Mind Over Matter: How Your Head Space Affects Sex

Sexual activity is a physical expression.

Head Space Affects Sex or does it? Have you ever stopped and considered the different types of sexual activity that you have experienced throughout your life?

Head Space Affects Sex

Sex is not just sex – our different mindset will allow us to explore different concepts and desires. Learn Why!

Sex is broken down to sexual activity with primal instinct, desire, lust and passion. The type of sexual activity whether it’s sex, intimacy or the importance of combining sex and intimacy together. Then we look at the length of sexual activity whether it’s a quick-y in a car or a long drawn out sensual love making.

The love making session that may begin in the bathroom which progresses to the hallway and finishes in the bedroom. How did the sexual desire come about? Was it through being spontaneous or responsive to your environment and social cues?

There are gender differences in sexual activity including the activeness of the penis, the perceived passivity of the vagina or anus, masculinity with male sexuality, femininity with female sexuality and the gender division or contrast between these thoughts.

Head Space Affects Sex
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How Your Head Space Affects Sex

Research once reinforced the clichéd notion that a man’s desire and sexual response was always in an active state. In comparison to the woman that had to be ‘in the mood’ to engage with a sexual response which was said to be in an inactive state.

According to Esther Perel in her article “Men’s Sexual Desires vs Women” published in Psychologie. It covers the research towards sexual response in women was seven times higher than studies conducted on the male sexual responses. The research reinforced the idea that men were always in the mood. This study placed men under greater pressure to perform in the bedroom.

Modern studies examined the mental state of both men and women in regards to sexual responses. They more accurately examined a male’s sexual desire, not in comparison, but with, the sexual desire of women.

How Head Space Affects Sex For A Male

Male sexual performance is often tied into their relationship with their sense of masculinity. Previous ideologies would centre on the notion that an erection would indicate sexual readiness, sexual desire. When in fact, a males physical arousal is not the same as a sexual desire.

This is supported by the idea that a man can obtain an erection whilst being raped or when a male sex worker who does not need sexual desire to maintain an erection or the natural occurring erections in young boys.

Spontaneous vs Responsive Desire

There is new research with a relatively new concept labelled “Spontaneous vs Responsive Desire” which is changing how we think about male and female sexuality. There is still a long way to go to dispelling notions regarding the relationship between spontaneous and responsive desire.

Below is a table from The Dirty Normal that shows the difference between Spontaneous vs Responsive Desire.

Spontaneous Desire

Responsive Desire

  • Sexual desire feels like it appears “spontaneously” out of the blue
  • Totally normal and healthy
  • Culturally sanctioned as the “expected” desire style
  • May include more frequent desire for sex .
  • Includes desire in a wider range of contexts
  • Feels like “too much” desire, in a negative context
  • Desire emerges only in an erotic context, after sexy things start happening.
  • Totally normal and healthy
  • Culturally medicalized as “low” desire.
  • Less frequent desire for sex – less than once a week in most contexts
  • Include more context-sensitive desire, preferring things to be “just right”
  • Might feel like “no desire,” in a context that hits the brakes

It’s still a long way to go to dispelling notions regarding the relationship between spontaneous and responsive desire with general practitioners prescribe medication for anyone with low desire. A push in the health market for a female version of Viagra. There are a multitude of companies offering pills, potions and remedies to increase sexual desire.

This leads to two questions:

What is a sexual desire?

Why is it considered to be so important?

The idea heralded as ‘successful sexual activity’ is gaining physical arousal through penetrative sex that leads ultimately to an orgasm. This idea has little to no thought in regards to mental arousal through intimacy and trust which can lead to the highest level of emotional and passionate sex.

Both forms of arousal can produce a physiological responses including an erection, swelling of the nipples, clitoris and vulva. For both sexes, there is an increase in heartbeat, blood pressure and rapid breathing.

Does this indicate that sex is being in the moment though?

Head Space Affects Sex in BDSM

The BDSM scene has had an insight into this with the idea of that being in an “BDSM headspace” is imperative to a scene. What being in a head space entails is an altered psychological state which is induced by adrenaline and endorphin spikes that often occur during a scene.

Often the scene manifests into specific actions, feelings and thought processes which may or may not normally exist outside that scene. This practice often prepares the body for the activity that is occurring, or about to occur depending on the scene. ‘Head space’ is a crucial aspect to the enjoyment of a scene and immersing one’s self into the activity taking place.

This is known as being “in the zone” or being in the “in the moment”.

Surely such an ideology can transcend into sexual practices?

Each individual has a different head space that they use when they experience sex, it can lead to them experiencing a different type of sex. Do we consider it, this would explain the idea of emotional sex, passionate sex, lustful sex, primal sex. The variety of different activities that occur.

Could also explain the idea of masturbatory regret?

What is Masturbatory Regret?

Masturbatory regret is the idea that an individual feels shame and embarrassment at the type of sexual stimulation that they were using in the quest to achieve sexual climax.

In BDSM and fetishes head space is something that can occur with any of the individuals within a specific scene. Head space is often labelled by their role in the scene. For example, subspace, top space, dom space, pony space and puppy space.

