I am a little perplexed, there is a question I have been wondering about for a little while now!
if your partner pays for sex does that still count as cheating?
Or is it just a service they are paying for? and on the flip side to that
What do people define as cheating?
Most people would either have a hard yes, or hard no view, but here I am confused… as someone who has been cheated on/ have had their significant other have multiple relationships with other girls during our own relationship, I don’t know what I would rather? (to clear this question up we were in an exclusive relationship or, so I was told we were at least)
Obviously, neither would be option one, but I do wonder how I would have felt if I found out that he paid for sex rather than go off with someone we both knew and be involved with not only sex but an emotional connection as well. Cheating is such a fluid term with a different meaning to everyone, to some cheating is looking in the direction of someone other than their partner while others feel flirting is fine and only sex is cheating some even have told me that the only cheating act is having sex and if there is no penis- vagina penetration that is not cheating (oral or fingering is not classed as cheating).
What about the use of toys?
If you partner is hiding the fact they use toys is that cheating? There were often times within my old relationship that he would reject sex because he was “busy” so I would go out shopping or to work and would return home to him butt naked on the lounge asleep with toy in hand. I wondered why that hurt me to see, was it because he rejected me but clearly was in the mood? Was I not good enough? Was he not attracted to me? Is that cheating?
Is cheating within a relationship just about sex? Or is it hiding something from your significant other. I asked a friend of mine what she thought cheating was she replied with “cheating is having bad intentions” which makes sense, if your hiding something from your significant other because you know it will hurt them in any way that is defined as cheating.
I’m not talking about the differences between emotional cheating and physical cheating I am talking about doing something and hiding it from your partner that would ultimately hurt them in one way or another be it physical or emotional.
You often here that its “just boys being boys” or “it’s just for sex nothing more nothing less”, and when those phrases are uttered it becomes a normality it becomes something that we must forgive because it’s just how society works. It’s what makes married couples with children forgive the cheating spouse, it makes girlfriends and boyfriends not breakup because you’re not fully committed and married yet, it seems that there is an excuse for every stage of commitment and why someone who cheated should be forgiven.
Sex tends to be a lot more emotional for most women and with men it’s more of a simple transaction that feels good. What we need to understand is how cheating is defined for ourselves but also with our significant others to find out boundaries early on, a few studies have been done on this topic and the percentages of the population and their thoughts.
According to women sex as sex is still classed as an affair it doesn’t matter if there is an emotional connection or not or weather is was paid for or not.
35% of women feel it’s worse for their significant other to have sex with a prostitute
34% of women feel it’s worse for their significant other to have a romantic extrametrical affair
27% say both are equally as bad as each other.
After speaking to a few male friends, I have also concluded that most men see multiple types of women; the marrying kind, and the friends with benefits kind. They see the women who are kind, caring, loving and nurturing to be the relationship kind with the potential to be the marrying kind and the mothers of their children, then they see some women who the only desired quality is to sleep with them nothing more nothing less.
But what if your partner chose you as his marrying kind but is also paying for sex while with you to get his fix, is that a deal breaker? And if he has paid for it before being a relationship does that mean he will continue to once he is married, is it cheating? Or is it a way to get sex on the side without harming the relationship.
In the beginning of this article I wondered this myself, would I have been less hurt if my old partner paid for sex rather than having sex with someone he knew, does making it a business transaction make it any better or any less hurtful? Is emotionless sex better then sex with emotions attached? I feel it doesn’t matter paid for or not, it is hurtful and damaging to my relationship and I wouldn’t want it done at all, but it’s up to you to decide what your limits are and what you and your partner define as cheating for your own circumstances.
My opinion is that if your significant other is hiding something from you; that is cheating, be it messaging, talking, a sexual act, sex or anything in-between.
Have a think about what cheating is to you and your partner and what your limits are.
Good luck x
Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.