Secrets of Sexual History!

erotic partners

People have sex… such is life and the illusive “Virgin” isn’t something that is common in this day of age although they are still not extinct. Depending on their age some have had sex with 1 person and some have had sex with a 100+ people, truth is you just never know unless they tell you.

Although we are becoming a more sex positive world where genders are becoming equal, we still have a long way to go, and to put it frank men get away with a lot more than women when it comes to sexual history, but this blog isn’t about equal rights or beating down your throat how men and women should be equal in every sense of the word equal. This is about putting aside gender and equality and talking about how to get over your partner sexual past.

Jealously can be horrible and you might envy or even hate your partners previous sexual encounters, but how can you get over it? It’s never going to be easy to accept that before you your partner learnt and experienced most of their moves with someone else, or multiple someone else’s.

When the green monster of jealously decides to rear its ugly head here are some things to think about.

If your partner told you about their sexual past that is saying something! If they are telling you it means they care enough about you to be upfront and honest, no hidden agendas or secrets just being straight up and honest with you. Honesty breeds trust and that is the epitome of all relationships, it also allows you to be honest with your partner as well without the fear of bringing it up first.

 

Historical Sex
Sex History

With history comes experience and that means all those moves they mastered were at one point a failure with someone else, this means less awkward moments and more passion.

 

The past is the past and unless they experienced these encounters while still with you there is nothing you can do about it. You can’t change the past that is that no one has invented a time machine and even if they had would you really want them to change it? If something about their past upsets you let them know, but don’t punish them for something they did before they met you.

To put it bluntly, you weren’t around! So it doesn’t matter who or how many there was before you, it’s just you now, and that’s all that matters.

The past made them who they are today, and would you want to change that? You fell in love with who they are, and their experiences are what made them that way, at the end of the day life experiences are what make people and if that means they had a past then so be it.

There is more to life then blaming someone else, you may have insecurities I mean who doesn’t and your partner should be sensitive towards those insecurities, but they also can’t walk around on egg shells in the relationship. Jealously is your own responsibility, if you’re that caught up on their past maybe you need to bring the relationship to a halt and go sleep with multiple people if not get over it, speak to your best friend about it instead, don’t stew that’s the worst thing you can do.

Sex is just sex until passion is involved, be the best they have ever had by just being yourself. The best sex will never be with the hottest person, or the most experienced, it will be with the person that understands you the most, the person who is most turned on by you. Always pay attention to your partner, be open and amazing and be yourself!

There is always the “what if”, what if they want to be with that person again, what if they are more turned on by them, what if the fluids that come out of them are encrusted with diamonds and gems.

At the end of the day communication and respect are key, don’t over share to the point where you make your partner feel inadequate unless that turns them on and they are asking for that. Remember there is a time and place for this conversation, and most of the time your fantasies about the partners past are amped big time due to the powers of imagination.

What you are in control of now is how you choose to proceed with your relationship, don’t ruin a good thing just because you don’t like who they slept with 10 years ago, or the amount of ex’s they have had.

The future is yours to hold onto and if you want to be a first with your partner spend the time making memories and new moves instead of dwelling on the past which you cannot change.

Morgan x

Ask A Sexologist – Dr. Stacy!

Ask Advice

As always we are honored that Dr. Stacy, Clinical Sexologist has kindly contributed her professional services for our adultsmart blog readers.  Below she has answered questions from Christian from Bankstown Sydney and Ruth from Richmond New South Wales.

Read more of Dr Stacy’s advice!

Ruth:

My relationship with my husband has gone cold.  There is little intimacy and our bedroom is all but dead.  Our kids are now older and our discussions regularly turn into arguments.  I have seen a counselor but when I suggested he see one or we see one together he says we don’t need too.  How do I get him to see that things are not that good and we need help?

