a place of genuine care and not for validation of your worth.

Invest in your own pleasure

As great as sex with your man can be, if he has difficulties getting an erection it can be a great opportunity to really dive into your own pleasure solo. Here are some ways to invest in your own pleasure:

These are the little things that can make all the difference between feeling victimised by your partner’s inability to get an erection and being empowered by taking your pleasure into your own hands.

Being supportive, loving and compassionate with your man if and when he faces challenges with getting an erection is such a beautiful way to approach what can be an incredibly challenging time for him.

Author: Stephanie Curtis, Sexologist

VIP Interview With Abra Lee Founder And CEO Of SuperSlyde

Charity event

Abra Lee is the founder and CEO of SuperSlyde, a company that developed a perfect silicone lubricant. Abra was unable to find the perfect personal lubricant himself, so he made it his aim to develop an affordable personal lubricant which would be readily available to purchase in adult lifestyle centres and online adult shops without having to seek it out in niche stores.

He researched what people thought about silicone lubricant and he had found that most of the people he had come across had not tried it and did not know how silicone lubricant could positively affect their sexual lifestyle. With this in mind, he founded the company AARI (Abra Advanced Research International Pte Ltd) alongside his partner Dr. Stuart Koe, Pharm.D who is also the founder of Fridae one of the world’s largest online LGBTQIA+ communities in Asia. Through hard work and determination they developed SuperSlyde which they now sell worldwide.

SuperSlyde is available in 10ml, 100ml, 250ml and 400ml, so people are able to buy it in an amount which suits their sexual lifestyle. Using just a little amount of SuperSlyde goes a long way, so you will find you won’t need to reapply as much as other lubricants. SuperSlyde has been designed to feel like it is barely there, it is tasteless and scentless. This is a VIP interview with Abra Lee the founder and CEO of SuperSlyde.

Tell me about yourself?

Really thanks for inviting me to do this interview. My name is Abra, born and raised in Hong Kong from a humble family. I was a part time and full time swimming coach for 11 years in Hong Kong before I moved to Singapore and started SuperSlyde. When I was 16, I was a studdent and a gay activist; Now, I will say I am a businessman but deep down there is the blood of an activist still running through my veins.

Swimming coach
Image: Swimming Coach Abra Lee

What are your favourite accomplishments of all time working for SuperSlyde?

There are a few, the first must be winning the 2013 Eros Shine Award for Best Lotion & Potion in Australia. I got selected as one of Singapore’s top 65 local brands and received 2 adult industry best lubricant award nominations this year for the 2018 XBIZ Award and the 2018 AVN ‘O’ Award.

Award winning personal lubricant
Image: Eros Shine Trophy

What are your favourite quote’s that inspire you?

“Sutesare in a day success” is a book title of Yanai Tadashi, founder of Japanese clothing brand, UNIQLO. Basically, it means you should only satisfy with your success for today and stay hungry for tomorrow.

How did you develop the perfect silicone lubricant SuperSlyde? How long did it take? What was the process like?

People always thought it would be I was f**king around and collecting data, the answer is far more boring than that… hahaha. We studied all the competitors’ formulas in the laboratory then imported the raw material silicone from Holland and developed a few rounds of formulas in the in-house laboratory of ICM Pharma. We then hired focus groups, who reviewed the formulas which went back and foward for a few rounds, to select our flagship formula.

I am so glad we did the focus groups, at first I personally loved formula A, and the focus group’s results ended up rating formula B as the best and A as the lowest, I almost launched the formula the market doesn’t like.

It took us 18 months to develop the formula that we are satisfied with.

Silicone personal lubricant
Buy Now | Bestselling silicone lubricant SuperSlyde

How did you find Dr. Stuart Koe? How did working with the founder of Fridae impact SuperSlyde?

We met in a Xmas circuit party in Hong Kong, and he found my profile on Fridae, so cliché isn’t it?

When I met him, I was already a level 2 certified swimming coach, less than 3 people in Hong Kong have that at my age. I planned to be a coach for rest of my life, until I met him and it changed my life.

I must admit that it’s an upper hand to launch SuperSlyde after Stuart’s achievement of Fridae, he has connections and a reputation with a great business sense. He is also has a Phr D in HIV medicine. That definitely made things easier.

Silicone lubricant designers
Image: Dr. Stuart Koe & Abra Lee

What are the benefits of SuperSlyde being manufactured in Singapore by ICM Pharma?

First of all, I am proud of it being a made in Singapore product, when almost everything is made in China nowadays. We are aiming for quality, and made in Singapore does send out a positive impression to customers.

