3 Things People Fear About Anal Sex

Two Men After Anal Photo

There’s a lot of fear when it comes to anal play and yet, there’s still much curiosity about it. I was reminded of this idea when a young straight lad came into one of the stores this evening and asked a few questions regarding anal – despite the fear there’s still an abundance of curiosity regarding this type of play. More so, as we slowly move beyond the idea that sex is purely for reproduction and instead focus on the more sex positive attitude that sex is for pleasure as well.  This article is about breaking down the fear of anal play and we will do that by first acknowledging those fears, stripping them back and then talking about the ways to engage in anal play in a safe and comfortable way.

Anal Sex’s Ick Factor

There’s the whole shit on the dick thing. We’ve all heard the story about that one time when so and so’s friend had that awful experience when it came to that one night. This fear is fairly common, and it stems from our upbringing. The studies have shown that when a small impressionable child starts curiously playing with their genitals, and they’re told that that’s a dirty thing to do – then obviously they associate that feeling with their genitals. Some people grow out of it, some do not, and as a result whether we acknowledge it or not, our relationship with sex, sexuality and our bodies stems largely from our upbringing and the way those around us deal with issues of sex.  Our relationship with anal is largely because many individuals associate it with part of the human waste system. It’s an out not an in, is a common phrase which reinforces this idea. Let’s debunk this. Unless the body is just about to pass waste, or has recently done so – then there is actually very little chance of the dreaded shit on the dick factor. The anal cavity actually has a very thorough self-cleaning system which works really well. Yes, there are some risks if you’re playing rough, or you’re dealing with long toys or dicks, but in general the risk is actually quite small. The more you know!

Anal Sex’s Gay Factor

Butt sex, ass play, has long been considered the domain of gay men. There are countless ‘help me’ articles in magazines from concerned girlfriends who are worried that they’re beautiful boy is suddenly about to turn into a drag queen because he likes a bit of finger action. I’m not too sure where this one started, but anal play is not the domain of gay men. What might even surprise you, is that there are a lot of gay men in the world that don’t enjoy anal sex.  In an article by the Journal of sexual health and medicine, a study involving 25,000 gay and bisexual identifying men, stated that over 75% of participants responded with that their most recent sexual encounter involved the receiving or giving of oral sex. Contrast that with 36% of participants responding with their most recent sexual encounter involving anal play. In fact, mutual masturbation, kissing, genital and genital contact is a far more frequent occurrence among gay men.This is actually an issue which is fading over time. As people are becoming more in tune with their bodies, more comfortable in their sexuality and their openness about sex and sexuality – the stigma about anal play is slowly being broken down. Considering that prostate play is some of the most intense orgasmic experiences that a male can feel and massaging the prostate has benefits – then there’s a lot of people missing out on great sex because they think it’s a bit gay. The thing is, that anal play is not synonymous with a sexuality.

Anal Sex’s Ouch Factor

Anal sex can hurt. In saying that, there’s usually a few very select reasons as to why it hurts. One of the main reasons as to why it hurts, is because you think it’s going to hurt.  Consider the first time that you had sex, the awkwardness of it, the way it hurt a little and the way that it might have been over in just a few minutes. Very few first times are awesome, and what happens is they might have a bad experience which tarnishes any future experiences towards anal play. What we generally find, especially with younger partners, is they might rush through anal play for the first time, and this in turn can cause discomfort. Anal sex is not like other variation of penetrative sex. It requires patience, lubricant, and a recognition that the body might take time to adjust. There’s a myriad of different factors that need to be considered, but the main one that’s often ignored – is the fear. The anxiety. Which in turn affects the body’s ability to relax and you’ll tense up and it will hurt.

Couple In Bed After Anal Photo
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Tips for Anal Sex

Anal sex is not necessary. You’re not obligated to add it to your sexual to do list, and quite frankly, the best way to have anal sex is to want it. When you want it, when you’re curious, when you’re relaxed and able to enjoy it is the best time to have anal sex. And, if I’m being honest, when you’re horny as all hell.  This combination of things is going to make anal play so much easier.  Once you’re used to it, you’ll find it much easier to add to your routine.

Patience. Patience is necessary when it comes to anal play. The muscles are involuntary, therefore it will take time for them to adjust to having something there which is not normally so. Lubricate some, put more lubricant on, and breathe.

If you’re really worried about some mess, then you can use a douche to help prepare. But one following the instructions on a douche you will need to wait about an hour before having sex. Also, don’t use that one hour to travel to your playmates house as the water needs to dry up and could end up on your favourite underwear. Douche, wait half an hour, and then start moving.

