Dealing with an unusual sex drive

crazy sex

Now, I know there are other women out there who, like myself, who have no idea what they want or desire sexually. Sometimes its crazy and you can’t even look at your significant other without mentally undressing them and jumping their bones as soon as the opportunity arises. But also, at other times when the opportunity presents itself, its just shrugged off like meh. But then other times you might really want it but then you also kind of don’t at the same time. Well, I’m here to tell you, you’re not alone.

To some, yes this may sound crazy, but it can be really frustrating.

I have been dealing with these kinds of issues through my entire sexually active life. It’s almost like there’s a little gremlin in your head pushing all the wrong buttons at the most inconvenient of times. And this can sometimes really ruin the mood, especially if you have made all the moves to hint that you are up for it but then all of a sudden, it’s gone and your partner is left extremely confused.

I’ve had partners in the past who I had never confided in about these feelings as they where never willing to talk or communicate about much sexual stuff. To them it was “sex is sex”. So, let me tell you, COMMUNICATION IS KEY! If they don’t know how you feel or what you want, then you’ll never be satisfied or content with the sex you have with them and it may even be the other way around, how will you know what they want if they don’t communicate it with you.

When I first met my current partner, of course like any relationship at the start, every time you’re with them you want to go at it like rabbits but that doesn’t last forever and if you’re like me, that period is even shorter again. So naturally, we grew out of that stage, but we still went at it a fair amount, it never just stopped and for some reason that amazed me, especially because I was very rarely up for sex as it was. Surely enough we moved in together, my sex drive went back to its normal wacky self, but he naturally has a high sex drive. This is where the communication started where I had never had it before. All he wanted was to please me, that’s what got him off, he wanted to know exactly what I wanted, where I wanted it and how long I wanted it for! I was absolutely blown away (no pun intended).

I’d never experienced a man, so hell bent on pleasing me. At this point I somewhat started to open to him about what I wanted but was still too shy to completely lay out what I thought was wrong with me as I though it may affect our relationship and how he saw me.

Turns out I should have told him straight up, like I said communication is key 100%. We got further into our relationship and he would occasionally ask questions like “You don’t seem like you want it, what’s wrong?” or “Are you still into me?”. When these questions started becoming more frequent and concerning, it made me realise that not only was this affecting me, but he was slowly noticing more and more that something wasn’t quite right, and it was starting to affect him too. So, we sat down and spoke about it all and I mean ALL, there was emotions, tears and feelings being released like nothing else. He comforted me and made me feel okay with who I am and these feelings I had that made me feel not normal.

The fact that I had finally spoken to him and opened up about how I felt helped not only our sex life but also helped our relationship. He now knows that if I seem a bit off chances are, I’m not up for it and he will realise that rather than going just ahead with it.

 

  • COMMUNICATION!   Always remember that this should be your first thought. Like I said earlier, how will either of you know how you feel or what you want if you don’t discuss and understand each other.
  • I found that sex toys really helped me cope with what I was dealing with. For example, if I really didn’t feel like doing anything but he was raring to go. Pull out the toy and go to town! I enjoyed and was more than happy to help him because I knew he was enjoying it and I was still helping him. At other times I wouldn’t have felt like physically doing the deed but for some reason I felt comfortable using toys. Let me tell you, men are more than happy to watch that! You can still enjoy each other’s company in a different and possibly more personal way.
  • Watching porn together.  Now I know this one may be a bit of a grey area as some couples don’t agree on watching porn at all. But if you’re open to it and they want to get down and dirty but you’re just not sure, ask them to watch porn with you beforehand. You may find you where in the mood for it you just didn’t know yet.
  • Physical foreplay. If you know what turns you on and you know what might get you in the mood, hell even if you don’t know but you want to do the deed, try some foreplay, go with the flow, and see where it goes. Tell him where to go, guide him and tell him what feels good.
  • Being relaxed. Always be sure that you are comfortable and relaxed with your significant other and environment when getting freaky. At the end of the day, its your body. They may be your partner but if you’re not comfortable, NO MEANS NO and they need to respect that and vice versa.

Kaylah and Oh Zone Adult Store consultant.

5 Ways To Tease Your Partner In Bed

romantic sex

The best way to add a little spiciness to your sex life and increase sexual tension is to be playful with your partner. To be playful, you need to take the initiative and use the power of seduction by teasing them in various ways. Teasing is all about amping up the atmosphere so that you become an unattainable object of desire what’s end up in passion between you and your partner.

 

Teasing is a way of foreplay that builds a closer relationship and intimate bonding. Those consequently lead to a happier sex life. Does it sound like the kind of relationship that you and your partner want to have? If you want to use teasing as your secret weapon, get inspired on how to start!

