The Secrets Behind Period Sex

Period Sex

My head feels foggy, I feel sick yet want to eat everything in sight, any desire for sex is nowhere to be seen, my emotions are chaotic and what I want more than anything in the world is to curl up in a ball and sleep until the end of time. Before you ask-No I did not drink any alcohol last night! I am perfectly well and healthy but I am a woman and these experiences can be a somewhat common occurrence on the days leading up to my period. I see it as perfectly ok & as best as I can, will completely honour my need to rest and nourish my body. This has not always been the case.

Years ago, when I would experience pre-menstrual symptoms, I would have pushed through these feelings, expecting the same output of energy in order to get through my days. This ultimately resulted in some pretty awful consequences including lots of angry outbursts to the people around me and feeling completely exhausted.

Many women I speak with are unaware of the different phases that occur during their cycle. I believe this is such a shame as this knowledge can eradicate much of the confusion and emotional disturbances that are often experienced by women. Societies awareness of and openness with the menstruation cycle is significantly greater than previous generations yet I still see that there is a long way to come in terms of how we relate to this process that occurs monthly for most women.

The Menstrual Cycle Consists Of Four Distinct Phases:

Menstruation

Menstruation occurs when the broken-down lining of the uterus flows out through the vagina. Menstruation generally lasts from three to seven days. Some women regularly have periods that are shorter or longer than this. The length can also differ from one cycle to the next. In addition to blood, menstrual fluid is made up of several components including endometrial cells, cervical mucus and vaginal secretions. The amount of menstrual fluid lost varies between women and from one cycle to the next, but a woman generally loses about 50-100ml of fluid each time she has a period.

The Follicular Phase

During this phase, the pituitary gland releases follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), which causes between 10 and 20 follicles (cells that contain immature eggs, known as ova) to begin developing in the ovary. They produce the hormone oestrogen, which causes the lining of the uterus (endometrium) to become thick in preparation for the possible embedding of a fertilised egg. Usually, only one follicle develops into a mature egg. This follicle moves towards the surface of the ovary, while the others break down and are reabsorbed by the body. The follicular phase begins on the first day of menstruation and ends with ovulation. It can vary considerably in length, depending on the time of ovulation.

Ovulation

The term ‘ovulation’ refers to the release of a mature egg from the ovary. During the follicular phase, the rise in a woman’s oestrogen levels causes gonadotropin-releasing hormone (GnRH) to be released from her brain. This in turn causes the pituitary gland to produce increased levels of luteinising hormone (LH). The abrupt rise in LH, known as the LH surge, triggers ovulation. Following ovulation, the egg is swept into the fallopian tube and moved along towards the uterus. If fertilisation does not occur, the egg disintegrates within 6-24 hours.

Luteal Phase

During this phase, the remnants of the follicle that released the egg (now called the corpus luteum) release large amounts of the hormone progesterone as well as some oestrogen. These hormones contribute to the further thickening and maintenance of the uterine lining. If fertilisation does not occur, the corpus luteum breaks down and progesterone levels decline, leading to the disintegration of the uterus lining. During the luteal phase, women may experience physical and emotional changes including tender or lumpy breasts, fluid retention, bloating, mood swings, tiredness or anxiety.

Period And Menstruation Joke
Image: Menstruation Cycle

As you can see, the menstrual cycle is an extremely complex process, with a need for women to be respectful and understanding of their bodies for going through this every month.

Sexuality, sexual desire & relationships can be notably affected by the menstrual cycle, with women and their partners benefiting greatly from knowing where they are at in their cycle in order to have greater compassion and understanding of what is occurring for the woman (i.e. emotions, desires).

During menstruation, some people will choose to not be sexual with their partners for different reasons. Some may believe it to be unclean, others do not like the feeling of having sex when they may be experiencing an increase in pain or sensitivity.

Sex during menstruation is not unclean but can be messy if certain precautions are not taken. I would recommend getting outdoors or in the shower for some lovemaking during this time if the mess part is an issue. Sex can be great for easing menstrual cramps, with many women even claiming they have the highest sex drive when they are bleeding. Everyone is unique and it is important for every woman to get to know her body and what it likes.

