Is Tradition Dead? Courtship In The 21st Century

Old school dating

Sometimes on your journey through life being single for a period of times helps to restart your life. When you are ready to enter into a new relationship the dating world can be quite scary, dating isn’t for everyone and may not always be full of healthy and happy memories.

So if you are tired of dating have you ever tried courtship? Courtship isn’t the easiest to define but the main difference between courting and dating is essentially its purpose. People date for various reasons, but courting has a purpose and that is an underlying assumption that they will marry.

Guidelines to courtship

Despite the fact that it seems to be a very old-fashioned approach to a style of dating it is actually widely accepted and practiced. Here are some guidelines to courtship:

  • Only court one person at a time, this means no “shopping around” the reason for this is so that it gives one another the freedom to fully commit to each other without the worry that the other one will start to look around. This doesn’t mean that all courtship will lead to marriage it just means that the people who enter into this kind of relationship have a purpose of a serious future. The best way to be is open and direct about what your intentions are, make everything clear and be honest especially with yourself.
  • The man pursues the women, this is a more traditional approach to dating a wooing, and you let the man initiate the contact. By doing this you are allowing the man to lead, you are allowing him the control of the relationship and ultimately the future of the relationship, and thus giving you the option to follow or not. Some see this as the man having the upper hand or all the power, this is incorrect, secretly you always have the upper hand because you are allowing him to lead you and it’s your choice ultimately if you follow or not.
  • Courtship is always conducted publicly, with most of the time approval of both party’s parents and often the man will ask the woman’s father for his approval. This is mainly for the family to provide support to the relationship and able to counsel if they see something going the wrong way. This way the man and the woman are accountable for their actions and level of commitment to each other, relationships haven’t change overly much and whether we want to believe it or not our parents sometimes do know better.
  • These days one on one-date nights are normal but with courting group activities are encouraged.  The goal with group dates is for the couple to get to know each other on a friendship level first before becoming romantic with each other. Starting a relationship doesn’t always mean you have to be intimate and loving straight away by gazing into each other eyes. The initial dating should be fun and light in order to get to know each other first before going deeper; slow and steady wins the race.
  • Courting couples usually wait until their wedding night to have sex, although the idea is that courting precedes intimacy, the modern dating age and culture upholds the importance of discovering sexual compatibility prior to marriage. Couples who take courting very seriously believe true commitment means learning to be sexuality compatible after marriage even if it’s not something that happens straight away. Without going as far as this to starve yourself of sexual relations you can benefit from prolonging your first intimate time together and focus on getting to know each other first. By removing this sexual distraction you can truly find out if the relationship is a keeper or not.

To those who believe in courting it is more about selflessness, friendship and commitment rather than the use of romantic partners for sexual indulgence.

Differences between dating and courting

Courting and dating both have a “catch me if you can” phase, the thrill of the chase allows for accepting or declining of ones advances, it also keeps things interesting.

Dating is about catching prey, and there is no gender roles regarding who is the hunter and who is the prey. The volume of the prey and the time period in which they are court has no limit and it all comes down to who declines and who accepts the advancements.

Courtship is more about the hunt but with more of an emphasis on the prize at the end, being marriage and commitment. From the start interest is shown, grand gestures are often shown but with more resistance given from the prey, which means more effort is shown from the hunter as long as some interest is also reciprocated from the start.

The pace of the relationship, love can happen in a moment or over a long period of time.

Dating focuses more on making fast choices and maximising the time, while experiencing a high volume of partners, not just to keep options open but starting off as casual and seeing where things go. This usually gives both parties the options to keep something going and cutting off alternative suitors or to break it off and move to the next option.

With courting there is a joint decision to take it slow or slower than usual, they both take time to really get to know one another through logic, love and respect for one another. There is a great deal of emphasis on compatibility, attraction and interaction with each other, and each other’s family and friends. Although opposites do attract courting is about finding common ground as a basis to build a strong foundation to begin upon.

Date meets the family
Image: Boyfriend meets family

Modern-day vs old school love, by the means of traditions, customs, values, the forming of romantic bonds and how that relates to today’s love.

Dating usually involves breaking away from tradition, the use of communication, the roles of each gender, and there is a greater focus on individual needs. Although romance still exists more emphasis is on instant attraction and seeking pleasure in all forms.

Courting focuses on chivalry and romantic gestures that demonstrate affection and admiration. First dates tend to be more traditional in order to get to know each other and often involve going out to dinner, long walks and sightseeing. Courting is about tradition and the masculine energy pursing and showing the female energy that he can protect and provide.

