Better sex for 2021

2021 sex

Welcome to a sexy 2021 my friends!

 

After swiping left on 2020, most of us are ready for a new chapter, a new story or a new beginning to be found in the year 2021. Although New Years may have been quiet, and that Resolutions are more often than not bothersome to say the least, why not invest your new lease on life on Sex and Intimacy!

 

Here are some sure fire ways to kick this year into the sexiest yet. These are for everyone to enjoy, whether you are single, in a relationship, celebrating love or lust from afar or experimenting.

 

  1. Work on Intimacy in and out of the bedroom.

Intimacy is not simply touch and does not simply occur in the bedroom during sexual acts. One of the biggest roots of Intimacy is simply being kind to yourself and our partners. Especially after the year we have just had. Be kind. Share in compliments. Share in treats or little gifts. Small non sexual touching can also improve and heighten intimacy as well. Learn your own, and your partner’s love languages to improve, spark and deepen intimacy.

 

The deeper your connection is, the more intense your sexual bond will be.

 

Try these Intimacy tips

  • Take the Love Languages Quiz https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/ to see how you best express and accept love/intimacy

  • Write or say an intimate gratitude daily to yourself and/or a loved one “I love my smile” “I am grateful for your kisses each morning”

  • Be intentional in your touch when you say hello.

  • Bring your loved one a coffee

  • Invite them on a netflix date

 

  1. Figure out what feels good to you and do more of that.

Sex and intimacy is not always about shared pleasure. Sometimes it is important to know what you like first, either solo or together. Take this opportunity for self sexploration and lots of it. Learn how your own pleasure works, your own body. Encourage your partner to do the same. Do it alone. Do it together. Mutual masturbation can be lots of fun and very informative. Use your fingers, try some toys, experiment with lubricants and stimulants as you play.

 

Try these Feel good Tips

  • Try warming or chilling lubricants

  • Experiment with arousal oils or lubricants

  • Visit us in store for recommendations of sex toys to use.

  • Try mutual masturbation.

 

  1. Talk more with your partner or yourself regarding sexual yes’ nos and maybes.

When was the last time you thought about what you liked during sex? Have you ever done a quiz? Or written them down? How about talking them through with your partner? It can be quite a turn on not to mention an eye opener and can lead to some wondrous and arousing sexual exploits you may have never thought possible. You can easily make your own or find simple or very comprehensive ones online that can range from everyday exploits to BDSM

 

  1. Be open to teaching and learning

There is a lot that we may not know or understand in the world and the same can be said for sex and pleasure. What better way to find out than to learn. In a world with technology at our fingertips there is a lot of advice, blogs, podcasts and tutorials to explore for the open minded. Studios such as Studio Kink in Sydney offer classes both in person and online for Shibari (rope tying), impact, submissive training and events. Podcasts such as Missionary to Madame offer wonderful advice and insight into relationships sex. Books are also in the form of hard copy, e books and audio books that come with inspiring how to’s such as the The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio and the Ultimate Guide to Cunnulingus by Violet Blue which combines phenomenal how to’s with scantilising short stories.

 

  1. Stop Focusing on ORGASMS and focus on PLEASURE and what feels good. Orgasms will come. (Pun well intended)

 

SOmething I believe in and can’t promote more is Mindful Sex or Mindfu Masturbation. I like to envision it as the art of being present in the moment of pleasure, of what feels good rather than judging sex as the moment orgasm is achieved. There is too much pressure these days on achieving orgasm and as such, a dramatic decrease in people being able to have them.

All of these points 1-4 aid in realising your pleasure and assist in bettering your sex life. In being in the moment and experiencing pleasure rather trying to rush to the end and only defining sex by whether or not a orgasm happened you will experience a much more vibrant sex life that will be unrivaled to the years before hand.

 

So this year, in 2021, sit back, relax, connect, and indulge in feeling good and feeling pleasure, the connection and the orgasms will follow, and when they do, they will bring in a new year worth talking about.

