New to BDSM? Here’s what you should know

So you’ve read about it, seen it in a movie, or heard a friend talk about their experience. It doesn’t matter how you first encountered it — BDSM is bound to inspire curiosity in everyone who comes across the concept.

 

The truth is, few things in the world are as misconstrued as BDSM. Factors like misrepresentation in movies and the lifestyle’s reputation for being extremely taboo contribute to many misconceptions about it. 

 

If you’re planning to try BDSM yourself, we strongly caution against going into it blindly. Trust us. You want to be as prepared and knowledgeable as possible when you dive into the exhilarating world of BDSM.

 

So before you press check-out on that cart full of naughty costumes and BDSM gear, make sure to read this newbies’ guide.

What is BDSM?

BDSM stands for “bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism, and is an umbrella term for just about any type of power dynamic in the bedroom.

 

So depending on who you are and what types of sexual adventures you’re into, BDSM can mean many things. It can be as simple as light spanking, or it can go as far as elaborate bondage and strict obedience.

 

If you’ve always been dominant in your everyday life, BDSM can offer you an alternate world where you allow someone else to call the shots (and vice versa!). BDSM is big on freedom, experimentation, adventure, and fun. As long as you keep in mind the tips below, you’re bound to have a great experience.

Tips for a great BDSM experience

Discuss consent and boundaries.

What’s the key difference between BDSM and straight-up sexual assault? Consent. Intimate activities should always stem from an agreement regardless of context. The beauty of BDSM is you get to experience things that are considered by many as too taboo. Truly, it’s a judgment-free lifestyle. You can do pretty much anything as long as all participants willingly and explicitly consent to it.


A discussion about personal boundaries is essential to safely enjoy BDSM. Establish what is allowed and what is off-limits before getting frisky with your partner, and make sure to always respect each other’s limits.

A safeword is essential.

All parties involved should understand the risks and take all necessary precautions. One non-negotiable safety measure is the use of a safeword. This word, which is agreed upon beforehand, will serve as a signal to either tone down or completely halt activities if things go too far. 

 

Most suggest using words that you wouldn’t typically say in a sexual situation. For example, people want to be able to say ‘’stop’’ and ‘’no’’ as a part of role-playing without spoiling the fun. 

 

That said, choose your safeword wisely. It can be something as mundane as “yellow” or “noodles” — really, it’s up to you!

Be open and honest.

Communication is vital in BDSM. You should be comfortable enough to talk about your desires and fantasies. Conversely, no-go’s and turn-offs should also be discussed. BDSM needs openness and honesty to be fully enjoyed.

 

One common mistake we often see beginners make is compromising on their comfort. They allow themselves to be pushed to do things they’re not 100% comfortable with out of fear of being branded a buzzkill. But really, you shouldn’t be engaging with anyone who judges or shames you for your boundaries. 

Start small.

When you’re planning for your first ever BDSM session, it can get tempting to go all-out. Blindfolds and handcuffs? Check! Dirty talk? Check! Whips and lots of rope? Why not?

 

While there’s nothing wrong with pulling out all the stops, we recommend starting small — especially if it’s a first time for both you and your partner. Allow yourself to slowly explore and get a feel for the lifestyle. You can always add more later.

A parting note

Once you’ve got the tips we’ve outlined above down pat, always remember one thing: have lots of fun! BDSM might sound dark and scary, but the truth is, it’s a sexual experience that’s only possible with lots of communication, respect, and care. Good luck!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *