The Man And Woman Within Us All

Man wrestling woman

I don’t believe that any other two words in the English language could be more open to interpretation and misunderstanding than masculine and feminine. Most people think masculine means male and feminine female, with this true to some degree however it goes a lot deeper than this in the world of Tantra.

When I initially came to know these words, I thought that masculine had to do with only men and feminine only women. To me there was no crossing over, there was only one or the other depending on what gender you were. Since entering the world of Tantra and conscious sexuality, I have learnt that every individual is made up of the qualities of both masculine and feminine, with both prevalent to certain degrees at particular times throughout one’s life.

Masculine vs feminine features
Image: Men Vs Women

In Tantra, masculine and feminine are known as the two polarities that make up the whole. Think of yin and yang, positive and negative magnetic poles or light and dark, they exist together however each represents different qualities of an individual. When we have an understanding of these qualities within ourselves, we can strive to being a whole and complete person in this world, rather than seeking outside ourselves for something that can be found within.

Yin and yang symbol
Image: Yin and yang symbol

You see, many people who are not aware that they have everything they need within can spend their whole lives looking for others to fill them up. Some call this co-dependence, others may refer to it as love addiction. Either way, these people have not awoken to the reality that they are all they’ll ever need. Many people may go through their whole lives living in this pattern, never entering into their full power as a human being.

The Analogy Of The Pole And The Pole Dancer

One of my favourite analogies describing masculine and feminine involves the pole and the pole dancer. The pole represents the masculine and the dancer represents the feminine. In order for the dancer to feel safe and supported, the pole must be solid, firmly in place and supportive of the weight and movement of the pole dancer. This is necessary in order for her to flourish and express herself in her dance. If the pole is unstable or shaky, the dancer will feel she cannot let go and dance to her full potential.

Stripper on a pole
Image: Pole Dancer

What Is The Mature Masculine?

The mature masculine found within each individual is the point of safety and solidity that is required to go through life feeling supported. Those who have developed their masculine are great at holding space for themselves and others in times of need (e.g. during emotional crisis or turbulent times) and are present to the here and now, with no expectations or pressure on themselves or others to be anything other than what they are. The mature masculine feels like the solid rock and is necessary to have ourselves so that we don’t excessively project our needs onto our fathers, partners or other men in our life.

Many women are not familiar with the fact that they have all the masculine qualities within to make them feel safe and supported. Some women (myself included once upon a time) have what I like to refer to as the “knight in shining armour complex.” They go around looking for a man who is going to be their saviour and make everything better. Little do they know that they can be all of that for themselves and then can enter into a relationship with a man from a whole and complete place.

What Is The Mature Feminine?

The qualities of the mature feminine include intuition, playfulness, emotionally expressive, vulnerable, grounded, love and compassion. When men and women are in their feminine, they are expressive with their creativity so often the most exquisite art comes from people who allow their feminine within to be free. Like I explained with the pole/pole dancer analogy, the feminine expresses herself the greatest when the masculine is supporting her. Men most definitely have an inner feminine and sadly are often shamed for their emotions from an early age therefore suppress this part of themselves. This can lead to a whole range of issues including stagnation with creativity, blocked emotions leading to physical and psychological issues and seeking a woman outside of themselves for what they truly yearn from within.

Human Energy Systems Diagram
Image: Human Energy Systems

The Masculine And Feminine Dynamics In A Relationship

In a relationship between two people, the qualities of the masculine and feminine naturally fluctuate between the two. Sometimes the man, who may be predominantly in his masculine within the relationship, goes through an emotionally turbulent time, meaning that he is living in his feminine. This may mean that the woman who is predominantly in her feminine enters into her masculine in order to hold space and support her partner. It is great for women to experience what it is like to be the more masculine partner and vice versa.

In August, I will be assisting the International School of Temple Arts Level 1 training in Sydney, Australia where the qualities of masculine and feminine will be explored in greater depth. This is a life changing opportunity to really step into your power and become the whole and complete person you always have been but may have forgotten.

