VIP Interview With Empress Mika Dominatrix!

Dom Mika

Adultsmart community lifestyle blog is proud to have Mika a world famous dominatrix with us for a VIP interview today.  She is a half Korean/American FemDom that we are lucky enough to have explain the in’s and out’s of being a dominatrix.

 

​​I have to ask the obvious question – how did FemDom start for you? 

​That is usually a good starting place, haha. I actually got started in this industry as a non-nude, tease cam model.​ It was here that My natural personality and tease-y cam style attracted a lot of submissive men who then told Me about FemDom and what it was. I knew it was perfect for Me and got started immediately and never looked back.

​​You’re proudly half-Korean. Does your cultural background influence the work that you do, and how do you go about bringing awareness and acceptance of your culture?

​I am, yes. Fortunately, as a clip producer and cam model, I have a large audience with which to spread awareness and proper education. However, ​unfortunately, there are many negative stereotypes that surround Asian culture especially within a fetish environment​ that I do stand up against.​​​​

First and foremost, I do have to clarify that I am, in fact, a Dominant Woman for real and not just “acting” like one. I am not sure if this comes from the stereotype that most Asian women are submissive or if this is something Dommes of all backgrounds deal with, but it is a very common question for Me.

I also use My content to combat negative stereotypes. For example, I have several Coersed Bi clips that feature Asian males with large dick sizes. This shows My subs that there are plenty of Asian males with great dick sizes that are even bigger than them! This point, especially, is very fun to tap into.

​Additionally, one fetish, in particular, I refuse to engage in is Racial Humiliation. ​I truly believe that by not participating in this fetish, can help contribute to these negative stereotypes going away (or, at the very least, not keeping them alive) – not just for Asian culture but for all cultures.

I do have a Twitter thread for fun, to feature Korean-pop songs I enjoy entitled, “Playlist of an Empress”. Although not insanely popular, it is something I have fun updating from time to time to share this aspect of My culture. You can check it out here:

Dominatrix Twitter
Twitter Account Mika

​​I absolutely love how you mention elements of consent and negotiation on your FAQ, you acknowledge that it’s important to find exactly what works for the relationship between you and your sub. What kind of things erode that relationship, and how do you go about handling that?

​Yes, absolutely. I think the #1 erosion to a Domme/sub relationship, at least in My experience, is when a submissive comes to the Domme only interested in serving his own fetishes as oppose to actually wanting to serve.

The other common misconception that I find erodes a relationship are those subs that ask Me what it is really like to be My slave, implying that there is a one-size-fits-all. And, there’s not. The relationship I have with each one of My slaves is unique and certainly not an over night process.

For these reasons, in order to handle these issues, I did create a slave school that acts as online slave training for those interested in being My slave. It can be found at SayYestoEmpress.com

​​Reading through various interviews – the word authenticity and honesty keep coming up. You also mention how it comes naturally to you and that you enjoy it. Do you feel that it’s these qualities that make you respected and successful in what you do, and what other qualities are important in this? 

Haha, I suppose that’s true. I think, in this industry, most of the Dommes really create distance and separation between themselves and their subs. I certainly understand this, as there are truly some bad apples out there.

​However, I agree that one thing that makes Me stand out is that I do offer a genuine, honest, real and authentic relationship to those submissives that want to take their submission beyond simply a fantasy via being My slave.

I don’t necessary think My way is better than others, of course. Each Woman and Domme is unique with Her own style and She should do what works best for Her and Her well being and enjoyment. This could be different for each Domme so it’s tough to pin-point a magical formula that guarantees success for every Domme. If I had to try to put a magic formula into words though, it would be for each Domme to just do what is fun for Her.

​​You mention the distinction between ​Domming for fun and pleasure as opposed to sexual enjoyment. How do you negotiate that within yourself and balance what you find pleasurable/arousing to the work that you do? Are they two completely separate things?

For Me, they are totally separate. I am not turned on at all by submissive men nor with any of the Domination that I do. Rather, My Domination and what submissive men do for Me I find very fun, amusing and entertaining.

As well, I enjoy the sexual separation. I think it ensures I remain completely in control of My subs 100% of the time.

​​What’s one of the misconceptions about FemDomme that you’d like people to be aware of?

One misconception that I personally struggle with is that many submissives view Dommes as some kind of bad, evil person. I hear over and over how bad some of their experiences are interacting with Dommes (and vice versa, really) have furthered this belief. This gets further complicated with those submissives that have fetishes they feel they’d rather not have in the first place.

S​o, I suppose I’d like people to be aware that not all Dommes are horrible just like not all subs are horrible. You are responsible for your own interactions. In other words, your experience with FemDom can completely change depending on who you serve and interact with.

​​What’s a moment in your FemDomme career that has really shaped and influenced who you are, and how you do it?

​It was the moment I changed My name from “Princess” to “Empress”. This was a direct reflection of My evolution as a Domme, from someone new to FemDom, to who I am today in FemDom.

​This was sparked by the close relationships I had developed with My slaves. Their relationship really inspired and encouraged Me to simply be Myself fully as oppose to trying to figure out what other subs would like or buy. It made a huge impact on Me, My FemDom style and success.

​​What’s one mistake/learning experience that you keep with you?

I once created a custom FemDom clip that I wasn’t too thrilled about… but I agreed to it because I had never tried it before and it paid well. I also put this clip up for re-sale in My clip store but I told Myself that I wouldn’t do anything like this again. Sure enough, it wasn’t something I enjoyed.