And ICM Pharma is one of the biggest pharmaceutical manufacturers in Singapore which provides products to hospitals and army force; SuperSlyde is proud to claim that we follow the pharmaceutical GMP standard, customers can rely on our product’s quality. At the end, it is a product people use on their genitals, better choose something made with a better quality, isn’t it?

How would you describe what SuperSlyde feels like?

SuperSlyde’s personality is daring, sexy, fun, yet competent; we chose colourful packaging because we believe sex is not something that can hide in the dark.

Texture wise, SuperSlyde is specially formulated to be extra long lasting and slippery, enhancing the sensibility to achieve another level of intimacy.

What does your company value the most?

Customers! Always make sure customers come first and cum first! 😀

What are your favourite memories from working with SuperSlyde?

Reading the Google map of SuperSlyde retailers on the world map scale, always made my day, especially after we launched in North America and this year we are starting in Europe, South Africa, Saudi Arabia and more. Seeing People can purchase SuperSlyde from Alaska to Cape of Good Hope, New York to Sydney, is really satisfying. (For today, stay hungry tomorrow)

There are few more though, last year SuperSlyde sponsored 2 events in USA. SuperSlyde sponsored Washington DC Pride at their biggest gay club town, we did a video backdrop that rotated which linked LGBTI history with the brand, East & West. This was my favorite piece of marketing material SuperSlyde did so far.

LGBTQIA+ gay pride awareness
Image: Abra Lee at the Washington DC Pride
SuperSlyder sponsored a charity event
Image: Video Backdrop

At the Miami White Party, we were the official lube sponsor. All the revenue of the party was donated to HIV NGO Care Resources. I am very proud of my brand as we did something for the LGBTI community.

SuperSlyde supporting charity
Image: SuperSlyde at the Miami White Party

Also in Hong Kong, we did a charity fundraising edition of SuperSlyde for Big Love Alliance to raise funds for sexuality equal rights that made me proud as well.

Are there any other hidden uses of SuperSlyde that other people have discovered?

There are a few actually. It can be used as a sun barrier, lip balm and as hair conditioner. It can also be applied on the nipples and genitals for cross country running and competitive cycling.

Since SuperSlyde is made with silicone, we find that our customers can also use it for various other purposes. For example, you can safely use it as a makeup primer before you apply foundation. Some people also use it to tame flyways in their hair.

Can SuperSlyde be used safely with different sex toy materials and other adult lifestyle products without impacting the material?

SuperSlyde is safe to use with sex toys, condoms and all, but not with silicone made sex toys. That’s because all silicone lubes contain a solvent that will melt silicone made products, not only SuperSlyde, all silicone lube are the same.

Can we look forward to new products from SuperSlyde?

SuperSlyde is always trying to satisfy all different customer’s needs. So we are planning to launch a formula specific for women, and also a cleaner for people who love to be clean and tidy as much as they love sex.

I have heard SuperSlyde supports charity programs. What charities does SuperSlyde support?

On the other hand, there are a few charity programs under development: A long-term fundraiser for Hong Kong Big Love Alliance for LGBTI community, Shelter for LGBTI youth in Singapore, sponsoring physical challenge/handicapped community NGO in Taiwan and Hong Kong and many more are coming. It is really a big thanks for all those who support our brand SuperSlyde, we can keep our good will to serve back the others in needs.

5 Things To Let Go Before Entering A Relationship

Personal issues that sabotage relationships

There are many unhealthy habits that people cling on to in an effort to protect themselves from sadness and pain. Some of these habits and negative thought processes have been formed as a natural response to hurtful actions, behaviours and experiences from relationships that have previously ended. This type of emotional baggage may be sabotaging any chance of building meaningful and long lasting relationships.

Many people live their lives without confronting their emotional baggage with detriment to their personal health and well-being. Without addressing and letting go of these feelings, mistrust, ill judgement and hurt can be carried through from relationship to relationship not allowing one to fully give themselves to their partner or to themselves.

Finding the will-power to cease and desist, can be incredibly difficult as change unfortunately rarely happens within a day or two. This can be seen when people attempt to quit smoking or stop having that glass of wine before dinner. People often fall into the temptation and end up kicking themselves quietly asking themselves why they made the promise and secondly, why they were we not strong enough to keep it. What has actually happened is that people have set themselves an unrealistic expectation as changing negative thinking patterns can take months and years to successfully implement.

