Kinky festive ideas that will be sure to get you on the naughty list

A comical Christmas article.

What’s that?

 

3 weeks until Christmas?

 

That doesn’t give us much time to get ourselves on the naughty list.

 

If you’re finding yourself in short supply of ideas, try some of the below as a sure way off the Nice list and onto the naughty list this holiday season. Afterall, the nice list is overrated, and Diamonds are made from coal. Wink wink.

 

Make or Gift Naughty Coupons

 

A set of IOUs, gift cards and vouchers for the user to cash in at any time for whatever is written is sure to cause a stir. Let your imagination go wild and tailor your kinky vouchers to your lovers needs, they could include a sensual massage, foot worship, anal frivolities or public sex. Remember, these vouchers can be used at any point in time, unless you add in some print. Come in store to see our own selection of coupon books to add to your festivities this year.

 

Hang Mistletoe Everywhere!

 

Mistletoe dates back to norse and viking lore where the beautiful plant could bring back the dead and protect you from evil spirits. While in modern times, hanging mistletoe or standing underneath some gives you the opportunity to get a kiss. A lot more simple in European countries where there is only one species of Mistletoe, Australia; turns out, is the birthplace of Mistletoe with over 90 different species and subspecies of the plant spread out across the mainland. Tasmania sadly, being the only place where the plant does not naturally grow. Here in New South Wales, in the Blue Mountains, Mistletoe is a long red and yellow flower and grows abundantly. Hang it everywhere and get kisses (consensually) from you lover at every point you can.

 

Dress Ups

 

Lingerie, costumes, tinsel and more. Deck yourself out in christmas wonder for a ho-ho-holiday strip tease

 

Christmas Flavours.

Add some of your favourite flavours, cooling mint lube, or Wicked Vanilla bean. For something extra special try the Jo Gelato Range Creme Brulee for an oral dessert sensation like no other.

 

If not flavour but rather sensation, make sure you try On Ultra Clitoral Arousal oil with its already naturally festive ingredient cinnamon that vibrates, tingles and sets you afire with desire you or your lover will feel absolutely electric.

 

Or why not try heating our cooling lubricants by wicked?

 

Festive Pornography

 

Indulge in supporting the adult entertainment industry and buy or rent some pornography with a christmas or holiday theme. Pop some on and settle in with your loved one and get all steamy experiencing festive fantasies, or make your own. Tell Erika on Xconfessions your deepest darkest fantasy and the website may choose to make them into a kinky screen time adventure.

 

Festive sex positions

 

Did you know that there are positions that can have you trussed up like a turkey ready to be stuffed? Sounds quite festive doesn’t it?

 

Lying on your back, you will need rope, or fetish tape, your lover will need to truss your knees up, bent up towards your chest. The same with your arms, so that you cannot move. If you so choose, you can add decorations or lights.

 

Beautiful Shibari style rope can be styled between the legs to mimic a christmas tree and hang baubles off for aesthetics.

 

Yule Log- Lying on your sides, (one person big spoon, one little spoon) Big spoon penetrates little spoon keeping thighs pressed against each other for deep and close contact. Like logs in a fireplace.

 

Candles and wax

 

With plenty of celebrations lending to the holidays with candles, why not try some of our kinky fetish candles or massage melts? Simply light the wicks and enjoy the sensation of hot wax or oil drip and slide onto the body leaving exquisite rimmulutes and patterns along the body. Wax play is a form of sensual temperature play that can be used in conjunction with sensory deprivation or is just as good as a stand alone. Please see our article on Wax Play for more information.

 

Sexy Christmas Card

 

To cap the festivities off, why not send a naughty christmas card to your friends with a cheeky holiday message. Or send a polaroid dressed up (or down) to your lover with an equally naughty message full of holiday cheer.

 

Here are some of our top picks

 

  • Let’s be environmentally sustainable this year and save Santa a trip by being Naughty this year. Merry Christmas.

 

  • I Like your Candy Cane. Happy Christmas.

 

  • If you like my ornaments-you should see my box.

  • I can get you on the naughty list. Merry Christmas

 

At Your Service

Tiffany

Oh Zone Adult Shop Caringbah Sales Assistant, Educator and Christmas Fiend

 

Oh Zone: Proud Sponsors of Santa’s Naughty List.

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