 

1.  Foreplay Starts Outside of the Bedroom

 

One way to spice things up is to show your partner that you are in a flirty mood before you end up in the bedroom. You can try sexting and teasing your partner through the messages, so when they stand at the door, the only thing they’d want to do would be to pounce on you.

 

You can start flirting even during a casual kitchen conversation. Showing interest by the sheer body language or mimics can be an incredible turn-on for both of you. You can do foreplay in a slightly roundabout way, like a true flirting professional. Using euphemisms, innuendos, and suggestive remarks can add even more chemistry between you!

 

2.  Use Sex Toys

 

You can find plenty of types of sex toys that can not only enrich your sex life but can also be a great way to initiate foreplay. You can find a wide variety of toys on the internet, starting with realistic sex dolls and ending with handcuffs, flavored lubes, or remote-controlled vibratorsthat plenty of couples claim to use regularly in bed.

 

Vibrators are a great way to try something new in your sex life. They can be used during oral sex or intercourse, but you can also play with them on your own to tease your partner and set the right atmosphere.

 

3.  Talk About It

 

Communication is the key to success, and if you want to have a happy sex life, you should be able to openly talk about physical intimacy with your partner. Discussing boundaries is crucial in a healthy relationship and directing the other person towards the kind of stimulation that you like the most. It should never be embarrassing for you to talk about sex candidly, as it gives you nothing beyond greater satisfaction and a stronger bond.

 

However, you can also use the power of words when you’re flirting and want to seduce your partner. Have you ever had a wild dream about your partner? Or maybe you fantasize about things your partner would do to you? Tell them about it! A happy sex life should be free of judgment and be all about common understanding.

 

4.  Use Eye Contact

 

Eyes are one of the most seductive parts of your body. Sometimes one long glance deep in the eyes can do more than simply stripping in front of the other person. You can do that unexpectedly, smile in a flirty way, and be sure that the tension between the two of you would rise.

 

5.  Discover The Sensitive Body Parts

 

We all have points on our bodies that are much more sensitive to touch than the others. You can discover those places on your partner’s body map, which can be an intimate experience from which the both of you can benefit. After all, it’s going to turn you on even more while seeing their reactions and shivers all over the body.

 

For most people, the sensitive body parts are the back of the neck and spine. Be delicate, and touch your partner there with slow moves. Touch their wrist and head, and see which parts evoke the strongest reactions. All of the places where the nerves are allocated can give them better sensations. You might not even know where your own sensitive body parts are, so it’s a great way to understand your body better and have even better sexual experiences.

 

Conclusions

 

One of the secrets to a long-lasting happy relationship is keeping it active and fun. Teasing is one of the best ways to do so. It builds an attraction between two people, increases mutual desire, and makes your relationship more spontaneous. Moreover, it’s much more than just luring your partner into the bedroom – it’s about the emotions and tensions between a couple, even in a long-term relationship.

 

Remember that those tips are only an inspiration, and each person has their own turn-ons. Not everybody is a fan of sex toys, so don’t feel rejected if your partner doesn’t find it playful. Use your imagination, as you know best what your partner appreciates the most in you and what made them fall in love with you.

Tips for a Pleasurable Quickie

Quickie Sex

Sometimes you want to do it so badly, but your tight schedules don’t permit it. Most times, you wouldn’t take no for an answer until you’ve gone under the sheets with your partner. Sex has evolved beyond the regular ‘bedroom’ thing. It is now an activity that is done anywhere, anytime, and anyhow. Sex creates that connection between you and your partner regardless of the time spent. Even if you are rushing out to work, a few seconds of intense pleasure can be achieved. How does this happen? Quickies, of course. 

Because of quickies’ nature, partners may ditch penetration and settle for fingering and oral sex, but it’s all for the same goal – pleasure, that is. Whatever form a quickie takes, you can make the best out of it as you’ll do in traditional sex. What do you want out of sex? Can you achieve it in a few minutes? Yes, you can. This article shares quick tips to help you achieve a pleasurable quickie. 

Here are tips to help you have a satisfying quickie:

Consider an appropriate location.

Where is the most appropriate location to have a quickie? Well, you can do it anywhere except for the bedroom. The whole idea of quickies means that both partners are in a hurry yet want to explore simultaneously. Your location ensures that you mix things up and add freaky moves to your pleasure. Well, a sex couch allows you to try as many sex styles as possible, even more than you think. Sex on a couch increases intense passion such that your partner deletes the thoughts of moving to the bedroom. Most of the sex couches available online are designed so that partners can explore as many positions as they want. 

