A Real Coming Out Story

I had known I was gay since I was only 11 years old. When you are just 11 years old, you are just a child and you are vulnerable to other people’s opinions. My family had a lot of negative opinions about being gay. I was raised in an over protective, christian and overly religious home environment. My family had told me being gay was a sin, it wasn’t okay to be gay. Even though I heard a lot of bad thing’s when I was growing up, I always knew how I truly felt on the inside. I always felt that the only thing that was going to make me truly happy is to be who I am and to act how I felt. I wasn’t going to listen to other peoples opinions, judgements or expectations. How they felt about being gay were reflections of who they were. What they said were not reflections of my spirit or who I was as a person. I wasn’t going to choose to listen to them, I was going to do what makes me happy. Being gay is apart of my identity whether they liked it or not. I was tired of being constantly scared that one of my family members would find out that I was gay.

I decided to come out to my family. When I came out to my family, life became a living hell for me. The worst thing I could think of happened and my parents kicked me out of my home. I was excommunicated and my family abandoned me. My brothers and sister’s were not allowed to talk to me, I had nobody. Recently, I made a big decision. I decided to change my lifestyle, try to be the best version of myself and follow my dreams. One of my dreams is to study fashion online. My parents are against men studying fashion because they believe it a women’s line of work. As I said before, I’m going to study fashion regardless of someone’s opinion.

 

Drag Queen Model
Drag Queen: With & Without Makeup

 

My second dream, is to become a drag queen. I want to dress up and put on a full face of drag queen make up. When I become a drag queen, I will truly become a part of myself, I can express myself as much as I want. Due to how I have been raised, I am scared of how other people would think of me if I dress up in drag publicly. I am scared of the judgment not just from other people but also from other drag queens themselves. To be judged by other drag queens is probably a bit of a stretch because we are all expressing ourselves in the same way. I personally believe that I can become an amazing drag queen as I know my own personal strength. These days, I always do my own make up and put my wig on in the bathroom so I don’t get caught by anybody. I snapchat my drag queen look everyone online. I know there are going to be people who will bully me but I do it anyway.

I have moved back home and I hide my make up in my bedroom. I hide it because I have always been scared of my parents finding it. They can never trust us kids. My parent’s constantly go through our stuff to make sure that “we are who they want us to be”. I find shopping for make up quite difficult because of not knowing enough information about it. I always shop and choose my favourite high-end makeup brands like Kat Von D and Anastasia Beverly Hills which I recommend.

Sadly, due to how I’ve grown up I currently have a constant fear of being hurt from being who I want to be. From physical and mental abuse, I had to take an AVO out against my step father.  He had hit me before and also uses derogatory against me. I am much smarter than to just listen to the bad thing’s I have heard, I’m not going to sit down and listen to him. One day, I will be who I want to be.

 

By Madj a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre

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