Follow these tricks will help you in riding that pole like a pro.

Author: Stephen Smith – BA Of Social Sciences, M.EdSave

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A Real Coming Out Story

Drag Queen Love

I had known I was gay since I was only 11 years old. When you are just 11 years old, you are just a child and you are vulnerable to other people’s opinions. My family had a lot of negative opinions about being gay. I was raised in an over protective, christian and overly religious home environment. My family had told me being gay was a sin, it wasn’t okay to be gay. Even though I heard a lot of bad thing’s when I was growing up, I always knew how I truly felt on the inside. I always felt that the only thing that was going to make me truly happy is to be who I am and to act how I felt. I wasn’t going to listen to other peoples opinions, judgements or expectations. How they felt about being gay were reflections of who they were. What they said were not reflections of my spirit or who I was as a person. I wasn’t going to choose to listen to them, I was going to do what makes me happy. Being gay is apart of my identity whether they liked it or not. I was tired of being constantly scared that one of my family members would find out that I was gay.

I decided to come out to my family. When I came out to my family, life became a living hell for me. The worst thing I could think of happened and my parents kicked me out of my home. I was excommunicated and my family abandoned me. My brothers and sister’s were not allowed to talk to me, I had nobody. Recently, I made a big decision. I decided to change my lifestyle, try to be the best version of myself and follow my dreams. One of my dreams is to study fashion online. My parents are against men studying fashion because they believe it a women’s line of work. As I said before, I’m going to study fashion regardless of someone’s opinion.

 

Drag Queen Model
Drag Queen: With & Without Makeup

 

My second dream, is to become a drag queen. I want to dress up and put on a full face of drag queen make up. When I become a drag queen, I will truly become a part of myself, I can express myself as much as I want. Due to how I have been raised, I am scared of how other people would think of me if I dress up in drag publicly. I am scared of the judgment not just from other people but also from other drag queens themselves. To be judged by other drag queens is probably a bit of a stretch because we are all expressing ourselves in the same way. I personally believe that I can become an amazing drag queen as I know my own personal strength. These days, I always do my own make up and put my wig on in the bathroom so I don’t get caught by anybody. I snapchat my drag queen look everyone online. I know there are going to be people who will bully me but I do it anyway.

I have moved back home and I hide my make up in my bedroom. I hide it because I have always been scared of my parents finding it. They can never trust us kids. My parent’s constantly go through our stuff to make sure that “we are who they want us to be”. I find shopping for make up quite difficult because of not knowing enough information about it. I always shop and choose my favourite high-end makeup brands like Kat Von D and Anastasia Beverly Hills which I recommend.

Sadly, due to how I’ve grown up I currently have a constant fear of being hurt from being who I want to be. From physical and mental abuse, I had to take an AVO out against my step father.  He had hit me before and also uses derogatory against me. I am much smarter than to just listen to the bad thing’s I have heard, I’m not going to sit down and listen to him. One day, I will be who I want to be.

 

By Madj a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre

Communicating In Gay Relationships!

Friends Walking Together

In many ways,  gay male relationships face the same issues and obstacles as all other intimate relationships including relationships of straight couples. However, there are some issues that are specific to gay men relationships or that need to be overcome in different ways. Whatever type of gay relationship you are involved in, it is important to discuss emotional issues on a frequent basis. One or both men in a relationship may not have come out of the closet. Some gay men are not disclosed at all.

Two Happy Gay Men

Other gay men may not express their sexuality in particular parts of their life such as at work or to certain family members or friends. In situations like these, a discussion of how this will impact both partners in the relationship is a must. When discussing this, it is important to come from a point of respect and understanding because a person who is not out of the closet may have chosen to do so for various reasons so the other partner must be understandable. If you or your partner is involved in the gay community, a discussion around your involvement should be discussed from time to time.

The following points listed below are some tips to help you communicate better in a gay relationship:

  • Relating to others can easily be with a variety of emotions such as excitement, fear, anticipation, closeness, intimacy and loneliness in one. Relationships are dynamic and can change from time to time. In a positive relationship though, both partners feel valued, loved and nurtured. It is important to develop a sense of trust and a feeling that you can both be understood and accepted and not criticized.
  • Recognize that physical relationship is only one part of the intimacy in your relationship. Intimacy can take many forms. It can be verbal and it can also be expressed by doing special things for your partner.
  • Understand each others need to be autonomous and to make your own individual decisions sometimes.
  • Create a safe place, where you can both express your problems, doubts, fears and weaknesses without the fear of rejection or punishment.
  • Be willing to communicate with each other. Communicate feelings, needs and wants. Listen to your partners problems and understand them. To communicate you must also take your time to listen to what the other person says. When your trying to have a profound and genuine talk with your life partner, it’s sometimes difficult to listen to their point of view when all we want to do is communicate what we are thinking. We’re frequently so anxious of not being listened, we race to continue talking. Unexpectedly, such conduct makes it all the more probable we won’t be listened.
  • Be willing to negotiate around your differences with respect and generosity with your partner. You are not going to get your own things all the time in a relationship.
  • Try to become aware of personal issues you or your partner brings to the relationship and take responsibility for these. Also be aware of the expectations you may project on others and assess how realistic they are.
  • Take time alone frequently, to recharge and re-balance as this will help you to give more energy in your relationship in the long-run.
  • Maintain and build a supportive network of friends and family members outside the relationship.
  • Try to develop the skill to not take yourself, your partner and everything else too seriously. Life is nice, enjoy it.
  • Some individuals have never been extremely open to others in their life. Hell, a few people won’t not know themselves, or know much about their own particular genuine needs and yearnings. Be that as it may, to be seeing someone to step toward opening up your life and opening up yourself. Concealing your feelings behind a shroud of power may work for you, yet won’t work for others. Imagining everything is okay isn’t okay. What’s more, giving your partner the quiet treatment isn’t helpful. These things may have “worked” for you before, however they are all hindrances to having a genuine conversation.
  • Being open means discussing things you may have never discussed with another person before in your life. It means being helpless and genuine with your partner, totally and shamelessly. It implies opening yourself up to conceivable hurt and disillusionment. In any case, it additionally implies opening yourself up to the maximum capacity of each of the a relationship can be.

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10 Essential Tips For Gay Relationships!

Gay Men Kissin in Rain

You know that you and your gay partner have been together for a long time now and you know each other inside and out while working hard to build a satisfying and comfortable lifestyle together as a committed couple. This is love and the feeling of companionship and security that your relationship offers can be like no other. But, life can become crazy and chaotic and it’s vital for your relationship to keep it as a number one priority as you attempt to balance all your other life priorities and responsibilities. The following are some things that gay men can do to their partners that can improve their relationships.

Drinking Coffee at a Cafe

You’ve made a huge investment in your relationship and it’s important to protect it against anything that might interfere with its priority in your life. By doing these simple things, you’ll be bringing more positive energy to your relationship.

1  Welcome him with a movie style kiss:

Don’t give that everyday boring kiss. Make every greeting and departure from each other like it’s your last. Like those old movies, give him a passionate kiss that will make him miss you before even leaving for the office.

2  Sext:

Sending your partner sexual texts messages at random times of the day will have them begging for more when they get home. Don’t use your work telephone. Make sure the message’s having a message warning like “private” or “warning” topics so that you can read them secretly.

3  Date him all over again:

One effective way of ensuring that other roles and obligations don’t get in the way of maintaining your romance in the long-term is to schedule a date night once a week.

4  Make a couple’s bucket list:

Brainstorm together to make a rundown of things you both need to do together as a couple. For instance you could go to a cooking class together or start paddling down your neighborhood boat club. At that point pick three things from the brainstorm and tackle them throughout the following three months.

5  Unleash your inner stud:

Make sex and intimacy an integral part of your relationship to help keep the flame alive. Never let things get to the point where the relationship becomes boring so avoid getting into boring rituals and routines when it comes to your bedroom antics. Remember that sex is play, so allow your creativity to spice things up with different positions and places for sexual expression. Be spontaneous, flirt, share your fantasies and employ seduction. Creating a mystery and intrigue always takes attention and interest.

6  Keep him begging for more:

Validate him through communication and physical actions. Acknowledge him when he does something positive. Share what you appreciate and are grateful for about him. Listen to him when he talks and show genuine interest in what’s going on in his life. Do little things for him that you know he’d really appreciate without being asked. Surprise him with a meaningful and relevant gift that speaks to him. Making your partner feel good about himself and affirming how important he is to you will often create a reciprocal effect and you’ll both reap the rewards of such actions with a strengthened bond.

7  Name what you like about each other:

Express gratefulness through giving each other positive input. Try not to concentrate on negative qualities. Concentrating on positive characteristics will help both accomplices feel more alluring and certain about each other. Provoke yourself to take a seat and make a rundown of things you like about your accomplice. After you both make a list, you can share them with each other.