Wear the right clothes

In planned sex, your partner takes their time to undress you because that’s where the intimacy starts. For quickies, things are different. Your partner doesn’t want to spend the whole day undressing you. Even if they love to see you wear those colorful panties they bought for you, it may not be necessary during a quickie. Why not wear a mini skirt without panties? Or wear a loose one? A g string is perfect too. Your dress ensures easy passage just in case there’s an urgent need to thrust in and out. Leave out the tight jeans – this isn’t sexy at all. Trust me, by the time your partner forcefully gets out the skinny jeans from your body; they’re already tired. It would be best if you didn’t risk that. 

Lube up

Since there’s no foreplay, the chances are that you may not get wet within a few seconds. If you want to go down pretty fast, you shouldn’t forget a lubricant. Most people have time to masturbate before a quickie, and that’s fine. If you didn’t plan for one and your partner asks for it, quickly get a lube to reduce friction and the pressure down there. And hey, you should have a pack of lube in your bag most of the time (if not all the time) because you may never know when you’ll be called upon. 

Know the best positions

There are some sex positions specially reserved for quickies. With these positions, two minutes feels like forever. However, don’t feel too pressured to try out all the styles at the same time. Simply do what works for you at the moment and wait for another opportunity to unleash your skills. If you haven’t thought of an appropriate position, consider the following styles: the hot seat, fast doggy, heir to the throne, face race, the elevator, sneak-a-peak, etc. And yes, you can decide to keep it 100% oral. 

 

While romance is an excellent choice, you shouldn’t beat back the idea of having a quickie occasionally. To improve your sex life, don’t fold your arms and wait for full-blown sex when you can have it in bits. What would an ideal quickie set up be for you? What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done during quick sex? Would you mind sharing with a friend?

Ask Oz – I Can’t Orgasm!

relationship advice

Oz answers your sexual health and relationship questions.

 

Hi Oz, I’ve been with my boyfriend for seven years, since we were sixteen. He was my first and only, but I’m struggling to orgasm during sex. I do have a contraceptive implant, which my boyfriend wants me to get rid of, does that affect things? The little cheap bullet I have is no longer doing it for me either. It’s also been tricky to hold it in place during missionary. Then not long after I bring out the bullet, my boyfriend comes and it’s all over. What do you suggest I try? – DD

 

Hi DD, thanks for your email.

There’s a lot here for me to answer, but I’ll see if I can get through all this. First of all, I’m getting the feeling you two only ever do missionary position, and having gotten together quite young, and perhaps are each others only so far, this is the most common position. However, it certainly isn’t the best, especially for women.

The Cowgirl position could be of great help for you, as you get to control the pace and depth of penetration. In this position, you both get to still maintain eye contact, while also enjoying seeing each other’s bodies. This position will also make it significantly easier to apply a toy to your clit, which I’m assuming is what gets you off, since your bullet used to do that.

In missionary, with your bodies together, it sounds like the vibrations of your bullet are exciting your boyfriend and getting him to come sooner. Perhaps a toy like a Womanizer might be better suited to you, as it is a clit ‘sucking’ toy that doesn’t actually vibrate, this may hopefully level the playing field by being possibly the best external toy for a woman, and not adding extra stimulation to your boyfriend.

Alternatively, there are a few things your partner can do to slow down. Using a desentizing delay gel or spray would be the most obvious way to go. Trying something like Over Time by Wicked would be my suggestion. Once he has rubbed this white cream onto his penis, after a few minutes the cream will turn translucent, which means that firstly it has absorbed into his skin and desensitized him, but it also means that the cream won’t be transferred onto you.

It’s also good to understand that sex most definitely isn’t defined by penetration. Foreplay is a fantastic way to raise excitement, and typically an easier way for women to orgasm than during penetrative sex.

Edit: DD emailed me back in regards to this part of my reply and explained that she has previously orgasmed before intercourse, but then doesn’t feel like having penetrative sex.

All very normal, however I’d like to once again ask you to challenge your ideas of sex. Your initial email clearly puts forward that as soon as your boyfriend comes, that’s the end of the line. What if I told you that what is good for the gander is also good for the goose? Inequality is rampant in the bedroom, and if you orgasm during foreplay and don’t want to continue, that is fine. After all, that is entirely what your email was about, that only one partner has been reaching orgasm.

But you don’t have to just listen to my advice. I think esteemed sexologist Chantelle Otten summed it up perfectly in this other article: “Sex is an expansive term. If you want to learn how to have sex, you need to ditch the rule that sex is about penetration or orgasm. Successful sex is about variation, pleasure and sensation. People have sex in different ways depending on their capabilities and goals. I.e. Sex for heterosexual couples is different than same-sex couples. Sex for people with physical disabilities is different for those who don’t have a disability. But it is still sex! Take expectations and dated education, put them in the bin, and make your own rules about having fun and achieving intimacy.”