​A few months later, I was on interacting with a trial slave that I just felt really strange about and, for Me, there was a clear disconnect. Somewhere in the conversation, I had asked him what his favorite clip was that I created. Turns out, his favorite was that custom clip I didn’t care for. LOL!

It was here that I learned that I have to only put out content that I enjoy to attract the right submissives to Me.

​​W​hat is your favorite fetish?

​I enjoy most FemDom fetishes and believe I can find a way to make almost anything fun for Me. However, if I had to pick a favorite, it would certainly be Mind Fuck. It is here I can truly challenge submissives to be more of service as well as get extremely creative in My clips.

​I highly recommend My clip entitled Good Boy Reward to dive right in! It can be found here:

Mika Dominatrix
Mika Good Boy Reward

​​You’ve mentioned that FemDomming for you is not a performance, which allows you to better handle yourself. Are there any draining aspects to being a FemDomme and how do you cope with that?

N​o. This job is pretty much 24/7 and not something, at least for Me, that I can turn easily on and off. Therefore, I feel that it would actually be extremely draining if all of this was an act, haha.

​​Financial Domming. I really want to understand it. I get dominating, ​I​ get submission and ​I understand what people get out of that. I also get the idea that Financial Domming is NOT necessarily about taking all of their money and that it is about control. Can you explain this fetish to me, and what a sub and Domme get out of this?

​For My style of Financial Domination with My slaves, I use it an important foundation of submission to Me.

They are using something (money) that could have benefited themselves and instead chose for it to benefit Me. There is hardly a greater form of submission in My opinion.

​With My slaves, W/we go over budgeting together (which is also apart of the SayYesToEmpress.com e-course) to ensure their money is used most effectively to sustain themselves and their life goals as well as their servitude to Me. ​

​​You offer a dick rating service – what can people expect from submitting their dick to you?

​I do, haha, almost by necessity as there are so many submissives interested in My thoughts about their “package”. ​I offer 2 dick ratings, a basic one or a premium one. The basic one is My rating and a few comments. The premium one includes My rating with a more in-depth explanation.

The ratings, along with many other items, are available on My store: EmpressMika.com/store

You also run DommeSource.com. What is this and how does this benefit the FemDom community? 

I do, yes.

Back when I started in FemDom, there weren’t really any resources to turn to so that inspired Me to create DommeSource. It is the ultimate resource site for both online Dommes and subs.

It’s my hope that it helps newer Dommes get started as well as newer subs to have a better idea of what submission is. I also hope it helps bridge the gap between Dommes and subs so that the right subs can find the right Domme.

Mika Talks
VIP Interview Mika

​​Final words and thoughts on FemDomme that you’d like people to know?

​FemDom is getting more and more popular! 🙂 ​I’m happy to see more and more people trying it out and invite you to do the same if you haven’t already.

Thanks for having Me!

If you want more details about Mika why not check her out at her website –

Mika dominatrix site
Mika Online

Stephen is a cis-gendered gay male who spends far too much time with his two cats and eating tim tams. A self-identified sex-positive advocate he cares deeply about gender equality, disabilities, sexual education and social issues. Opinionated and bold he isn’t afraid to speak his mind and say what others won’t. With a yearning for knowledge and experience in all things relating to sex, he is a prolific writer that has developed the content for a myriad of informative Sexual Health and Wellness websites.

Stephen’s articles and writings tends to focus on social issues, sexual education, queer issues and all things fetish and absurd. He comes qualified with the completion of a double Bachelor degree in Social Sciences and literature, and a Masters in Education.

VIP Interview With Steve Callow – Perfect Fit Brand!

Buck and Steve

Today we’re here with Steve, Owner of the Perfect Fit Brand. I have to say that I’ve used several Perfect Fit toys, and they remain in my sex toy box as some of the most comfortable, most fun toys that I’ve ever had the pleasure of using. The first time I got my hands on one of your products was game changing, and I haven’t looked back since. Your company has a unique and inclusive approach to sex and pleasure and you really embrace a sex positive attitude which I think is exactly what we need moving forward in today’s society when it comes to sex and pleasure.

Your products have been featured in Men’s Health, Esquire, Cosmopolitan, Huffington Post, The Advocate, Forbes, Askmen, VICE  to name a few media channels and are the winners of many adult awards.

You’ll have to excuse me as I need to start with the obvious question – how did Perfect Fit start?

First of all, thank you for having tried our products and I’m thrilled that you had such a positive experience. We have really been very fortunate with our material development, there is always luck involved, and though even after 8 years of production, there are still doubters that TPR and silicone can be blended.  We did this in 2010 and have been able to develop one of the industries most revered materials.  The blending of these two materials created a wonderfully soft and stretchy material that has become the foundation for almost all of our innovations. 

Perfect Fit Brand Inc. (“PFB”) is the successor to my first venture, StreemMaster.  StreemMaster was an enema products company and was my first invention.  It was also my first time ever trying something in this industry.  I really had absolutely no industry experience other than being an avid sex toy products consumer.  I wish I could say that first company was a huge success for me personally, it wasn’t, in fact I lost all my savings on it.  But what I lost in money did convert into knowledge and a good reputation.  I had many supporters and fans, and this enabled to start a new venture, and that is this company PFB.  PFB had one success after another and has been an exciting ride, one which I am very grateful for.  Many thanks to all my supporters and the industry folks who helped me get my second start.

As sex toys become mainstream, and their use is brought out into the open and not so much behind closed doors, what do you think makes your products different?