Intimacy does not need to cease just because intercourse may not be desired during menstruation. Connecting with your partner during this time may mean kissing, touching and massaging one another. Feel into what you or your partner’s body desires and communicate this clearly.

Be mindful that certain contact with the menstrual blood of a woman whose sexual health status is unknown increases the risk of sexually transmitted infection and blood-borne virus transmission- safety is paramount.

Menstruating And Sex
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Many women will report an increase in sexual desire after menstruation in the time leading up to ovulation. A perfectly easy way to understand the reason for this is that the days leading up to ovulation is when a woman is the most fertile-her body is made to want to conceive a baby hence orgasms are more easily attained, she may feel more extroverted and her desire for sex is high. Enjoy this time, however, know that the chance of conceiving a child is in this period is greatest. If a child is not on the cards for you & your partner, take precautions to minimise the chance of unwanted pregnancy.

After ovulation, there is a dip in sexual desire for many women & it is not uncommon for them to experience times of intense emotions and uncomfortable physical symptoms. Often this may mean that sex is the last thing on a woman’s mind. Women need to be kind & patient to themselves and should expect the same treatment from their partners. Instead of projecting emotion onto your partner, let them know what you’re feeling and take some time out for yourself if needed. Sex can be a great way to connect with your partner if the desire is there, just ensure that desire is there for both of you.

A woman becoming aware of her menstrual cycle can be a really great way of predicting best times to participate in certain activities (I personally would never participate in a marathon on the first day!!!) and gives her a chance to have a closer connection with her body and the incredible process it goes through every month. It’s also amazing for partners to understand what is happening to their woman as best as they can-this way, among other things, you’ll know when bringing home dark chocolate and red wine is going to be most appreciated!!

Author: Stephanie Curtis- BA Nursing

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What On Earth Is Sex Positive Teaching For Children?

Sex Education At School

Being trained as a teacher, I quickly learnt that my being in a classroom isn’t just to provide an academic education – but also in supplementing the learning that is provided at home regarding life, and the development of an individual. A great teacher is not just an educator, but we’re trained as, and develop into, a counsellor, a nurse, a sociologist, leaders, role models, and for the most part we have to be wearing all of these hats at once. Add to this the idea that in today’s classroom there is a full spectrum of abilities and skill sets and a great teacher must be able to provide differentiated teaching to fully support each individual child as they learn at their own pace and with respects to their ability. When you factor all of this in, a teacher is not just an academic educator, but they’re someone that a child looks up to as they grow and develop their personalities.

For this reason, when it comes to the important topics – a teacher must think carefully about, and reflect on, their behavior and approaches both within and outside the classroom. For the most part, a lesson isn’t just learned in the space of forty five minutes, it’s often reflected upon, applied to a concept repeatedly, and then accepted or dismissed whereby the response to that concept becomes routine. Considering that sometimes, a child will spend more time with their teacher on an average school week than with their parents, what role does the teacher have in a child’s development and learning?

What Is Sexual Education For Children?

I want to explore this with the idea of sexual education for children. An often hotly debated topic around the world, and arguably one of the most important. People’s reluctance to discuss sex, gender, sexuality, and even pleasure often means that children grow up obtaining their information from popular media, pornography, peers and the internet. Whilst this isn’t necessarily a bad thing when it is supplemented by proper education and discussions both within the classroom and at home, when used by themselves as a source of knowledge and learning, it can often be detrimental to an individual’s confidence, sexual ability and performance, and even their understanding of self in their macro and micro world. Children, for example, developing into a sexual being will often consume pornography without necessarily understanding that it is a performance. Numerous studies, including a Dutch study published in Journal of Sexual Medicine, have demonstrated the effects that pornography has on the way teenagers of both genders approach sexual activity – simply because they don’t necessarily understand the performance aspect of it. For this reason, as well as many others we’ll touch on today, when it comes to sexual education, one of the most important terms that people need to understand is sex positive learning.

