Mindful Sex – Making The Most of Relationships

Recently, I noted during a conversation about mindful sex that our constant phone use diminishes our ability to truly enjoy life. People are obsessed with what others are doing, what just happened or what is about to happen. We feel lost without our phones, but in reality, using them makes us miss out on everything.

Many even choose to view visual extravaganzas that we are actually present for via the the device we film it on. We are becoming far less able to enjoy life on life’s terms than ever before. We want to edit it and filter it. It got me thinking about how that holds true with a lot of people’s sex lives.

To me, the happiest individuals are those who fully immerse themselves in the present, free from past regrets or future worries. Similarly, the best intimate experiences are those enjoyed in the moment, unclouded by concerns about appearance or performance.

In today’s fast-paced world, I practice mindfulness daily, a growing trend that has become a vital and fulfilling part of my life. Mindfulness, in case you don’t know is the exact opposite of what I described in the first paragraph.

Mindful sex is a mental process

I often meet women facing arousal issues or inability to climax. I advise that women’s sexual response is largely mental, influenced by self-image and life situations, rather than age or physical factors.

It was only when I was thinking about people on their phones missing out on life that I had an epiphany. Perhaps if women and men had mindful sex, there would be no room for the ‘head stuff” that causes of a lot of people’s problems.


Mindful Meditation

After googling it, unsurprisingly I am not the only person who has come to this conclusion. What was surprising though were the successes some studies were reporting. Recently research has begun into mindfulness and it’s effects on sexual healing. Mindfulness has been shown to improve the sexual responses of cancer patients. Mindful women showed better awareness of arousal, less anxiety, and quicker recognition of sexual responses compared to untrained women.

Mindfulness is a skill. It can’t just be turned on and off at will until you have practiced it for quite a while. Mindfulness, honed through meditation, is an ultra-aware state focusing on current experiences, not just relaxation.

Mindfulness is a lifelong practice with endless depth

I’m not providing mindfulness training; as Buddha suggests, it’s a lifelong practice with endless depth. I will however attempt to explain how you could introduce its principals in your sex lives.

The goal is to fully concentrate on each other and your five senses, focusing intently on the smells, sounds, touch, taste, and sensations in great detail. You have to focus on these details without creating a judgement on the senses.

Mindful sex fosters a deep bond with our partner, syncing with their emotions and physical cues, creating a sense of unity.

It is silly to even attempt this if you haven’t cleared away the days clutter . Practically It is really important to create a relaxing comfortable space . Writing down your worries and setting them aside can mentally prepare you for undistracted intimacy. This becomes a lot easier once you begin to practice mindfulness in your everyday life.

Trying not to think never works, and usually just intensifies the distraction. You’ve got to figure out a way to let the thoughts just be. You need to acknowledge the things that pop into your brain and let them go, like a passing cloud. If you cant let a thought go, try naming it. Naming the thought will take the emotion out of it. It is common during sex to tune out, dissociate a bit and even wander off into thoughts.

Distractions from self-image, performance, work, fantasies, and stress hinder staying present and ignoring intrusive thoughts.

Accept Your Emotions For More Mindful Sex

The next step is a bit harder. It is about accepting the emotions that come up during sex. Knowing it is normal to feel human emotions like fear and joy but accepting the feelings, almost as the chemical process that they are rather than letting them consume you and distract. Ideally you need to cultivate a loving acceptance of the things you feel. This makes you much less judgemental of yourself and your partner.

Slow your sex down, especially when you are starting. Any time during mindful sex you notice that you are reacting, closing down or tuning out, slow down (or even stop) just bring all your attention back to your body. Tune in to the physical sensations, let go of your thoughts and focus on your breath.

Then, once you feel better, connect back into your partner again by feeling their body touching yours, look at them don’t forget smelling, tasting and hearing them. In time you maybe able to maintain eye contact but that is really hard to do with out feeling vulnerable. This way the sex is really in the moment.

If you are suffering from arousal or performance issues then you don’t have to make orgasm the goal, make the practicing of the skill the sole purpose instead. Why not commit to having sex everyday for a month? It might be a fun experiment to intentionally manage your priorities during your sexual connection in your daily life for a short time..

It won’t be long before you start to reap the benefits in and out of bed. Don’t forget It is also important to realise that you don’t need to have a partner to enjoy mindful sexuality. Single people can practice mindful masturbation too, Just try it.

5 Essential Tips For Practicing Mindful Sex With Your Partner

Now that I have essentially just spilled my thoughts onto the screen via my keyboard in content above, hear are 5 easily digestable and essential tips for practicing mindful sex with your partner. Practice these tips to not only enhances pleasure but also deepens the emotional bond between partners.

1. Communicate Openly

Start by discussing your feelings, desires, and boundaries with your partner to establish a comfortable and trusting atmosphere.

2. Focus on the Sense

Pay close attention to each of the five senses during intimacy. Notice the subtle smells, sounds, and textures, and savor each touch and taste to enhance the experience.

3. Breathe Together

Sync your breathing with your partner’s. Deep, synchronized breathing can help both of you stay present and connected, amplifying the sense of togetherness.

4. Eliminate Distractions

Create a serene environment free from distractions. Turn off electronic devices and ensure you won’t be interrupted to maintain focus on the experience and each other.

5. Practice Non-Judgment

Let go of any performance expectations or self-judgment. Embrace each moment as it comes, focusing on the connection and pleasure rather than the outcome.


Article written by Emily a Consultant from Oh Zone Caringbah


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