As we mature and evolve, it is clear that many of our innovations and our general philosophy has been towards improving sexual experiences.  Though we didn’t identify as a Sexual Wellness company years ago, our products and actions did.  Today, we really think of ourselves as company that can actually help individuals discover their sexuality and we identify as a “sexual wellness” company more than that of a sex toy company.

One of our first examples of this is our Ergoflo™ Pro, the low-pressure shower-driven enema kit which is far superior to a metal shower hose.  This product is an evolution of my StreemMaster invention.  Not only does it clean you better, but it is also much less stressful on the body and much faster to use.  The number of customers that have written me over the last 13 years exclaiming how this has improved their sex life is beyond my imagination. 

The most recent example is the Buck Angel® collaboration.  When Buck approached me a few years ago, it was shocking to me that in this day and age there was still such major gaps in sexual wellness offerings.  I know you have questions on this further on but let me just say that this is one of the highlights of my career, working with such an amazing man, and having such a huge impact on the lives of some people. 

The sex industry is moving towards sex positivity, openness and transparency. Yet, at the end of the day the industry is a commercial business, it needs to make money in order to be viable. What are some (if any) of the challenges, sacrifices that you’ve had when it comes to the idea of creating toys for pleasure vs business?

I love this question because it allows me to say something that I think needs to be said.  Not all products are developed to make money.  In our company, we develop products because they need to be developed.  Of course, we can cite the many examples of where Buck’s sex toy idea was turned down by our competitors because they didn’t see the financial upside, but these companies are also known to only be in it for the “buck” not the Buck! (LOL, that was a bad pun.)  But as a company that really believes in the importance of inclusivity, you can’t put the dollar ahead of the needs of people.  We have other examples of our commitment to this philosophy.  For instance, we make 14 sizes of cock rings – we make the smallest and the biggest on the market, and we will make more sizes if anyone needs them.  Our competitors usually only make 3 sizes! We make these 0.1” increments because human penises don’t grow in 0.25” (or ¾” circumference) increments!

But the funny thing is, that we have actually made a profit to share with Buck on the development of his line of products.  Perhaps it was because it was the world’s first line of the FTM toys, with many innovations, and no doubt because it was Buck’s brainchild and has his name on it.  This proves that even a smaller demographic can generate enough revenue to make a very specialized product viable financially.  But we seriously did not expect this, and it has been a wonderful turn of events.

Perfect Fit Brand
Steve Perfect Fit

(Perfect Fit Brand CEO Steve Callow with the XBIZ 2018 “LGBT Pleasure Products Company of the Year” Award and previous awards from XBIZ, AVN, and East Coast News. Photo courtesy of Perfect Fit Brand.)

 

A lot of your toys and gear are grounded in the idea of enhancing sex and pleasure and not replacing it, how important is breaking down the stigma of sexual health towards sex toys and pleasure to you, and how will you continue tackling this?

Regarding your first point, I guess I’ve never quite thought of it this way. 

Certainly, we believe that our products require education in many cases, even seasoned industry people often tilt their head when they first see one our new products. 

Honestly, I don’t really face any stigma from people, if they have some then I just move on to people who don’t; PFB loves to keep information flowing outward.  People will choose to read it or not.  We know our values, and if people don’t agree with them, we don’t spend our energy trying to change theirs, that is beyond our scope of work.  If it was our job I’d be answering to negative people all day long!  Positive people always will see the reason to make other people happy and bring good to the world.

What makes a good sex toy in your opinion?

We spend a lot of time in design.  Often it starts as an idea while I’m doing some sort of exercise, that seems to be my most creative element.  Also, when I talk to really creative people, and I have some incredibly creative people in my close circle, ideas seem to gel much faster and evolve into even better concepts. 

A good idea is an original design that has a purpose or will provide a pleasure that another toy can’t for an individual.  It could be as simple as stylistic change that appeals to someone, or a functional change like, size, angle, proportion, hardness, etc. that is not currently offered.  I love innovation. Many of our designs have started completely new categories in the industry.  That makes me proud.  I’ve seen some great innovations in this industry, like the BathMate penis enlargement products, dual density dildos (we actually made perhaps the first dual density product when we launched the Real Boy), our anal Armour Tug Lock products, the Aneros prostate stimulator products, and the Womanizer are great examples.

What I have little respect for are knock-offs of my designs that offer no added improvement, or, of course, ones that are in patent infringement.  Otherwise I think there can never be too many choices for consumers.  I know I have broad taste, but I also know what I like.

What’s your go to comfort food?

Definitely Ice Cream – Häagen-Dazs Pralines and Cream, or any Häagen-Dazs flavour with a vanilla base, though I also love a good old burger and fries if dinner time.  I try to be a really healthy person in general–I work out 7 days a week, always watch what I eat–so these are very nice treats for me!

Sex toys are often geared towards mainstream cis-gendered and able-bodied persons, you recently joined forces with the acclaimed Buck Angel who has created a range of FTM sex toys. Buck had been refused so many times before coming to you, what led you to taking up his toys?

When Jen Laws, one of our employees mentioned he knew Buck had been scouting around for toy maker and setup a call with Buck and myself.  I don’t think it was even 15 minutes long.  When Buck told me no one had ever made an FTM toy, I immediately said, “We are in!”  And a week later I was on a plane to LA for our first meeting.  We developed the toy in just a few months. 