 

At Your Service,

Tiffany

 

AdultlifestyleCentre Adult Shop Sales Consultant, Educator and Pleasure Defender.

How To Have Satisfying Sex

satisfied sex

For many people out there, there’s probably no activity more satisfying than to have sexual intercourse with their significant others or even someone they just met a while ago. In fact, we enjoy sex because our brains had been pre-programmed that way and even produce chemicals that encourage us to have lots of sexual activities, which leads to a more intense desire for carnal pleasures once you get your first taste of it. However, just like with any other activities, there will come a time when sex can no longer give you that initial amount of pleasure that it once gave you. At that point, you might even think that sex is not giving you enough satisfaction anymore, leading you to do it lesser than usual. Hence, in this article, we will be exploring why satisfying sex becomes rarer as well as some of the ways you can do to improve you and your partner’s sex drive.

Why do we tire of sex?

First of all, it is completely normal for your sex drive to tone down and wane as you grow older, which is also true for any biological functions within our body. Aging sucks and could even affect your performance as a male in the form of erectile dysfunction. Women, on the other hand, according to a national survey conducted on Britain, are more prone to losing interest with sex more than twice as likely as their male counterparts. However, there is no clear evidence that it is due to menopause and actually leans more towards emotional reasons.

It is also possible that you are not tired of sex as a whole but bored with your sexual partner instead due to their inability to realise your desires and fantasies which could be attributed to your porn-watching habits, making you display a behavior that is known as the Coolidge Effect. You might have also suffered a traumatic experience that had to do with sexual activities, leading to the activation of a defense mechanism preventing you from feeling the pleasure of having sex. Either which, you need to find the root cause or get help from a professional in order to know what your next actions should be.

How to have satisfying sex?

We have listed general tips that may help in your quest to have a satisfying sex life. However, these are just general ideas and should not be treated as a substitute for professional advice.

1. Aim for equity

As stated in the Equity Theory, relational partners should aim to have a fair distribution of resources. This not only applies to the workplace but to your sex life as well. If your partner starts to feel that you are the only one enjoying your sexual activities, inequity starts to happen and the more your partner feels the said inequity, the more they will lose interest in having sex with you or having sex as a whole. Hence, it is very important to be sensitive to you and your partner’s sexual needs. Once the both of you figure this one out and finally reached compromise, equity will be re-established and sex will become rewarding instead of demanding.

2. Strengthen your relationship

If your relationship with your partner is already shaky, to begin with, it is only natural that both of your desire for sex would be minimized a lot. That’s why both of you need to sit down and have a serious talk about whether you still want your relationship to continue or not. Talk about your grievances with each other and discuss what the two of you need to do in order to overcome them. Once you solidifying your shaky foundations, intimacy in the form of sexual activities will obviously follow.

3. Stop having unrealistic expectations

The fulfillment of expectations greatly correlates with your satisfaction but once it gets out of hand, you’ll end up no longer enjoying the things you used to enjoy, which brings us again to sex. Pornography is quite notorious in unconsciously altering your expectations, making the line between fantasy and reality blurry to a certain extent which often puts a heavy burden to your partner mentally since they might feel inadequate once they could not perform those acts you see in movies and pornographic material. Pornography could also distort your image of yourself when you compare your body parts to those of porn actors, leading to a lesser sex drive. If this is the case, it might be better to call a professional therapist to help you as compared to dealing with it yourself.

4. Just say what you both want

Unfortunately, we have yet to discover a way to directly communicate our thoughts to one another using telepathy. Hence, a direct approach in communication is oftentimes the most effective and that is to just ask your partner, in a way that will not offend them as well as stating what you want without sounding demanding. Once you and your partner reach an understanding of your wants and desires, you could make it into your goal once you start doing the deed. This will lead to an increase in the production of pleasure hormones in your brain since it will feel like it was rewarded, and the more you do what both of you like, the more you will have much more satisfying sex.

