The Unheard Of Ways BDSM Play Trumps Vanilla Sex

BDSM Play – Between the love life of Bella and Edward in Twilight – to the craze that became Fifty Shades, there’s little doubt that bondage, fetish and kink are the new ‘in’ thing. BDSM mania has taken over the bedroom lives of countless couples across the globe with the breaking down of the walls that was once seen as taboo, dirty or naughty is slowly becoming normalised and with it comes the research on our sex lives.

What Have Studies On BDSM Suggested?

The first Fifty Shades erotic novel burst onto the scene in 2011. Scientists, sociologists and sexologists across the world watched in fascination as the hidden doors of our sex lives burst open. In 2013, a report aimed to normalize BDSM, suggesting practitioners led healthier lives than vanilla counterparts. How can this be?

Despite this, in 2013, BDSM preferences were still listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. That’s right – the four ‘fetishes’ Bondage, Dominance/Discipline, Sadism and Masochism are considered on the spectrum of mental disorders. With that in mind – how can BDSM play be concurrently defined as being healthier for relationships and categorised on the mental disorder spectrum – when it causes harm to the practitioner or to others?

Fear not—debates about categorizing BDSM continue, with hopes for its eventual removal from the list.

In the meantime however, if you’re paying attention to a study from 2015 written by Christian Joyal from the Université du Québec à Trois-Rivières – of the people interviewed a whopping 65% of women, and 55% of men had fantasies about being dominated. Further, 47% of women, and 60% of men had fantasies about sexual domination.

This indicates over half the population has interests in BDSM, particularly in power exchange. Arguably, an omnipresent theme within the Fifty Shades franchise.

Benefits Noticed From BDSM Studies

The Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality published an article in 2006 comparing vanilla individuals with BDSM practitioners. On average, practitioners and engagers of BDSM activities scored lower levels of depression, decreased anxiety and less post-traumatic stress disorders.

A Norwegian study found that BDSM practitioners who engaged in recent play sessions generally experienced higher well-being and satisfaction. The changes most notably within their feelings of security, psychological health, and self-esteem. The question then becomes – what makes this situation healthier than vanilla sex? This is where data gets murky and that’s for several reasons.

Since everyone engages in BDSM for different reasons, it’s challenging to determine what individuals derive from the experience. There are some common elements amongst it all which we can explore today.

BDSM Play

Common Elements In BDSM Practices

Communication

Communication is one of the most important elements of bondage play. Before delving into any kink or fetish scene, always check with your partner about their preferences. Discussing sex, preferences, and fetishes intimately can deepen the bond between couples.

It’s a space of vulnerability, about openness and trust, and these are three things that are important to the foundations of any long lasting and healthy relationship. When it comes to the terms bondage, dominance, submission and kink – negotiation and boundaries are key to each other’s understanding and safety. This negotiation sees the bottom in control with the top/dominant respecting and being respectful of the boundaries provided.

Relaxation

We all, in some varying degrees, enjoy the element of control. During dominance scenes, willingly relinquishing control can bring great balance and fulfillment. It’s no small wonder that a lot of high profile individuals, enjoy submitting to a sexual partner because it’s during that letting go moment that they find a chance to relax, breathe, and engage in a different mindset that they don’t normally engage with.

This is while ignoring the idea that being a submissive indicates all power is removed from them (when it is in fact the submissive who holds the most power within a scene).

Self-Esteem

Bondage scenes can boost self-esteem exponentially. When you’re engaging in rope play, or restraint play – there are moments when your body is on full display. There’s no hiding it, there’s no hiding under the sheets or the cover of darkness. Yet, despite being so vulnerable and exposed – your sexual partner is still engaged with the scene.

Providing stimulation, adjusting the bondage ropes, handcuffs or restraints, or changing the position of a toy and so forth – this experience can be incredibly uplifting as you learn to succumb to the scene, the emotions and the sensations and letting go means that your self-esteem is going to sky rocket. The truth is, the feeling of being in control can also be about the ability to let go. It can be cathartic, serving as therapy, allowing them to relinquish control in this singular moment. By letting go, enjoying the moment they can find great benefit to their mental health.

BDSM play has transformed from a fringe interest to a widely discussed and practiced form of sexual expression, challenging conventional views on sexuality. This shift toward acceptance is underpinned by the importance of communication, trust, and mutual consent in BDSM, which reinforces the psychological benefits and relational bonding. While societal perceptions continue to evolve, the growing popularity and acceptance of BDSM suggest a broader cultural shift towards embracing diverse sexual preferences and expressions.

These might seem like three small things, but when you’re sitting back and enjoying everything that BDSM and kink sex has to offer, with someone that you trust and respect, you’ll quickly not only find yourself simply letting go, but also enjoying sex to the fullest. Here’s to your health!

Author: Stephen Smith – BA Of Social Sciences, M.Ed