Needy Women Blinded By Love

I recently came to witness a young couple in the “blinded by love” phase of their relationship. I watched them for a while, noticing that they only had eyes for each other. You know the couple I speak of, don’t you? You can’t miss them. The ones who can’t go more than 5 seconds without touching regardless of passing pedestrians or telegraph poles that would usually rip them apart. The couple that spends every waking moment together when possible, consumed by everything about their partner. The couple that will look at each other like they have discovered the most incredible being in the entire universe and nothing could ever be more blissful than the fact that you get to spend your life with them by your side. The woman gazed into her man’s eyes with such adoration and love, it was a joy for me to watch.

As well as being an uplifting start to my morning, I also found it to be such a strong reflection of how I am when I’m in love with someone. I’m that “needy” woman in relationship who loves to have my hands all over her man no matter where we find ourselves. I am the “too much” woman who gazes into his eyes for almost creepily amounts of time, completely absorbed by the beauty and magnificence that exudes through him. I am the over the top, obsessive, crazy woman who is so unbelievably in love with the person she gets to spend her life with and I wouldn’t want it to be any different.

Woman crazy in love
Image: Crazy in love

So many people hold back in their relationship believing that if they fully showed how much their partner meant to them they would run away. I have heard so many women who speak of not wanting to come across as too much, not wanting to be too attached, not wanting their partner to see how much they really love them. Fuck that!! If I had to suppress all that I feel for my partner then I’m absolutely sure I’d implode!!

I believe the issues with this “too much” women come from societal and media messages that strive to supress a woman’s natural expression. “Don’t ask for what you want because you’ll come across as needy”, “don’t cry or get mad at your partner because you’ll be labelled as the crazy girlfriend.” I watched a movie the other day that highlighted how strong this stereotype is, with a man leaving his partner for the “cool” chick because his girlfriend was crazy (i.e. emotional). Movies and television often shows teach young people that a woman who is emotional is unstable and erratic. Come on people, are we really back in the 1950’s where we’re expected to be obedient housewives who rely on a Valium prescription to supress their natural urges?

Valium for mood swings
Image: Valium suppresses mood swings

So many women carry the belief that if they were to express themselves authentically, then they will be un-loveable. They are in relationships where they withhold their truth from the person that they are with for fear of being abandoned or rejected.

My question to these women is: do you really want to be in a relationship where you are constantly holding back your love, affection and authentic expression?

Or would you rather be in a relationship where you can breathe into all that you are, expressing yourself whole heartedly however that looks for you? Afterall, honest communication in a long-term relationship is vital.

You see, a relationship is supposed to be a place for you to share the totality of who you are with another. To think that so many people feel they can’t be their authentic self saddens me. I’ve been there before, holding back from saying I love you, suppressing how much I want to touch the person (Touch is my love language FYI) and it really is so debilitating. There comes a time though when pretending to be any different gets way too exhausting that you decide enough is enough. No more supressing and no more holding back from being anything other than what you are.

I know it sounds a bit corny but if I know anything it is that the love I feel for my partner is a divine reflection of the love that I am. If I am to suppress my love for him, I am suppressing the parts of me that make me whole and complete, loving and loved. Nothing on this planet compares to loving another human being whole heartedly and having them love and accept you right back just for being you.

I really encourage those women who believe they cannot express themselves fully in their relationship to really explore the truth behind the beliefs. Because If I know anything it is that a person worth being with wants you to be your most empowered, authentic and truthful self.

Author: Stephanie Curtis, Sexologist

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