101 Menstrual Sex For Men!

Menstruation 101

From puberty until menopause, the menstrual cycle is a fact of life for every woman. However, the monthly visit from Aunt Flo needn’t put a dampener on your sex life. In a nutshell, all aspects of a fantastic sexual encounter can be enjoyed all month long.

 

Education

Men typically don’t really understand menstruation, and while their high school sexual education probably had a lot to do with that, there’s also a huge stigma surrounding the menstrual cycle. However this is slowly changing, as the male dominated world begins to listen to others (we’re looking at you Scotland, ready to offer free tampons and pads to women of all ages, we salute you!)

Talk to your partner about having sex while on your period. Let them know that you don’t think it needs to interrupt your sex life, and that while bleeding once a month may seem completely odd to a man, it is in fact a natural, and essential, part of life. Demystify it for them. In saying that, if either one of you are uneasy with sexual encounters during that time, the usual rules of consent apply, and no pressure should be applied.

 

Preparation

As with any sexual activity, menstrual sex should be clean and hygienic. Take a shower first, both of you, and really, you could even start things off together in the shower. If showering together, maybe give her a minute or so before or after you join to look after her intimates.

Lay a towel down on your bed. It’s far easier to clean than having to change the sheets. Strongly suggest against white towels here.

 

Intimacy

Above any of the below options the easiest, and possibly nicest, is simply to be intimate together. Kisses, cuddling, hand grips of wanton lust, even dry humping through clothes, are all amazing choices to kick things off with, or even be the all and everything. Sex doesn’t necessitate penetration, nor should it be the end all and be all of sexual activity.

 

Handiwork

Hands can touch, tickle and stroke every inch of a body. Gentle strokes along a back, a heavy hand gripping hips, not to forget breasts and their wondrous punctuation, nipples. And of course, the clitoris. Educate yourself by checking out the biology of a woman’s sexual organs, and you’ll find that the clitoris (the external part) is miles from her vaginal opening. Keep your focus here, she’ll probably prefer it anyway.

 

Oral Sex

Cunnilingus is always on the table. Even at ‘that time of the month’. As mentioned above, the clitoris is a perfectly safe distance from any possible flow. You could even relish her labia majora, her outer lips, or should you both feel comfortable enough, even her inner lips, the labia minora.

Listen to her directions, if you can hear through her thighs pressed against your ears. Devour her, savour her, let her know you’re man enough to handle a little potential blood. Worship all that a woman is and let her know how amazing and gorgeous she is to you, with nothing but your tongue.

 

Penetrative Sex

A period most definitely doesn’t mean that penetrative sex is off the table. It just takes a little preparation. Both of you shower beforehand, lay down a towel, and enjoy the extra lubrication nature has provided this week.

If the bleeding really is a concern for either of you, there are heaps of ways around this. The most common one is to keep sex within the constrains of a shower. Shower sex is great as the clean up is far easier, regardless of the time of month, and that rushing water is such an aphrodesiac.

However if having sex in the shower, make sure you use silicone based lube, as it’s far more resistant to washing away. Look to fantastic brands like Super Slyde or Pjur Original.  Somehow, despite all that water, shower sex can really dry a vagina out, so lube is always a great idea.

To avoid being one of the nearly quarter million Americans admitted to emergency every year from falling in the shower, maybe invest in some Sex In The Shower suction cup handles and footrests. Nothing will kill the mood quicker than a concussion. Trust me.

If you much prefer to lay down in your bed for sex, as mentioned above, a non white towel will be your best friend. On top of this, you could look at wearing a sponge. Working women live by them so they can work all month long, and given the texture of a sponge, most people would never suspect that one is being worn.

Condoms should always be used to prevent the spread of STIs, especially since a menstruating woman is more susceptible to STIs, but if the man is wearing one simply to not get blood on his penis, it offers no protection from the blood that absolutely will gather on his scrotum.