International School Of Arts (ISTA)
Image: International School Of Arts

*Throughout this article, I speak from a heteronormative and cisgender perspective, this being for simplicity with wording. Each person no matter what gender or what sexual identity they identify with have an inner masculine and feminine within.

Author: Stephanie Curtis, Sexologist

Ignite The Erotic Flame – Tantus Harness Kit

Hot couple pashing

I have been married for almost two years now and the fact is that I love her even more today than when we first got together which is amazing. This is the motivation that gets me through most of the things in my life. I feel like she deserves to be treated right and I want to make sure that she has a lot of fun in the bedroom. To be totally honest with you, I tend to cum pretty quickly. It has always been a problem. When I cum to quickly, I explain to her that she turns me on so much because I find her so beautiful but sometimes, I feel inadequate when she has to finish herself off with a vibrator. I have already blown my load and there is nothing left in me to keep on going.

My wife is the kind of person that loves experimenting. She wants to keep our sex life alive and so do I. Sex is one of the most important aspects of our relationship. I had always been sceptical about introducing adult toys to my marriage however my wife had always been the one to spice things up in that department.  I had never had any past experiences with purchasing adult toys as that was her department but my friend recommended that I should take the initiative to look for something to spice things up in the bedroom, so I went to an Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre in Kogarah. I explained my problem to the sales consultant who professionally and politely guided me through the selection that they had in the store.

What’s included in the Tantus Harness Flame Kit

This is when I saw the Tantus Harness Flame Kit. The Tantus Harness Flame Kit is a sex toy collection which includes a dildo, harness and a removable bullet vibrator. The dildo is purple and textured with a beautiful flame pattern. The dildo is also a different size to me, so she can feel what it is like to have a different size inside of her. The harness is made with straps which are worn comfortably around the waist. The harness has an O-ring at the front. The dildo can be inserted through the O-ring and it will sit firmly in place. The harness also has a pocket where you can place the bullet vibrator. The bullet vibrator is used to send pleasurable waves of vibrations through the dildo for added pleasure. I can also remove the bullet vibrator and use it directly on her clitoris during the foreplay or when I am thrusting into her. I bought this baby on the spot for a very reasonable price and I am telling you that my sex life has never been the same since I purchased it.

Dildo with a harness
Buy Now | Sex toys made by Tantus

Why we love the Tantus Harness Flame Kit

I knew that this is was the kind of thing that I wanted in our bedroom as it would satisfy her. I could use the Tantus Harness Flame Kit as if it were an extension of my own body. I would be in complete control of the experience and watch her enjoy the pleasure that she would experience from every individual thrust. To top that off, the vibrations would send waves of pleasure through her. The orgasmic build-up for her would feel out of this world. The thing is fantastic and using it just makes the whole sexual experience even more satisfying for us both.

The fact that it comes in purple was an added advantage as that is her favorite colour. You can just imagine the smile that was on her face when she saw that I had remembered what her favourite colour was and that I took the initiative to get something that she would love.

We just wanted to get to the bedroom and try it out and boy let me tell you it was amazing. The fact that the shaft gently curved for pinpoint stimulation of the G-spot is amazing. We both love that the dildo is also soft to the touch. It makes for an easy ride as it has no problems at all. This is even better as I see in her eyes the pleasure the dildo is delivering to her each and every time it enters her. When it is in her she moans in delight and will often ask for more. This also helps in making sure that the positioning is accurate so that you never have to worry about hitting the right places.

The fact that it is even designed so that it can actually remain in place during the whole sexual experience is why we love it more than any other adult toy. This makes the whole thing just easy.

I think I hit the jackpot the moment that I purchased this amazing adult toy as it is just the right kind of fun that any relationship needs and has given me so much more confidence in the bedroom department. The fun in our bedroom just keeps getting better and better. This baby just gives us the pleasure of getting to try out new sex positions each day. We look forward to using it when we both get home from work at the end of the day and are ready to have some fun. I no longer have to worry about her not being satisfied… And when she is spent I enter her like the conqueror I now am. I also happily spurt without holding back when I know she has already been satisfied.