Everyone deserves the opportunity of a fresh start this is why breaking old habits is important. Letting go of emotional baggage will give each new relationship the chance to flourish into a romantic endeavour that may be the one that lasts the distance. Here are five negative habits that are often caused by emotional baggage:

Psychological Projection

When a person has participated in a negative action or have done mistrust worthy deeds they are more likely to suspect that others will do so too. The fact that the person had deemed it ok to do to others and identified the worst in themselves will mean they are more likely to consider that others will find this action acceptable for them to do. This will lead to them making false assumptions and even accuse their partner of doing things that they would normally never consider. These false accusations may be done defensively or negatively but either way they will cause their partner to question why. People must ditch projecting as it will lead to no good.  A partner will not tolerate psychological projection for an extended period of time and nor should they.

Comparing A Current Partner To An Ex

Never compare a current partner with an ex. Whether the comparison is in a positive or negative light it should not be said! An ex may have been abusive but this is not something that a current partner will want to deal with – especially if he or she treats you right. On the flip-side your memory may have created a diamond and you can see no wrong in your ex, and subconsciously you are still stinging over the break-up.  No new partner will want to compete with your ‘perfect partner’ nor will they want to pick up the pieces from your ‘abusive relationship’.

The remedy here is so simple.   Judge your new partner by how they treat you and the way you treat them.  It is a two-way street – love each other for each other, not because of some tainted memory or what Mr and Mrs Jones appear like down the road.

Fear Of Commitment

One of the most common forms of emotional baggage carried through into a new relationship is the fear of commitment.  If you are not prepared to commit to a relationship you are giving it no chance of success.  Stay single if you are not ready to commit – it is a cruel, cruel thing to lead your new partner on when there is no intention of falling in love.

Open up your heart, if your heart is damaged from previous relationships see a therapist BEFORE you enter a new relationship.  It is the only way that you may find your soul-mate and live the proverbial ‘happily ever after’.

Nelson mandela quote
Image: Fear of commitment

Holding On To Secrets

In life there are secrets that should be kept and secrets that must be released.  If a secret is a method of holding back dealing with painful past events or hiding something that will impact on your new partner like health issues, issues about faith, criminality etc then these should be shared in the appropriate forum.  It is better to share them at the beginning of a relationship and allow your partner to understand and accept than later be confronted with a demon that will not allow them to fully trust you ever again.  As the saying goes ‘let the truth set you free’.

If you do not open that chest of secrets you will tend to put more and more into it as time goes on. Many times keeping secrets will lead to you telling lies and that is not the foundation that you would wish to build a long-term relationship on.

The Fear Of Being Cheated On

Unfortunately, most of us have either been cheated by or cheated on someone.  Being cheated on can be one of the most debilitating things that will affect your future relationships.  How do you trust your new partner when you put all your faith and trust in a person who previously crushed your heart and soul by being with someone behind your back?  It is not just about the physical factor but that they shared time together, talked as a couple whilst you waited for them patiently and lovingly at home.  How can you open your heart and trust your new partner fully without having some guard up?  When they are out at the office party will they betray you too?

Keep your suspicions in check!  The ex was an ass, but there is no reason to believe that your new partner is and should they not be given the benefit of the doubt?  If you are having trouble keeping your paranoia in check see a therapist to deal with these trust issues.

The different forms of emotional baggage that people hold are boundless and can be caused by a part of your upbringing, being bullied at school, church restrictions and more.  If you are preparing to enter a new relationship it is time to let go of these hindrances and accept your partner with open arms for who they are.  This, and only this, will allow you to take it to the next level.

Working on these issues and problems will help empower people to build stable loving and sexual relationships.

Anal Sex – My Guide For The Very First Time

Anal sex guide

The taboo and fear associated with anal sex for many will be enough for many never to try it.  That is unfortunate as when done correctly it can be both a rewarding and enjoyable new sexual experience both for you and your partner.  Look, don’t get me wrong it is not for everyone and that is fine but as my father used to say, ‘You should try everything once.  If you don’t like it, at least you tried it’.  This adage I have lived by most of my life and for the most part it has been met with positive experiences.  So when my boyfriend from a long-standing relationship asked if I was willing to try anal sex I was more than willing to give it a go.

The first thing I did was firstly research it and once I was familiar with the ins and outs, pardon the pun, the second was discuss it with him to ensure that he knew the ground rules and I knew what he desired.  This discussion was open and frank and we covered areas like:

There Will Be Heaps Of Foreplay

The very first time you are contemplating attempting anal sex ensure that the vibe is right.  Have some sensual music playing and candles burning.  Bring out your favorite sex toy and incorporate it with your foreplay.  Have passion with lots of cuddling and kissing.  You may wish to have vaginal intercourse first and orgasm that way to ensure that you are totally relaxed and ready.