 

I am sorry to hear things are not so good on the home front and it’s unfortunate that you don’t seem to have a partner that understands the urgency of the situation.  I try to tell people that if you have a partner asking for help or to get help, it is usually a dire situation that can go downhill fast if not taken care of. If your partner isn’t willing to do anything for the marriage and you have expressed concern and desire to seek help, there isn’t much you can do other than work on personal growth and start weighing your options of what you want for your future, to stay and do nothing or go.  I would ask him why he doesn’t feel that you need to see a counselor, what scares him about going, what does he think is going to happen if  you go as well as what could be the worst and best scenario if he did decide to go.  If he still says he doesn’t want to go then try to have a conversation with him and ask him if he is happy with the way the relationship is and if he says no, see what his suggestions are to work on things.  Maybe if he sees you are open to listening to him, he will make some suggestions that could be helpful.

What about getting away together for a weekend where it is just the two of you and you have an opportunity to connect and talk?  Are you having any intimacy?  Sex?  If not, ask him if he wants to improve that, see if he thinks that could be better.  If so, you need to try to work on things together to make it happen.  There are many people that don’t believe in therapy or counseling and for some people it doesn’t work because many times they have waited too long and there is no turning back. Sometimes it makes a huge impact and saves a marriage but also, people may be afraid that by going to therapy they may eventually have to make a decision on their future and it is scary so people would rather just ignore and not go.  Find out what his fears are and then find out what his future goals are and if he wants you to be a part of it, he needs to tend to your fears and goals to make the marriage work.

 

Working Relationships
Romantic Getaway

 

Christian:

I come from a large immediate and extended family but to my knowledge not one of them is LGBTQ nor do any of them hang out or have friends that are gay or queer.  I am 21 and know in myself that I am homosexual but have not come out.  It is like a big, dirty secret that hangs over my head as I feel that my family will not accept me if I do come out.  A couple of times I have gone out by myself to some gay bar I know about but as soon as anyone approached me I felt revulsion about the whole gay thing and rushed home. It is overwhelming and sometimes I feel incredibly sad and frustrated. What should I do?

 

It is a completely normal to feel confusion, frustration and potential revulsion because it is something that is still taboo in society and can make you question who you are and what you believe.  Since you aren’t accepting of yourself, you see the disgust that others may see in your own eyes but that isn’t reality.  Loving someone for who they are is a beautiful thing once accepting that within yourself. In order to be comfortable coming out to others you need to first be comfortable in yourself and the understanding that you are perfect the way you are and that there is nothing wrong with being gay.  You are attracted to whom you are attracted to and that is nothing that you can change.

 

What makes you think they wouldn’t be accepting of you?  Do they not believe in the LGBT population? Have they said things offensive? Are you close to at least one of your parents that you can have a talk with? What about another trusted adult or maybe a therapist near you that can help? I do Skype calls for people that aren’t local and I would be happy to help you get the confidence you need to be who you are, as that is one of my specialties so let me know if you want to make an appointment.  In the meantime, surround yourself with others that are gay, support groups, maybe a local place that has resources.  That way you aren’t in an environment where it may be more “sexual” such as a club so you can get to the point of acceptance and self love and then be able to move forward.  You need to have support and you shouldn’t have to lie to get it so maybe slowly breach the subject to your family by bringing up someone else in the media to gauge what they think about the LGBT population and go from there.  I am here of you wanted to make an appointment for extra support.  You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.

Gay Issues
Gay Loneliness

Dr Stacy can be contacted by the following methods

Sex Coaching

Dr Stacy Instagram

Dr Stacy Twitter

Dr Stacy Facebook

Up Your Sex Game with Frequent Masturbation

Masturbating Man

Modern-day Australian men are masturbating more than ever before according to a survey conducted by popular online sex toy brand, Lovehoney. It was also established that as many as 21% of men masturbate with a sex toy at least once a week.  Being called a wanker is hardly the insult it used to be especially considering the numerous benefits regular masturbation has, especially as far as boosting your sex life is concerned. By becoming more familiar with the nitty-gritty details of wanking, you will not only be more inclined to polish your pole more regularly but you will also be privy to a whole host of interesting and exciting benefits.