Intimacy is a huge part of a relationship, but it depends when both parties are ready to engage on a more intimate and personal level, the hope is that there is a sense of respect.

Dating getting hot and heavy in the bedroom really has no time limit, and tends to happen sooner rather than later. There is a greater urgency and desire to discovering sexual attraction sooner rather than later. Focus is more on sexual compatibility rather than emotional or intellectual, the downside to this is it tends to be more about physical connection and outside that compatibility can be lost.

With courting this involves restraint, but both have the choice to become sexual with each other once a mutual agreement has taken place. This is once a level of trust and exclusiveness has taken place this doesn’t always take place after marriage but once a couple decides on their future commitment to each other.  Sexual compatibility is just one part of the relationship that is important.

Commitment is the end goal, most humans like to be loved, this means giving and receiving. We have the desire to feel safe in the presence of others with one another; relationships reveal to us our level of self-awareness and selflessness.

During dating this isn’t for the faint hearted or hopeless romantic although some people do get married from a one-night stand; there is always an exception to every rule. Most of the time one person wants further commitment while the other still wants to discover and play the field, emotions, thoughts and care are not often handled with respect or considered overly important at the time, and then there are some couples who have marathon relationship that either end committed or agree to disagree and break apart.

Courting is a relationship with true intentions of commitment and getting to know each other on a deeper and profound level. Each outing together is to create lifelong memories and determining factors that ultimately find out the true possibility if marriage is the start to a new life together. There are never any guarantees but there are clear intentions and open communication to this ultimate decision, and if the relationship does advance there is a strong foundation from the very beginning.

Happy courting!

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

9 Naughty Assets Of Thick And Curvy Women

Marilyn Monroe's pinup model style

There is more to a woman’s curve than you think. As a curvy woman myself, I only started to notice the older I got the more my body type was desired. When I was in school I stuck out like a sore thumb as I was one of the only ones whose body had embraced the “coke bottle” curves from a younger age than most. While the rest of my friends shopped at stores like Supre, I was in Myer discovering the bias world of granny bras; those unflattering basic bras that you cringe at. Women really need to consider what type of lingerie they buy! My next hurdle was jeans, did you know that it’s very hard to fit into jeans especially high waisted when you feel like your ass is in fact eating your clothing? Incoming, the world of leggings!

HELLO! Something I could wear that fit me all over honestly the best invention since sliced bread, and although it took me a few years I now know exactly what styles of clothing fit and what doesn’t; and men wonder why we take so long to shop.

Marilyn Monroe in a swim suit
Image: Marilyn Monroe’s beach body

There was a bit of a struggle when it came to love, I thought the only way a guy was going to love me was if I was tiny. Truth is, it has taken me a long time to accept that everyone is loved and we don’t have to be loved by the same guys. Some men will appreciate us and others will turn their nose up. That is life.

However, I’ve always pondered the questions:

“Why do men like curvy women?”

And:

“What’s the appeal?”

I mean no complaints from me but as women we constantly see images of thinner women as the ideal body type. Could there really be more to sex appeal than just skinny?

Happy Marilyn Monroe
Image: Marilyn Monroe with a man

Just like with anything there is no black and white. Curves aren’t just curves and guys aren’t just attracted to certain curves. There is a whole world of curves you might have not known about that the male species find attractive!

Prepare to see some crowd favourites and others that just might surprise you as well as logical reasons why curves in general are just appealing:

Boobs

Bags of fun that sit precisely on your chest. There are many men who have a slight obsession towards bigger boobs and women who tend to be curvy have exactly that feature that men are drawn too.

Booty

Junk in the trunk need I say more?

Back curve

That “S” curve your back creates when you have a larger rear end.

It’s a sign of fertility

Larger breasts are always associated with breastfeeding as well and wider hips are associated to caring children.

No bruised thighs

Ever heard of the term more cushion for the pushing? I think you catch my drift…

They are softer

Guys want to be the hard one in the relationship; they want a softer girl to cuddle up to. It’s more satisfying to them than getting bones and elbows dug into them.

They are not afraid to get a little rough

Curvy girls are said to handle things in the bedroom more. Many guy have said that they were afraid of hurting a girl when they were on the smaller side, but with a girl that was curvier they could get harder and kinkier.

It’s classically beautiful

From back in ancient times many paintings were honoured with the presence of women with curves. Beautiful women who were larger, had cellulite thighs and chubby arms. They were all considered beautiful because not only did it promote fertility but it also meant that they were well fed which was a sign of wealth and health.