She joked about pegging me with it. To be quite honest, the seed has now been planted by my wife and I am now interested in pegging. I have been reading up on it on the internet and am just trying to work up the courage to actually try it. Perhaps I should read up on it some more and may let you know.

My sex life really needed the Tantus Harness Flame Kit. It offered the right kind of fun I needed. This is an amazing sex toy collection and I just love the fact that I too now am an adventurous person sexually. I would recommend it to anyone with a similar problem as mine. Though if you would like to try out a harness kit with different sized dildos you can buy the Tantus Bend Over Beginner Kit which has two untextured dildos.  I now look forward to my regular visits to the Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres in Sydney. To put it simply they are the best adult shops out there.

BOSO’s Trick To Keep You Going And Going!

Sex doesn’t last as long as we think it does and when we’re considering the idea of sex – there’s very much an element of Keeping Up with the Joneses. By that I mean that when it comes to the depictions of sex in popular culture, media and entertainment, and even pornography anyone would incorrectly assume that everyone else’s sex lasts for hours and hours. Well – here’s the facts.

Firstly, I’m going to point out that there’s a difference between foreplay and sex. By all means, foreplay can last for hours, but when we mention ‘sex’ within this review, I’m specifically referring to penis in the ass or vagina.

How long should sex really last?

Now – for the facts. According to a Canadian study in 2008 the idea of ‘adequate intercourse’ was listed as lasting from anywhere between three to seven minutes. This doesn’t include the act of foreplay, oral sex and exploring each other’s bodies (where this can indeed last for hours) but 3-7 minutes of actual cock pounding penetration. The study makes specific note that this doesn’t include foreplay, female orgasms, and non-heterosexual pairings.

3-7 minutes doesn’t sound like a lot does it? Well, that’s the average. In fact, there’s a few other studies which indicates that a lot of people, in particular women, find that sex lasting longer than 13 minutes can become painful and irritating. The study and reports on this finding doesn’t indicate whether there’s a change of position, whether there’s lubricant involved, or any other secondary factors to consider.

Long story short – when it comes to sexual expectations, a lot of people don’t consider the average amount of time it takes to have sex and therefore there’s a lot of pressure on men to perform. And short of using things like Fleshlights and masturbation toys to train us to last longer – there’s not a real lot we can do. Or… is there? There are actually a wide variety of products on the market that are designed to help men last longer and there’s big money in this industry as it preys upon the vulnerable that feel inadequate that their sex isn’t lasting as long as they’d like.

Some of these products don’t work – so how can you separate the good and the bad?

Well, that’s where Boss Homme Delay Spray comes in. Firstly, I’d like to thank them for the product which they have provided in exchange for an honest and open review.

I’ve never been a fan of performance enhancing products. It’s hard to know whether they work, whether it’s a placebo and what they’re actually doing to the body – so I walked into writing this review a massive sceptic. That’s not to say as a result of this review that there’s been a miraculous change and I wouldn’t recommend anything else and this is the only product that I’m going to use forever and for always, but I will say that through this review I have learnt some things. Some great things, some not so great things, and some hilarious things.

Disclaimer: Sex was needed to fulfil this experiment.

Before we begin this review on lasting longer – I’d like to note that I’m not in a heterosexual relationship. The length and duration of my sexual experiences is therefore different to the study and I’m not going to discuss times, lengths and all that jazz in this review. What I’m simply going to do is to examine the experience of using the product, in comparison to not using the product. I had heard that there are many benefits using delay sprays.

Product Review

The first time that I used this product – I used it during some alone time. I wanted to get the understanding of how it felt, how it worked, and what it was like before I used it during sex with my partner. Having worked in a sex store before, and having used some testers, I was legitimately surprised about the lack of smell with this product. There was no chemical smell, there was virtually no odour at all. So, I might just have overused it. Indeed, after putting on some of my favourite porn and starting to stroke – I found myself struggling to keep it up because I couldn’t feel anything. I was horny, I wanted to be hard, but there was absolutely no sensation and my body simply wanted to deflate my cock. Curious, I tried a quick spray on the tongue – now it didn’t taste all that bad though I wouldn’t really recommend eating it, but within seconds my tongue had become numb. First lesson learned – it works, but don’t overuse it.