It should also be noted that period sex should not be used as contraception. Sperm can live for up to five days inside of the uterus, and should you have light periods or have intercourse towards the end of your cycle, it is still possible to fall pregnant.

 

Solo Play

As mentioned above, the clitoris and labia are all fair game during menstruation. Using an insertable sex toy also follows along previous guides. If looking for self love in the shower, look no further than a completely waterproof and submersible toy like the Fun Factory Stronic G. Although if you’re going to use a good quality silicone lube, look towards a 100% silicone toy by Evolved or Adam & Eve, as their toys are silicone lube friendly.

In the bedroom, you can always roll a condom over your favourite insertable toy to ease cleaning. Although using an antibacterial toy cleaner will do the trick just as well, something you should be using before and after every toy use regardless of the timing.

 

Menstruation need not be the killer of a sex life. Be safe, be hygenic, and with a little preparation, you can enjoy a healthy sex life all month long.

Reconnecting With Your Lover – 7 Experts Share Advice!

Experts Advice

Claudia Six, PhD, Clinical Sexologist & Relationship Coach, www.drsix.net and author of Erotic Integrity.

Photo: Claudia Six

When sex fades in a relationship, happens less and less frequently to not at all, there’s a very good reason why. When things get gummed up in bed, there’s always a way that it makes perfect sense. You can try tricks and toys, but you also need to open your mouth, and talk – to each other, not your best friend.

Talk about what sex represents for you (connection, release, a way to get to sleep, a spiritual event…). It’s ok if you have different answers – you’re different people.

Ask each other what you haven’t been saying, the stuff you’ve been afraid to tell your partner because you didn’t want to hurt their feelings. This is the time to be candid. Having difficult conversations actually has the most potential to boost intimacy and eroticism in a relationship.

Cassie Wolfe, PhD, Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Sex Therapist

Photo: Cassie Wolfe

Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.  Your needs are important and valued.  It is common for life, work, stress, anxiety, having children, differing work schedules, etc. to get in the way.  Make having a connection with your partner/s/ a priority, even if that means actually scheduling a specific time on your calendar.  It’s also normal to have variation in one’s sex drive.  Just remember that some partners experience responsive arousal – meaning they get more excited in the midst of foreplay (which reminds me – FOREPLAY!! Stop rushing and don’t forget FOREPLAY), while some can be more spontaneous.  Focus on the quality over quantity.

Cassie’s Facebook Page

Michelle Roberton

Tantric Counselor
Michelle Roberton
Body Love
Love Activist

Sexual Trauma and Intimacy Expert

Often in our fast pace world we can loose connection with ourselves and our own bodies, let alone our Lovers. Stuck in our heads and goals, our body looses it’s mojo and so too do our relationships.  I feel there are three major keys that firstly support us to be more connected to our self and then those same three keys support us to reconnect with our lover.  We cannot give what we have not got, so it is essential I feel, to connect firstly to self so our connection with our lover has substance and authenticity behind it.

These three keys are:

The breath … immersing into the rhythm of your own breath, not changing it.  Just feeling the rise and fall of your own breath.  If we can intimately know our own breath, we can then intimately breathe with another.  This brings us into the our body, slows us down and brings the second key ; Presence ~ being here and now with our lover and full in our body.   And finally the third key, as we breath we open, we surrender and we become more aware of our senses… the smell of our lover, the touch of their skin, the sound of their breath … the taste of them on our lips.
Simple keys I know … breathe, presence and the senses.  But who ever said sex has to be a performing art or complicated?