Teachers are excellently placed to handle this discussion – since there are critical components in health and physical education that discuss reproduction, the body, biology, pregnancy and the science around that. Why then, can we not also lend the discussion of sexual education into examining concepts of consent, pleasure, satisfaction, health and happiness? Aren’t these all aspects of sex, especially since we are one of the few species in the world that engage in ‘reproduction’ for the act of pleasure as well?

Sex Positive Education For Children
Image: The Birds And The Bees

What is sex positive learning and will it turn my child gay?

Contrary to popular belief by opponents of same sex marriage and institutions that do not necessarily agree with different types of relationships and genders, sex positive learning will not turn a child gay. It will not make them become transgender, and it will certainly not turn them into a deviant of some kind. Sex positivity is about a positive approach to sex and gender. It’s about the acceptance and acknowledgement of all consensual sexual activity and states of beings. It acknowledges the concept of pleasure within sexual activity, as well as the need for experimentation and learning. It’s both a simple, yet complex ‘movement’, and as we go along I’ll do my best to unpack the term.

In short, sex positive learning and teaching gives a child an understanding of the world around them. It helps them become more confident in themselves, and arguably increases their social skills because of this. Society has often been placed in a dichotomous world of male and female, gay and straight without taking into account the fluidity of gender and sexuality. For someone that doesn’t necessarily feel that they fit into this binary, they can quickly feel isolated, depressed and ashamed as they struggle to determine why they feel/act/are different than what society and everyone else around them is telling them that they must be. That’s one of the most isolating thing about the concept of labelling, especially in queer society – the diversification of labelling is both encompassing through its variety, but limiting in its exactness. Sex positivity is an essential component in understanding the diversification of the world and the uniqueness that makes us, us. It does this through not only understanding sex and sexual activity, but also discussing that dreaded concept of pleasure which we so frequently seem to ignore.

How can you engage in sex positive teaching?

It starts at home – and it starts at an early age. You’ve all seen the beautiful photos of cute babies holding hands, and being friends with other babies that are of a different gender or even race. Racism is learnt and is not an innate state of being. Throughout our childhood, and upbringing, we are conditioned to behave a certain way, and we pick up the traits of those around us, or are influenced by someone we hold dear. With this in mind, sex positive teaching begins early. There’s no one ‘talk’ that can initiate sex positivity, it’s a repeated conversation, it’s the way that we react to things, and it’s the language that we use to discuss it all. Take for example a small boy that repeatedly attempts to play with his genitals. We’ve all done it, we were all kids, and it’s just how we respond to that which is important. Traditionally, we might have responded with phrases such as ‘if you keep playing with it it’ll fall off’, or ‘that’s disgusting stop playing with it’ – phrases which instil a sense of shame and embarrassment, which creates negative experiences. He’s just exploring his body. A sex positive approach would be along the lines of – if you’re going to play with it, do it in private time. It’s not appropriate to do that in public. See the difference in the response? You’re acknowledging that it’s okay to do so, but that there is a time and place for these things. Sex positivity is about teaching correct terminology, teaching the concept of consent, and a variety of similar concepts. This is an example of sex positive teaching for a toddler, but how can that occur in the classroom?

As an English and History teacher, there were times when we would discuss characters, and the way people would live in the past. I consider this an excellent time to be mindful of my approaches and how I can supplement a child’s learning when it comes to the understanding of sex, sexuality and gender simply by making comparisons of the times, as well as including language that doesn’t reinforce the binary that they’re used to. Sex positive teaching can be as simple as not calling a unisex classroom ‘guys’, or it can be about acknowledging that pleasure is associated with sexual activity when examining the motivation of a character. It’s about being transparent, and not demonising sex, and doing all of this in an age appropriate manner. Some might ask – what role does a teacher have in all of this? Teachers are excellently placed to deliver this information as they go through their everyday teachings and often it’s a simple matter of adjusting language and the perceptions of certain activities. Such mindfulness can be complemented by attitudes, and education at home – answering the more personal specific questions as they develop and grow into mature beings.