Men's delay spray
Image: BOSO Homme Men’s Spray Bottle

After that experience I was kind of eager to try it with sex – so waiting for the opportunity to arise, I let my partner know the situation, sprayed it on and waited a little while and then had a quick wash. I was ready to go. The sex was great, the pounding was great and we could definitely tell that I was lasting longer, but there came a point in between changing positions, bringing out toys and what not where we were both like – this is great, but can we get some sleep? That’s not to say that this moment of sexy time was forced, we were definitely both in the mood, we were not exhausted, and we were horny. I’m just saying even sex can go on for too long. It did take a while to come, and when I did – I noticed that the orgasm wasn’t as great as it normally was (I also noticed this when jacking off – but I was really working that one to achieve climax after over spraying). Maybe that was a little to do with the time it took, but I thought that the reduced sensation (and I used much less this time) resulted in a less than spectacular orgasm.

Spray to delay premature ejaculation
Buy Now | Delay spray for men

I liked this product. From the cute and discreet design on the bottle, to the way that it worked. I can definitely say that whilst I have it, I’ll use it every now and then. It definitely calls for more experimenting, and I can guarantee that for guys that are a little quick off the mark then this will do the job. There are different ways to delay ejaculation and BOSO HOMME men’s spray is definitely on of them.

Author: Stephen Smith – BA Of Social Sciences, M.Ed

Top 10 Effortless Date Night Ideas

Intimate cooking

When it comes to long-term partnerships, most of us settle in to a rinse and repeat routine and we forget what it was like when our relationship was shiny and new. Here are 10 ways that can help reignite the romance and fall in love all over again.

#10 – Date again

Remember all the way back when you met your partner? How excited and nervous you were to meet up at that little place in the city for drinks, for that picnic under the shade of the trees in the park or being whisked away for a night of wining and dining? Why not bring that feeling back by picking a time once a week or fortnight to dedicate to date night. Each of you taking turns to think of something fun to do. Get creative. It doesn’t need to be break the bank, but it should be something new every date. Best not to just make a standing reservation at your favourite restaurant. The idea is to break the cycle of predictability. There are some great ‘local deal’ sites and apps, like Groupon, that allow you to purchase vouchers for dinner, classes, night cruises and massages. Research the local dating hot spots in your local area.

#9 – Switch off

The best way to connect is to disconnect. Order some take out, crack a bottle of wine and turn off (or if that gives you heart palpitations, turn on silent mode) all smart devices, computers and the TV. Invest in a few new board or card games, or dust off the old ones that have been shoved in the back of the cupboard since the beginning of time. Eat, drink and laugh the night away.

#8 – Think it and ink it

Spend a week writing appreciation and love notes to each other. Every time you think about your significant other or remember something that they do for you that you are grateful for, write it down. Put it on post its and pop them where your partner will find them, write it in a little notebook and hand it to them at the end of the week, send it in a text message, what ever works for you.

Loving messages
Image: Loving post-it notes

#7 – Dress to impress

It’s time to dig out the sexy underwear, or even better, time to invest in some new gear. Never underestimate how much the way you feel about yourself and the way you look, can effect your relationship. So take the time to step out of those granny panties and those threadbare jocks and give yourself a lift by slipping in to something sexy and new.

#6 – Where did that come from?

Get thinking about what your partner’s favourite things are. They may not be raindrops on roses or whiskers on kittens, but having their favourite meal ready when they get home, or turn on that movie that they want to watch but you don’t, or bring home something that you bought for them because it reminded you of how awesome they are, all these ideas work just fine. It doesn’t have to be grand, just thoughtful.