It’s less boyish and less child like

Many men associate curves with a motherly figure, while there are still a fair few men that are attracted to skinny, there are a lot of men who prefer curves even with a little extra weight.

Marilyn Monroe holding a bag
Image: Marilyn Monroe at the beach

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

Loving Like You Give A Shit

Kissing heads

You “know” because you decide. It’s love when you do it. All the time.

Why is dating ONE person such a bad thing before we decide to be exclusive? Why is falling in love fast a taboo subject? Why do we need to act mean to keep them keen?

I’ve never understood why we do all these things to MAKE someone want to be with us.

Shouldn’t they just want to? And if they don’t they don’t deserve us. Why do we have to act not interested? Why do we have to keep our feelings to ourselves? And why do we have to date multiple people to keep our options open? What if we just want one option?

There is a difference between falling in love and falling in HEALTHY love… healthy love doesn’t feel like your falling. You don’t get the butterflies, the accelerated heart rate or the sweaty palms like you do when you fall in lust; it just feels right, it feels comfortable.

Love isn’t just a feeling though, love is something you do. It’s an act and it’s something you choose to do. It’s a decision you make moment by moment, it’s deliberate and it’s a conscious decision.

The problem with rushing love

After abuse of any sort walking into a new relationship takes a lot of clear thinking, most survivors are shell shocked and don’t easily open themselves up which can make it hard for a new relationship to blossom. It is not jumped into quickly either because previous partners didn’t allow things to go slow, they forced you to go fast and rush things. Rushing things doesn’t allow us time to be rational it doesn’t allow us time to have a clear mind and possibly having to protect ourselves from someone who has bad intentions.

Throughout our experiences we have acquired knowledge about how people behave, the warning signs to watch out for, how exploitive people act and the ways in which to not get emotionally connected to them. We learn to be able to say:

“Thanks but no thanks, I am not interested”

And we learn to really get to know someone and assert our own boundaries.

And then it happens… Those split seconds that you decided you are ready to give up on the idea or even the hope that there is someone out there for you.

Real love
Image: Natural Love

Finding healthy love and what it feels like

They then appear; someone who sat in the back of your mind for weeks and it feels so right. You don’t get that usual “lust” feeling, the butterflies and all those dramatic emotions you feel at home, comfortable and just in awe of their presence. They don’t automatically fill all your broken holes and damages. They do more than that, they make you forget those holes and damages even existed, they make you feel perfect.

Walking into love is different because you are walking into healthy love for the very first time, it is now calm, peaceful, tranquil, trustworthy, consistent, present, while respecting your space and boundaries, it is genuine and unconditional.

Healthy relationships are all about communication, feeling safe, trust and there is a lack of jealousy. I love the fact that I have no jealousy present. I love that there is no doubt in my mind throughout the day and that I have the full capacity to enjoy our conversations without thoughts creeping into my mind. Being in a healthy relationship means you can have a deep and loving conversation and the capacity to be fully content with their affection and appreciation of you.

What it feels like to trust someone

Trust is a massive one and the absence of insecurity and anxiety is a breath of fresh air. Being able to focus solely on the greatness and depth of the relationship it feels like it truly is a partnership not just on the surface but behind closed doors as well. I know that he will treat me the same way no matter what, and on every level we will work together as a team. The act of love is a beautiful and a nurturing journey, and the fact that we are similar people is so new. Have you ever wondered what two givers in a relationship would feel like? It is a truly calm, harmonious and trustworthy experience.

People hugging
Image: Intimate Embrace

Most of all, I believe in loving like you give a shit

I believe in whole hearted 100% pure love. I believe in being completely myself in my relationship and my partner being completely himself. I believe in always flirting with my partner and always working on our relationship. I believe in forgiving and accepting and talking things out instead of yelling. I believe in empathy and being genuine. I believe in apologising, and never giving up on the relationship, embracing every moment the good and the bad and always showing and accepting love. I believe in verbal appreciation, and non-verbal. I believe in all kinds of dates fancy or at home. I believe that those who are meant to be together will always be together. I believe love is unstoppable and deeply loving someone is always a vulnerable position. I believe that this kind of healthy love is on another level and the connection brings the most authentic part of a person to the surface. I believe in slow kisses and long hugs at any point in time, I believe in fairy tales. I believe in loving like you give a shit, I believe in always putting in the work and showing your partner that you care, and the effort is always reciprocated, not because you both have to but because you both want to.