8  Review yourself:

Relationship fulfillment can be about making yourself into the best version of yourself. Try not to depend on your partner to make your life incredible; work to make an extraordinary life paying little respect to whom you’re dating.

9  Keep the plan alive:

Another important thing that can help to ensure that you stay in control of your lives as a couple is to check with each other to make sure you follow the right plan in your relationship. You, your partner, and your relationship will always be growing and changing and it’s important to stay on top of all these transitions.

10  Collect your fantasies:

Write out the greatest number of sexual fantasies you individually would like to recreate with each other. Write the fantasies down a different bit of paper, and have your accomplice do likewise. Stick them all in a jug. Once a week you can alternate between selecting a fantasy from the container and showcasing your dreams together.

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The Gay Daily Lifestyle

two men flirting

There is nothing like the freedom and accomplishment you get when showing others that you are gay. The feeling of freedom when you can choose your partner is unique. You can eventually stop hiding and lying and you can finally enjoy your life as an openly gay person. On the weird angle there are those people that never get out of the closet and don’t show who they truly are. Although you are indeed anxious to experience and learn all that the gay life has to offer, there are few things you should take into consideration. By following some useful tips you can live your life smoothly. Don’t be a newbie. This means that you are new to this life. And when you are new to something you are nervous and tend to do everything immediately. Don’t try to pressure things and live experiences fast. Celebrate your occasion and experience each matter like its unique.

Gay Life

At the beginning of the new stage, its best to stay single. You are living a new part of your life. The last thing you want is to end up in a serious relationship and not having the freedom to live. Remember also that you are a newbie and most gays out there will not get involved emotionally with a newbie. You need to explore yourself in the gay life. You may need to overcome a few troubles during these transitions, and other gays don’t want to be involved with a newbie’s problems. They have been through a lot like you so this is your time to overcome the problems alone. When you do overcome them and become more experienced, you can search for a gay relationship.

An important thing to take into consideration is staying harmless by using condoms. A newbie with your enthusiasm can act on things fast. It is not unusual for new gays to catch an STD. You may be pure and new to this life, but this doesn’t mean that your partner is experiencing his first time too. Always wear protection and bring condoms with you at all times. You never know what situation can develop, after a simple conversation or from a thoughtless act. You need to be always prepared.

Another important thing you need to consider is staying safe by other harmful things. Safe sex and STDs are not the only issues within the gay life. There are several aspects of the gay life that can cause other problems and safety issues. You need to be careful not to be accustomed to any substances or alcohol. Gay life likes dancing, cocktails, clubbing and sometimes drugs, like all other people. The difference is that you just came out of the closet and you are vulnerable. People are not like you and will not always want the good for you. You need to understand that you are alone in the beginning. This way you can smoothly enjoy your gay life.

When you are ready, you can begin to look for a relationship and also for the new gay men that want to experience their first gay relationship. Bellow you will find few dating tips that can help you get in the gay dating scene and maybe even find your perfect gay match. An important factor to successful dating knows what type of gay men you like. If you are a man that likes sports, loves the gym and enjoy bike riding or swimming, you might want to consider meeting gay people that share the same passion and enjoy the same activities with you. As the history says, opposites do attract so you can permit a bit of flexibility when you are choosing your single gay man for dating.

It is important to know what type of relationship you want. This will save you from the trouble of meeting all the kinds of gay men. Most singles that get into a relationship don’t know what they want from it. You need to understand and find out which category you fit into such us gay men looking for casual dating, gay men looking for serious long term dating, gay men looking for marriage, gay men looking for friendship with other gay people or gay men looking to have fun. When you first meet someone you should discuss with him what you are both hoping to get out of the relationship. If you agree then you can move on with him. If not, you should move on alone and search for something else.

Another priority you need to set, is understand what you want. A single gay man especially a gay man that recently got out of the closet may fall for a straight man. Falling for a straight man will get you in trouble and will break you heart sooner or later, so avoid straight men. The base for any ideal relationship whether you are gay or straight, is friendship. As we all know, friends make the best lovers, so if you want to find the ideal match, you first have to be friends with them.

Keep in mind that not all gay men are looking for love. Many gay men are looking to live their life to the fullest and have fun. Be responsible of your own happiness and do not get discouraged or disappointed if you can’t find someone for a relationship. Sooner or later the ideal partner will find you. If you want to start dating now, you can search the several available online dating sites. You can even place your profile in a website specifically for gay men and wait for Mr. Right guy to knock on your door. Whether you are a single gay man or a gay man looking just to have fun or date someone, I wish you a successful gay dating course. Remember that eventually you will find what you are looking for.