#5 – Get deliciously messy

There is much to be said about how in tune you need to be with another person to be able to work in a confined space full of sharp objects and hot surfaces. Trust me, I’m a chef. The more you take the time to cook together, the easier you may find working together on other parts of your relationship.

#4 – New play toys!

Take a trip to your local Oh! Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres and explore the world of couple’s sex toys, personal massagers, love swings, handcuffs and all of the other new and exciting things that we stock. Chat with our consultants who will help guide you to some new pieces that will help spice up playtime.

#3 – I’ve got a secret

Everyone loves a secret! Challenge yourself and your partner to write down 3 secret desires that they have. Then spend a date night opening and discussing them. Be brave, be bold and be honest. You never know what may transpire.

#2 – Where did the weekend go?

Get away from the usual weekend drudgery of washing, ironing, mowing the lawn and scrolling through Facebook until your eyes bleed and your brain leaks from your ears. Drive to a vineyard and stay overnight, book in for a wine tasting, have an amazing dinner, just relax. Join an overnight tour somewhere, do something that you love doing.

#1 – Take a holiday. Travel, eat, drink and be merry

Who doesn’t want a holiday? If you can, take some time out and go on that tour of the US, or jump on that South Pacific cruise, or hire a fancy car and drive down the Great Ocean Road, or rent an AirBnB in the Huon Valley in winter and watch the snow fall outside. Unplug from work and the rest of the busy world and spend time exploring and getting reacquainted with each other.

VIP Interview With William Orban Founder And Artist From WILLO

Digital artwork editor


Body of Art

(Clothing Optional)

William Orban is a Chicago artist that creates digital art based on provided images of people who wish to celebrate themselves for the beautiful being they are. William began his creative career doing illustration and design working with a wide array of clients from the NFL to Playboy. He moved to Los Angeles to pursue a visual effects career which he did for 12 years working on a variety of television shows and feature films. This is a VIP Interview with William Orban and Sexpert from Adultsmart’s health and sexuality blog, which will look into who he is, what inspires him, what he is most proud of and much more!

Welcome to WILLO

What is your focus?

The WILLO focus is to work closely with real people, sex educators and great blogs like Adultsmart to offer every person, no matter their size, age, shape, gender, ethnicity or sexual orientation an opportunity to view themselves for what they are; beautiful just as nature intended.

My thoughts are simple, we are all going to die one day so be proud and celebrate YOU as a body of art. That may start off a bit dark but I believe it is very much the opposite. I wish for EVERYONE to be comfortable with their body and I aim to show that they should be….. one work at a time.

Tell me about yourself

I have been an artist for as long as I can remember which started with a sketch pad as a boy and continues to take me on fun and rewarding ventures. I never had to make a career choice as I always knew it would be creating art one way or another. Even though I was later making art for high-end corporations, the older I became the more I felt I was missing something, so I sought out to have my work make a difference for people more than for corporations.

I have lived in Chicago, Los Angeles, Scottsdale and St. Louis and I am now preparing to get on the road and drive aimlessly for a year around the nation to promote Willo and the beauty of people and sexuality through art.

What is it like being an entrepreneur?

I love the freedom but at the end of the day, it requires three times the amount of work. It is something I am passionate about whether feast or famine. I enjoy doing new things and today for me it is more about finding good in what I do more so than how much money can I make for someone else.

What inspires your creativity?

People, Peace, Love, Sex and Groovy Colors!

What is your creative process like?

For me it is seeing more than thinking. I tend to go into a visual meditative state rather than having a blueprint plan. I guess the best way to answer that is that I listen to what someone likes or dislikes. With that in mind I go into that place until I can feel what I am seeing to get that “ah-haa… that is bad ass” moment.

XXX adult image creator
Image: Willo Body Of Art Samples

How can people feel comfortable with their bodies?

That is often a roadblock for many. I think ALL bodies are beautiful and I promote acceptance of what you’re working with. We ALL have a hang up one way or another!