There a few reasons why I said yes immediately.  The first is a personal reason.  When I was a young gay man, maybe 21 years old, I shopped for my first toy.  I discovered that there were really no toys that were designed for gay men.  I had to buy a toy with a picture of woman on the package.  This always made me feel like I was not a man.  When Buck told me that FTM’s had no products specifically made for them, I thought of how it made me feel when I was a young man.  That really was the driving energy for me on that first call.  But then once I met Buck, I realized how amazing a person he is and what an impact he has on people who follow him and listen to his message.  I became one of his biggest fans!  This product was important to do in many respects, but it was also personal for me and Buck. 

Buck’s range at Perfect Fit sold out of its first production run in a month. The Buck-off™ toy won the most innovative pleasure product at AVN and XBIX in 2017 – that’s an amazing achievement for something other companies didn’t think would do well. Where do you think the success in this lies, and did you expect it to be so big?

The success lies in the passion that laid the path for it’s development.  This product was lifetime of effort for Buck, it was–and is–destined to always be a visible and embracing kiss of acceptance of the FTM individual.  Let every person love themselves is the bigger picture here, and the Buck-Off™ is a monument of sorts to that ideal.

What’s a toy that might not be as popular as you’d like it to be, but that you’re the proudest of?

I love the Jock Armour and Cock Armour line of products.  These products present the penis in a way no other product does. They are sexy, functional, and completely revolutionary in the way they work.  The Cock Armour was the first ever cock ring that anchored to the torso, making it extremely comfortable and it delivers the most rigid, yet comfortable erection of any cock ring product.  The Jock Armour was the world’s first hybrid clothing concept.  We licenced this patent pending innovation to FortTroff and it was a great success.  Now we licence it to CellBlock 13 and it is their most successful clothing line ever, and a huge business for us.  We sell our Jock Armour with a jock style waistband on our website, but our offering of it never really caught on like I had hoped. But those who bought it write and tell me how much they love it.  The CellBlock 13 Jock Armour is integrated with some of their hottest designs and it is something I am very proud of.

I personally love the Fat Boy Extender Range, the Bull Bag and the cruiser ring. What I love about these toys is they’re not just about pleasure. For me they add confidence, they add suave [swerve?], and they enhance my mindset when it comes to sex. Not to mention they feel amazing, they’re the most comfortable things I’ve worn and versatile to use in the bedroom (and out) – where do you get your inspiration for your toys?

I’m all about comfort, performance, and quality.   Just as you tried our products, prior to designing these products I had tried many myself, and found them uncomfortable, useless or very poor quality.  That is my inspiration, to rethink products to make them wearable, sexy, higher quality, etc.  I am an inventor at heart, as very young child I used to question every product design I saw.  I would wonder why they made something the way they did – my mon would never get tired of my questions, even though she could rarely answer them.  It was a very natural thing for me, so I definitely found my destined career path.  My dad was a very ingenious engineer, developing aerofoils and even rocket engines for National Defence.  I undoubtedly inherited some design talent from him.  Thank you for your support, I love hearing what you wrote!!!!

What’s something not everyone knows about you?

Well having after all these great questions, I may be running out of things now.  Well, I love dogs.  I have recently rescued a 9-month old Red Siberian Husky from the Humane Society.  This happens to be my third Red Siberian Husky with blue eyes, all rescued from the same place.  These are very rare dogs to find in Florida, and in every case, there happened to be one there the first day I started to look for another dog.  I know they are meant to be part of my life because of that.  I never even think twice I take them home the same day.

A lot of CEO’s aren’t as visible on the frontline as you are when it comes to their products. Yet, your passion for your products shines through with your range of “How does this work” videos. What’s the driving force behind what you do?

I just chuckled as I thought to myself how much I hate making those videos.  I know they are important so that is why I make them.  The one I made with Buck was really fun, but when I have to just talk about the product by myself I always dread it because I don’t like seeing myself on camera.  I am told frequently that I explain the products better than anyone else, and this is probably because they come from my vision and are my design.   I put my heart into every product I design.  Other manufacturers will launch 150 new products at an industry show, and we may only launch two.  But those two products, I will talk about for three days non-stop at a show to very open ears.  Usually some customers will tell us that we have the best booth and most exciting products there.  So, two can trump 150.

I guess it comes to making something special, I have a rule “if it is not amazing in some way, then it doesn’t belong on our booth.” And I love to talk 😊.

You’ve recently branched out by adding product lines for him and her to your range – any chance of a hint as to what’s coming next and when we can get our horny hands on them?

YES! We just launched this exciting male masturbator product line and we’ve added simple grips that looks like handles that make it easier for a person to use on their partner for a “hand job”

Also, the product has been designed so it doesn’t need to be squeezed for the guy to get enough stimulation. 

I’m going to end it here as I’m aware that you’re a busy person and I don’t want to hold you up from the awesome work that you do (and delaying new products). I’d like to thank you not just for your time, but also for amazing products. I’m personally looking forward to new stuff that you’re bringing out and can’t wait! Thanks again.

Thank you for this opportunity and this has been a pleasure!  Best to you and your audience.

Stephen is a cis-gendered gay male who spends far too much time with his two cats and eating tim tams. A self-identified sex-positive advocate he cares deeply about gender equality, disabilities, sexual education and social issues. Opinionated and bold he isn’t afraid to speak his mind and say what others won’t. With a yearning for knowledge and experience in all things relating to sex, he is a prolific writer that has developed the content for a myriad of informative Sexual Health and Wellness websites.

Stephen’s articles and writings tends to focus on social issues, sexual education, queer issues and all things fetish and absurd. He comes qualified with the completion of a double Bachelor degree in Social Sciences and literature, and a Masters in Education.