Porn has influenced our understanding of sexual behavior, often leading to imitation rather than genuine engagement. Certain actions and sounds depicted in porn, like growling or slapping, may be perceived as “normal” but may not reflect real desires. For instance, someone might mimic aggressive behavior seen in porn during arousal. It doesn’t necessarily align with their true desires or mindset.

The Sexual Response Cycle Down Under

What about the physiological and psychological changes that occur during sexual arousal and activity? These include the key stages of excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution

Overview of the Sexual Response Cycle

The sexual response cycle is the differnce between physiological and psychological changes occurring during sexual arousal and activity. This helps in relationships. By exploring the nuances of this cycle it can help in your love life.

The four key stages of the sexual response cycle – excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution – each have unique characters.

Unique elements that contribute to the overall sexual journey, like the initial spark of desire in the excitement phase to the euphoric release of neuromuscular tension during orgasm. The participant then goes on a journey to the resolution stage, where the body returns to a resting state.

Understanding the Sexual Response Cycle

  • Excitement stage –

Serves as the gateway to heightened arousal and sexual activity, characterised by a surge in muscle tension, heart rate, and blood flow to the genital area. One may experience increased penile erection or vaginal lubrication during this phase, indicating the body’s readiness for further engagement.

Transitioning into the plateau stage, –

Intensified physiological responses as breathing quickens, muscles continue to tense, and specific body parts enlarge or contract. This phase acts as a pivotal juncture between the initial arousal and the impending climax, setting the stage for the peak of sexual pleasure. Further genital engorgement during the plateau stage signifies the body’s progression towards heightened arousal.

  • The orgasm stage –

Release of accumulated neuromuscular tension, resulting in rhythmic and pleasurable contractions in the genital area. This intense physiological response signifies the culmination of the preceding stages’ buildup and represents the peak of sexual gratification. The release of tension and the wave of pleasurable sensations experienced during orgasm.

Gender Differences in Sexual Desires

Men and women may exhibit variations in the timing and intensity of the sexual response cycle, influenced by factors such as age, hormonal changes, and societal expectations. Research suggests that men typically experience a shorter resolution phase than women. This impacts the frequency of sexual encounters and the time required between each cycle.

Men may undergo a refractory period post-orgasm, necessitating recovery time. Women can transition more swiftly from resolution back to excitement, potentially leading to quicker sexual responsiveness.

Societal norms and gender roles can also shape individuals’ sexual desires and behaviours, impacting their experiences within intimate relationships.

Research indicates that couples who embrace and celebrate their differences in sexual desires are more likely to experience deeper emotional connections. This allows for increased satisfaction in their relationships.

Psychological Factors Influencing the Sexual Response Cycle

Psychological factors, such as stress, anxiety, and mood, can significantly impact an individual’s sexual response cycle and overall sexual well-being. High levels of stress or anxiety can inhibit sexual arousal and desire, leading to difficulties in engaging in intimate activities. Mental well-being plays a crucial role in shaping an individual’s sexual desires and responses.

By focusing on the present moment and connecting with their bodies, people can enhance their awareness of physical sensations and emotions during intimate encounters. This allows a deeper sense of connection with themselves and their partners.

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Role of Physiological Needs in Sexual Motivation

Abraham Maslow‘s Hierarchy of Needs sheds light on the intrinsic connection between physiological needs and sexual motivation. This highlights the fundamental role of basic human requirements in shaping sexual desires. Physiological needs, such as food, water, warmth, and rest, form the foundation of Maslow’s hierarchy. These serve as essential components for survival and well-being.

When these basic needs are met, making one better equipped to engage in intimate relationships. This helps to seek out sexual fulfilment, aligning with their innate drive for procreation and connection.

Sex serves as a means to fulfil not only physiological needs but also the need for intimate relationships and love, offering a multifaceted approach to satisfying one’s emotional and physical desires. Modern advancements, such as the use of couple’s sex toys, can aid in enhancing sexual satisfaction and promoting intimacy within relationships.

Communication and Sexual Satisfaction

Open communication is a cornerstone of fostering sexual satisfaction and navigating evolving sexual desires within a relationship. Mutual respect and empathy in communication play a pivotal role in nurturing a healthy and fulfilling sexual life.

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Importance of Safe Sex Practices and Consent

Consent and safe sex are crucial for sexual health. Everyone involved should agree. It’s an ongoing process that needs constant communication to ensure everyone feels comfortable and empowered. Practicing safe sex is essential for preventing sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unintended pregnancies.

Is It Important To Have Regular STI Check-Ups?

Regular testing for STIs is also recommended, especially when engaging in sexual activities with new partners. It also helps to detect and treat infections early on and safeguard one’s sexual health.

Seeking Professional Advice and Information

Being ready for sex means getting advice from trusted sources like healthcare providers or counselors. Professionals can give helpful tips on sexual health and pleasure. They can discuss contraception, screenings, and ways to improve intimacy and communication in relationships. This helps people make informed choices about their sexual health.


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Incorporating Sensory Stimulation in Sexual Activities

Spicing up your sex life with sensory stimulation adds excitement and intimacy! Imagine the thrill of scented candles setting the mood and soft music heightening anticipation. Explore textures and temperatures for a whole new sensory experience. Catering to your partners preferences amps up satisfaction!


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