I never want to be someone who doesn’t deeply love 110%, I want to continue to deepen my love and my capacity to love until the very end. I want to find my eternal happiness.

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

Traumatic Pain From A Loving Touch

Intimacy problems

It’s not as easy as you thought, opening up isn’t as easy as some make it out to be, and often there will be a moment you realise that. One insignificant moment that will make you pause and realise you can’t let go, worst part is you thought you were fine; you thought you were ready to let someone in again.

Personal space
Image: Personal space

Truth is you’re not. You feel abandoned; but yet you don’t want to be touched by anyone – arm’s length distance is your type of intimacy.

It only takes one small insignificant event to cause your walls to be extra bullet proof. It’s not even something most people would flinch at, but to you it throws up all the warning signs and red flags one could possibly think of.

But unlike the other times, this time you listen to your gut.

Intimacy problems
Image: I don’t like being touched

The mind’s natural instinct that protects a person from experiencing future trauma

Those who have experienced trauma in any form know the extent of cruelty humans are capable of. Your mind is a powerful tool and sometimes it’s a little too powerful because it will try to protect you from future cruelty and assumes all people are dangerous; thus shying you away from emotional intimacy and avoiding vulnerability.

Confronting intimacy issues with your partner

It’s not always easy to tell future partners that you’re not big on touching and affection, mostly they either think it’s a joke or don’t fully understand what you mean. I mean you can always avoid telling them and just constantly make up excuses as to why you won’t stand near them, and won’t let them touch you for too long or often. Eventually you need to be upfront with them and yourself about your intimacy issues, you need to tell them that:

“Hey, it’s kind of a big deal for me”

You need to respect yourself and not be in denial about how physical contact makes you feel.

Molestation
Image: Molestation

It takes all kinds of people to make this wild world go round, and it does not mean you’re weird or not normal. If you’re not big on constant touching, affection, hand holding in public, etc. Society has this stigma that unless we show public displays of affection (PDA) and we constantly want to be all over our loved ones, we do not love them. I completely understand that being told “not to touch” your loved one is hard and pretty confusing, I mean you love that person and if they can’t touch you how is the relationship going to work?

It’s hard to read someone to know if it’s ok to touch or not. It’s a daily struggle for those who are in a relationship with someone who does not like to be touched.

I tried… I tried for so long to be ok with people touching me. From light touching, from just a hug hello or a kiss on the check bye. The usual forms of light touching perceived by society as normal. Which was absolutely insane, not to mention self-destructive and completely un-helpful.

Unfortunately there are so many vary degrees of reasons why people do not like to be touched and that does not mean they do not like affection or do not want to be intimate. Whatever their particular individual story is, it doesn’t matter. It matters that as a decent human being we need to understand that not everyone is the same and likes the same things. As humans we have this amazing and unused talent to communicate with one another, but for some helpful tips these are some ways I can guide you through dating/ being affectionate with someone who does not like to be touched.

Acknowledgment

This is a huge one! Because if someone is brave enough to make themselves vulnerable, listen to them! Respect is a huge part of dealing with issues such as these and even If it isn’t something you can understand or relate to you need to be respectful.

No means no and that doesn’t just apply for sexual consent.

Communication

In this digital age communication has become easier than ever, but for some reason we don’t use it to its fullest ability. There are no hoops of fire to jump through with this one; all you need to do is ask. If you want some TLC or craving affection from your loved one all you need to do is ask! It’s that easy, the worst answer you are going to get is a no, but as the relationship grows you soon will be able to pick up on small quirks, moods, and body language and you won’t have to ask permission as often you will just know.

Respect

There will always ne boundaries and basically the easiest thing you can do is to respect them, take your parent seriously the more respect you give the smaller the walls will get regarding to personal space.

Build trust

Most people in my situation grow with trust, as our partners respect us and understand our boundaries the more we let them in. the time periods vary but the more trust and confidence I have with my partner the more normal our intimate relationship is, and the more soft touch I am able to stand. After some time when I trust someone wholly my anxiety begins to subside and every touch be it a soft touch or intimate touch doesn’t emotionally drain me anymore. It more than often becomes something I enjoy and welcome to its fullest capacity but still within those respective boundaries.

The main thing I cannot stress enough is patience is key!