VIP Interview With Walker Thornton – Author & Public Speaker!

Inviting Desires

Thanks for agreeing to look over this interview. We’ll start by introducing yourself as an author, public speaker and Sex Educator. You have a book, Inviting Desire: A guide for women who want to enhance their sex life which celebrates getting in touch with yourself for a sexier you, post-midlife. It does this through the exploration and teachings of self-awareness of your body and the embracing of your own sexuality. Your writings and sexual education focuses on older women, which I think is absolutely amazing. Society sometimes has a tendency to de-sexualise older people because the idea of older people still having a sex life, sex drive, and wanting pleasure and intimacy isn’t something that necessarily crosses our minds after having a family, divorcing or simply getting older.

How important is it, and why is it important, to talk about sex and sexuality post Mid Life?

I think it’s vital that we have the voice of older people talking about sex and sexuality. It’s important that we assist younger adults in confronting ageist assumptions about sex. And I find that many women in their 50’s and up have struggled with their sexuality for decades, or are having challenges adjusting their understanding of their body’s capacity during and after menopause. Because of that there is a need for education and information specifically written for that specific demographic.

You have your own blog, and are active on the public speaking circuit. Did you see yourself as becoming a sex educator and how did you transition in public speaking, and sexual health and education?

Yes, I see myself as an educator, a resource and a cross between mentor and coach. I’ve done lots of public speaking over the years, having worked in non-profits for much of my career where speaking was part of fundraising and increasing visibility. I began writing about my post-divorce dating experiences while working in the field of violence against women and thinking about the lack of education for adults around sexuality. My writing began to shift to reflect what I felt was missing in older women’s websites and other sources of information. I started attending sexuality conferences and speaking about my work and how we could expand the field of sex education to older individuals. Online websites began contacting me to write about midlife sexuality for their e-zines and it bloomed from there.

As someone that was married for over twenty years and having gone through a divorce and started dating again, has the dating game changed, and what advice would you give to people that are dating later in life, might feel that the dating game has changed or even decided to put it in the ‘too hard basket’?

I would advice people to take it slow, first of all. Far too many people rush to find a replacement after divorce or the death of a spouse. I think women need more time to sort out what they want to do next—because we have so many options and being partnered isn’t necessarily the only, or best, option. When I teach dating workshops I suggest making a list of what you’re looking for. If we’re more clear about what we want then we know a little more about how to start our search and who to search for and who to screen out. The dating game has changed and for those of us over 50 it can be a little awkward. Is it hard? Yes. And that also fluctuates depending on your expectations. If people start out looking to meet new friends rather than having a very narrow, set agenda they are likely to have more fun. Some of us may want to spend a period of time alone—but many of us are still ready for fun and sex and romance. Too hard is a mindset kind of them, often fed by misleading ads and boasts of how quickly someone has met the new love of their life. While that may happen it is not the norm.

What’s your go to comfort food?

Well, right now I’m eating Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia out of the carton while I answer questions. If I’m being a bit more sophisticated it might be risotto. Or maybe I’d just put the ice cream in a lovely pottery bowl.

Inviting Desire Book
Midlife Sexual Wellness

A lot of bloggers writing about their sex life, dating, and relationships suffer from burnouts as a result of putting so much of themselves out there. Blogs are often candid, emotional, raw and expose a certain vulnerability. How do you keep yourself mentally healthy and have you experienced burnout / how did you overcome burning out?’

There’s a lot of vulnerability in sharing personal information. I had to decide what I was willing to share with a public audience and as a result I don’t share my sexual experiences in any detail. I think about what my audience needs and wants to hear and tend to write to them. With that in mind I can decide if something I want to write is going to help them or is just me feeling the need to share. I write for a middle-of-the road 45-65 year old heterosexual woman and I know that. Interestingly enough many of my newsletter subscribers and FB followers are middle-aged men. My daily journal is where I’m most likely to write more private details. If I’m asked a question by someone who seems to need some more than just titillating details I might have a more private conversation. Because there is less personal content out there I don’t really experience burnout or other issues that I can imagine some sex bloggers do. I think I’m not really a sex blogger in that regard. My writing is a mix of education, personal story and resources. I also write on topics that are not about sex but relevant for older women trying to change their lives.

You have openly stated that you grew up in an era where women didn’t learn about sex, or their bodies. Do you feel that that is changing, and are we missing the mark on some points?

Things are definitely changing. I gave my sons comprehensive information about sex and we actually talked, some, about dating and having sex. And while sex education has changed, we’re still not incorporating the idea of pleasure in instructional programming. I think women need to be taught about their bodies’ capacity for pleasure as a basis for understanding that sex is a mutual experience, a give and take. The prevalent information in sex education, mainstream film and TV is the good old standard, male focused penetrative sex: intercourse. Sex is defined as penetrative sex where men almost always have a climax and far fewer women will report an orgasm. We rarely talk about putting a woman’s pleasure first, or illustrating the clitoris and how women can orgasm. I wonder how many men realize the majority of women do not orgasm from intercourse at all? That women need clitoral stimulation? And that their desire to please a woman has to translate to understanding female anatomy and specifically the wants and needs of the woman they are with.

As people age, their body is no longer the same as what it was in their early twenties. What would your advice be to people looking to still have an active and healthy sex life as they age?