By this stage you should have a basic enough idea of what sex positivity is. It’s a difficult concept to narrow down because of its broadness, as well as its interpretation to different people. From here, you need to look at sex positivity yourself. I’ve given you the toolset, I’ve provided you with the basic concepts – and from here on out it’s your own development, and self-awareness that will guide your relationship towards a sex positive attitude. There’s no right or wrong answer – so long as you keep the basic principles in mind regarding pleasure, contraception and sexual exploration. Teachers have it tough – we’re often damned if we do and damned if we don’t. So maybe, if we can take a step towards the right direction together, we can turn everyone, into great teachers.

Author: Stephen Smith – BA Of Social Sciences, M.EdSave

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VIP Interview With Janet W. Hardy Writer, Illustrator, Sex Educator & Editorial Director Of Greenery Press

Janet W. Hardy Sex Educator, Illustrator, Publisher And Author

Janet W. Hardy is well known for being a force within the sexual lifestyle industry. She has published The Ethical Slut which has sold over 200,000 copies worldwide. Janet is also the editorial director of Greenery Press a book publisher which was established in 2002, her company has published well over 100 books. Greenery Press specialise in the publication of non-fiction sexuality, BDSM, fetish and kinks books.

Janet is a passionate sex educator and has traveled to speak at a multitude of classes, workshops, discussions and demonstrations. She has also stared in documentaries including Beyond Vanilla, Vice and Consent, Slut and BDSM: It’s Not What You Think and TV shows including SexTV and The Dr. Susan Block Show. This is a VIP Interview With Janet W. Hardy Writer, Illustrator, Sex Educator & Editorial Director Of Greenery Press.

Tell me about yourself

I am a writer, illustrator and sex educator. I also serve as the editorial director of Greenery Press, a small publishing company that I founded back in 1992, specializing in alternative sexualities.

What is it like being a book publisher, author and a documentary film star within the sexual lifestyle industry?

In some ways it’s a bit schizophrenic. Although I write and publish about outrageous sexuality, I am a physically rather reserved person, not a big toucher or hugger. While I certainly spent a lot of years as an active participant at play parties and dungeon parties, I no longer have much interest in that kind of play (although I still do attend such events on occasion). I call myself a “sadomasochist emeritus.”

And yet, I still have knowledge and wisdom to impart, and I still take great joy in passing along what I know so that others can have fun with it.

What inspired you to create a publishing company that specialises in BDSM, fetish and kink books?

Desperation! I had just been fired from a job in my previous career as an advertising copywriter (apparently because they knew a bit too much about my “other life” from listening in on my personal phone calls). My then-partner, Jay Wiseman, had a manuscript he’d been working on for years – which is now SM 101: A Realistic Introduction. And I had a long article about female domination for beginners, which I’d written in hopes of magazine publication, and which would later be expanded into what is now The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners. We hustled them both into print (they were at that time quick-printed and spiral-bound) because we weren’t sure where our next meal was coming from. And from that rather shaky beginning grew what is now Greenery Press. I never intended to become an alt-sex publisher – it just happened!

What do you love most about your work?

The letters I get from people who have been helped by my work. So many people think they’re the only ones who want whatever they want, whether it’s kink or poly or fetish or whatever – and then they read a Greenery Press book and learn that not only are they the only ones, but there are enough others that someone wrote a book about them/us – and often they sit down to write a letter or email letting us know how profoundly they were helped by our work.

Writing is a solitary profession, so hearing back from readers is enormously gratifying.

What do you look for in a good fiction and non-fiction book?

I don’t publish fiction. I tried it for a while back in the late 1990s and it turned out I suck at it – I just don’t have a good sense of what makes a good fiction book or how it finds a market.

As far as nonfiction goes, I’m interested only in those that teach a skill or approach (which is not to say I don’t personally love a good memoir or biography or whatever; but I’ve learned through the years that what I know how to publish is how-to, so I’m sticking to that). I look for a book that is knowledgeable, responsible, utterly clear, and with a strong authorial voice. A sense of humor doesn’t hurt either – many people are threatened by alternative sexuality and relationships, and humor helps pull the fangs on a scary topic.

What are your best sellers?

SM 101 is still at the top of our list, with The Mistress Manual and Jay Wiseman’s Erotic Bondage Handbook following closely.

