Love Is Fear!

This week I had a huge wake up call in my life, I learnt a very valuable secret about love and relationships.

FEAR, fear is something in a relationship that had previously taken on a whole different meaning, fear should not mean you are fearful of your partner.

Fear is actually a very useful feeling within a relationship if you pay attention closely to the reasons why you are a fearful. It is an emotion that will surface within any relationship and it is a crucial feeling, but it doesn’t always have to end badly.

It is so incredibly normal to feel fear within a relationship, as it is normal to feel scared, insecure, doubtful, and not completely in-touch with your partner. Unlike previous experiences I don’t feel scared of my partner I feel scared that the relationship won’t work out, I am not insecure because my partner makes me feel that way, I feel insecure that I am not good enough for him and I am not doubtful of my partner I am feeling doubtful that I really can love this person to the best of my ability.

Nothing is actually wrong, but yet I feel challenges that are different to previous feelings I’ve had. Marianne Williamson explains in “a return to love” that relationships equate to earning a PhD in love. She says

“When we’re not in a relationship, the ego makes it seem as though all the pain would go away if we were. If the relationship lasts, however, it will actually bring much of our existential pain to the surface. That’s part of its purpose. It will demand all of our skills at compassion, acceptance, release, forgiveness, and selflessness.”

And I couldn’t agree anymore, most people assume love means no more pain, no more troubles, no more arguments, and no more fears, but truth is love brings out all these feelings plus more! Doubt, rejection, jealously, anger, frustration and confusion all those emotions show us how much we are invested into the relationship and if it is worth all these emotions.

We only ever hear about the good things in relationships, and we do not learn about the all the other emotions, and when these emotions do surface we become confused and stumped and we begin to doubt our feelings of love. We all know relationships take work, but we also are told that love will always conquer, truth is we are told relationships shouldn’t be hard, but they are. They make you question every sense of your being, they make you question if the person with you is right for you, if you can handle all their quirks, all their bad habits, all their good habits, if its love or hate.

We need to look at the fears we have and invest into the reasons why we have those fears, true love isn’t just a fairy-tale with only happy endings, true love will make you feel the whole spectrum of emotions the good and the bad, the pinicle of romantic love is the aspirations we all have in life to one day experience.

The part I struggled with is that I had only ever been in abusive relationships and that has skewed my interpretation of love and hate, of struggles and of fear. What I have learnt is to never believe that there is something wrong with your relationship just because it seems to be challenging at times. The greatest challenges you face will be within your greatest love relationship, this is the relationship you will question yourself the most, question your partner the most and truly have an internal argument back and forth with yourself about if this is what it really feels like.

Loving One Another
Love What Matters

Love will never be easy. Relationships should be amazing, deeply loving and you should feel truly connected with your special person, but remember there will be hard times, there will be boring times, there will be mediocre times, and there are times where your fear will get the best of you.

Ill let you in on some feelings I have that I have never experienced before in this capacity. As of recent I have been questioning myself, questioning myself as to if I am truly good enough, if I deserve this kind of love, or if all the fears I am feeling are latching onto the doubt and insecurities I have from previous relationships.

Previously my gut told me that if my partner didn’t message me he was not interested anymore, previously I was correct. The difference now is that when my partner doesn’t message me he is busy at work or driving or is asleep. Previously when I felt insecure about myself it was because my partner had made me feel that way with his actions and his comments. Now when I feel insecure about myself it is because I am struggling to believe I deserve this amazing person in my life and I want to be the best I can be for him and for me.

Fear stops you momentarily from being the authentic and vulnerable self that you are, fear tries to trick me into being someone who I am not. The old me would believe these fears and allow it to ruin a good relationship by over thinking a situation, but the me now can stand back and asses the reasons why I feel these fears. Fear is simply the amount of love I have for that person, less walls means more vulnerabilities which means I am more my authentic self then I have ever been before. Anxiety makes you feel that these fears are bad and damaging but love means these fears are you are your true authentic self completely open, completely vulnerable, but also so full of love.

Love over fear, both are such powerful emotions if I remember this every time doubt fills my head, the more I will be my true self and the more love will flourish in my relationship.

Love is finding the compassions, forgiveness, truths, and the peace that will stop our greatest fears from surfacing. What we have to understand is that the greatest relationship is where our grestest fears will come to the surface the most, it will challenge every part of you but it will also make you and your relationship stronger.

Relationships take our courage and commitment and make us work for it, fear will make us understand true love in its most profound sense. I wish it was at this point that I could tell you how best to stay calm when fear arises and how best to tackle the situations of fear when they arise. Truth is I can’t, truth is only you can accept and understand when fear comes into your relationship and be able to step back and asses why.

When you completely put your heart, love and fear into someone, the more clarity you will begin to have and begin to appreciate.

Love is your most authentic self, and only our greatest love will get to experience our most authentic self.

 

Love Morgan

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