For one, continued sexual activity is vital to the sexual health of all of us. The same old “use it or lose it” adage we apply in other areas. My most popular talk is called, Sex After 50? Yes Yes Yes. I talk about the need to expand one’s definition of sex. At some point for many adults, penis-in-vagina sex isn’t going to be the sure thing it was in our 20s. Plus, (see last question) since most women don’t climax during intercourse, why not learn to find pleasure in ways that are mutually satisfying to both partners? When we expand the range of ways we can climax then we expand our time spent in intimate play, increase pleasure and receive all the other benefits of being sexually intimate. This means that with chronic illness, erectile dysfunction, mobility issues and more we can still give and receive pleasure.
And it’s important for people to know that there are plenty of 70 year-olds out there who have oral sex, give blowjobs, try new positions, have multiple lovers and enjoy kink.

“Real intimacy is a dance between two people”. I love this quote, and I find that it speaks directly to the heart. What does this quote mean to you, and how important is it for people to understand?

Thank you, it’s an experience I’ve had just enough to know it is our most desired way of experiencing sexual intimacy. My best sexual experiences are those where I connect with my partner and we’re both aware of our mutual desire for pleasure. A dance has to have 2 active partners—it’s a give and take. Sex is no different. We learn by listening or sensing another’s body, we adjust accordingly and we flow together. There are plenty of men out there, of all ages, who consider sex as “sticking it in” and getting off. They don’t understand the importance of mutuality, nor do they understand the power of two people equally engaged and actively participating.

When it comes to sex and aging – what’s the three most important things that you’d like people to know and remember?

As long as we’re still breathing we can have sex if we want it.
Women have a right to pleasure. To seek it when they want it and to have a full, vocal say in when and how and what they want.
There are so many benefits to sex—cognitive, emotional and physical—that we should try harder to keep sexual connections in our lives.

Do you have any advice for people who are getting ready to have sex again for the first time in a long while?

Talk about it, before you get into the bedroom, while you’re both fully dressed. If you think that feels too personal then maybe you’re not ready to have sex. It is pretty personal; so is getting naked with a new person. Talking about sex can be arousing and it helps to break the ice. You get to share what turns you on, or your concerns. Ask questions. And it gives you a chance to see what this new partner feels about sex. Are they listening? Do they respect your wishes? Be clear that both of you want the same things.
Talk about protection from sexually transmitted infections. Make sure a partner agrees to use a condom, or to wait for STI test results is done before you have sex.
Have sex whenever you want—first date, tenth date—just make sure you are both clear as to what it means for you. Is this just casual sex or is one of you thinking that having sex means there’s a significant relationship starting? Do something because you want it and make sure you won’t have negative feeling when it’s all over.

Any final advice you want to share for people looking to start their own blogs?

I would urge anyone who wants to blog to think about their audience and their goal in blogging. There’s a different between simply sharing an online journal and trying to write to a specific audience. A little planning is a good idea.
I think women in particular need to be aware of the challenges of putting themselves and their lives out in the public. I don’t get trolls but I know many women do and it’s hard to deal with the backlash and negativity that people feel entitled to throw out at women.
Thanks so much for your time – I think it’s really valuable for people to talk about sex and sexual health regardless of age and I absolutely applaud the work that you do in this arena.

 

Walker Thornton Website

Walker Thornton Facebook Page

Instagram as @wjt62

Stephen is a cis-gendered gay male who spends far too much time with his two cats and eating tim tams. A self-identified sex-positive advocate he cares deeply about gender equality, disabilities, sexual education and social issues. Opinionated and bold he isn’t afraid to speak his mind and say what others won’t. With a yearning for knowledge and experience in all things relating to sex, he is a prolific writer that has developed the content for a myriad of informative Sexual Health and Wellness websites.

Stephen’s articles and writings tends to focus on social issues, sexual education, queer issues and all things fetish and absurd. He comes qualified with the completion of a double Bachelor degree in Social Sciences and literature, and a Masters in Education.

VIP Interview Amory Jane – Educator, Podcaster, Influencer

We are pleased to welcome Amory Jane as our VIP Interview of the week.  She wears a number of hats including sex educator, comedian, event producer/organizer, pod-caster and variety show host.  Just recently she has added a bundle of joy, Elliot, to her extremely busy life.  Thankfully she found the time to answer our questions and we hope that you enjoy reading her answers as much as we did!

In one of your recent podcasts you were mentioning not just the event that you were podcasting from, but several events that you’d planned to attend in the near future. How do you fit it all in and keep your positive outlook on life?

Most of my podcast episodes that are currently online were recorded before I was a parent or even pregnant, so it was much easier to find time for sex-positive events then! Since I am a full-time sex educator and entertainer though, hosting and attending events is a big and necessary part of my career. I am able to fit it all in partly by being good at organization and scheduling, but mostly through having a supportive community. They help me coordinate my larger events or pitch in to make them run more smoothly, volunteer as demo bottoms, or (nowadays) babysit so I can take naps or teach workshops. 

Adult Podcast
Amory Jane Podcast

What does Sex Positivity mean to you?

A sex-positive culture is one that empowers people to explore their own identities and desires with openness and self-acceptance. Sex positivity is about undoing/unlearning shame and is heavily focused on consent plus accurate and comprehensive sex education. Being sex-positive, to me, means celebrating pleasure and sexual diversity and seeing sex as something that can be healthy, bonding, spiritual, and enjoyable instead of as destructive or just for procreation. 

When you say sex positive household, what are some of the memories / experiences that you have of growing up that has helped define you as to who you are today?