Sex, BDSM And Fetish Book Covers
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The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book are perpetual top sellers as well.

Sex Education Books From Greenery Publishing
Image: The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book

The Ethical Slut, which was originally published by Greenery in 1997, is now published by Ten Speed Press, a division of Random House, where it continues to sell extraordinarily well.

Sex Education Book From Greenery Publishing
Image: The Ethical Slut

What are your favourite memories?

My best memories tend to end up as fodder for memoir, so I’m attaching an excerpt of a particularly lovely scene for you. Excerpt from Impervious: Chronicles of a (Semi-)Retired Deviant, © 2017 Janet W. Hardy:

“Something kind of fun going on tonight, my friend says. I think you’ll enjoy it. You in?

I don’t know very many people in the city where this conference is being held, but I trust her to know my tastes and limits. Sure, I shrug.

As it turns out, the “kind of fun” thing is a group effort to enable a tall, heavy-boned husband to fist his tiny blond wife for the first time. He is the only man in a roomful of half a dozen women. All except the wife begin the female version of dick-measuring: each of us holds our hand up next to each of the other women’s, and then we arrange ourselves in order, from the smallest hand to mine, the largest.

The wife arranges herself comfortably on the hotel bed, legs splayed wide. As the first, smallest woman begins to stimulate her with gloved fingers and a vibrator, the rest of us arrange ourselves around her, supporting her pale body and petting her into boneless relaxation. The husband, with a ringside seat against the wall, watches avidly but does not yet touch. We feel her twitch as the first well-lubed hand slips past its knuckles and into her.

She writhes, wails, comes. Smiling, the first woman relinquishes her place to the next one.

And so it goes, until it is time for me, the penultimate. By the time I take my place between her legs, her cunt is so gooey and accommodating that it takes almost no effort to slip in. Slyly I press the heel of my left hand into the area right above her pubic bone, so it presses her g-spot down toward my questing fist, and she convulses and roars into orgasm.

I smile, withdraw slowly and gently, and relinquish the seat of honor to her husband. It takes almost no time for his enormous paw to slide into her for the very first time. The rest of us, the midwives of joy, place our hands around her torso and share the love that connects them – the ecstatically fucked-out wife and the husband who loved her enough to make this thing happen.

I feel their devotion burning in my own body. I turn to my friend and whisper, too low for the couple to hear or care: I love my life.”

What do you feel people should do more of to live happy and healthy sexual lifestyles?

Shame is the biggest obstacle to any kind of happy and healthy sex or relationship, with ignorance a close second. Ignorance is easy to solve: read books, peruse websites, ask questions of people who have been around longer than you have, and understand that you will make mistakes – everybody makes mistakes.

Shame, however, is harder to eradicate. Most of us learn sexual shame from earliest childhood – there’s video of fetuses masturbating in the womb, yet if we touch our genitals in infancy or toddlerhood, adult reactions may range from embarrassment to rage. About all we can do with shame is pay close attention to it when it surfaces, and then do our best to move past it – preferably with the help of a few accepting friends or lovers.

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Investigating The Honest Reality Of Squirting

G-Spot Squirting And Ejaculation

I’ve been working at Oh! Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres for about 3 months and during that time I have been genuinely surprised with the amount of women coming into our store with the express purpose of buying something that can make them “squirt.” Thanks to the increased availability and presence of porn and sexualised imagery in our society many of these women are coming in not really knowing what squirting is but are hell bend on trying to make it happen for themselves. As I have always said knowledge is the key to success so in the following I will break down what squirting actually is, where it comes from and how you might be able to make it happen for yourself.

It is worth noting before we begin, like the presence of the g-spot and its power, the existence of squirting is still highly debated among many including the sexual health and scientific industries.

Squirting or female ejaculation

Like many terms within sex, names can become interchangeable and this is true again with squirting and female ejaculation. These two phenomena are considered two different things by scientists. Female ejaculation is thought to be a small amount of fluid excreted by the vagina near or during climax. It is a thicker consistency, the fluid that occurs during squirting and occurs in much smaller quantities meaning that it often goes unnoticed by many. Squirting is considered to be a larger quantity of liquid that expels itself during or near climax. Female ejaculation comes from the female prostate (yes we have one as well) while squirting’s origins appear to be a bit different.