Normally when I date my rules and boundaries about touching eventually stops applying to my significant other in most situations. But at the end of the day I am still me, I am someone who values and is sensitive to personal space, I know it can be frustrating for others but I have learnt that even though it is not normal for most I need to admit I have trust and space issues and at the end of the day my needs come first. This is a part of being human we all have our little quirks, public displays of affection can be emotionally exhausting doesn’t mean I don’t love you, I just have to realise and be mindful of my limits, at the end of the day if not holding my hand in public means my partner can cuddle up to me on the lounge at home I know which I would sacrifice.

Pick and choose your battles.

Don’t ever give up on yourself, never feel ashamed and never let anyone make you feel ashamed, everyone has boundaries but if your anything like me they are just a little bigger than others.

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

Pregnant From A Drop Of Precum!

Pregnancy testing

I love the moments when you can shock someone and prove him or her wrong when they are so hell bent on being correct themselves. That ha! moment when something has ACTUALLY happened to you that everyone else says can’t or won’t happen!

I fell pregnant from precum. Yes, that elusive substance that trickles out of the penis before the big moment that many women think “pfft… that won’t make me pregnant”. HELLO! It can and although there is not a high chance it can definitely happen!

Precum droplets
Image: Precum

So here are the facts about precum

As one of life’s questions is the battle between yes and no when it comes to the age old question “can you get pregnant from precum?”

Pre-ejaculate and ejaculate are both fluids that exit from a man’s penis, but they are not the same; they both have different functions and differ in their compositions.

The fluid that comes from the prostate and seminal vesicles contains sperm and is called ejaculate which is also known as cum. It is thicker in consistency, high in volume, and usually comes in the colour range of white, grey or yellow.

However, the thinner mucous creation that comes from multiple glands throughout the reproductive system is called precum or pre ejaculate and comes at the first signs of arousal. Its mission if it chooses to accept is to wash away all urine out of the urethra while also providing some added lubrication during sex, but does it contain sperm?

Precum diagram
Image: Precum meme

A study was taken where 27 men were asked to masturbate five times into a cup.

The study revealed that 11 out of the 27 men had sperm present in their pre ejaculate fluid, and the others had none. Basically although it is rare and technically pre ejaculate isn’t meant to contain sperm it can. Doctors think that either some sperm makes its way out during precum or that it picks up some as it moves down the pipeline. What they can be certain about is that there is a lot less sperm present in precum but it’s still not a gamble you should take if you are trying to avoid pregnancy.

So the answer to this question is YES!

Man genitals diagram
Image: Naked man diagram

Practicing safe sex

The riskiest factor is that men have no control over pre ejaculate, unlike its fluidly cousin ejaculate. Unlike an orgasm pre ejaculate can happen without any warning, which means before you have the chance to put on a condom it’s already happened.

If you are trying to avoid falling pregnant the best thing you can do is to wear a high-quality condom the entire time you are having sex, not just at the end when you’re about to cum. This means BEFORE any penis to vagina contact, because unlike another myth sperm does not die when it comes in contact with the air.

Did you know these fun facts about sperm?

Because sperm is so fun I mean check out the little guys, I felt the need to research a little more about these odd secretions.

  • Abnormal sperm is actually completely normal! Who thought that being different was actually the norm, but here in the world of sperm 90% is considered deformed. Two heads, two tails, pin-heads, huge heads, coiled tails etc
  • Often when you feel like you are drowning in cum and there is just way too much to swallow, or you feel like you have been covered head to toe! There is only actually about half a teaspoon, so for all those over dramatic princesses out there it’s not as bad as you think.
  • I have often wonder why men are so competitive but it seems this is a norm from before birth. Only one sperm can win but it seems competition is an understatement with 200 million competitors swimming their little DNA filled hearts out to penetrate your egg!
  • Unlike eggs in a female, sperm never stops! Women are born with all the eggs they will ever get in their lifetime, but sperm keeps going and going and going and going. Men produce sperm all day every day. Mind you as the years go on they start to enter into part-time production and become a bit lazy but yet they keep on producing until their last breath.
  • Unlike other parts of the body sperm are actually tiny, I mean like microscopic tiny! Usually about 50 micrometers from head to tail. Although they are tiny, they sure are mighty and if you laid all the sperm from one ejaculation in a line they would stretch to about 9.6 meters!
  • And finally my last fun fact is that sperm isn’t always the smartest tool in the shed. They definitely know how to whip their tails but when it comes to swimming they don’t always end up where they want. They have a hard time swimming in a straight line, half of them tend to swim in circles or bob around.

The moral of the story is that there are a lot of myths about sperm so read up, and enjoy the journey! You never know what’s true! Be sure to also check out a guide on contraception if you would like more information on practicing safe sex.

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.