In my home, “sex” was never a banned or dirty word and we were allowed to ask questions. There were always age-appropriate books to read about puberty and sexuality and we were not shamed about exploring our own bodies (just taught that it was a private solo activity). I was raised by a feminist single mother and my grandma, and they were both accepting and encouraging of me being a curious and geeky child who wanted to understand everything I could about humans. 

You mentioned that family counselling was emotionally taxing and draining which you attribute to your shift to sex education – what are some of the negatives and positives that you experience when you’re talking about sex positivity and sexual health?

Being an empathic person has some major pros and cons. It certainly made being a counselor difficult and draining. However, I got to have some really wonderful moments on the job answering questions my teenage clients had about sex and relationships, talking to families about consent and shame, and helping couples have breakthroughs. It made my path to becoming a sex educator very clear. Now that I’ve been in this career for over seven years, I am happy to say that most of my experiences have been really positive. Talking about sexual health and seeing how it can change lives is rewarding. The only negatives have come from narrow-minded people judging me and my work or from men assuming that since I’m a sex educator, it means I’m automatically interested in them/game for sex. The stereotyping that comes my way can get annoying, but the joy of helping others and changing society for the better makes it easier to handle. 

What’s your go to comfort food?

Crunchy peanut butter – on toast or just eaten off of a spoon. I also really love pickles and salt + vinegar potato chips. 

What’s one of the most common misconceptions regarding sex and gender do you experience from ordinary people within your line of work?

The biggest misconception I hear is probably just the idea that genitals = gender. This isn’t true, but it is something that plenty of people are confused about or have really strong opinions on for whatever reason. I also get a lot of people who assume that everyone with similar genitals (for example, everyone with a penis) all feel pleasure in the same way or from the same things, but that it false. People are different and there is no “one size fits all” approach to pleasure and sexuality. 

Oregan based sex blogger
Amory Sex Blogger

You have run hundreds of workshops in sexual health, what’s one experience with an attendee that’s stuck with you the most, and if there’s one thing you’d like them to walk away with after a workshop what would that be?

I once had someone tell me that I was their “vagina’s angel” because of what I taught them about lubricants, so that obviously stuck with me! They had been getting chronic yeast infections and having pain during sex until they switched to a different lube at my recommendation. After they started using a lube without any parabens, glycerin, or fragrance, everything improved.

In general, I just want my workshop attendees to walk away feeling more empowered, much less shame, and like they have a new skill or helpful bit of knowledge that could make their sex and/or love lives better. 

Sex is often thought to be shameful, embarrassing and hidden behind closed doors where no one talks about it. How do you make sex education fun and accessible?

Comedy and storytelling are two tools I use that I believe set me apart as a sex educator. Humor helps put people at ease and allows them to have fun and open their minds instead of being nervous and guarded with shame. As for the stories, being candid and transparent makes me vulnerable, which I think folks appreciate. My personal anecdotes double as being both entertaining in an educational way and helping people feel understood and less alone. 

What processes do you go through in your own sexual development and learning? It’s one thing to have researched sex education and become a leader in your field to the point where you can teach sex, sex education, but how do you keep growing and learning from that point?

I feel like I am always learning and developing because I am someone who tries to live boldly and constantly grow as a person. My identity has gone through some major shifts in the past few years, and along with that, so have my needs and desires. I have had to navigate many unexpected changes, which means I’ve done lots of experimenting with my relationships and sex life and have had to follow my own educational advice or seek out other educators in my field. I believe we are all works in progress (even “experts”), and should never stop trying to learn more and be better lovers, friends, and human beings.  

You have a podcast called – Sex on Brain with Amory Jane which is available on Itunes and Stitcher. Which episode means the most to you, and which was the most fun?

The episode that means the most to me is actually the one I have planned to record this week, which is about polyamory and parenthood. Specifically, my polycule and I talk about the changes we’ve experienced as individuals, within our partnerships, and as a community since I gave birth in June. We also discuss how polyamory has been a blessing when it comes to being new parents, and how it has been a challenge. 

The most fun I ever had recording an episode was the one called “Live from the Femme Sex Party.” You can probably guess why that is the case. 😉 

On your podcasts you often talk about people’s sex toys, as well as your own. As we’re approaching a more sex positive society – in what ways do you think sex toys could be improved and made more accessible?

I have seen the industry improve quite a bit from when I first started working at a sex toy boutique. More and more consumers care now about sex toy materials, which means more companies are making and carrying body-safe products that don’t contain phthalates. I think getting rid of harmful materials altogether is the next step toward improvement, as well as making toys that are based on actual customer and sex toy reviewer feedback. I also hope that people will continue to talk more about sex toys on blogs, and in television and movies, to finally get rid of any stigma that still remains. 

Amory Janc Activist
Interview Amory Jane

You mention intimacy and the importance of touch in your of your recent podcast episodes. Do you feel in such a tech-savvy world, where dating is often delegated to apps and online profiles, that we’re forgetting the importance of intimacy within relationships, and if so how would you advise people to reconnect with each other?

I think touch is extremely important and many people are touch-deprived and out in the world feeling lonely. I don’t think technology is the enemy though – I think it can be used for good to help connect people. However, I do believe that intimacy is something tons of people struggle with, and always being on our phones and computers can make it even harder to be present when we’re face to face. I would advise people to make time every week where they tuck away technology and turn in toward each other. Focus on open and vulnerable communication or interesting intellectual conversations. If you don’t know what to discuss, search online beforehand and print off or write down prompts, and then really listen to each other. I also highly encourage non-sexual touch while talking, like holding hands or cuddling. If you’re with someone where sex is an option and you’re feeling connected in that way, sensually exploring each other’s bodies (without a goal of orgasm) can be wonderful for building and maintaining intimacy. 