The truth about squirting

A study was done a few years ago with women who claimed to be able to squirt. They started by emptying their bladders and giving a urine sample, they then underwent an ultrasound to confirm their bladders were in fact empty. The women, who were either by themselves or with a partner, were asked to get themselves almost to the point of squirting and were then given another ultrasound. After that ultrasound they were then asked to complete the act and then return for a final ultrasound.

What was found that while all of the women reported empty bladders going into the test, during the second ultrasound (the one that they were given while on the brink) all of their bladders showed that they had refilled substantially, then the final ultrasound found that the bladders were now again empty.

So in short, yes… this study found that for the most part the liquid in squirting is urine, well very diluted urine but urine all the same. While researchers found something called  “prostatic-specific antigen” or PSA for short (this is a protein that comes from the female prostate and is found in pure female ejaculation) it was considered that these women experienced female ejaculation and squirting at the same time (lucky them.)

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So its pee?

The short answer is yes, probably (remember much of the research on this is still new and we are learning more each day). Medical professionals and scientists have known this for a while but because the whole concept of peeing during sex can make some people feel a little uneasy (to say the least) discussion around it has kind of been pushed to the side.

I think it is important to state a few things at this point.

  1. Urine is clean and sterile, unless you suffer from some kind of medical condition that affects your urine or you will be effected by someone urine you will be fine.
  2. Just because it is pee doesn’t mean you are “peeing” on them. The experience of squirting and going to the toilet are very different. Squirting for many is an involuntary reaction of sexual stimulation and it is reported the sensation feels quite different.
  3. But can all women ejaculate? It may not be possible for all women to squirt. This comes from the discussion and research of the Skene’s Gland. The Skene’s glands are located on the upper wall of the vagina, near the lower end of the urethra. Some believe that this gland plays a major role in female ejaculation and squirting (which we believe are two different things) and that its location might be to blame for the peeing theory, while others think it may just relate to female ejaculation and there is a theory that not all women even possess this gland to begin with.

With all this foggy science and different theories it is hard to know whether every woman can squirt, and if you have been trying for a while and can’t make it happen don’t worry, the best scientific brains in the world are still baffled over this, so you shouldn’t feel let down.

How do I do it?

So you’ve read all this and thought, yep I want to try and make myself squirt, but how do I go about it? The leading theory is all about G- spot stimulation. It is believed that with the right pressure, pace and time the G-spot is the key to squirting. (If you don’t know where or what the G spot is refer to my earlier article “Your G-spot and toys that love it!” for tips and tricks) but again I want to finish this piece by saying that while squirting looks impressive and may be something you want to be able to do, don’t beat yourself up if you can’t get there. Sex should always be about the journey and not the goal.

Author: Jamie is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle CentresSave

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It’s Time For The Sex Talk

Sperm Swimming

When I started this article it began as a “how to” guide for talking with “Tweens” (11-13 Years of age). I started asking around to parents I knew about the challenges they faced or are facing with talking to their kids about sex. It became clear very quickly how many parents were not discussing sex education topics with their younger children. Missed opportunities are hard to make up for later on, it’s harder for the brain to relearn things it’s already learned, whether correct or not. You know your child better than anyone else and it’s important to be there as a support and a resource for their inquiries. Why not go on a journey of discovery together? Have them ask you the questions, be open minded, forget the judgements for a minute.

Sex education should begin when a child begins the stage of self-awareness around the age of 2. This a critical stage in any child’s development. Now I am sure many of you reading this are thinking “what could a 2-year-old learn about sex?”… the answer is a lot. Most of it isn’t something to “talk” about, as they are just too young to comprehend. However, it is still important you as parents can foster a safe space for them to discover their own sexuality and pleasure, alone and in the privacy of their own bedroom.