I worked with Playboy, with both photography and retouching. As much as I enjoyed to work with them that I later felt it was selling lies to some degree. NOBODY looks like the girls in Playboy, including the girls in Playboy! If only I could show the before and after of the original shots and the end product MANY people would feel much more comfortable with their own image.

Today, I am not trying to build a “perception” of someone… I am trying to show real people they are beautiful and worthy of being the centerpiece, a centerfold so to speak.

How do your clients choose their pictures?

The spouse, friend or partner is usually the photographer and they have 100% creative freedom to choose any photo they would like as long as they are 2mb or higher, the more resolution I have to work with the better the end product. I offer photography but since my clients are all over this it is the best option. I accept images from smart phones etc. I don’t require high-end shoots but I do ask for the best quality they can provide.

I always recommend they pay attention to lighting so I have more to work with, but not to over think it. Many images are snapped in the moment and not staged what so ever. I can work with these since I am applying effects, changing the background etc. The end result rarely resembles the original image anyway.

In short, the better the original, the better the final output and quality.

Are there any limitations to the images you will work with?

No, they can be G rated or anything beyond! It takes quite a bit to offend me and I certainly do not care to judge. As long as it is legal, safe and consenting then it’s all good by me.

The majority of my work is individual pieces created for people for their own use and enjoyment. ALL CLIENTS have 100% discretion. I DO NOT SHARE ANYTHING without prior written consent from the client.

Nude picture photo editor
Image: Willo Body Of Art Work Samples

How do you and your clients decide how to edit the picture?

I ask each client several questions such as what are their favorite colors, ideas and a quick overview of what they like. In many cases, they will point to one of my images and say I like the direction of that one. I have had a lot of success with this model as each is a unique piece anyway.

My clients have control of what they want to reveal in their final image. Some want their breasts shown while others want things to be blended into the work. Some want their faces shown, some do not. I have no rules. I listen to the client’s thoughts and do my thing based on their wishes. My job is to make a product they are proud of.

How do you find people react to seeing their lovers or themselves as works of art?

I have had a very good response and they end up very excited by it. Some people are very timid to hang their bodies on the wall and that can be a hang up so to speak. Many simply want the digital file to enjoy and share or do as they wish. It depends on the person and the subject matter of course.

At the end of the day, I want the client to receive whatever they are comfortable with. In MANY cases I have been requested to create an abstract piece that nobody can see that they are even in the image but rather strategically place them where only they know what is actually in the image. It is a form of subliminal placement in a way.

For example, I did an image of a dog in a suit standing on a window ledge. Outside of the window were green rolling hills. The truth was those rolling hills are the client’s wife laying on her back in a very suggestive way. The observer sees a dog in the window and never notices the details of the rolling hills. Once hinted to look out the window they get a great laugh. Probably my favorite piece.

Photo editor of nude models
Image: Willo Body Of Art Photoshop

What are you most proud of with your work WILLO?

What makes me happy is when a client receives their work and they simply say:

“Wow, this is beautiful. Thank you!”

I find great pride in that.

A woman once told me that she wished she had done nudes when she was younger. I told her she’s still beautiful. She replied that later down the road she will look at this artwork and it will make her feel young again. That makes me happy.

What are your price points?

I want my work to be available to anyone. My price starts at $250 USD. I have done others in the thousands but they were very custom pieces. The $250 price point gives you about any of the work you see here.

Canvas Prints/Deliverables

Each piece is created with printing to canvas in mind. Prints are bright on white canvas material stretched to a wooden frame and certified eco-friendly latex inks for stunning quality and lasting durability.

All clients receive the final resolution digital file to do with as they wish.

Do you only work with nudes?

Absolutely not. I work with anything that makes a person happy. I don’t care if it’s their Harley Davidson, family photo or the golden retriever. Whatever makes a person feel good sexually or otherwise I am open to the client’s wishes.

Please visit my Tumblr page to view more of my work!

Digital artwork creator specialising in nude images
Image: Willo Body Of Art Photo Editing

Have no regrets with what nature gave you! Celebrate it!

“People, Peace, Love, Sex and Groovy Colors to you ALL!” – Willo