You’ve just celebrated the recent birth of your child, what kind of things are important to you as he’s growing up and understanding and learning about sex-positivity?

Consent is going to be taught and demonstrated from the beginning, self-exploration will be normalized instead of shamed, and questions will be answered honestly in age-appropriate ways (and we will make sure to always have good resources available if kiddo is feeling shy about coming to us directly). Sex-positivity and body-positivity will be modeled by everyone in the family, meaning we will not body-shame or slut-shame ourselves or others. We hope to create an environment that teaches empathy, boundaries, respect, and self-love. 

Stephen is a cis-gendered gay male who spends far too much time with his two cats and eating tim tams. A self-identified sex-positive advocate he cares deeply about gender equality, disabilities, sexual education and social issues. Opinionated and bold he isn’t afraid to speak his mind and say what others won’t. With a yearning for knowledge and experience in all things relating to sex, he is a prolific writer that has developed the content for a myriad of informative Sexual Health and Wellness websites.

Stephen’s articles and writings tends to focus on social issues, sexual education, queer issues and all things fetish and absurd. He comes qualified with the completion of a double Bachelor degree in Social Sciences and literature, and a Masters in Education.

VIP Interview With Sherry Owner & Designer Of Adult Baby Welt

Interview Adult Baby Welt

Adult Baby Welt are the creators of hand-made fetish wear, specializing in latex garments and furs.  They specialize in the manufacture and supply of babified clothing, diapers, pet play as well as pvc bondage outfits, latex gear, sensory deprivation apparatus, masks, bed-covers, furniture s&m, cross-dressing and transvestite fashion as well as creating tailor made outfits and designs.  Loeselotte (Sherry) and Rosemarie Heinrich have owned and operated this business since 2001 and their creations have graced the pages of many fetish magazines as well as some mainstream ones.

All clothing is manufactured in Germany using the highest quality ingredients and as many are custom made, sizes and styles can be quite flexible.   Apart from welded PVC items all apparel is hand made in their workshop.   Having a loyal following worldwide they are accepted as one of the pioneers and leaders in extreme fetish wear.

babified bonnet
adult baby welt

Here is a VIP Interview With Sherry the Owner And Designer Of Adult Baby Welt

Tell me about yourself

I am the owner and producer and have designed most of the articles in my shop. My name is Sherry, I am 63 years old.

What inspired the creation of your company?

In 2004 in my function as a domina I came to this business. A slave of mine humbly asked if I could sew him a PVC ruffle apron. I’ve thought of a cut, ruffled sewn and I’ve found that it is a lot of fun to work with this material. I sewed the same apron again and she was torn out of my hands at Ebay. I initially limited myself to various aprons and masks. Later I added trousers, coats, bodies etc until I had created a complete collection.

Where are your products made?

I work from home in my workshop. What I feel as real luxury.

What is the manufacturing process like?

I am working with a special sewing machine with which I can sew thin PVC and latex. I do not stick to a haute fashion, but I have specialized in wide, waving articles. There are many fetishists who like to have a lot of their favorite material around them. That is why I designed, for example, a latex-cape, which brings the immense circumference of 12 meters.

What materials are your product made from?

I am working with PVC, latex, fabrics (mainly with adult baby patterns, and artificial fur.

What is the difference between the feeling of Latex and PVC?

This is a matter of taste. I personally prefer latex which has been chlorinated. All my articles can be chorused afterwards. This has the great advantage that you no longer have to oil and powder it and also sweats less in it. The pores of the material are sealed during chlorination. However, I am making this transfer from third-party companies.

Why do people enjoy the feeling of these materials?

That is hard to say. Because there are so many fetishes. I understand it somewhere. Some love the enclosed, others like to dig in soft fur. Where these preferences come from is certainly different.

What inspires your designs?

My customers inspire me the most. They approach me with ideas because they know that I am open for their special wishes. Then bizarre things arise like the down mask, or a panties with an integrated latex vagina.

PVC Body Bag
BDSM Sleeping Bag

What are your best sellers?

My bestsellers are various bodies and diapers, because I have many adult babies in my customer circle.

What fetishes do you find are most popular?

I think people still love latex fashion, because it is very sexy.

Is there anything you would like to add?

I’ve never regretted entering the fetish area. The global customers are extremely pleasant, friendly and discreet. Yes, it is a discrete business – from both sides. I have a very good webmaster who keeps my shop up to date and a pretty daughter who occasionally mods for me. So Tortureangel is a completely successful thing.

I ship worldwide and am happy about new customers and their bizarre desires.

Guide For Latex Wear

Latex is in the natural raw state .It still has transport-conditioned talcum layer to keep it beautiful for a long period of time.  To keep it that way you must

  1. Moisten the whole latex surface with Latexfluid or Latexspray.
  2. After use wash the article by hand warm water.
  3. Then rinse it thoroughly and add drops silicone oil spreading it over
  4. Touch dry it carefully with a soft towel. This will keep the gloss and the latex will look wonderful for years to come.

 

Sexpert is our resident full time sex blogger. Having successfully owned and managed a number of blogs relating to women’s lifestyle, she easily blended into her role as chief blogger of the Adultsmart Blog. She is in a long term relationship with her boyfriend. She also runs Good Girl Guide, a sexual lifestyle blog.