Benefits of masturbation

If you have ever felt even remotely guilty about cranking your shank, don’t.  Frequent masturbation is far more beneficial than anyone has ever imagined. Not only is yanking on the old chain a great stress reliever but it has also been revealed by sex toy brand Tenga that men who masturbate weekly are 10% more confident in their own sexual abilities.  Research further found that men who masturbate more than twice a week are also as much as 12% happier with the intensity of their orgasms.  If these statistics don’t impress you, maybe the fact that no one can fall pregnant or contract a STD from masturbation will. You also don’t need to make awkward late-night trips to the pharmacy or department store for a packet of condoms if the only action you are getting is from your own hand.  Masturbation will always help you relax, make you sleep better and encourage you to be more experimental in the bedroom.

How much masturbation is too much?

If you see yourself as just a ‘regular guy’ chances are you have asked yourself more than once whether you masturbate too much. While pulling wire for 8 hours a day can leave you in severe physical discomfort and may also be severely frowned upon (and illegal) if engaged in publicly, there is no rulebook that determines how often you are allowed to masturbate. As long as your frequent spanking of the monkey does not affect your life adversely in any way, you should be good to go. If you do, however, start noticing that you are staying away from work and withdrawing from your family and friends because of your new-found hobby it is probably best that you put the lube and porn videos away and try to find a real-life sex partner instead.

How to make the most of your masturbation

Masturbation has evolved tremendously over the last few decades.  Long gone are the days where a quick early-morning session in your room or bathroom with a crumpled up Playboy magazine was the norm.  Today, thanks to a plethora of sex movies, books, toys and general loss of inhibitions, men are masturbating more often (and more vigorously) than ever before. Fleshlights, lubes, shower strokers and ball suckers are all the rage right now and can turn any mediocre wanking session into a mind-blowing, self-sexing session.  What you think about while masturbating can also contribute greatly to the overall intensity of your orgasm. According to an article published in Cosmopolitan magazine, 69% of Aussie blokes fantasize about their current partner. A whopping 58% of men also admitted to periodically thinking about an ex while masturbating. In third place, with 57% of men listing it as a wanking inspiration, is good old porn.

Masturbation Facts
Wanking Benefits

What to avoid during masturbation

It comes highly recommended that you refrain from engaging in any dubious masturbation practices that involve toothpaste, heat rub, superglue or freshly-baked apple pie as you will more than likely end up in the ER with very hard-to-explain injuries. It is generally also not a good idea to masturbate in public, at work and at home with other people in the same room. If you still live with your parents you should also avoid wanking on their marital bed as being caught in the act might cause you to be disowned, regardless of how old you are. If you are suddenly overcome with a bout of horneyniss while in an unsuitable domicile, you should try imagining yourself in a rather unfortunate sexual position with a very undesirable partner. Nothing kills the urge to orgasm quite as fast as picturing your best friend’s grandmother in full BDSM kit.

Whether you are a frequent wanker or an occasional one, chances are you could benefit from a few extra masturbating sessions a week. Next time you are online searching for some quality porn order a few sex toys while you add it, put your lube in the fridge and prepare yourself for more frequent self-sexing that will lower your blood pressure, improve your sleep and boost your sex game significantly.

Love Is Fear!

Loving Fear

This week I had a huge wake up call in my life, I learnt a very valuable secret about love and relationships.

FEAR, fear is something in a relationship that had previously taken on a whole different meaning, fear should not mean you are fearful of your partner.

Fear is actually a very useful feeling within a relationship if you pay attention closely to the reasons why you are a fearful. It is an emotion that will surface within any relationship and it is a crucial feeling, but it doesn’t always have to end badly.

It is so incredibly normal to feel fear within a relationship, as it is normal to feel scared, insecure, doubtful, and not completely in-touch with your partner. Unlike previous experiences I don’t feel scared of my partner I feel scared that the relationship won’t work out, I am not insecure because my partner makes me feel that way, I feel insecure that I am not good enough for him and I am not doubtful of my partner I am feeling doubtful that I really can love this person to the best of my ability.

Nothing is actually wrong, but yet I feel challenges that are different to previous feelings I’ve had. Marianne Williamson explains in “a return to love” that relationships equate to earning a PhD in love. She says

“When we’re not in a relationship, the ego makes it seem as though all the pain would go away if we were. If the relationship lasts, however, it will actually bring much of our existential pain to the surface. That’s part of its purpose. It will demand all of our skills at compassion, acceptance, release, forgiveness, and selflessness.”