Use Plenty Of Lubricant

There can never be enough lubrication when partaking in anal play as the anus does not self-lubricate like the vagina and the anus absorbs water.  So for easy insertion and to keep things flowing nicely always ensure that you have plenty of lube about.  Personally, I like a water-based lubricant as I incorporate silicone sex toys in our love making and silicone lubricant seems to destroy the material after a while.  I have never or will ever use desensitizing lubricant for two reasons.  Firstly, I want to experience all the erotic stimulations. Secondly, I fear that if something was to go wrong that it would dull my senses enough that I would continue on and possibly hurt myself.  No it is the real deal for me.

Try It Solo First With Sex Toys

It will be far better if you have experimented first with some anal penetration by yourself.  This way you will know what to expect and will not seize up when the real live action is happening.  Next time you are masturbating leave your clit stimulator and have a bit of an exploration around your bum.  Lube up and insert a finger or two slowly and gently.  Explore your sphincter and learn the way it clamps down and releases.  Get a soft silicone anal vibrator and gently insert it.  I was surprised that I had a blended orgasm the first time and can I say it is something I had never experienced before, but dearly look forward to now.

Play On The Anus

I spoke with my partner after experimenting with anal lubricants and sex toys and asked if when we were having regular sex if he would gently rim my bum with his finger and gently insert it so he too could get to know what I liked and what I did not.  Before I made sure that his fingers were clean and to do this I gave him a manicure that in itself was an erotic experience.  We did this for a few weeks and he got really good at it and had me having anal orgasms by doing this.

One of the best anal sex toy product ranges for women is designed by Alicia Sinclair who created b-Vibe.  You really can’t go past her products without checking them out especially if you are a beginner.  Each product is designed with a different experience level in mind and a wide range of pleasurable features.

b-Vibe Novice Sex Toy Photo
Buy Now | b-Vibe anal sex toy range

You Will Be In Control

It was made very clear that the first time we were going to try anal sex I was to be in total control.  We would be in the spoon position with him to my rear and I would guide him into me at my own pace.  He would hold and not push in or thrust until I let him know to do so.  If at any stage I was uncomfortable or in paid we would stop.  We could try it again but if it was going to hurt the first time it would be a no go zone from then on.  He was more than fine with that, especially since I would try it again as long as he stopped if I required him to.

Pick The Date

After a few weeks of anal foreplay we picked the date. This was going to be something special so we booked to see Sting at a show in the Hunter Valley with accommodation.  When we arrived there were flowers waiting for me in reception and the room was beautiful with a spa and all.  We watched the concert which was terrific at the Hope Estate and between us polished off a bottle of wine together.  We then got back to the room, he ran the spa and put in my favorite bath bomb – there was a bottle of Champagne on chill from which he poured me a drink from a Crystal flute.  He put the TV onto a smooth music channel.  It was perfect, the night was perfect and he was perfect.

After relaxing in the bath for more than 20 minutes and chatting to each other with deep and meaningful, I understood why I loved this man and how connected we were.  We go out of the spa, he towel dried me and took me to the bed.  He lay me down and delivered soft kisses from my neck to my toes.  He then turned me around and did the same thing from my heels to my shoulders lingering along the way at my butt cheeks that he licked.  The sensations were amazing and the tingling sensation went to my core.

We then had some fun with the pleasure toys we had brought and after ten minutes or so had vaginal sex.  I orgasmed almost immediately after he entered me – he had me so worked up sexually but so relaxed body wise.  He played with my rosebud whilst I brought myself down the ecstatic heights that were reached.  I indicated to him that it was time and after liberally apply lube to him we assumed the spoon position – he was rock hard – I grabbed hold of his cock.  Slowly I brought it to my anus and in slow circling motions rimmed myself with it.  As agreed he did not push as I pushed back onto his cock – it was larger than the anal vibrators I had used and did not go in as easy.  I continued to push and it was like a little pop went off and his head entered me.

Couples anal sex prep
Image: Couple having anal sex

When his head entered me there was a slight bit of discomfort.  Nothing that I would say was painful, but different to my sex toy play and his finger play.  I waited for a few seconds and this discomfort went away and again began to push against him until half of him was inside me.  Then gently I began to push him in and out of me and each time slowly, millimeter by millimeter I let him deeper inside of me.  Finally, the whole of him was deep inside me and I had a satisfying ‘filled up’ feeling as the slow strokes increased in vigor to deep thrusting.  I could hear him grunting and moaning behind me and soon he was blowing inside me.

I did not orgasm anally that first time but it did not hurt, was very pleasurable and he was over the moon both intimately and relationship wise.  It is we treasure for special occasions and we had a few more of these erotic sessions before I anally orgasmed.  Again, anal sex is not for everyone, but if you do it right the first time, soon enough you will experience pleasure in a whole new way.