Loving Like You Give A Shit

You “know” because you decide. It’s love when you do it. All the time.

Why is dating ONE person such a bad thing before we decide to be exclusive? Why is falling in love fast a taboo subject? Why do we need to act mean to keep them keen?

I’ve never understood why we do all these things to MAKE someone want to be with us.

Shouldn’t they just want to? And if they don’t they don’t deserve us. Why do we have to act not interested? Why do we have to keep our feelings to ourselves? And why do we have to date multiple people to keep our options open? What if we just want one option?

There is a difference between falling in love and falling in HEALTHY love… healthy love doesn’t feel like your falling. You don’t get the butterflies, the accelerated heart rate or the sweaty palms like you do when you fall in lust; it just feels right, it feels comfortable.

Love isn’t just a feeling though, love is something you do. It’s an act and it’s something you choose to do. It’s a decision you make moment by moment, it’s deliberate and it’s a conscious decision.

The problem with rushing love

After abuse of any sort walking into a new relationship takes a lot of clear thinking, most survivors are shell shocked and don’t easily open themselves up which can make it hard for a new relationship to blossom. It is not jumped into quickly either because previous partners didn’t allow things to go slow, they forced you to go fast and rush things. Rushing things doesn’t allow us time to be rational it doesn’t allow us time to have a clear mind and possibly having to protect ourselves from someone who has bad intentions.

Throughout our experiences we have acquired knowledge about how people behave, the warning signs to watch out for, how exploitive people act and the ways in which to not get emotionally connected to them. We learn to be able to say:

“Thanks but no thanks, I am not interested”

And we learn to really get to know someone and assert our own boundaries.

And then it happens… Those split seconds that you decided you are ready to give up on the idea or even the hope that there is someone out there for you.

Real love
Image: Natural Love

Finding healthy love and what it feels like

They then appear; someone who sat in the back of your mind for weeks and it feels so right. You don’t get that usual “lust” feeling, the butterflies and all those dramatic emotions you feel at home, comfortable and just in awe of their presence. They don’t automatically fill all your broken holes and damages. They do more than that, they make you forget those holes and damages even existed, they make you feel perfect.

Walking into love is different because you are walking into healthy love for the very first time, it is now calm, peaceful, tranquil, trustworthy, consistent, present, while respecting your space and boundaries, it is genuine and unconditional.

Healthy relationships are all about communication, feeling safe, trust and there is a lack of jealousy. I love the fact that I have no jealousy present. I love that there is no doubt in my mind throughout the day and that I have the full capacity to enjoy our conversations without thoughts creeping into my mind. Being in a healthy relationship means you can have a deep and loving conversation and the capacity to be fully content with their affection and appreciation of you.

What it feels like to trust someone

Trust is a massive one and the absence of insecurity and anxiety is a breath of fresh air. Being able to focus solely on the greatness and depth of the relationship it feels like it truly is a partnership not just on the surface but behind closed doors as well. I know that he will treat me the same way no matter what, and on every level we will work together as a team. The act of love is a beautiful and a nurturing journey, and the fact that we are similar people is so new. Have you ever wondered what two givers in a relationship would feel like? It is a truly calm, harmonious and trustworthy experience.

People hugging
Image: Intimate Embrace

Most of all, I believe in loving like you give a shit

I believe in whole hearted 100% pure love. I believe in being completely myself in my relationship and my partner being completely himself. I believe in always flirting with my partner and always working on our relationship. I believe in forgiving and accepting and talking things out instead of yelling. I believe in empathy and being genuine. I believe in apologising, and never giving up on the relationship, embracing every moment the good and the bad and always showing and accepting love. I believe in verbal appreciation, and non-verbal. I believe in all kinds of dates fancy or at home. I believe that those who are meant to be together will always be together. I believe love is unstoppable and deeply loving someone is always a vulnerable position. I believe that this kind of healthy love is on another level and the connection brings the most authentic part of a person to the surface. I believe in slow kisses and long hugs at any point in time, I believe in fairy tales. I believe in loving like you give a shit, I believe in always putting in the work and showing your partner that you care, and the effort is always reciprocated, not because you both have to but because you both want to.

I never want to be someone who doesn’t deeply love 110%, I want to continue to deepen my love and my capacity to love until the very end. I want to find my eternal happiness.

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

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2 Replies to “Loving Like You Give A Shit”

  1. Very art images of sexuality representation. I like the fact of “loving like you give a shit” I was in a relationship before and it pissed me off really because I thought that I was giving out more love than I was receiving back. It was not healthy because when it comes to giving a shit in love, it is definately important to show this. Without it just starts fights that actually should have never happened. Those fights were really just caused because of the lack of competition of the opposite sex not loving like they should have been.

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