And I couldn’t agree anymore, most people assume love means no more pain, no more troubles, no more arguments, and no more fears, but truth is love brings out all these feelings plus more! Doubt, rejection, jealously, anger, frustration and confusion all those emotions show us how much we are invested into the relationship and if it is worth all these emotions.

We only ever hear about the good things in relationships, and we do not learn about the all the other emotions, and when these emotions do surface we become confused and stumped and we begin to doubt our feelings of love. We all know relationships take work, but we also are told that love will always conquer, truth is we are told relationships shouldn’t be hard, but they are. They make you question every sense of your being, they make you question if the person with you is right for you, if you can handle all their quirks, all their bad habits, all their good habits, if its love or hate.

We need to look at the fears we have and invest into the reasons why we have those fears, true love isn’t just a fairy-tale with only happy endings, true love will make you feel the whole spectrum of emotions the good and the bad, the pinicle of romantic love is the aspirations we all have in life to one day experience.

The part I struggled with is that I had only ever been in abusive relationships and that has skewed my interpretation of love and hate, of struggles and of fear. What I have learnt is to never believe that there is something wrong with your relationship just because it seems to be challenging at times. The greatest challenges you face will be within your greatest love relationship, this is the relationship you will question yourself the most, question your partner the most and truly have an internal argument back and forth with yourself about if this is what it really feels like.

Loving One Another
Love What Matters

Love will never be easy. Relationships should be amazing, deeply loving and you should feel truly connected with your special person, but remember there will be hard times, there will be boring times, there will be mediocre times, and there are times where your fear will get the best of you.

Ill let you in on some feelings I have that I have never experienced before in this capacity. As of recent I have been questioning myself, questioning myself as to if I am truly good enough, if I deserve this kind of love, or if all the fears I am feeling are latching onto the doubt and insecurities I have from previous relationships.

Previously my gut told me that if my partner didn’t message me he was not interested anymore, previously I was correct. The difference now is that when my partner doesn’t message me he is busy at work or driving or is asleep. Previously when I felt insecure about myself it was because my partner had made me feel that way with his actions and his comments. Now when I feel insecure about myself it is because I am struggling to believe I deserve this amazing person in my life and I want to be the best I can be for him and for me.

Fear stops you momentarily from being the authentic and vulnerable self that you are, fear tries to trick me into being someone who I am not. The old me would believe these fears and allow it to ruin a good relationship by over thinking a situation, but the me now can stand back and asses the reasons why I feel these fears. Fear is simply the amount of love I have for that person, less walls means more vulnerabilities which means I am more my authentic self then I have ever been before. Anxiety makes you feel that these fears are bad and damaging but love means these fears are you are your true authentic self completely open, completely vulnerable, but also so full of love.

Love over fear, both are such powerful emotions if I remember this every time doubt fills my head, the more I will be my true self and the more love will flourish in my relationship.

Love is finding the compassions, forgiveness, truths, and the peace that will stop our greatest fears from surfacing. What we have to understand is that the greatest relationship is where our grestest fears will come to the surface the most, it will challenge every part of you but it will also make you and your relationship stronger.

Relationships take our courage and commitment and make us work for it, fear will make us understand true love in its most profound sense. I wish it was at this point that I could tell you how best to stay calm when fear arises and how best to tackle the situations of fear when they arise. Truth is I can’t, truth is only you can accept and understand when fear comes into your relationship and be able to step back and asses why.

When you completely put your heart, love and fear into someone, the more clarity you will begin to have and begin to appreciate.

Love is your most authentic self, and only our greatest love will get to experience our most authentic self.

 

Love Morgan

Get Rid Of Those BAD Vibes!

lesbian sex toys

Over the past 2 and a half years I’ve been working in the Oh Zone stores I have learned a lot about the different types of adult products that are available to us.   I can’t even tell you how many there were that I never even knew existed and how much there still is for me to learn. If you haven’t read any of my reviews before and know nothing about me, I am a 24-year-old lesbian who owns a lot of sex toys and a lot of them being strap-on related products. So, today I am going to be telling you all about my experiences with strap-ons, which ones I recommend and which ones I think shouldn’t even be allowed to be on the market.