Darren Michaels  Flipside

       
Erotic Literature
Erotic Author
2010 IPPY Award Winning Author
Featured guest/contributor on:
Cosmo.com                    AskMen.com
Playboy Radio                Foxnews.com
Match.com                     Galtime.com
Women’s Health   
As the old saying goes “Familiarity breeds contempt”; human beings needs variety and novelty, it is our nature.  When you fall into a routine with someone, these things go away.  One of the best thing about having an intimate partner it just that…intimate knowledge of one another.  You both are already past the awkward beginning stage of a relationship where you are trying to figure out each other’s boundaries.  This is likely well established by now.  Use it to your advantage.  
 
Plan a nice dinner and an adult conversation about this topic.  Men are too ego-fragile to try something for fear of getting shot down, and many women are far more sexually adventurous than their partner will ever know, but don’t outwardly express this.  If you are going to do adult things, you need to have adult conversations as well.
Find out what has been done before and enjoyed, find out what has never done but always wanted to.  Be adults and have the conversation in advance, this will set the stage for a rekindling,and hopefully infusing some new adventure into the mix as well!

Amory Jane

Comedian
Sex Educator
Comedian, variety host, podcaster, producer…

I think touch is extremely important and many people are touch-deprived and out in the world feeling lonely. I don’t think technology is the enemy though – I think it can be used for good to help connect people. However, I do believe that intimacy is something tons of people struggle with, and always being on our phones and computers can make it even harder to be present when we’re face to face. I would advise people to make time every week where they tuck away technology and turn in toward each other. Focus on open and vulnerable communication or interesting intellectual conversations. If you don’t know what to discuss, search online beforehand and print off or write down prompts, and then really listen to each other. I also highly encourage non-sexual touch while talking, like holding hands or cuddling. If you’re with someone where sex is an option and you’re feeling connected in that way, sensually exploring each other’s bodies (without a goal of orgasm) can be wonderful for building and maintaining intimacy.

Walker Thornton

Self Care Consultant
Author And Sex Educator

Public speaker, relationship consultant and author

It’s an experience I’ve had just enough to know it is our most desired way of experiencing sexual intimacy. My best sexual experiences are those where I connect with my partner and we’re both aware of our mutual desire for pleasure. A dance has to have 2 active partners—it’s a give and take. Sex is no different. We learn by listening or sensing another’s body, we adjust accordingly and we flow together. There are plenty of men out there, of all ages, who consider sex as “sticking it in” and getting off. They don’t understand the importance of mutuality, nor do they understand the power of two people equally engaged and actively participating.

Dr. Stacy Friedman

Certified Sex Coach
Clinical Sexologist

Sexpert, Sex Coach, Intimacy Consultant

Want to reconnect sexually with your lover? Get out of your routine and try something different! Many times finding ways to reconnect can be something as easy as bringing in some variety. Have a night filled with learning your partners body, something that I like to call “Exploration Nights”! Our bodies are filled with erogenous zones that are never touched, kissed, licked or loved.  Your body is not just lips, breasts, and genitals as it starts from the head and ends at the toes. Take advantage of slowly touching, massaging, and appreciating the little nooks and crannies that your partner has.  The crease of the elbow, the bend of the knee, the inner arm or the curves of the ankle…these can stimulate nerves and sensations that you never knew you had.  Focus on the idea of feeling pleasure verse the idea of performance where you can enjoy the actual act of connection and intimacy rather than having the experience be all about the ins and outs of intercourse. What exactly does that mean? Being intimate is about being vulnerable and being in the moment.  Take the time to see how your lover reacts to your touch, how they move, the softness of their skin and talk about what you enjoyed the best. When you take the opportunity to just spend time enjoying each other and building the connection, it makes all the difference in your relationship and your sexual connection.  You feel more in tune to your partner, how they feel and react to your touch as well as different things that they may enjoy, now that you took the time to explore. To read more about how to truly build your intimacy on your “Exploration Night”, download your free digital copy of my new Amazon best selling book, “Confessions & Lessons of a Sexpert”, found on www.DrStacyBook.com or for a paperback and Kindle version, you can find it on Amazon.

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