Pivotal Development

When a child is around the age of 2 they begin to be aware of who they are around, they begin mentally mapping the people they know and are around often. All of this is learning trust. They are finding their limits along with their likes and dislikes when it comes to interacting with others. This particular point in a child’s personal development is a perfect time to instil the power of consent and reinforce the fact that their body is theirs and theirs alone. This is as simple as helping them to decide when a hug is wanted and is most appropriate. Kissing family and friends isn’t something to be forced. Don’t take it personally when your toddler doesn’t want to hug or kiss another relative or close friend. They are working out in their heads who and where they can trust/give consent. While it might seem like telling them to hug someone is helping them to know who is ok to hug, it’s actually doing the opposite.  Forcing a toddler to hug someone is telling them that their body is not their own and that someone else has authority over them.

In no way am I saying that your 2-year-old is better equipped to make the decision of who to trust, I am simply saying to give them the opportunities to work it out for themselves, this development will continue to build a strong sense of their ownership over themselves!

Starting the Conversations

As toddlers grow into children and into pre-teens it is imperative as parents to be there, now I’m not talking about being there as support. I am referring to being along with your child on their journey. The biggest tip I can give when it comes to talking with your kids about Sex is USE the media! Whenever you are with them and the topic comes up on the TV, Radio etc. start talking about what it is. Open a dialogue, show them YOU want to talk about these things and that it’s not “weird”. If you can take the “taboo” out of sex and puberty then, of course, they will want to talk to you, they have a million burning questions. And don’t worry at this age aside from a few bombshell questions they will be vague for the most part. The bombshells they ask will require your honesty, but also your own discretion as to what they will fully understand.

These years can be the hardest as a child’s interest in such topics will vary from day to day. Sex isn’t necessarily a top priority to sort out as they are figuring out the rest of life, but the curiosities are still there and it’s important for a parent to ensure their child/children always have a safe open communication about these topics. It’s why I stress so much to parents open dialogue when sexual topics arise on media.

Teen Talk

Now for the REAL talk with tweens. If you’re one of those families trying to live in the progressive lane on this highway of life. If you’re one of those parents who finds it hard to strike up the embarrassing conversations about body changes and strange feelings. You shouldn’t feel bad or inadequate, these conversations are pivotal and of course AWKWARD!

I have been working in sex education for a number of years now and have spoken with countless families and teenagers going through this “phase” of life. But let’s face it, there is no one right way to talk to teenagers about sex. I know it’s hard to believe but teenagers are people too, and they vary from one to another just like partners in the dating pool.

If you can prepare yourself for some vulgarity and the brash reality of teenage puberty get ready. NETFLIX has brought out a new show which is garnering a lot of attention at the moment for its NSFW tone… BIG MOUTH comes to us from the same pair who worked on Family Guy. And while most of the show is a satirical take on the life and problems tweens face during puberty, this show presents the obscure and irrational of puberty emotions. Creators Nick Kroll and Andrew Goldberg capture the real struggle this age group go through and perhaps how oblivious their parents and surrounding family are to their struggle.

Netflix TV Show Big Mouth
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I would suggest watching the show first as Parent(s) without the child or children and then watch it again with your tween(s). Make sure you take the time to laugh so they know you’re comfortable. You might think that because they call for you when you’re on the toilet or walk into your bedroom without knocking that they are comfortable with you. When it comes to their body and their feelings they are LOST! So many questions, so much information coming at them from friends at school, the internet etc. Watching this show together will give them instant access to ask you questions about concepts they have never heard or don’t understand. It will also allow you to ask them questions you might otherwise be embarrassed to ask. (It’s ok to be embarrassed, and it’s more ok to ask the embarrassing questions).

If this show is too much for you or you think too much for your tween, then stick with my first suggestion of incorporating the media around you. It’s almost 2018 the topics of Sex and Health are more and more prevalent in mainstream media. Use it to start conversations and questions. Don’t let their laissez-faire attitude tell you they don’t have burning questions inside because they do!

As usual, I am always a short message away from answering any of your questions. Find me on Instagram, Twitter or Google+.  Just search krizpatrick!

Author: Patrick Kriz- BA, Psych (HON)- Human Sexuality

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