Double ender strap on sex toy

We all need to start somewhere I guess and the above image is where it all began for me. My first girlfriend took me to the Gold Coast for my 20th birthday, we decided on the plane that we would go straight to condom kingdom and pick out our first strapon together. I can’t quite remember our thought process and how we ended up with the grossest double ended strapon in the shop but this is what we ended up wasting our money on. I remember us getting to the hotel, opening the box and taking out this jelly looking double-ended penis with stretchy straps.

Within 5 minutes of observing it, the girlfriend made me run across the road to the closest convenience store to purchase some condoms to throw over the top of it because she didn’t trust the material. She already owned a few vibrators and I had 0 experience so I trusted that she knew what she was doing and I let her take control of the night. She then told me to put it on so we could give it a go and here came the next problem of the night…. The damn straps wouldn’t fit me!! In the end, it ended up being super uncomfortable for the both of us, the straps didn’t fit me at all and were flimsy for her so there was no support and the dildos didn’t feel that good for either of us so we gave up.

A few months had passed, we were going to give the ugly purple thing another go but when I pulled it out of the drawer that we had hidden it in I noticed the toy was no longer purple.. it was brown… and straight into the bin, it went.

That was the only toy I had used before working in an adult shop and honestly it made me never want to use one again. If I hadn’t started working here I don’t think I would have tried again. This is the reason I’ll usually warn first-time toy users, if you want to buy a cheap toy because you want to see if you’ll like it first, DON’T because then you will most likely hate it! You are so much better off spending that little bit of extra money on a toy that you are more likely going to enjoy and that you won’t have to replace after a few months. Research! Read reviews and look into brands before deciding on buying a toy instead of buying cheap rubbish that turns into poo after a few months… Trust me!

I personally have a checklist of 5 things that need to be ticked off before I purchase a toy.

  1. High-grade silicone, glass or steel.
  2. 100% Waterproof
  3. Rechargeable
  4. Warranty
  5. Quiet

 

Strap On Sex Toys For Girls

I will be completely honest though, I personally hate all types of double ended strapons because they have all failed in different ways for me. Within the first few months of working here, I decided to give the Fun Factory strapless strapon a chance. It ticked all the boxes but it still just wasn’t right for me. It was uncomfortable, every time I used it I ended up with a bacterial infection because of the crossing of bacteria between me and my partner and I couldn’t hold it in for the life of me, it would fall out at least 5+ times during play because my pelvic floor wasn’t strong enough.

Now like they say, you need to get through a storm to get to a rainbow.

I now only purchase straps and dildos separately because usually when they come together either the straps suck or the dildo isn’t good quality. When I want me and my partner to both have internal stimulation I will wear my We-Vibe Sync and then I will put my straps and dildo on.

Sex Harnesses For Lesbians

I have owned the Fun Factory sex toy harness for about 2 years now and they have been the straps that get the most use. I bought the rodeo underwear harness because it was everything I wanted and more in a harness (looks wise) but as a harness it was terrible, there is absolutely no dildo support. Now they are just the most expensive pair of underwear I own.

When I wear my Fun Factory straps I also wear a pair of male underwear underneath because that’s what makes me feel comfortable. I totally recommend you do the same if you are into the more masculine harnesses. They are machine washable which makes it easy to keep them clean all the time and they are adjustable around the legs and waist so even if I eat a few too many McNuggets that week they still fit!!

Recommended hardness brands (masculine & feminine) 

  • Fun Factory Harness
  • Liberator Harnesses
  • Calexotics Harnesses
  • Sportsheets Harnesses

Recommended dildo brands 

  • Fun Factory
  • BS Atelier
  • Tantus
  • Evolved

So many customers tell me that they throw away their dildos after breaking up with different partners. Look, I definitely understand it if it’s an emotional thing but if it’s a hygiene thing then please don’t if it was an expensive dildo!

High-grade silicone can be boiled to sanitize.

So just boil away those bad vibes and put your dildos back in their hiding spot! 😃❤ from Elliana